


A Place Out of Time - Part Two

by lavellan_hellion



Series: A Place Out of Time [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Dragon Age Erotica, Drama & Romance, Erotica, F/M, Fanfiction, Love Stories, My First Fanfic, Post-Canon, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition, Romance, Romance with Solas, Sex, Smut, Solas Smut, Solas is Fen'Harel, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-09-14 17:15:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 113,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16917021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavellan_hellion/pseuds/lavellan_hellion
Summary: Part Two takes the reader on a journey where Rowan and Solas head to Skyhold in hopes of unlocking her memories as Rowan’s pregnancy takes a turn for the unexpected. Upon their arrival at Skyhold Solas must face the consequences of his past in hopes that Rowan will forgive him. Additionally a Dragon of ancient origins strikes fear into the heart of Solas as the Dragon poses a potential threat to not only Rowan herself, but the bonds of marriage between the couple. Solas must protect his love at all costs, even if it means losing her in the end. Rowan must not only do what she can to save Solas from himself but also come to terms with her new role in this strange, new world of Elves.





	1. Of Berries and Milk

Morrigan had long disappeared to wherever it was she had run off to, but tracking her down was the least of Solas' concerns. The witch had used Rowan against him as a bargaining chip and had succeeded. Solas was still in a kneeling position and before he could act she had tossed an unconscious Rowan to the ground and made off into the air. The witch would have been wiser to have been more careful with handling Rowan but she hadn't been. In fact she seemed to have taken profound glee in knowing that Solas would have to scramble from his knelt position to make it to Rowan as she landed with a thud on the ground. She would pay for her transgressions one day, Solas promised himself.

He dashed over to her without a thought to himself as one of her arms landed on the scorched earth, the red veins of the land attempting to seek out her skin like a leech. It was coursing over Rowan's arm, burning away at her clothing and seeping into her skin causing it to flare up and redden, the flesh now burned. Although she had healed from the bite mark of a Shadow Wolf, Solas was uncertain how her body would react to direct contact with this infested land. He gave little pause to the fact that the earth beneath her was slowly healing itself. He had no room in his head to contemplate the matter or the capability to think beyond anything other than saving Rowan at this time. If she died, he told himself, then Morrigan would get more than she had bargained for. The witch obviously had very little concern regarding Rowan's safety when she performed this final act of defiance when it should have been plainly obvious to her that were something to happen to Rowan there would be a reckoning in which Morrigan would not survive. All promises and bets would have vanished as he would have hunted the witch down to the ends of the earth seeking her utter destruction. The only reasoning for Morrigan's complete disregard to Rowan's safety was to allow herself the opportunity in which to escape before Fen'Harel, **The Dread Wolf** , could come after her.

Having reached Rowan, Solas swiftly scooped her limp body up. Upon closer inspection he noticed that what he had previously mistaken for battle marks with Morrigan had been even more recent contact with the soil. Had Morrigan done this to her, he wondered? He didn't have time for anger or rage though, all he had room for was fear for the safety and livelihood of Rowan herself. He would contend with the witch at a later date and how he did so would all depend on whether or not Rowan survived.

He began to carry her gently back towards safer territory and headed towards his Elk. She was light in his arms and her breathing shallow. He was still carrying her when her eyes fluttered open. She looked up at Solas and spoke in a feeble voice. “Morrigan?” she managed to ask, her voice raspy and weak. Rowan tried raising her head but found that it felt far too heavy so she rested back into his arms. All she could do was lay in his arms as he continued to carry her unable to move.

“She's gone, my love. Worry not,” he said to her gently.

“Solas, I'm so sorry... I shouldn't have...” Rowan tried to complete her apology, she shouldn't have run off like she had, she knew that now, but before she could finish the world dimmed and she slipped back into the dark embrace of unconsciousness. Solas had her, was her last thought, she was safe now.

Solas was wrought with agony. Twice now he was on the verge of losing the woman he loved, but this time no spell could stop it. He was certain she could not hear what he said next yet hoped part of her would understand, “It's alright, vhenan, I have you now.” He looked down at her face cradled in his arms. "The fault was mine, and mine alone,” he said out loud mostly to himself. No matter how rash her decision had been she could not have known the dangers she would have faced. She could not have anticipated Morrigan and he had yet explained to her exactly why she was in danger of the witch and The Others. She had been angry and upset and acted recklessly yes, which was not unlike himself in the past just to a much lesser degree. Right now all he cared for was helping her survive this if it was at all possible. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her now, not after all they've endured, nor could he bear to think of the madness overtaking the mind of the woman he loved, either. Were that to happen he didn't think he would be able to do what would need to be done. He could not put down the woman he loved no matter how much of her sanity she might lose. If that were to happen he would have to harden his heart to a sharp edge in order to put her out of her own misery. This was no ordinary Elf that would have been touched by the madness, this was an almost completely transformed Goddess in the making.

He was resisting the urge to run to his Elk but he did not want to jostle her around. Her injuries were bad enough and he still did not know what Morrigan herself may have done to her. Finally after what felt like an eternity he reached the great beast and gently lifted her up onto its back before mounting it himself. He then gathered her in his one arm in front of him holding onto her securely and headed back to the only place he could think of; Lithranil. He would need a wagon in which to carry her now and pelts to make the ride comfortable. Once they were both secure on the mount he took off like a madman and her Elk followed closely behind taking its cue from them.

Solas arrived in Lithranil faster than he had left it. Finding her had been one thing, there had been times he could push his Elk to the limit and others he had to slow down to pick up any traces or tracks she might have left behind. But now he raced back to the little town as fast as he could, treating her wounds was a more pressing issue but he would not do so in the town itself, he did not need prying eyes, inquisitive stares, questions or offers of help. And if things took a turn for the worse he needed them to be as far away from civilization as possible. No, he thought, it was best they not stay no matter how he struggled with the desire to take up a room for at least a day. He just needed more supplies.

 

Once he arrived he made his way towards the stable master. In the meantime Rowan had grown feverish and hot to the touch and his mounting concern grew. He should have begun tending to her right away but he needed proper supplies. He needed a wagon in which the Elk could pull and blankets and pelts for the oncoming cold. He would continue their journey to Skyhold but at an albeit slower pace. In some ways he was lucky that Rowan had taken the wrong turn in heading towards Skyhold, she had traveled a bit too far north-east which had brought her to the scorched land on the one hand, and it was by sheer luck that Solas had been able to pick up her tracks in the ground. Had it not been for that he would only have caught up to her when she was forced to stop and then he would have had to contend with her anger. In many ways he preferred the idea of the latter over this. He would have her mad at him for an eternity than this alternative. Yet on the other hand there would have been no telling what Morrigan would have done to her had she not found her in such a precarious situation. He had to wonder what, exactly, had transpired between them as he recalled Morrigan stating that she had defended herself from an attack from Rowan. Was Rowan still so angered that she had lashed out at Morrigan? It seemed likely, yet the witch would have had to say something to set her off and Morrigan was a master of the art when it came to ruffling feathers. She took a profound glee in doing so it seemed. Then again nothing the witch said could be trusted save her parting words. That they would have much to discuss when she awoke. Much to discuss about what he wondered? What had she told Rowan?

He pulled his Elk up to the stable master who greeted him warmly until he saw the unconscious and obviously wounded Rowan in Solas' embrace. “My Lady looks terribly wounded and ill. Shall I fetch the town healer for you, Sir?” he asked wringing his hands in genuine concern. Solas dismounted as gently as he could while maintaining a hold on Rowan. Then he scooped her entire body in his arms. He knew how he must look to the Elven male; worried and  distressed beyond belief but he had no time for a healer that could do nothing for her or to answer questions about Rowan's current state of being.

He knew better than to tell the truth of her condition lest he be turned away out of fear so a simple, “No,” was all he offered. “She's badly injured from a fight she encountered in the wilderness, nothing more. I can tend to her injuries but I'm afraid I must ask something for you in which I have nothing to offer.”

“Anything Sir needs," the male replied hastily. "If I have it then it is at your disposal. Name your needs and I'll fetch them for you.”

Solas listed off what he needed; A small wagon but large enough in which to lay her down that the Elk could easily pull. Pelts of warm fur to line the bottom and blankets and a pillow if one could be had. “Whatever you need, Sir. I'll go straight away!” The male took off and within minutes returned with a medium sized wagon being hauled by a younger male who attached his Elk to it. He would easily be able to steer the reigns from within the wagon itself and decided to return Rowan's Elk to the stable master. He would not be needing it at this juncture and it would be nothing more than a hindrance to watch over and guide though it was well trained. Aside from that it was the least he could do in exchange for everything else. By this time a small crowd had formed, each offering something for Rowan's needs. They had even offered more clothing that would suit her well including a nightdress loose enough for him to be able to tend to her wounds and soft enough to not be an irritant. They began lining the bottom of the wagon with the pelts, placed the pillow and blankets inside as well. The Elves were taking care of everything and the wagon was now ready for travel but he wanted to wash her down once and change her out of her battle scorched clothing.

He was led to a room, their old room, so that he could perform his tasks. He gently peeled away the burned clothes and was gladdened to see that none of the leather had adhered to her skin that could lead to possible infection. She was burned on the bottom of one palm, patches here and there all down her left side, and the top of her right arm from when she landed when Morrigan threw her. It was a small wonder she had not perished already, but she was immortal now, wasn't she? At least for the most part as it were. More and more with each passing day and this gave him hope. It was her state of mind he was now most concerned with but he did not want to think on that presently. He drew her a bath and gently bathed her with simple cold water washing away the sweat and dirt. He kept her hair out of the tub for he did not want to entice her fever further with wet hair. After he was done bathing her he gently patted her dry being careful of her burn marks and then slipped the nightdress onto her as gently as possible. She didn't appear to be in pain, but that didn't mean she may not feel it. Once again he scooped her into his arms and began carrying her back to the wagon that awaited them. The whole town seemed to have gathered now and watched on in dismay as he placed her within the wagon gently resting her head at the pillow that had been provided. She had affected them profoundly with her presence and he could sense the love the Elves had for her, a genuine love, one not fostered by her powers. She had touched them in a special way they had never experienced. They knew not who they had really met, but their devotion to her was no less touching to him.

He covered her with a blanket and climbed in taking up the reigns. He could tell by the looks of concern from the town Elves that his face was knotted with worry. “She'll be fine, and... thank you all,” was all he could muster as he led the wagon out slowly into the hillside beyond the town's gates. He didn't need his map to know where to go, for he knew the path to Skyhold better than anyone, and he didn't need to command the reigns in order to direct the Elk onto the proper path, the one that Rowan had overlooked in her haste, but he did so anyhow.

Once they were firmly on the path that the Elk could follow without his control he opened his pack and began unpacking all his herbs and potions. Anything he thought might help heal her. First he focused on her fever. He dampened a cloth in cold water and this he placed upon her forehead to try to help bring her fever down. When it would become hot to the touch he would douse it again, wring it out, and place it back on her head. Beads of sweat dripped down from her hairline. If anything he would have to get her fever to break if he stood any chance of making progress. He wasn't going to be able to get her fever down using sheer conventional methods so he busied himself with fashioning several variations of poultices and salves for her wounds. He would have to treat these first and then perhaps her fever would improve was his hope. There was no way for him to create a fire in the wagon so cold water would have to do in which to steep the herbs. Though not as effective it would have to suffice for the time being. Luckily most of the herbs he was using he would be able to find growing in the wild for most of the journey so he would easily be able to restock his supplies.

He pulled up her sleeve where her wounds were the greatest, the most recent ones, and applied a salve onto the burns. This would hopefully draw out any toxins that she might have absorbed from the red veins of the land. There was a reason for great concern with this for it was the same red lyrium that the Templars had used during the time of Corypheus. This had been in its raw form having seeped up to the surface during The Great Calamity, the destruction of the world he himself had caused. He hadn't given thought to the raw substance making its way from the bellows of the earth to the surface, but this was what made contact with the land so dangerous. Death or madness. And for a Mage and a being such as her? It would greatly enhance her powers and the madness would surely be catastrophic. He briefly wondered if this was part of the prophecy that Mythal had imparted to Flemeth? Was she to be the danger that the world would face ending all life as it was known? He couldn't bear to think about the possibility, not at a time like this. Even The Others stayed away from using it though it would have made Them stronger than him by comparison. If she survived this and it greatly enhanced her They would take notice and follow suit. He forced the idea out of his head, he did not want to envision Rowan becoming a monster, he did not think that he would have what it would take to face her and slay the woman he loved no matter how far gone she might end up. He wanted to think on it no further as the tears stung his eyes at the very idea.

For two days he tended to her. Her wounds seemed to be improving but she was still feverish and remained unconscious. She was stable, as far as he could discern, but grew more worrisome when suddenly the vomiting began. He couldn't tell if her body was now rejecting the poison that surely coursed through her veins but she was now incapable of holding down any broth, teas, or healing potions he fed her. Her body would wretch it up almost as quickly as he could get her to swallow it. If he could not get her to accept nourishment she would begin to decline rapidly. This was a most unusual reaction he had yet to encounter which only served to heighten his concern for her overall well being.

 

When he needed to he would stop the wagon long enough to brew meat broth and had just finished doing so now. It had now cooled and he was about to lift her head to the bowl in an attempt to feed her when he heard the familiar sucking of air indicating that Cole was there with him. He was not surprised, in fact he was more shocked that he hadn't shown up sooner than now. He had begun to wonder when the young spirit would make an appearance. Had he been too busy in her mind countering her nightmares? He couldn't tell as she gave no indications of dreaming at all. Solas looked up at the spirit of compassion almost pleadingly.

"No not that, Solas. Those won't help the hurts or feed the needing," Cole said perched on the ledge of the wagon across from him.

"I have to try, Cole. I need to save her. I don't know what else to do," he said as if asking the spirit for guidance on what he should do. Perhaps Cole could lend him some insight as to how to help her as they were now two days out on their trek?

"You love her and need her love as she needs yours. I know," said the young spirit. "She is not dying, not dead, and she is not melting to madness. Meat is not the answer, it is part of the problem." Cole stated this as if it was the answer to everything, but Solas could not grasp what meat had to do with anything. He was, however, relieved when the spirit told him that she was not succumbing to the madness. It took a load of worry off his shoulders, but there was still the matter of nourishment.

He looked up at Cole worry still wracking his entire being. If the young spirit knew the answers he hoped he would impart them to Solas so that he may help her get better. "Then tell me should I do?" he pleaded with Cole.

"Her mind craves the calm of sleep as her body craves and needs but not those things. They will not help. She is nurturing and nursing, the natural ways of a woman, that is why the meat makes her sick. I can help though, let me help. You are too far away, you can't turn back now, but I can go and do the getting." With that Cole had vanished just as quickly as he had appeared with a sound like the sucking of air. A few short moments later he had returned with a sack of various fresh berries and milk in a large flagon. "Here, these will help feed the hunger, make her healthy and whole inside once again," Cole said.

Solas didn't have time to ponder how berries and milk would make a difference, only that if she would hold something down then it was a start if Cole was correct. He fed some berries to Rowan whose body swallowed them on instinct and then he tilted her head up enough to assist her in drinking the milk. He was happily surprised when she held it all down though he shouldn't have been. Cole tended to know what to do to help those in need and he suspected that somewhere in Lithranil a cook was now missing berries and milk and confused about how it came to pass.

"Yes," Cole said smiling, "that is better. She is not sick in the way that you think of her being sick. Meats, poultices, and potions make the sickness sicker. And you worry but she is fine, feeling, feeding. There is something else inside and it needs her too. It needs, wants, and grows and you must help it for it is helping her live. It needs you both so much..." Cole said his voice drifting off.

"Cole, what is inside her?" Had she contracted something, was the red lyrium within her growing and Cole had been mistaken? No, Cole would not, _could not_ , be mistaken when it came to such matters. There was something the young spirit was not telling him.

"It is not my telling to tell," Cole looked distraught as he often did when he could not outright say what he wanted to. "But it is a good telling, a new thing no one knew could happen but you _made_ it happen together. She will wake up, she will explain the unexplainable to you. It will make you both very happy. It's part of the story as much as you and she are. I want to explain more, but it won't let me." Whatever was inside Rowan was preventing Cole from being capable of telling him what he meant by all of this. Riddles that usually were meant for others whereas with Solas the young spirit spoke more freely. Now he understood some of the frustrations others felt when talking to Cole. All but Rowan, she had an easy time understanding Cole and that was one of the reasons the young spirit had taken a liking to her. That and she had always been kind to him.

"Cole please, what is inside of her?" he begged the spirit to answer him that much.

"I cannot say as you say to her amnesia. I must go now, Solas. I hope I helped." And with that Cole left as quickly as he had arrived. Solas pondered on Cole's cryptic words. Of all people Solas was the only one that Cole could speak plainly to or that Solas could easily decipher the young spirits meanings. But this one confounded him. Whatever was inside Rowan Cole insisted was meant to be there but he could not figure out what he meant by it, whatever _it_ was. Was it something that Morrigan had done to her? Or the scorched earth? No, he would have said as much. This was something completely new, the young spirit had said to him. Something they had done together.

He turned his attention back to watching over Rowan. Her condition seemed to improve somewhat and the welts had begun to shrink to mere pink spots on her skin. Almost as if her body was finally healing herself as it had once before. Perhaps Cole had meant the god-hood of Mythal that was inside her? It was the only plausible explanation he had at the moment. Did it require healing and nourishment as well as Rowan as it had not yet taken complete hold of her? Whatever it was he was happy to see the color beginning to return to her face and her fever, though not broken, was coming down. Tonight he would find a spot and make camp. The Elk needed a good rest and more than the occasional graze and the night air was becoming crisper. He wanted her inside a warm tent for the evening and warmer clothes if he could manage it.

Solas came upon a clearing in the forest that opened up to a grove with a small pond fed by a gentle waterfall and decided to make camp there for the night. He had pressed on for days now, but there really was no point to make it to Skyhold until she was fully healed and awake. He only set up the one tent for he would not leave her side no matter what. He would stay at her side for the most part and sleep beside her in the advent that her condition worsened or improved. He would tend to her and watch over her day and night ever vigilant for any sign of change. They would stay here until he felt confident in traveling again.

He had to shift Rowan around the wagon a bit so that he could move the pelts to inside the tent in order to soften the ground for her. He also placed the pillow on top of the pelts so that she could rest as comfortably as possible,. It would be a tight fit but there was room enough for both of them. He would not leave her side unless she awoke and pushed him away again. Once he had her sleeping area arranged he then carried her inside the tent, wrapped in a warm blanket, and placed her down upon these tenderly. He would have to strip her of the nightdress soon so that he could clean it in the pond to  wash away the collection of sweat. He would do that the next day when the sun was in the sky and the day was warmer. He checked her forehead, with any luck her fever would break soon. He didn't know what to expect when she awoke but he would suffer any consequences come what may. In her feverish state she had apologized for her rash behavior but whether or not she had forgiven him was a different matter altogether. He was certain he would be met with confusion first but what would come later could be another bout of bitterness. He would shoulder it if it came to that. He lit a lantern and smoothed her hair while looking into her face. In all his years he never thought that anything could pull him away from the Fade as she had done so long ago, nor anything that could pull him away from his plans as she did now. His love burned for her just as brightly now as it did then if not more so. Even to the point of making a bargain with Morrigan to call off the hunt, he would not endanger Rowan if that was what it took to keep her safe.

Why Morrigan had not stolen off with Rowan or killed her for revenge to strike a blow against him was a complete mystery for that was something he himself would have done where he in her shoes. Not to mention that it was out of character for Morrigan not to have done so. She must have a greater agenda to have left her behind. Perhaps she had tried and the fight proved too difficult? That seemed unlikely considering that when he had finally stumbled onto the scene Morrigan clearly had won whatever fight had transpired between the two. And other than the burn marks and a slight bruising around her throat from Morrigan's magic, she seemed otherwise unharmed. And it went without saying that all the witch needed to do was call The Others and they would have effectively overpowered Rowan easily. No, the witch had seen what Rowan had become and wanted it for herself. And without the secret she had no real cards to play except threats. Perhaps the witch knew that without Rowan in his custody he would never have agreed? Or perhaps she believed he needed Rowan to study how her immortality had come to pass and thought it best to leave her with him to further her own agenda? Whichever the case he was just relieved that she had opted to leave Rowan behind.

“Forgive me, my love. I never meant to hurt you again,” he said planting a soft kiss on her lips. He stepped outside and sat down with his back against a tree to think. Instead he found himself weeping gently. He had never meant for any of this to happen to her, and if she did not pull through he only had himself to blame yet again. At every turn in Rowan's life when she was jeopardy or at death's door it had been at his own doing albeit unintentionally. Yet he still took the blame within himself like a knotted up wound.

Rowan woke up dizzy and confused. She didn't recognize her surroundings or have any recollection of how she came to be where she was. Her fever had finally broken but she still felt as if the world was spinning. She could tell by how she felt that she had been gravely ill and the memories of her encounter with Morrigan came back to her as well as having touched the scorched earth shortly beforehand when she was tossed from her Elk. She was sore all over and weak. Looking around she noticed that she was laying in a tent and that a soft lamp lit the enclosure. She was laying on pelts of fur and covered in a blanket as her head rested on a pillow. Whomever had done this had taken great pains to ensure that she was as comfortable as possible. She was all alone in the tent and wondered who had brought her here and where Solas was? She had a brief memory flash of the the last thing she remembered, being scooped up in his arms and she saying something incoherently. Was he around somewhere, she wondered?

Rowan peeled back the blanket that covered her and noticed she was in a nightdress. She sat up slowly and looked at her palm that she remembered had touched the earth. It was still pink, but much lighter now and didn't hurt nearly as much as it had. Her hand went to her belly. Her child, their child she remembered. She was carrying new life inside her. She was to be a mother. All of what Morrigan had said to her came rushing back to her; she being the Herald of Andraste, the Inquisitor, but most importantly to her the Bride of Fen'Harel... Solas. She would have to test these against the truth if she could with Solas though she suspected that the witch had delighted in telling her the truth not lies. She didn't doubt the words of Morrigan but she still wanted, no needed, to discuss these things with Solas if that was who she was with.

She stood up on shaky legs and wrapped herself in the blanket that had covered her and eased open the front of the tent. Solas looked over from where he sat and jumped to his feet. He was astonished to see a waking Rowan exiting the tent. He knew she would be weak and unable to walk on her on just yet so he rushed to her aid placing one arm around his neck. “Easy Rowan,” he said, “you've been deathly ill for several days now. You shouldn't be out here. Let me help you back inside.”

“No,” she said weakly, “I need fresh air." She looked around her, eyes darting here and there as if looking for something or someone. "Morrigan, where is she now?” Rowan asked though she suspected she was now safe from the woman for now.

“She's gone, I promise,” Solas reassured her. “She will bother you no more.”

“Did you-” She couldn't complete her question. He knew what she meant to ask. Had Solas killed the strange woman, she was wondering. Had he retaliated against her for whatever she had done to Rowan?

“No harm came to her despite what she did to you. She wanted... something in exchange for your life and I agreed to give it to her. Nothing more.” Yes a bargain he had no intentions of fulfilling, he would find a way to trick the witch, but he would not say as much in case she was watching, listening. He would have to pay closer attention from here on out for her presence.

“She told me things, Solas. Things I need to know the truth of,” Rowan said with a slight frown. “She said she found a book, about me, in your sanctuary. A book you had written. She told me that since she and I did not know each other she was able to tell me things about myself that you could not. Tell me things without triggering my amnesia.”

His sanctuary? She had found it? That would mean that They now had the Eluvians. The Eluvians he had so carefully placed within it until They were no longer a threat and he could reintroduce them to the world and to the Elves. There was no way the witch would have left without taking them. His Sanctuary would have to be destroyed, it was no longer safe, but there was no time and anything of value the witch would have already taken besides. And of course though Rowan and Morrigan HAD met in the past this Morrigan was in a different body and could tell her everything. Depending on what Morrigan had told her it seems the witch had indeed found a loophole in Rowan's curse. It only begged to question now exactly what had been said.

"Here," he said leading Rowan to the tree that he had been sitting under. "Let's sit, you need to stay off your feet for awhile." He helped her to a sitting position and he rested his back against the tree. Rowan climbed into his lap resting her head on his chest, tucking her legs beneath her. He enfolded her in his arms. Everything seemed right in the world when she was in his arms like this. It also seemed that, for the time being, she was no longer angry with him and this pleased him just as much as seeing her awake had.

Solas sighed, “I don't know if I can confirm what she told you,” he confessed stroking her hair. “I would not wish to bring you any physical pain after how ill you have been, you have just woken up for the first time since your encounter, but I will do my best to answer what I can.” Yes, there was still the matter that he may not be able to say yes or no to her questions without triggering her amnesia. He was at a crux. Could he answer her questions now that she had been told? And what exactly had the witch told her? More damning and incriminating evidence against him no doubt, yet Rowan stayed in his arms nestled against him. Whatever the witch had told her could not have been all too bad, he tried to convince himself.

“My necklace,” Rowan said perking up a bit, “If only I had my necklace then I would know! It could tell me what you could not, isn't that so?” No, she had thrown it away she recalled and slumped back into his arms.

“Yes. It could tell you the truth of what I feel as an answer. Yet I think I can answer anything that Morrigan told you. We could test that if you wish?” he asked her.

“Yes, I would like that. But if only I hadn't gotten rid of my necklace. I'm sorry Solas, I threw it away,” she said in dismay.

“I have it,” he told her. “I found it when I went looking for you.” He pulled her necklace he had placed into his pouch out draped it over her head and gently laid it onto her chest. Even as sick as she was he wanted nothing more than to smother her in kisses; her lips were home to him, her embrace his heart, her head on his chest making him feel like a tender protector of a most cherished prize; one in which he would kill or die for. He refrained and simply placed a gentle kiss on the top of her forehead in which she sighed at.

Rowan looked around at the grove taking in the scenery. Night had fallen and the moon was full in the sky lighting up the grove like a great globe casting away the darkness. The stars were twinkling bright up above. They were in a circular enclosure not unlike the Garden yet much larger and surrounded by wild trees and vines. She looked over and out at the pond then at the cascading waterfall before returning her attention to Solas. “Where are we?” she asked incredulously. "This place is breathtaking!" she exclaimed. It was tranquil and serene yet with a wildness to it unlike the tidiness of the Garden. It was a place she could easily imagine calling home.

“I found a quiet little spot to camp for the evening. I wanted you to rest in comfort outside of the wagon for once,” he explained to her. He smiled to see the expression on her face, it was one of childlike wonder as he gazed into her uplifted face.

She looked then out over the water a far away expression crossing her face. “Solas,” she said a bit distantly, “The things she said to me I need to know the truth of them. From you, not her.” She looked up at him so she could gauge the expression on his face and asked, “Am I the woman in your story, was that about me? The Herald of Andraste, the Inquisitor, this Champion against Corypheus?”

“Yes, you are.” He waited for the familiar pain to overtake her but it didn't. So he went on, “I was hoping you would realize that when I began telling you the tale, but I made a grave error in judgment and only caused you confusion in believing there was another woman from my past. The one I loved and the one I love now are both you, you are one and the same, Rowan. There is and never has been any other woman in my life that I love as I love you.” He sighed an internal sigh of relief that he was able to confess this without causing her any pain from her amnesia.

“So my drawings, my nightmares? What are they truly?” she asked him still looking into his eyes to see the truth in his responses.

“Your nightmares are your memories. It seems as if your mind is trying to push them to the surface the only way it knows how. I did not think I could tell you that, and I did not know how you would react to the answer if I had,” he admitted.

“And this Cole... person. Who or what is he?” She was getting ever closer to the truth when she asked “what” Cole was regarding his nature. But this he could not answer. She would have to meet Cole again before they reached Skyhold when the time was right for her to fully understand his nature. Perhaps seeing Cole would help her? Help her remember him, in the very least.

“He is a real entity. On the subject of him I can say no more. Only he can,” Solas thought for a moment then added, “Possibly. It might be best if you met him to understand him.”

“I just don't understand how he could be in my dreams and do what he does. Is he some sort of Mage? It's obvious that you do know him,” she stated. He had told her that one night at camp that he had no knowledge of Cole and she was uncertain if he had done so to keep the truth from her or because of her amnesia.

“No, he is not a Mage, that much I can say. And yes, I do know him as well as do you. He is every bit as much a part of your past as I am.” She could tell that he wanted to say more but held back out of fear for her sake.

“Morrigan said I have lived for over a thousand years. Can you explain to me then how I came to be so long?” Somehow she knew that the amount of time she lived was far beyond those of the Elves she had met. She suspected that Solas was the same, living well beyond the normal lifespan of the other Elves. She didn't know how she knew this, but she did. She needed him to help her understand further. She needed to crack this mystery in order to get to the other one and piece it all together so that everything made some sort of sense to her.

Solas swallowed hard before answering her as if he was reliving a painful memory. Their current embrace was all too similar to that day so long ago. Finally he spoke with a quiver in his voice, his voice like soft velvet. “I could not bear to lose you, Rowan. I had to do... something. So I placed you under a spell to save your life. You existed that way for a millennium, under the spell I had cast, unknowing and unchanging.”

“There were other things that she told me. Things about you and I, about us. She said that I was the bride of Fen'Harel and that you are Fen'Harel. Is that true? Are you truly one and the same? Are you Fen'Harel, The Dread Wolf?”

Ah so there it was, the damning truth that could cost him everything. He cringed to hear her call him The Dread Wolf, but he had to push past his own shame and answer her honestly. He would not lie to her and it seemed that whatever Morrigan told her he was able to answer without consequence. “Yes, the witch spoke the truth. I am Fen'Harel, or The Dread Wolf if you prefer.” He waited for her reaction but she simply pressed on with a contemplative expression on her face.

Rowan did not stop to think about the ramifications of what that meant or how it should make her feel, but she knew she needed the answer to what came next. “So is it true, am I your wife?”

It was a question he did not think he could answer though he wanted to. He could not test the boundaries this far. He merely looked at her finger that once held the ring then at her necklace then back into her eyes as his own watered up as he braced himself for what might come next. Though he refused to answer her outright his actions were enough. She didn't need her necklace to tell her the truth of it. She could see it on his face, a face that could easily lie to others but never to her. He was the Old God Fen'Harel, The Dread Wolf, and she was his Bride.

"So this is why you were afraid of us getting close. This is what you were afraid would ruin my ability to remember everything. That an entanglement now would destroy any hopes of recalling everything. And this was what you wanted me to know about you before anything transpired between us.” she stated flatly. He wished he could tell what she was feeling but he refused to abuse his amulet to gather that information. The fact that she remained in his arms was hopefully as good as any sign as he would get currently.

What she had said was more of a statement than it was a question but he answered anyhow. “I... yes. That is exactly the reason why. I feared that were we to get involved you would not remember me. And I didn't want to bed you under false pretenses. I had refused you that in the past and thus refused you that now. At least I tried. But I missed you so and could not bear another moment without you,” he admitted.

“Tell me the truth, did I know about Who and What you are when we wed?” He couldn't tell if she was angered or not, she was masking her emotions so effectively. It seemed she was exercising her ability to mask her emotions entirely.

“I would not have married your knowing the truth about me, Rowan,” he answered honestly. “Had you not known about my true nature our marriage would never have occurred. You discovered the truth on your own and forgave me of my deception as I told you in the story. You loved me and accepted me for Who and What I am despite everything I originally hid from you. I even tried leaving you, but you sought me out and found me. It was then that I knew I couldn't live without you.” To say he was a little more than frightened of how she was reacting inside was an understatement. So he simply asked her for the truth. “Does this knowledge of me and of our past change how you feel about me now?”

Rowan thought for a moment. She had begun to suspect that there was something different about him, especially once he told her the story back in Lithranil she stumbled onto the fact that he was like The Others. She had even accused him of such. But she was filled with anger then, jealousy, blind rage. Now she processed all this information more clearly and refused to allow herself to feel betrayed. He was being as outright and as honest as possible. Of course he could not have told her before, how could he have? Now everything about their time together began making sense. The instant attraction to one another, the need for distance between them, it all became clear to her now.

“No, of course not. I know why you could not tell me, and I love you still. I've loved you since I first laid eyes upon you in the forest. How could I stop loving you now?” She looked up at him and smiled reassuringly. She caressed his jawline with the back of her hand and over his brow to ease his obvious fears then ran a finger along his lips. 

“Why do you hunt The Others and why do They hunt you?” she asked pointedly. There had to be a grander picture to that than sheer rivalry and she suspected this was something he could easily answer as it had nothing to do with her or her past.

“They would see this world destroyed as They have tried once before long ago, I would see it saved,” he explained. “There is more, but that is something you will have to remember on your own. The history of Them I can not tell you, but I can tell you that this world that you woke to is not the world you once lived in. That is why nothing seems familiar to you or has yet to unlock a memory for you. I am the only thing in this world you know, as was Flemeth and Cole. That is why we must return to Skyhold, and that is why your book can not be seen by other Elves. You remember beings that no longer exist in this world. The Humans, Dwarves, and Qunari? They have all vanished from this world. Only the Elves remain. They would not understand and are highly superstitious of the past.” No, they would not understand, they would only fear. And they had all vanished from the world. From _his_ cleansing of the world. In this regards he was no better than They. Rowan had wanted to prove to him that the world she knew could be worth saving, but then she was succumbing to death and locked away in the Garden and there was no Rowan to talk him out of proceeding with his plans. Something he was beginning to regret yet there was no going back now. He could not make races any more than The Others could. Only The Makers could do that and they were long gone even before Solas exacted his vengeance upon the world.

“Skyhold,” she said in a far away voice. She looked out over the water again at the moon reflected on its surface. “It was my old home, I understand that now. It was once my home and it's why I have the best chance at remembering everything there." She still couldn't remember any details of it but she had a knowing that Skyhold she had once called home. During her time as the Herald, the Inquisitor, back in the days when other beings roamed the lands, the beings she saw in her dreams.

“Yes, it is. We are not far now. We are but a few days more,” he informed her.

She looked back up at Solas questioningly. Something else bothered her that the strange woman had told her. “Morrigan called me a fledgling Goddess. What does that even mean, Solas? Am I becoming immortal as you are immortal? Am I already immortal? Help me understand this part.” She did not know what she meant by "fledgling Goddess" and needed him to explain this to her. Solas knew he could tell her everything about her state of being as she was now since she had not been awake when it occurred. “You are losing your mortal state and becoming more immortal with each passing day. You have yet to come into your own fully, however, so a part of you still carries some mortality though as each day passes it wanes. Soon you will be as I am. As The Others are. What Morrigan herself desires to become. That is what Morrigan bartered for your life with, the knowledge on how to become as you are.”

It all made sense to Rowan now; why she had not killed her nor taken her. She had known Solas would never have agreed to the bargain otherwise. “How did this come to pass? How did I go from being mortal to being what I am now?”

“Give me but a moment,” he said and shifted Rowan in his lap so he could use both his hands. Raising his arms he created a dome of a sound barrier around them preventing Morrigan from overhearing in the advent that she was somewhere nearby. Rowan felt the crackling of magic surround them and was more than curious as to what he was doing and why.

“There, I needed to ensure we could speak plainly without being overheard. If Morrigan were to overhear what I am about to tell you then I cannot guarantee your safety. You would no longer be her bargaining chip,” he explained. He wrapped both arms back around her and kissed the top of her forehead. There was no telling how she would react to this part of the story of her life so he held her tightly while he could.

“Long ago you were unconscious, dying, and I could not bear to lose you. As your spirit was about to leave your body I placed you under a spell. We were in the Garden at the time and I had you remain there, unconscious and unaware of yourself and your surroundings. It was where you wanted to be.” He would have to skirt around some of the past and did not wish to admit to turning her into a statue so he kept to the basics of the tale. “I kept you in the Garden of Love and placed a barrier around it so that none may find you or bring harm to you until I could... save you. Find a cure for your illness and prevent your inevitable death. Yet I could not find a cure nor risk waking you had I found one until They had been dealt with. You now understand why." She was looking up at him attentively and so he continued to a part that he knew would cause her anguish to hear. "Flemeth agreed to watch over you as you slumbered for a thousand years. It was the only thing that I could do to save your life. I told myself that once The Others were gone I would find or concoct a cure for what ailed you. I had... plans. I never intended for you to become what you are. I wanted to live a mortal life with you, give up my god-hood and become as you were. A mortal being. Live out a normal life together. Have a family. Things didn't go as I had planned however...”

“So was it you that made me into what I am? Did you make me immortal to stop the sickness?” she asked.

“No, it was not me,” he admitted. “I do not have that power or I would have done so from the very beginning if I thought it would save you. I didn't think it at all possible, and yet it was. It was Flemeth in a sense." He paused briefly before continuing, "Let me know if what I am about to tell you causes you any pain,” he added. She nodded in agreement so he continued. Hearing about Flemeth, Mother, caused her heart to ache for the woman she knew, but she wanted him to continue nonetheless.

“She carried the spark of... something special... within her,” he continued. "This... entity... decided to sacrifice itself to save you as my spell began to wear off. Had it not done so you would have perished as you were beginning to waken. This... spark... was then placed within you so that you may live. It was the only way, but in doing so it left Flemeth vulnerable, she had lost the power that had made her stronger. Flemeth knew the risk, however, and agreed to the plan. I was not there. I was forbidden from being there to prevent The Others from stumbling upon you. Yet as the events in the Garden began to unfold I was on my way to the Garden after my necklace alerted me to your awakening. I left as soon as I knew, I was in a panic for I did not know what Flemeth had agreed to. Still, as you know, I did not made it there in time,” he said with a deeply saddened expression on his face as he recalled Flemeth's broken body as it lay dying beneath the debris. “That is why I was not there when you awoke,” he continued. “The god-hood that was bestowed upon you is what I believe caused your amnesia. That mixed with abruptly waking up after a thousand years of slumbering. Combined with the god-hood bestowed upon you was a thousand years of the Elves worshiping you as their Goddess of Love which only served in cementing your immortality even further. You recall how I told you The Others gained Their powers and came to be known as Gods through veneration? It was the same with you,” he explained.

“Unlike them,” he continued, “you were not awake to fine-tune your powers or grow into them naturally. You are like a child to this. Yet being in the Garden explains how you can so effectively control the emotions of others at sheer will. I thought at first it was just love you controlled, the way we were around each other our love was amplified whenever we were close to each other, then once again at Lithranil the effect you had on the Elves furthered my convictions. It wasn't until later that I figured out it was the full scope of emotions that are at your disposal although love will always be the strongest until you master your full potential. You were, are, Rowhanna after all.”

“Mythal...” rowan whispered. The memory of Flemeth and Mythal came flooding back to her. Something about drinking from a well and binding her to the will of Mythal. “Flemeth had an Old God soul within her... she had Mythal.” Rowan looked up at Solas for confirmation of this memory. “I was once bound to Mythal, that's why it was so easy for her to do what she did. Mythal gave Herself to save me, that's what it was... The binding from drinking from the well is why it was so easy for her to do what she did. Is that right?”

He nodded at her. “Yes, you are correct, it was Mythal. Mythal sacrificed Herself for both of us. She gave Herself up to save you for She knew how much you meant to me and she craved peace after all those long years. I didn't think about how you were still bound to Mythal, however. That would explain how the transition was so easily performed.” Solas hadn't even considered that aspect of the truth of what Rowan herself had just stumbled upon. They were already bound. This meant that Morrigan could not be made in the same way that Rowan had lest she bound herself first and none of The Others would allow such a thing, nor would Morrigan's arrogance allow herself to be bound either. There was only Rowan and Solas, each who would be willing to sacrifice themselves to save the other. This was information that Morrigan could never know. It was far too dangerous.

“So is Rowhanna my true name?” she asked. She had wondered at that since Morrigan kept insisting on calling her by that name.

“Yes and no,” he said plainly. “It is the name the Elves bestowed upon you as they worshiped you. In the namesake of the rowan tree.” He smiled at her at what he was about to say next, “I think you already know your true name, you've but chosen it already almost as if by instinct.”

“Rowan...” she whispered. “My name is really Rowan." That's when she had a vague flash of him presenting her the necklace to her in the Garden and draping it over her head as he had earlier this evening. "And our necklaces?” she asked changing the subject. “They are connected to each other, to us, aren't they? You gave this to me, on our wedding day, didn't you? I... remember you placing it on me.” The memory was fuzzy, almost far away, and she could barely hold onto it but it was there all the same.

“Yes, they link us together. We each feel what the other feels as you well know.” It was as she had suspected all along, the feelings she would get were his and sometimes a combination of both. He in turn knew what she felt when she felt it. That was why he insisted on them removing their necklaces the night they made love, so it was purer and without being clouded by the onrush of feelings. Rowan would not be able to understand exactly how much it made his heart soar to know she had remembered something about their wedding, no matter how small of a detail it was. Nothing could wipe the smile from his face now with the knowledge that she was beginning to remember little details of her life. Mythal, the necklace? These meant everything to him.

Again her mind switched to another matter. “The ring you gave me. If I am already your Bride then why did you give me a ring?”

“Because you did not remember that about us. You may know the truth now, but you still don't remember it fully,” he explained to her. “I wanted you to be my Bride once again, in this life. I was going to ask you to marry me the next morning but as you well know things did not go as either of us planned. And lastly because if you never retrieve your memories I wanted it to be real between us once again. I wanted to marry you all over again. I would marry you a hundred times over, Rowan. You are truly my heart,” he smiled at her as he admitted this.

“Do you still have it, the ring that is?” she asked shyly.

Solas reached into his pouch and pulled out the ring. He took her delicate hand into his and slipped it onto her finger as he had a few days before that felt like an eternity. “Rowan,” he said beaming at her. “Will you marry me?”

“A hundred times over,” she said repeating his own words back to him with a huge grin on her face. “Now I understand that I've always loved you. It seems that though my mind may have forgotten but my heart did not,” she said before she kissed him on the lips. Their lips melded together softly and all their fears seem to melt away as now they were free to love one another as they always had. Memories or no, nothing would come between them now. Rowan ended the kiss gently, nipping at his lower lip the way he always did to hers playfully with a slight giggle. Oh how he loved to hear her giggle so. It was a part of her he had never known, a much more innocent part of her that the Inquisition had never allowed her to express.

“I have some news for you, Solas." She was beaming up at him all aglow. "It's something you should know. Something Morrigan told me but I know it to be true as any woman would know such as thing,” she told him smiling brightly.

“Whatever it is I am eager to hear it, vhenan,” he said. Nothing could dampen his mood now. She took one of his hands gently in hers and placed it on her lower abdomen not saying a word. She just smiled at him, radiant in her newfound happiness.

“I don't understand...” Solas said a little confused. He didn't know what it was she was trying to tell him because what she was trying to tell him was an impossibility. It was something that would never have crossed his mind.

“Feel with your heart and listen with your soul,” she instructed him softly.

He closed his eyes and sat still, attempting to sense the unknown mystery she wished for him to unlock. Then he heard it, he felt it. There was new life inside her, growing, moving. Cole's words came back to him. Solas' eyes grew wide at this newfound revelation. “You're with child?” he asked her incredulously.

“Yes, I am. We're going to have a baby, Solas.” She nestled into his embrace even deeper as he held her tight. His surprise shook him. He was a conflict of emotions; surprise, disbelief, fear, joy. He didn't know how to respond.

“How is that even possible?” he asked no one in particular. He was still stunned. He hurried to explain his confusion to her, “No immortal has ever been able to bear a child or seed one; not with each other nor even with a mortal.” Yet it was unmistakable, the faint heartbeat that was not hers and an emanation pulsing from her of a different kind of love. A child's love for its parents. She was carrying his child within her womb.

“And yet there she is,” **SHE** Rowan had said. She... the word bounced around inside his head. “We're going to have a daughter...” he whispered still in shock.

The entirety of the conversation with Cole all made sense now. And the milk and berries? Something a new mother would crave for an unborn child. The sickness to the broth was just a reflection of morning sickness she had been undergoing. He stared down at his hand that remained on her belly protectively now. He was going to be a father. The thought both thrilled him as well as caused him fear. Fear that they were now in more danger than ever before. For now, however, he would bask in the happiness that he had his Bride back and that he was to become a father. And a daughter at that. He smiled again. He was going to have the family with her he had always dreamed about. How it was possible no longer mattered. It seemed that Rowan was capable of breaking yet another rule of nature once again so effortlessly.

“She will need a home,” Rowan said on whispered breath. “A place to grow up, a beautiful and serene place. A place such as this. When this is all over can we come back here and build a home? I think this would be a perfect place to raise a child," she asked him placing her hand over top of his.

“I agree. It would be a most ideal spot to raise our daughter.” He had cast away all his fears now and simply allowed himself to enjoy the idea that they were going to have a child. As impossible as it seemed it had happened somehow and he was less concerned with the how's now as his heart swelled with pride.

“And could we go back to Lithranil and have a wedding, a real wedding? After Skyhold? Whether I remember or not?” She no longer cared if she could remember everything or not. She remembered at least enough to know that they were, indeed, already married but she wanted to start over in this life, in this time, from the beginning with Solas.

“Anything you want,” he promised her. He leaned in cupping her face in his hand and crushed Rowan's lips with his passionately. He had to pull himself away from the kiss reminding himself that she was still recovering. Besides, there would be plenty of time for passion and romance later. Right now he just wanted to hold her and rest a protective hand back onto her belly. “I love you, my Bride Queen and my little Princess,” he said to them both hoping his child could feel the love he was radiating with.


	2. Blessed are the Peacekeepers

Solas and Rowan sat beneath the tree and simply took in the night basking at their renewed happiness. For Solas it was the fact that Rowan was in his arms once again and had just shared with him the secret of the new life they had created together that nestled safely within her womb. He would do anything to protect them both, he avowed to himself. For Rowan the words were not necessary, she could feel his protectiveness over her and their unborn child from her amulet. Even without it she knew he would do anything to keep them safe from harm. She reveled in the knowledge that nothing would come between them again, even if the journey to Skyhold failed to retrieve her memories for her. They were building new ones together now and that was good enough for her. Weeks, years, or never she didn't need them to know she loved him with her entire being.

She looked up at him and grabbed his chin pulling him into her kiss, a soft and tender kiss; the kind she loved so much. She lingered on his kiss for awhile before nestling deeper still in his arms and looked out over the water as the reflection of the moon moved over it slowly with the passing of the night. “Solas? Can we go to bed now?” She was growing tired again and so quickly though she had just woken up not too long ago. She emitted a slight yawn. Her body was still healing and she felt the need for more rest.

“Of course, vhenan,” he said helping her to her feet. He scooped her up and carried her back to the tent. She noticed as he placed her onto the pelts his shoddy bedroll made out on the floor next to her warm and soft pelts. Surely there was enough to accommodate them both? “Can you arrange the pelts so that we both may lay on them?” she asked. She didn't want to spend another moment away from him, not even separated by something as simple as a blanket. She wanted to sleep at his side and in his arms. Without saying a word Solas went about rearranging the pelts to compensate them both. He still insisted that she alone have the pillow, but she didn't need nor want it. As they both climbed in beneath the warmth of the blankets she snuggled against him and rested her head upon his chest instead. He draped one arm around her to draw her in close and placed on hand on her belly almost as if by instinct.

“Solas,” she asked in the darkness, “Why do you always call me 'vhenan' instead of just 'my heart'?”

“Using the old language is my way of showing you not only respect, but the depth of how I feel for you.” It was the most honest answer he could give her. He had begun using the old language with her back in Skyhold when they first kindled their budding romance for that very reason and had continued to do so to this day. Using the common tongue with her when expressing his emotions felt too brutal on his lips. The old language was more eloquent for heartfelt comments. Only occasionally would he voice his heart to her in the common tongue. He feared what the future might hold for them and would continue to speak to her thus for as long as she would have him. For now he would simply hold onto the fact that she was his Rowan once more. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her again. He had to let the unknown of tomorrow slip away from his mind so he may enjoy what time they shared now.

“Then does it bother you when I use the common tongue when I say 'I love you'?” She broke his train of thought with her question.

“Not at all, vhenan. I know what's in your heart and despite what language you use, it means the world to me to hear it from your lips regardless of which way you say it,” he said smiling down at her upturned face.

“' _Ar lath ma, vhenan_ ' means 'I love you, my heart'... Is that correct?” she asked him softly.

“Yes, yes are correct. Now sleep; your body needs the rest,” he told her as he kissed the top of her forehead. He smelled ever present scent of Lilacs she now carried. This was a mystery he had yet to unravel, something new about her that had to have come from the Garden, though he was uncertain as to how or why. Perhaps it was something he would never discover? Solas reached over and put out the lantern and buried them deep beneath the blankets making sure to hold onto her tightly and bury his nose in her hair again. He wanted to savor this moment like dew on the morning grass as if it would slip away with the morning sun. He was still afraid of losing her again but he needed to set such fears aside and just enjoy the here and now.

Though he was beginning to feel the slight sexual tug being near her always aroused in him, he resisted against waking her as she drifted off in his arm. She was still recovering from her illness and there would be time for that another day. Instead he kept his other hand on her belly daring not to stray. Besides, he was still reeling at the revelation of the new life she carried within her. Their child that was nestled just beneath his touch. An impossibility yet there she was all the same. It was unmistakable to him now, no trick of the witch or wishful thinking, he felt the gentle almost faint heartbeat within her. He was going to be a father. The realization made him smile in the dark. If he wasn't already awake when she told him he would have thought it all but a dream.

The next morning Rowan awoke feeling much better and stronger than the night before. Solas still had one arm around her and one hand on her belly. She felt the all too familiar tingling in her loins at the warmth of his touch and decided that before she acted on the impulse to ravish him in his sleep she would step outside to watch the sunrise instead. She still wasn't certain how well off her body was for such an arduous task as lovemaking, though she knew he would be nothing but gentle and tender with her in her current condition. Still, she didn't think her body was quite ready for that yet.

As carefully as she could she untangled herself from his arms so as not to rouse him. This was the first time she could recall having woken up before him unless it was due to a nightmare, and it was the third time she could recall not having one as she slept. Each time she had dreamed peacefully seemed to be when she spent the night with him as if his warm embrace kept her protected from the fears of her own mind. The one time she had dreamt of a secret lover in the Garden while in his embrace when they first met and she knew now that it could only have been him she had been dreaming of. Still it was as if his embrace chased the nightmares away.

Quietly she stepped out of the tent while wrapping a blanket around her shoulders warming herself against the brisk morning air. The sky was beginning to lighten and she stood for a moment taking in the scenery about her. Placing a hand on her belly she smiled the widely as all new mothers did. Her days of climbing trees were over for quite some time so she contended herself to merely sitting beneath the tree they had sat under the night before. She looked out and over at the water as the sun gently rose above the tree lines. Across the water she began to see what appeared to be playful wisp like creatures, semi-transparent, flitting just above the water darting to and fro as if to some silent music only they could hear; A dance only they knew to music only they could hear. She watched on as every once in awhile one would come close to her before dashing away again whenever she reached out her hand towards it. They seemed to be curious beings, whatever they were, and bore the faintest hint of expressions when she peered at them closely whenever one would approach. Yet they didn't appear to be malicious, just mostly shy. She wondered briefly if perhaps she was still semi-dreaming when Solas emerged from the tent.

“Solas! Will you take a look at that!" She kept her voice to an excited whisper while slowly standing up.  "What are they? I've never seen anything like them before!” Or had she? She pressed her mind for a word to describe what these beings were but Solas answered before she could conjure it up.

“Ah,” he said with a grin coming to her side. “So you've attracted the attention of the local spirits. It seems this place is blessed, indeed.” The sight of the spirits pleased him immensely and he wondered if they were here in this spot every morning or if they had come attracted to Rowan and the baby?

“Spirits? You mean as in of the dead?” she asked in awe.

“No, the spirits of the dead pass into the great beyond. These are pure spirits. Playful and curious, all harmless beings in their own right. Many possess great knowledge all too willing to share what they know if you can but make fast friends with them. They are defined by and reflect back the emotions of the living. One could say they are shaped into existence in this manner.” He spied one such spirit across the water, a spirit of wisdom he had yet to meet. These were none that he knew, but the knowledge one had was shared among the others of the same ilk.

“And can you? Be friends with spirits, that is?” The concept was truly fascinating to her.

“Ha ha, yes,” he chuckled lightly. “I have made many such friends in my lifetime. Some I have lost and some still exist today.”

“That's fascinating!” Her voice was filled with excitement but still in a hush as if afraid of frightening them away.

“Any who try can become friends with spirits, one only needs to be open to the idea. I see we a have few watching us closely. Perhaps one might approach if you are free from fear,” he explained to her.

“I'm not afraid.” Yet she still had to take the time to calm her mind and quell her excitement. She was enthralled by these spirits and wished to see them up close again.

As if on cue three spirits dashed this way and that as they slowly made their way to press around the couple, flitting back and forth as if observing Solas and Rowan, inspecting them. Rowan merely stood still so as not to frighten them off. This world always seemed to present new surprises to her with each passing day, yet these spirits were the most fascinating by far.

“Greetings Rowhanna..." one said in one a barely audible voice yet it sounded layered as a chorus as if each of its counterparts all spoke with it simultaneously. "We are Love, Learning, and Hope,” it declared. Rowan had to strain slightly to make out its words so she relaxed her mind even more, certain it would make it easier for her to catch its voice if one could say it possessed such a thing as a voice. They flitted about like dragonflies on the water around her, pressing close to her her then drawing away again slightly.

Another came forward saying “I am Love and have spent many a days in your Garden with you, Rowhanna. ' _Why do I sleep? Why can't I wake? What has happened to me? I am love, and I love_.'” The way that it spoke seemed as if it was mimicking her time in the Garden though she couldn't be certain of this as she still didn't remember. “Love has now awoken and roams the lands freely from her confinement.” It flitted near Solas then back again, “Love burns bright like a beacon, unlike any other. Two forever bound in love and tied to another through new love.” It pulled away after making its riddled speech then sped out towards the water to rejoin the others.

Another crowded around her. “I am Learning. There is a child, a child within you. An immortal child. How did this come to pass, Fen'Harel? The impossible made possible. I wish to learn about this child of yours. I must learn. I need to learn. I will learn...”

“I'm sorry, I have no answers for you,” Solas spoke softly. For he didn't know the answer himself. It was as Solas had said himself to her, that their child was an impossibility and the spirit confirmed as much. Yet it seemed agitated in its inability to learn the answer to its query. It had been unable to discern the answer on its own and had pleaded with Solas, correction _Fen'Harel_ , for the answer in which it sought.

“I will learn, I must learn... it must become clear.” The spirit of Learning then darted back out to the water to distance itself from the couple to ease its obvious turmoil.

“I am Hope," the final one said. "Much sorrow in the world but now much hope as well. Hope in a new world, hope in new life, and in new and old love. It is hope for the land and all that dwells within it. Your love, hope. Your child, hope.” As the spirit of Hope finished its dialogue it too flitted away leaving Solas and Rowan to ponder over each of their words. Some of it made sense to them while some of it remained a puzzle, but such was the way with spirits as they mirrored what they saw and felt possessing no true souls of their own.

As Rowan went to turn towards Solas the air shifted and made a soft, whooshing sound near them. As quickly as the three spirits had dashed off Cole materialized before them smiling bashfully at Rowan. He knew that Solas would not disapprove of his being there now. He had been waiting for a moment such as this and it seemed only fitting to make himself known to her now.

“Cole?” Rowan asked peering at the familiar wide brimmed hat and smile. “You're the one from my dreams. You're a spirit as well?” It shocked her slightly that he had taken on a form and gender while the others had not. She had suspected there was something mystical or magical about him, but it never occurred to her until just now that he might be a spirit. Had she not just met three already it would have been necessary to explain it to her.

“Yes," Cole answered. "I could not come to you before, Solas felt it wasn't right; not now, not yet, keep waiting until the when becomes now. So now is now and yes I am real, me, Cole.”

“How is it that you look like a person when the others do not?” Rowan looked at Cole taking in his features wholly. This time she was able to see his face fully. He looked to be a young man but was clearly not Elven. His ears were more rounded and short, not elongated to a point at the tips. More like those of the Humans she had sketched in her book. She wished for nothing now than to have her book with her so she could capture his face finally but was afraid he would be gone if she had done so.

“Because this is how you remember me and it pleases you to see the familiar face of forgotten times," he explained in his nonsensical way he had about himself. He seemed to speak in riddles but most of what he said she understood it seemed. "I do not remember why I look the look of something or of someone I am not. I let that part of myself go and washed it clean. I made myself forget. But this is familiar, failing to remember but remembering parts of me as I was to you so long ago.”

“Cole is unique, Rowan,” Solas explained. “He is a spirit of Compassion and, unlike the others, Cole once took on the form of a person he tried to save but could not. That is why Cole has the appearance of a young man, though he has not possessed a living body.” Cole listened to Solas' explanation but he knew he would not remember, what he made himself forget was gone forever.

“You like remembering the forgotten boy, forgotten face, familiar but felt beneath your memories. I felt that familiar would help you and please the parts of you that wish to remember everything. I helped you when you dreamt of all the yesterday's that are now long gone to years past pushing. That's what I do, am, me. I help the hurting and you were hurting very much. I hope I helped?” Cole shifted his weight onto his other foot, though as a spirit it was merely a mimicking of a gesture he had long learned but was unnecessary for him to do.

“You did, Cole. Thank you," she smiled at him. "Thank you for everything. We talked a lot, didn't we? Why make me forget those parts?” She knew they often spoke at great lengths in her dreams but he would always make her forget afterwards upon waking.

“Frustrated, frightened, failing to remember but remembering would have hurt worse than the nightmares and would confuse. It is not time, not now, not yet, I must wait. Remembering would have been pain like the stabbing of knives; gnawing, gnashing, cutting away like little hurts. So I made you forget. Now I am free to be seen without the restraints of pain and pulling.”

“Will you make me forget when you leave?” She asked with a note of desperation in her voice. She didn't want to forget again, not this time. Not after meeting him while awake.

“No. No more falling to forgetting for you. Remembering helps. It eases the hurt even when it hurts so much. Now you must push past the pain, the pulling, the parting. Memories, mysteries, more strings that will try to pull you into misery. You must not let it. I will be there if you want? Skyhold? Yes, when you need me.”

“Yes, I would like that very much, Cole.” She didn't know what he meant by remembering was going to hurt even more, but whatever happens if he could offer help or insight when the time came she would not turn the young spirit away.

“Your baby wants, wishes, and waits. She is confused as you are confused, her memories being shaped by what is now but also wanting to remember what once was as do you.” The shock of hearing this shed more light onto her pregnancy than either of them expected. His words made it very clear to Rowan and Solas. She had not conceived the baby in Lithranil, she had conceived the baby before Solas had put her under his spell. That meant for a thousand years the baby was inside her sleeping with her all that time!

"Are you telling me that I was pregnant before now?" Rowan wanted, no _needed_ , confirmation to this. For Solas he was transported back in time to when they were in the Garden performing the binding ritual... The binding ritual! It was the only logical explanation, the told himself. The binding union they performed was what had made her pregnancy possible. This is why it had never been accomplished before, because no Other had attempted the binding ritual as they had.

“Love in the Garden filled with sweetness and sorrow all at once. Solas pulling the strings of the impossible binding, bound, burying two souls as one. Then you sleeping, slumbering, laying still for all to to see. You became Love.” Cole spoke the last part with a hint of sadness in his voice. Flemeth had allowed the young spirit to visit on occasion when Rowan had needed him the most and he knew more than he was able to say though he wanted to. But he knew when revealing too much would only cause more pain and he wanted to help, not hurt. No hurting, no harming, only helping the pain.

Rowan saw the look on Solas' face and turned to question him. “Solas?” she asked looking up at him. He clearly not only understood what she did, but there was obviously more that he knew and understood that she did not and he had yet to explain it.

“I must go now," Cole said abruptly. "I told, telling, talking and said too much. I didn't mean to bring you more suffering and confusion. I only wanted to help.” Cole was visibly agitated now then calmed himself before resuming. “There can be comfort in confusion though you may not believe it to be the case. ' _Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just._ ' ” he quoted a quote with a wide smile. The quote gnawed at her like a gnat. Before her mind could focus on it Cole continued on. “Be comforted and calm and just. Become the peacekeepers, the seekers, and I will return when I am needed the most. Skyhold.” The quote still gnawed away at her brain. She had heard it somewhere before she was certain.

Just as Cole disappeared the sun rose more fully in the sky and she noticed that the spirits that once danced on the water gently were beginning to dissipate beneath the sun's light. Those of Love, Learning, and Hope lingered the longest before they, too, departed.

“Solas, is it really possible that I was already pregnant when you put me under your spell?" She needed confirmation from him so she pressed on for answers. "Is that what he meant?” She was relieved that Cole did not make her forget before he left them, but now she was left with more questions than answers and began to understand why he had chosen to do so in her dreams. She could only wonder at what they had discussed during those times.

“I believe so,” Solas said his voice trailing off slightly before continuing. He looked at her with an understanding in his eyes that he had yet to share with her. “Your whole pregnancy should have been impossible by all standards whether when you were mortal or as you are now. Yet it would seem that what we did in the Garden made the creation of new life possible.”

“You mean our wedding? How could a marriage do that? Have no Others married before?” She found it impossible to think that none of The Others had ever in the very least taken spouses before save them.

“They have taken many wives and husbands over the years, but not in the same manner as we did. Ours was unparalleled, unlike any other that None had ever performed before save you and I. Our amulets are... unique as you well have guessed and are beginning to recall, but what you do not remember yet is just how very different our union itself was and the connection it has with our amulets.” Rowan was even more curious and confused now which only served to make her uncomfortable. She hoped that as time went on she would begin to remember more on her own. Solas wrapped an arm around a visibly distraught Rowan to comfort her. He wished he could tell her the whole of it. He felt a sensation of guilt at not being able to. As he held her tight he noticed something unusual and alarming; her belly had a slight swell to it this morning that it didn't have last night. He placed one hand on the gentle swell of her stomach and felt that it had, indeed, grown since the night before. Not too much but well enough to be unmistakable now. Her pregnancy was accelerating more than was normal and it concerned him greatly.

“Rowan,” he said lifting her chin to look up at him. He was visibly worried. “We must get you to Skyhold quickly. It seems as if our child will come sooner than anticipated." Rowan looked down and noticed what Solas himself had just moments before. A slight swell to her stomach that was otherwise flat the night before. "I would have you somewhere safe and familiar when the time comes. There is no telling how much time we have before she arrives.” As if prompted, Rowan could feel the slightest hint of movement in her womb as the baby shifted about. The sudden movement within her jarred a memory of the pregnant halla causing a chain reaction of memories of her healing Solas with the same lullaby, then how merely making contact with the scorched land appeared to heal it with just a touch. Had it been her or the baby all along? She felt it necessary to voice her suspicions to him. She had meant to bring it up before but it had slipped her mind until now.

“Solas, there is something else I should tell you, something that happened and I don't believe any of it was my doing.” She was a little concerned at what this might mean for them both as well as for the baby.

“What is it, Rowan?” The look of distress on her face made him hesitant to hear what would come next.

"I need to start at the beginning," she explained to him. "That time that I healed the halla, and the time that I healed you, each with that lullaby? I think it was our daughter. I think that was why I was humming that lullaby, because I was pregnant. I was pregnant and part of my body already knew it, but the healing itself was not me, it was coming from the baby.” She went on further to explain to him her suspicions. “There's more. Do you remember when I was with Morrigan? Shortly before she showed up I was tossed to the ground by the Elk and I landed on the scorched land, but it had begun to heal itself beneath me. I was foolish, I know, but I tested it by stepping onto more and the same thing happened again. The land began to heal. I thought it was a new power of mine, but now? I am beginning to suspect that it's not I.”

What was it that the spirit of Hope had said Solas wondered? "Your baby, Hope," is what it had said. Was she to be the hope needed to help heal the earth he wondered? Was that what the spirit was attempting to convey to them? Was that the babies ability, the ability to heal, and why Rowan healed from contact with the scorched land so rapidly and why she appeared much healthier this morning than last night? All these things were possible, Solas concluded.

Meanwhile Rowan furrowed her brow thinking about how to phrase her next topic for it was a delicate one for them both. “Is there a chance that over time as I was sleeping the baby had healed me and Mythal did not actually need to sacrifice herself for my sake? And if that were so that Mother would still be alive?” The idea that Flemeth had died so needlessly hurt her to think of it, but it was something she needed to know.

"It is possible, very possible, but you must not worry yourself over Flemeth, vhenan," he said while processing all the information she just revealed to him about the healing of the land. He looked her in the eyes and tried to ease her worries over Flemeth. "Even with Mythal within Flemeth she was greatly outnumbered at the time and you would have been slaughtered alongside her. Had I arrived in time there would have been a chance, but I don't believe she would have lasted that long in such overwhelming odds. You must not blame yourself or the baby, Rowan. Besides, Mythal may have still bestowed herself upon you to make you stronger for your own protection anyhow. An immortal child within a mortal's body surely would have killed you even though you were at the beginning stages of your own immortal rights granted to you by the Garden. You may not have been strong enough to withstand such a pregnancy such as this one.”

And he was correct. Mythal and Flemeth would not have been able to survive those odds and Rowan herself would have either been slain as well or stolen away and used against him. There would be no telling what kind of treatment she would have endured in Their hands either. Then there was the fact that there was no way of knowing just how strong Rowan's personal god-hood was after her time in the Garden now that she held both her own and that of Mythal's. He could not distinguish one from the other as it appeared that they had been melded together.

“Do you think that is the real reason she did it then? Mythal, that is. So that I could survive the pregnancy?” Rowan asked him while going over his words in her head. She still was uncomfortable with the notion that Mother may have died needlessly.

“I would like to believe so, vhenan. Either way you are here now, and if our child is what saved your life, then I owe our daughter my eternal gratitude for not just saving the woman I love but herself as well. I owe them both that much.” He kissed her lips tenderly to try to ease her fears and obvious suffering. She leaned into him allowing him to calm her emotional state with his kiss. He always seemed to know how to make her feel safer, reassured, and loved as well as needed with but a kiss. She loved him all the more for it.

“Come,” he said to her, “You must eat. For both your sake.” He gestured for them to walk back to the tent.

“She will need a name...” Rowan thought for a moment stopping long enough to think. Finally one came to her seemingly out of nowhere. “What about Serenity?" she asked him. "If she truly is the reason behind the healing and can one day learn to heal the land, then Serenity would be a good name. I know it isn't a traditional Elven name, but what do you think?" Though she wanted him to have a part in naming their child it was as if the name materialized in her mind of its own accord. Serenity... She rolled the name over in her head like a ball. It felt good, it felt perfect. She wondered how much of the name came from her or had it come from their daughter? Was she aware inside her and named herself? All curious questions to which she had no answers for.

“I think it's a lovely name. Serenity is a perfect name.” Solas smiled at the concept. Choosing a name for their unborn daughter made it all the more of a reality for them both. Together they continued to make their way back to the tent so Rowan could eat. She was suddenly famished and craved more berries and milk. Now she understood why she had acquired them back in town. It was not her that wanted or needed them, it was the baby craving them.

As she ate some of the berries absentmindedly she tried not to let the things that Cole said resurface to her mind. Instead she shifted her focus onto Solas. She loved watching everything he did. He moved with a grace that was not feminine but was an elegance all of its own. She insisted that he also eat even though it was not required of him. She supposed that when the time came long after the baby was born she, too, would no longer need to eat so frequently save for the enjoyment of it.

She was enamored by him utterly, as if he was the moon in the sky and she was the night embracing him, and her heart was the earth that reflected his glow. Out of all the handsome young Elves she had met in Lithranil none had compared to him. He wasn't handsome in the traditional sense, yet he was distinguished and stood apart from the rest. He appeared to be a few years her senior, but given his nature it was hard to determine by just how much. Especially if he was already an immortal having lived a long lifespan when they met when she was but a mortal Elf so long ago. Yet he was attractive in his own rights. Scholarly looking, wise, yet always seemingly sad around the eyes. But they way they lit up when he looked at her made her feel weak all over as they did now, as if her mere presence brought him great joy. Then there was the way his lips curled up when he smiled at her as well and the intensity of his gaze when they had made love, both fierce and piercing.

They were sitting together crammed in the little tent side by side on the pelts as they ate. She was watching his every move, her gaze transfixed on him. He was eating at her insistence when a bit of berry juice dribbled down his lip and was making its way onto his chin. He went to wipe it away when she grabbed his hand and smiled.

“Here, allow me to get that for you,” she grinned wickedly. She leaned over and licked at the juice on his chin making her way up to his lower lip before suckling the sweet taste of berries from it. Then she grabbed him by the side of his face directing him into her kiss in which he came willingly. She knew what she wanted, what she needed, and with her rapidly growing state didn't know how long it would be before they would have to cease their love play altogether. Yet watching him had enticed her body into a warm and gentle need for him. She parted her lips for him enjoying the warmth of his tongue in her mouth, and he welcomed her kiss as always. There was no mistaking what she sought from him. He would have to attempt to be gentle with her in her current condition. Even still he was in no mood nor capable of resisting her, nor did he wish to. He wanted to give in to her every bit as much as she needed him to.

Without warning she pushed him down onto the pelts and began removing his tunic. It was warm enough inside the tent, and what little of the crisp air there was slowly melted away as their bodies gave rise to the desire they each felt for another, their need for each other. She then stripped herself of her nightdress and sat astride him unabashed with one leg draped over each side of him. She felt the pressure of his rapidly growing erection between her legs and moved to one side just enough to untie the lacing of his trousers. She then gently peeled them off of him and tossed them to the side before straddling him once again. She was being more aggressive than usual and it was a pleasing surprise for him. She pressed her sex against his, sliding up and down it until it was nestled between her hot lips and teased him in this manner for a bit. She stopped long enough to lean down to kiss him, this time her hunger exceeding his own. She no longer felt helpless beneath his touch as her hair draped his face and his hands went to her breasts. Now she felt emboldened as a lover and wanted to be the one to bring him to the great plateaus of pleasure as he had once done for her.

She moaned at the feeling of his hands caressing her breasts and began to slowly move her hips back and forth gently pressing her sex onto his erection a little more moving with slow and deliberate determination. She was already wet for him, but she wanted the gentleness of making love even if her body demanded otherwise. She broke off the kiss abruptly then began to slide down his body till she was at eye level with his member. She propped herself up onto one elbow. She wanted to see him, the whole of him, his sex; that which he used to bring her to the greatest heights of pleasure. She wanted to feel him in her hand and see his face as she pleasured him as he had once done for her. She trailed her fingers down his chest to his abdomen before taking him into her hand as he watched her intently. It felt enormous in her dainty hand as she could barely wrap her fingers around it. He groaned beneath her touch, his eyes closing slightly. Even though he had been watching, the sudden sensation of her fingers wrapping around him brought him immense pleasure.

“Show me, Solas,” she asked of him. “Teach me to pleasure you as you have done for me.” Without hesitation he placed one hand around hers and guided her hand in a soft, stroking rhythm up and down his shaft, squeezing her fingers around him tighter. Once she mastered the movement he released her hand and lay back moaning softly beneath her touch as every once in awhile she squeezed just a little tighter as she stroked upward. She began moving her hand up and down his length masterfully taking her cues by his expressions and the sounds he emitted when she did something he enjoyed. It didn't take her long to discover just how he liked to be toyed with and taunted. She was becoming adept at what he liked and how he liked it, alternating between a slow pace to a faster one, then slowing down once again teasing the pleasure out of him. He was softly thrusting his hips into her eager hand every time she squeezed at him, lifting his hips up off the ground.

Beads of precum collected on the tip of his cock now and it made her ever the more curious. She continued to stroke him as she eyed it. It took her back to the time that he had kissed her sex, when he had made love to her with his mouth, and she wondered if she could do the same for him? She shifted her weight a little bit sliding her legs downward so her face was now level with his sex. Then she leaned down and brought the head of his cock to her mouth. She wanted to taste him as he had tasted her. Her tongue darted out and she licked the top of his head tasting the the beads of precum that had collected on the head of his cock. It was salty but she found that it wasn't unpleasant at all. This brought a deeper moan from Solas as her tongue swirled around his head to taste more of him. Without thinking she took the head of him into her mouth and began twirling her tongue around its edges. He moaned even louder when she did this lacing his fingers in her hair and pushing upwards ever so slightly forcing himself deeper into her mouth. She took this as a sign of encouragement and decided to slowly slide even more of him into her mouth, inching him further and further as she would slide her lips up to the head then back down again. She was still clutching his base in one hand to steady him for her hungry mouth as every once in awhile she would slide him out of her mouth to lick his entire length from the base to the head before taking him back into her warm mouth.

Instinctively he wrapped his fingers deep in her hair as her mouth now engulfed him almost entirely once more. She moved up and down his entire length taking as much of him into her as she could with each passing. It was all he could do not to buck up against her in a rising need to be back inside her glorious mouth whenever she would slide back up to his tip. Once he was back inside her mouth he began to use his hands to gently guide her head up and down him as she began applying pressure by sucking ever so slightly now and then. He could not resist but to raise his hips up off the pelts and push himself deeper into her mouth whenever she did this, the pressure driving him into oblivion. His moans were his only way of voicing his acceptance at her deliberate and successful attempts to pleasure him orally. She was now bobbing her head up and down his length having released him from her grasp so she could swallow the whole of him. Once again he reached down and laced his fingers in her hair. He held her head in his hands pulling her further down onto him as he slid himself into the depths of her throat. This caused her to gag every so often as he would let up only to pull her back down sliding himself into the back of her throat once again. What she lacked in skill she more than made up for in her eagerness. A few times he had buried himself so deep within her she could barely breathe yet she didn't struggle against him. Pleasing him brought an odd sense of satisfaction to her and now she had but a glimpse of how he must have felt that one night as her hungry mouth glided over him again and again and once more he slid himself down the back of her eager throat as he pulled her head down onto him. There were a few times where he would force his way so deeply into her she struggled for air. He would hold her head still and revel in the sensation only to let her up long enough to breathe before forcing his way into her throat once again. If it caused her any discomfort she did not protest, in fact it seemed to increase her desire to pleasure him further as she attempted to open her throat to him more each time he did this.

He finally let up for a little bit and she began bobbing her head up and down the entirety of his length attempting to take in as much of him as she could as this seemed to pleasure him the most. She remained still as he began to piston himself in and out of her mouth rapidly using her mouth for his own pleasure. He was still holding her head in place and watched as his cock slid in and out of her mouth as he did this. He threw his head back down suddenly, arching his hips up off the pelts and driving himself deep into her when Rowan felt him stiffen and thought she might have done something wrong. She heard a soft growl coming from him and recognized the telltale sound that he was about to cum. He was on the verge of letting go and, as he done to her once before, she wished to deny him that pleasure. Before he could cum she forced her mouth off of him as his member slid out of her mouth and fell back down resting against his abdomen.

He felt the cold air hit his cock as he was denied the ability to release himself within her mouth. She was teasing him as he had teased her, he realized. She was smiling up at him slightly disappointed that she had denied him his release until she began to slide her body back up his. She slid his member between the folds of her sex and was slowly rubbing herself back and forth against his cock. His cock twitched beneath her in anticipation and she knew that, for now, she was in control as he allowed her have the reigns. She simply grinned a wicked grin as she took him in her hand again and then raised herself onto her knees. She rubbed his head against her sex, parting her lips with it and wetting him with her juices. She placed his head at her opening and angled him readying for the entry into her waiting body. She eased herself down onto him inch by inch still holding him until she could get enough of him inside her. She was forced into taking her time as his head stretched her wide while she slowly pushed down and onto it as it slowly made its way inside of her. She had forgotten how large he was compared to her and she was still too tight for him to enter her easily despite how aroused she was. She was forced into taking him into her a little bit at a time before having to stop and relax every so often. Once she felt her sex accommodate his girth she would slide back up slowly then back down again making way for more of him inside her as she pushed herself further onto his cock. She moved this way slowly up and down the length of his cock until she captured him within her entirely. He closed his eyes in ecstasy as she watched on feeling the wonderful sensation of being filled by him once again. She sat still like this for a moment just enjoying the way he felt within her, being filled to the brim and stretched wide. She then leaned forward a bit, placing her hands on either side of him, and began moving against him in slow, circular motions to tease the pleasure out of them both. She taunted him this way for quite some time as her body softened around him and she began enjoying the sensations of him moving inside her as she ground against him and became more confident in herself. 

He was all sensation now as she moved against him but he wanted more than what she offered. He could take the teasing no longer. He placed his hands on her hips in order to guide her up his entire length and then pulled her back down again onto him, the friction of this movement inside her causing her to shudder. He moved with slow, deliberate movements as he manipulated her body up and down his length. He began to tease it out of her every bit as much as she had him. There would be time for frantic lovemaking later. Right now this was the sweet gentle caress of her wrapped around him as she took his cues and began sliding her sex up and down his length the way he had guided her with his hands. She rocked on her hands and knees sliding herself onto him again and again while moving her hips in a downward motion each time she impaled herself onto him. This was a slow and deliberate dance of love between two bodies, two people, two hearts as one. Every so often she would squeeze him tightly within her as she moved upward that sent shock waves through his body. He would respond with plunging himself up and deeper into her a little harder than usual causing her to moan in ecstasy at the sudden intensity of his response. With each passing minute it became more difficult not to give in to the wanton desire to just flip her over and take her as he desired to, but he held back the urge allowing her to control the unfolding of their lovemaking.

As her movements became more demanding and she began to ride him faster he sat up so that she was now in his lap straddling him on her knees. He held onto her as he hefted himself to his own knees and now they sat face to face their bodies locked together. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he was now able to thrust up and into her as she began grinding against his cock. She continued to move up and down his length in short movements as he used the most out of this position to be able to bury himself deeper within her as he matched her movements with his own. Each time she came crashing down onto him he would lunge himself up harder, their lovemaking turning into a more primal need now. Rowan felt like a doll in his lap as she felt him making his way deeper into her with every upward stroke. She felt the mounting need for more of him and flung her head back as the pleasure washed over her. She moved against him and felt the warming sensation in her loins indicating she was about to have an orgasm. She held onto him as she rode him wildly, her movements becoming more frantic and demanding as she groaned every time he lunged into her. She knew he was a skilled partner as he had already demonstrated once before and could bring her back to the heights of pleasure with but a kiss, but she didn't want to end it so soon. Still she found her body moving with more urgency as she was filled to the brim repeatedly and began riding him with wild abandon. Her breathing was coming in short gasps for air and her eyes were shut tight as she began to meet his thrusts with hers. She was now eagerly waiting for the sweet sensation of her orgasm to claim her body.

Sensing her need for release as her movements became more insistent, Solas pulled her off of him and rolled her over onto her hands and knees. He grew weary of restraint and became unrelenting as with slight pressure from his hand to the back of her neck he pushed her upper body down into the pelts while keeping one hand on her hips to keep them lifted high in the air for him. He spread her knees slightly apart to grant him access to her waiting sex. Rowan did nothing to protest as he reached between her legs and felt for her little nub, stroking it in a circular motion until she was bucking against his hand. He knew she was ready for him once again. He took his cock and rubbed it between her lips, parting them with his head, then sought out her opening. Once he found it he began pressing against it ever so slightly but not fully entering her just yet. He teased her with this, pressing in slightly then pulling out, never quite fully penetrating her. Her hips would move against him in an attempt to capture him and he could almost hear her pout when denied every time he eased up again. Finally he began to push himself into her slowly a little bit at a time before sliding out almost all the way just to make his way back in again.

He was still slick from her juices and she was wet for him again, but their previous lovemaking did nothing in the way of making the process easier for him. He could only gain a few inches each time as he pressed into her, so he continued to pull out a bit then push himself back in again. As before he was able to gain more entry a little further inside her with each stroke. Though he desired to just ram himself all the way into her she was still too tight for such an endeavor. He would have to work her body up for such an invasion, so instead he repeated the process of entering her again and again until he was finally buried fully within her. He remained locked within her for a moment with their hips pressed against each other, and he relished in the feeling of the warmth of her sex enveloping his cock, the sensation of her tightness stretched around him. He twitched inside her involuntarily and struggled to maintain control before he could begin moving again. He would pull almost all the way out then push himself slowly back in using a slow steady rhythm like this for awhile. He heard her gasp at the sensation of being taken from this position and how he teased her sex with the slow rhythm of his cock moving in and out of her.

All control she thought she had was now tossed to the winds as the next time he pulled out almost all the way slowly and then lunged back within her in one swift and hard movement burying himself all the way inside her. He held onto her hips for purchase to ensure her body could not move away from him when he did this. His fingers dug into her flesh. He was holding her in place at the shock of the invasion from his sudden taking of her with his cock as if she might escape. She cried out loudly against the fur pelts, his fierce taking of her a mixture of pain and pleasure. Still once again he pulled out painfully slow only to thrust hard and deep within her in one, quick movement ramming himself as far into her body as he could go. Each time he did this he would hold her onto him, impaling her, keeping her locked onto him before repeating the process. After a few such invasions, whenever he remained still holding her onto him, she began to grind her sex against him as he remain buried within her before he continued his assault on her sex once again. He took pride in how she was eagerly matching his demands with her own when she began to buck against him with each, deep lunge into her he performed. She would wait in sheer agony as he slowly withdrew only to cry out each time he drove himself back into her rocking her hips against his. Her face was pressed against the pelts cast to one side, her lips parted in ecstasy, and her hands clutching the at the fur pelts tightly. Her hair was draped over her back. He reached down with one hand and laced it in her white locks and gave it a sharp tug with each forceful entry as if to pull her further onto him. He was the one in control again and he wanted her to understand that. She was an eager participant as he took command over her body offering herself up to him each time he buried his cock within her. What they were doing before was sublime, but being in control was where he was a master at. It pleased him to see her give in to him so completely. Again he slowly slid almost all the way out just to ram himself deep inside of her and then held her firmly in place against him. He was no longer Solas, he was The Dread Wolf now, the alpha taking his mate and forcing her into submission beneath the onslaught of his invasion of her body as he continued to drive himself deep within in her ferociously. 

He continued his assault as she surrendered utterly to him, her body brimming with ecstasy as she gave all control of herself over to him. Though shocked and alarmed as he took her so roughly in the beginning, her body had begun to give in to him. She was now a willing supplicant, a subject for his desires. Her body was his for the taking and he knew it. She relaxed and eased herself into this fierce taking of her body. Her sex craved the crudeness now, giving in to his demands and meeting them with her own. There was nothing gentle in the way he plunged his cock deep into her sex. She had found herself responding in time anticipating each thrust and meeting it with her own as she bore down onto him even harder. This was unlike anything else she had experienced with him. It was purely animistic and domineering in nature and she discovered that it pleasured her greatly. They both felt the warning signs of her oncoming orgasm as her nerves were tingling and her body and sex quivered. She had successfully stayed it off as long as she could, but this rough assault on her body began to cause her sex to catch fire and it emitted short bursts of spasms around his cock in anticipation of what was to come. Her body was building up for release as she gave in to him, relinquishing all control of herself into his capable hands. He continued to plunge into her roughly and even if he stopped and pulled out now it would have done nothing in the way of preventing the orgasm that was about to overtake her.

Feeling her sex clutching tightly against his cock he released her hair and pulled her upper body up off the pelts so she was on all fours now. He bent over her body with his to nip at her neck as he began pounding into her with sheer earnest, his hands on the pelts beside hers. He had her in the perfect mounting position as he hovered over her and tore into her relentlessly, rapidly, and without finesse. He was all raw animal instinct now. He wanted her to cum for him, on him, around him, and he would not be denied this so he quickened his pace even more as he drove her further past the point of no return. It was all she could do to stay in this position pinned as she was on her hands and knees as he impaled her further onto him ramming into her again and again rocking her body back and forth in time with his own. His primal instincts took over as he gnawed at her neck with his teeth. He knew she was close and he longed for her orgasm every bit as much as she did. He would hold himself off until she finally came for him. It wouldn't be long now, he knew. He continued thrusting in and out of her in short, quick, but deep bursts building her up as he remained locked onto her neck with his teeth.

He recalled the last time he had bitten into her neck and how much she enjoyed it. The memory brought him great pleasure as he felt his own body surging with the desire to finish inside her but he fought back the urge with a growl deep in his throat. He continued to bite down onto her neck, holding her in place as he hammered his way in and out of her fiercely not allowing her to move as his teeth kept her body in check. She cried out as her orgasm finally claimed her and shook her body from the sensation of his teeth giving way into her flesh. The idea of being completely taken was all that was needed and she couldn't have held back any longer if she had wanted to. It was the threshold for her, being completely overpowered by him. As much as she had enjoyed bringing him pleasure and their slow and gentle lovemaking, she was a glutton for his sexual punishment. He was thrusting into her body quickly as the walls of her sex began quivering, squeezing, and pulsating as her orgasm finally washed over and through her. He sat up and grabbed her by the hips again and slammed himself as far into her as he could go. He felt the familiar surge in his cock as it twitched and pulsed and he came deep within her while her orgasm was still rocking her body and milking his cock. The feeling of their combined orgasm was more than he anticipated and he began to plunge into her over and over again pulling at her her hips so he could delve deeper into her walls as he was unexpectedly wracked by yet another orgasm that had quickly followed his first one. He stiffened as he held her hips in place firmly and planted himself deep within her before driving himself home again a few last times as he finished cumming inside her for the second and final time. His orgasm seemed never ending as he gushed his seed deep within the walls of her sex, his cock throbbing within her like a mighty pulse. Finally he collapsed on top of her, both of them panting and gasping for air.

After a few moments Solas sat back up and slowly slid himself out of her body. Meanwhile Rowan rolled over and collapsed back down on the pelts, slick from the sweat of their lovemaking, panting before she began to fall fast asleep. Solas smiled down at her and covered her gently with a blanket tucking the pillow beneath her head as she began to drift off. He had truly worn her out and apparently needed the rest. He brushed her slick hair away from her face and gently kissed her on the mouth. As before she bore his mark on her neck. His. His wife, his Rowan, his mate. The mother of his child. It wasn't until that moment that he thought about the ferocity in which he had taken her and how he should have kept himself in check under her current condition. No matter, he thought, she was still not that far off along and he was certain that they hadn't hurt the baby.

As Rowan was drifting off into slumber something Cole had said began circulating through her mind again as she fought against the temptation of sleep. That phrase he had said. Something she was certain she had heard before and had scribbled in her journal. She told herself to remember to look for it when she woke up again, but for now her body craved the sweet embrace of sleep.

“ _Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just..._ ” It rolled around in her head as she her mind floated off and she thought she heard herself saying it out loud. Solas overheard her just as she slipped into oblivion.


	3. Ashes to Ashes

As rowan slept she fell into another dream. No nightmares this time but unsettling nonetheless as it afforded no real answers, just more questions. Her mind must have been fixated on what Cole had said as she was with the Human woman she had come to know as Cassandra as well as Cole and Solas. They were trekking out deep within a forest and Cassandra and Cole were conversing amongst themselves.

_Cassandra and Cole were just up ahead clearing the path and were talking amongst themselves. Rowan could only make out snippets of what they said to each other here and there. Cassandra, a tall and proud warrior, short black hair with a single braid circling the top of her head, her armor glittering in the morning light. The long scar that trailed down her left cheek seemed to make her more appealing than less so. Her shield was hung over her back, her sword at her hip. She was a seasoned warrior and didn't realize that her own beauty and strength, both inner and outer, made her all the more appealing to the men she she was surrounded by in her life. Yet she could be brash and seemingly unapproachable even if beneath that exterior shell she had carefully constructed for herself beat the heart of a true romantic. Still, she did what she could to hold would-be suitors at bay._

_Cole had joined them on this journey at Rowan's insistence and his presence annoyed Cassandra more than a little. He had come equipped with a set of double daggers and was wearing better leather armor than she was accustomed to seeing the young spirit in as he roamed Skyhold. He was without his wide brimmed hat as well. His blonde hair was nearly covering his blue eyes. Cassandra could only pray that the Inquisitor knew what she was doing in allowing the spirit to not only remain at Skyhold, but to accompany them on this journey as well. She hoped her faith in him as a rogue was not misplaced and that his ability to fight was up to par._

_She decided against giving it anymore thought than was necessary. The Inquisitor had yet to steer them wrong even if much of what she did was a mystery to Cassandra. However given recent events Cassandra still seemed to be shaken up. The revelation regarding her vigil with her time becoming a Seeker of Truth had begun to unravel her faith in herself. She felt like a lie, that everything about her past had been a lie once the truth was laid out to bear of what her old Order the Seekers had done. Her year long vigil was a lie, she had not taken up vigil in solitude as much as she had been made tranquil and touched by a spirit of faith. This truth had been kept secret to them all._

_The Rite of Tranquility... That was what was really bothering her. That which was used on Mages who either practiced Blood Magic, summoned Demons, or where proven too inept at controlling their abilities._

_Then there was the matter of her Vigil. The full year spent in solitude emptying her mind and heart of everything in deep meditation in order to become a Seeker. She had been made Tranquil without knowing it. Yes, Tranquil. Every bit as much as those Mages who abused their powers had been made Tranquil. Yet for them it was Magical castration cutting them off from all Magic as well as their dreams and emotions. It was unfair, she thought, that what granted her the abilities she had as a Seeker rendered Mages mundane and emotionless. Never again to feel, to dream, let alone to perform even the simplest of spells. It had once been her job to look into abuses of the Rite against Mages, used as punishment outside of what was dictated. Some for merely being seen as rivals within Circles by their fellow Mages. The Mage rebellion could have been prevented if only they had looked into these matters harder, if only the fact that it was reversible hadn't been made known or perhaps never been kept secret. As a previous Seeker she shouldered the weight of that burden as well. Her old Order had hidden that knowledge from the world, or at least had attempted to._

_Yes, it was possible that the Rite could be reversed, but it would have to be researched first. The effects it would have on a Mage that had been Tranquil for too long were unknown and, as far as she knew, untested. This was what had her shaken so. Her mind had been touched by a spirit of Faith she had been told. That was what broke Tranquility for her and granted her abilities as a Seeker. Then there was Cole's presence now of all times. Her mistrust in spirits only confounded her faith more, yet she found herself beginning to open up to Cole a little bit more in the wake of this revelation regarding her doubts._

_“You're sad about the Seekers,” he stated plainly. “The room with the candle. It wasn't a lie. Your faith was real.” He was trying to explain to her that had her faith not been pure such a spirit would never have gifted her so. He knew of her distrust in his being a spirit but he pressed on anyhow. She was hurting though she masked it with anger and sometimes apathy, and he wanted to help make the hurting less._

_“A single moment of perfect faith does not make one immune to fault,” Cassandra retorted. She realized what he was attempting to do, to relieve her doubts she now held about herself and her past. It did little in the way of helping, however, and she did not like that he could touch her innermost thoughts so easily. She was happier believing him to being a demon but the Inquisitor trusted him. Whether that was due to the influence Solas had over the Inquisitor or not remained to be seen. They were so close she suspected there was more to their relationship than mere camaraderie. Cassandra and many of the others had begun to question if there was more to those two than what they let on as it was. Rumors had already begun to circulate through Skyhold despite their discreetness._

_Cole continued on picking up where he left off undeterred in his innocent way vocalizing what had been tumbling about Cassandra's mind. He laid her thoughts out for all to hear, “Belly knotted, the candle burns like the sun. No voice but my own for months.” Yes, hearing her thoughts spoken out loud by the spirit for the rest to hear was most unnerving. They were not in the tavern or speaking alone, there was still the Inquisitor and Solas to bear witness to the conversation even though they politely remained silent as the two bantered back and forth. Cole smiled at her and began the reciting the Chant of Light that she often turned to for comfort in an effort to lift her spirits. "Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter," he began the quote._

_Cassandra smiled at the spirit for the first time as she finished the next part, "Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just." Solas and Rowan merely smiled knowingly at each other. They had their own secrets but Cole was wise enough to remain silent about them as he glanced in their direction._

Just as quickly as the dream came it melted away and Rowan slowly woke up. She must not have slept for very long but Solas was not in the tent. She was still naked beneath the blankets from their rough love play and was a little tender from it. Her hair was plastered to her head from the sweat of it but the day was warmer. She spied her nightdress and saw that it had been washed and laid out for her. She supposed that in her current condition regular clothing was probably out of the question without making adjustments.

Her hand went to her belly and she felt the faintest of movements within, like butterflies. She smiled as she sat up. She didn't seem to have advanced more in her sleep and that was a relief. Before doing anything else she rummaged around looking for her journal. She found it laying beside her with the charcoal readied. Solas must have known she would have wanted it when she awoke because she didn't recall it being there before. She smiled at his thoughtfulness.

She flipped the book open to the page that held Cole's resemblance in it. She busied herself making corrections and filling in his features now that she could remember them fully. When done she flipped through her book towards the beginning where she found the woman known to her as Cassandra. She had left out the scar, probably because until this dream she hadn't seen her so clearly, and began to etch it in. Sure enough beneath the portrait of the woman was that one line of that quote, “Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just.” She still didn't know what to make of it but on the back jotted down more information, The Chant of Light, The Seekers of Truth, Tranquility, The Vigil. All things that she hoped her mind would shed more light on now that she understood her dreams to be memories not mere nightmares.

She dusted the charcoal from her fingers and picked up her nightdress. She headed out of the tent without covering up with a blanket. There was very little left in the way or need for modesty now, she thought. She would bathe in the pond. There was no one else around to see them so she was unafraid of being spied upon, and she was more than certain that she and Solas had more than their fill of each other for the time being though they would have to start being more gentle for the sake of the baby.

Solas was busy with packing up the wagon with the remainder of their things when he spied Rowan exiting the tent. She was in the nude carrying her nightdress and heading towards the pond. He half chuckled at himself to see her so unreserved now. She walked about naked without a care in the world. Had he not already had his fill of her he would have joined her in the pond. As it were he merely leaned against the wagon clutching his staff and watched his love step into the water to bathe with a smile on his face, the gentle swell of her belly making her all the more beautiful to him.

The Rowan at Haven and Skyhold had always been more cautious and discreet, but being surrounded by an army of watchful eyes and the leader of that army forced her into a role that was beyond her truer nature. This, he suspected, was what she would have been like had they met under other circumstances. He knew she still would have captivated him just by being who she was. He had not fallen in love with the Herald of Andraste or the Inquisitor, but the Elven woman named Rowan, this woman that had been brimming beneath the surface that only he had the privilege of knowing. Yes, she would have stolen his heart regardless and he was all too happy to give it to her.

He was still watching on when he noticed Morrigan standing a few feet away making her way to him slowly. Her long black hair pulled up in the back held in place up off her neck. Her amber eyes glittering in the daylight. This broke his mood as he clutched his staff tighter as a warning sign. He eyed Rowan then looked back at Morrigan. Something about her expression was off. She was not walking with the confidence she normally did, nor did she carry the smug expression on her face as was her typical of her. No, this one was full one of worry. She was agitated and was approaching him with caution. Something troubled the witch enough to bring her to them unannounced and uninvited. Still he moved into a more offensive position readying himself for anything. Nothing Morrigan did was without purpose or gain no matter how innocent it may seem.

“I thought it was understood that you were to leave us in peace, witch?” He glared at her as she paused briefly before resuming her approach. Whatever the witch wanted he had no time for, especially games. He began to make his way to her when she halted. She may have been in league with The Others, but she was not one of Them and thus no match for him. He would rid them of this threat if she proved it to be necessary to do so. Morrigan saw this warning in his eyes as he continued to make his way closer to her. Her first instinct was to flee but she had to tell them.

“Hold a moment!” She cried out putting up her hands in front of her as if to show him she meant no harm. He noticed she was without her staff. What was this? Another trick of hers? “I've not come for any reason save to warn you,” she said hurriedly. “I've come with a matter of the utmost urgency. The Others, They are coming. You must get her out of here!” Morrigan glanced over at the now bathing Rowan in the pond who had not noticed the witch's presence as of yet.

“What do you mean They are coming?” he asked in an agitated tone. “You said we had a truce.” What had Morrigan done this time, he wondered, for only the witch could have given them pause to break the truce as he and Rowan had done nothing themselves.

“I went to Them, as promised, and They agreed as was the deal. That was until They discovered the truth of the baby,” she hurried to explain. “'Twas not I that had told Them about the child, but They've been watching and today she shows. Now They know and They've come for her and your child. You must get her out of here! 'Tis not safe for either of you any longer.” Morrigan looked genuinely nervous and distressed, but this was Morrigan after all. The witch knew how to put on a great game.

“What reason do I have to place faith in what you tell me?” he asked her. “You have never been trustworthy.” Although this was true his mounting concern was growing. What would the witch have to gain by hurrying them out of the grove? Nothing, that was what.

“Because what I want still holds, and I did my part. You were to stop hunting Them, They were to stop hunting you, and then you give me the secret to her immortality. They agreed to call off the hunt until this morning, They knew not of the baby until now.” Morrigan began wringing her hands together. Of course she would warn them, if They came for Rowan and their child she would have nothing in which to bargain with. “You know 'tis what I desire most, would I risk it were it not true? Besides, despite the fact that there is no love loss between us I would not see harm come to an innocent child.” Morrigan glanced at the darkening sky and whispered, "'Tis too late, They are near!"

The skies had begun to darken and redden in the distance. Morrigan looked even more fretful now than when she arrived. “I must leave anon or I will be put within Their path with you.” Of course Morrigan would flee, she would not want to fall out of Their good graces, Solas thought in distaste. Anything to save her own skin.

“And of course you can't have that, can you?” His voice was dripping with distaste. “You could not go and risk what little leverage you have with Them. Off with yourself then, witch.” He had no time to worry about her now, she had come to warn him and it seemed that she had been correct. He had only time to think of getting Rowan out of the grove as quickly as possible. His amulet began pulsating a warning as the sky grew darker. He didn't need it to know what was happening. They were drawing nearer. “Fenedhis!” he cursed to himself. He began running towards Rowan who was still in the pond, eyes closed as she washed out her hair. It felt as if the gap between them seemed to grow not close as he ran on.

“'Tis too late, Solas. You'll never make it to her in time!” Morrigan cried out. Then she shifted her shape and on the wings of a bird flew towards the edge of the pond before resuming her normal form. Solas was confused as to why was the witch staying to help. Just mere moments before she was ready to flee, not wishing to invoke the wrath of The Others, instead she was at Rowan's side with an outstretched arm calling out her name. " _Because I would not see any harm come to an innocent child..._ " Those were her words. Did part of Rowan's pregnancy remind the witch of her earlier life?

Rowan was washing out her hair enjoying the warmth of the day on her skin and the refreshing feeling of the cool waters when she heard a woman calling to her. The voice was familiar. She opened her eyes abruptly. She turned in the water to find a frantic looking Morrigan at the edge of the pond. She had one arm outstretched towards her. Rowan looked towards Solas, panic in his eyes, then back to Morrigan. She didn't understand what was going on but something told her she to trust the witch especially the desperation in her Solas' face. She looked towards the darkening sky just beyond him and understood what was occurring.

“Rowan,” Morrigan cried over the noise of the oncoming storm clouds, “You must hurry!" she gestured with her hand to her. Rowan took Morrigan's hand as the witch helped her up. "Out of the water with you and get dressed. The Others are coming for you and the baby!” That was when Rowan noticed that Solas began to race across the grove in an attempt to reach her side. The sky was growing darker, the clouds were angry looking, and her amulet gave off the same warning signal as it had once before in the Garden and yet again when she first ran into Solas in the forest. The witch was telling her the truth; They were coming. But why was she helping her or was this a trick? Rowan had no time to think on it further instead she placed her trust in the witch. Morrigan had Rowan's nightdress in her other hand was was hurrying to help her into it. There was no time to dry off and she realized that she was weaponless.

“Morrigan, my staff!” Rowan cried out over the screaming wind.

“There is no time! Take my hand again! I'll take you to the other side, that is all I can do then I must depart!” Morrigan held out her hand again offering it to a confused Rowan. She thought she said that she worked for The Others, a free agent she had called herself, one that sided with Them from time to time when it suited her. So why go against Them now?

“Come! You are better off to me alive than dead, don't mistake this for anything but. Now hurry.” Morrigan was urging her to take her hand again but before she could do so a male and a female figure materialized seemingly out of thin air between Solas and Rowan on the grass. Morrigan was caught on the other side with Rowan. So this was The Others? Rowan wondered if more were on Their way or if it would only be These two? And Morrigan, Morrigan had been caught helping. Morrigan took a few steps backwards.

“Andruil and Geldauran,” Solas spat their names out. It seemed as if only this pair was arriving for the occasion. One female and one male. The female, Andruil, was one of the Evanuris and Geldauran, the male, was one of The Forgotten Ones. “I see that even the bitterest of enemies can become fast friends when You can't survive on Your own.” He was antagonizing Them intentionally, anything to draw Their attention away from Rowan if it meant that the witch could get her away and to safety. He just had to ensure They did not reach Rowan first.

“Hush, Dread Wolf, don't fancy Yourself so,” the Female laughed. “We have not come for You. We merely wish to take Your Bride with Us, willingly if She is smart.” Andruil turned her golden head towards Rowan smiling, her blue eyes twinkling with glee.

Rowan took stock of the two. The female was tall and proud looking. Beautiful but in a traditional sense. She looked limber and lithe and was carrying a bow and quiver. It must have been symbolic for surely She did not need one. The male was tall and handsome yet carried a darkness within Him. He was wearing a simple robe of black that matched the long black hair on His head. He carried no weapon, symbolic or otherwise. Yet something about His gaze spoke volumes, He was much more deadlier than the Female. She could sense it. If the Female was Andruil, then the Male must be Geldauran. Their names, something about Their names, Rowan thought cocking her head to the side as she stared on. She should be frightened but discovered she was not. Morrigan was still at her side visibly shaken.

“You cannot have her! I will not allow it!” Solas lunged for at Andruil who simply knocked him back with a simple gesture as if he were nothing but a rag doll. His anger blinded him but anything to draw Their attention onto him, he thought. He would draw Them into a battle against him if he had to resort to that. His attempt to lunge at Andruil was feeble at best, a distraction and nothing more.

“And You think to stop _Us_? Your love for the Elf blinds You, makes You weak,” Geldauran laughed. “We saw that Your fledgling Goddess is with child. She comes with us either peacefully or by force.” Geldauran stated with finality in his voice. “Besides, it is not Her we truly want, but the child She carries. You may have Your beloved Bride back once the child has come and is Ours to keep. It will be raised under Our guidance.”

Their voices carried across the way like a bellow. Hearing this only inflamed Rowan. They wanted to steal her away until she gave birth then keep her daughter? She would not stand for that and she knew that neither would Solas. “You will not take me and you will not have my child!” she snarled.

“Oh, such as feisty one You are!” Andruil laughed. “I remember when I was young as You are now once. I too was so full of hope and joy and then Your Husband betrayed Us. He betrayed Us all by locking Us away from the world and now hunts Us down like rats in the shadows. He would see Us erased from time and history as if We never were. You can blame Him for all of this. You mean nothing to Us, but your child? Well We have uses for a child such as Yours...” Rowan noticed the emphasis they placed not only on Solas' name but hers as well. Just as they did when discussing Them.

“And you, witch," Andruil said locking eyes with Morrigan, "You have outlived your worth to us.” Just as she had with Solas she knocked Morrigan away from Rowan with the wave of a hand. They were but child's play to Them. She heard Morrigan hit the ground hard, surely she had the wind knocked out of her. Morrigan feared for herself now. She was no immortal and the body she assumed was still as frail as any other mortal body she had taken before it. If she died in this body her death would be permanent. Morrigan was a creature of survival and when she pulled herself to the ground she took several steps back to stand behind a tree to watch the events unfold. She didn't know what she could do now to aid Solas and Rowan so she merely watched on unable to assist or flee. There may come a moment when she would be able to slip away lest They turn Their wrath upon her, which was a likely outcome sooner or later.

“What makes you think I will let you take her?” Solas sneered at them. He had since regained his footing and advanced on the two once more. They were wrong about one thing, his love for Rowan served only to make him stronger, and if he had to die fighting in order to save her then he would. He would play the game at making mistakes if it kept Their attention off of Rowan for the moment. Perhaps Morrigan would be able to get Rowan to safety if he was successful?

“Tell me, Fen'Harel, what would You do to save one of Your friends, then?” Geldauran asked. With a knowing smile He began chanting and a Magical circle materialized on the ground. It was a binding circle and he realized all too late the incantation that Geldauran was chanting. He was summoning a spirit! Soon enough a small wisp of a frame appeared within the binding circle as the spirit of Love from earlier manifested within. It was naturally confused, distressed, and it pushed against the circle before realizing that it was trapped within its confines.

“Love!” Solas whispered in dismay before turning to desperation. “Don't do it, leave it be. It's merely a spirit, it is harmless and has done nothing to you!” Anything but this, he thought. He knew what Geldauran intended to next to the poor spirit and there was nothing that Solas could do to stop it. Rowan watched on confused as she saw Love caught within the confines of a magical circle. Don't do what, she wondered? What did They intend to do to the poor spirit?

“This isn't about what it has done to Us, but rather what it will do _for_ Us... And You do so love Your spirit friends, don't You? More than You ever cared for anything, save Your Beloved. And it is bound to Your Bride, Your Goddess in the making, as all spirits of love are now bound to Her,” Geldauran replied. He relished in the look of pain that now crossed Fen'Harel's face. He would never refer to him as Solas, his name, but Fen'Harel or The Dread Wolf. And It brought Him great pleasure to finally watch The Dread Wolf suffer. Obviously He feared more for the fate of the spirit than for his Bride as the spirit's nature was much more delicate and fragile. All too easy to twist and turn.

“You tricked and betrayed Your own people,” Solas spat in disgust at Andruil. “You made them perform blood sacrifices for You and then turned against them.” He turned to Geldauran, “And You wished to teach them that there were no Gods to believe in yet still demanded worship from the Elves as a God of Your own making!” Geldauran merely laughed at the truth of this. “You were all would-be Gods to the people never wanting them to know the lie of it all, You only lusted for more power, more control. You even fought and killed off the best of Your kind no more petty than the Humans themselves. And now You would twist, pervert, and corrupt an innocent being!”

Rowan watched on as the spirit was unable to escape its confinement that Geldauran had placed it in. It was the spirit of Love that had spoken to her. “Love!” Rowan cried out. “Rowhanna, help me!” the spirit cried out to her. She could feel its pain as her own. Its love turning filled with sadness and confusion. She started walking towards Andruil and Geldauran slowly and with purpose. “Release my friend,” she demanded. “I won't ask twice.” Her dismay was turning to anger.

“Very well, we shall release it. From its _purpose_...” Geldauran made a upwards motion with his hand as the spirit cried out and the circle disappeared “Kill her,” Geldauran commanded the spirit.

“Fen'Harel, Rowhanna!” the poor spirit cried out to them as it was released, yet it seemed as if something was holding it back from being able to flee. It had been issued a command, Solas realized, a command to kill. Love turned towards Rowan and cried out. “What is happening to me, Rowhanna? No, I must not,” it fought helplessly against the command it had been ushered. “I am Love, don't let them take away my love... I must love not hate. I cannot hate... I must not... kill...” It's voiced trailed off, the last part turning into a low, guttural, growl.

The spirit was transforming. Transforming from a semi-transparent being into a more solidified shape that began to grow as it hunched over growling in pain. It was growing rapidly in spurts with each growl, doubling in size with each heave of a breath it took. What was once soft and kind, beautiful and full of love was becoming a hideous counterpart of itself. Its skin turned red as scales began to cover its distorted form. Long claws grew from its hands and spikes sprouted out of its back as a long, spiked tail emerged from its hind area. Suddenly the spirit twisted and turned and roared at Rowan then at Solas. It's was monstrous and hideous, now four times their own size, and very much solid. It reared its head and bellowed showing multiple rows of sharp fangs and black eyes, black as Rowan's were black.

As Rowan watched on she felt as if a small part of her had died. Watching the spirit being transformed into such a twisted being broke her heart. It was as if a link had been severed deep within her, a part of her cut off permanently. She looked on pained as tears stung her eyes. It was no longer a spirit of love, it was a demon, and mindless save for the desire and need to kill. Solas had told her that a spirit could easily be perverted into becoming a demon, but she never thought to see it actually happen. It turned towards Rowan focusing its attention on her and began to make its way towards her as it had been commanded to. It was approaching with deadly force.

“Slay it Fen'Harel, or We will allow it to slay your Bride. Unless, that is, You are confident in Her ability to take on a demon alone,” Andruil laughed. She took great delight in the conflict in His face and in the knowledge that They had so easily perverted the lone spirit into a demon, using the very one that would hurt Rowan the most. She knew that He would not allow any harm to come to His Wife, but He was torn as well and it showed. Solas felt helpless as it advanced on Rowan. He tried stepping between the demon and Rowan but it merely smacked him as if he weighed nothing. He had hoped to get it to focus its attention on him instead so he took up his staff and tried knocking it down to the ground Magically, at least long enough to buy Rowan some time. All it did was slow its advance for but a moment. It struggled against the spell then broke free and resumed heading towards Rowan unable to resist the command it had been given to slay her.

Rowan did not know what to do. She feared for her safety but she pitied what was once a harmless spirit and didn't know if she could bring herself to do what must be done. Not to Love, not even in this state. There must be another way, she thought to herself helplessly. She heard a voice cry out to her from the tree line. It was Morrigan.

“Rowan you must! It is no longer the spirit you remember, think of your child,” Morrigan tried to reason with Rowan's motherly instincts if nothing else. Andruil and Geldauran merely watched on laughing. If They lost the child, so be it. In the very least They would ruin the mighty Dread Wolf with the loss of his Bride and child. It would be a long time before He came after Them for revenge as He would slink away to lick His wounds. They would find another way, They would discover the secret to how the child had been conceived. If it were possible once it would be possible again.

“What happened to the mighty Rowhanna?” Andruil taunted her. “Can You not feel its pain, Goddess of Love? Feel how it is conflicted with its nature, tormented. Can You not end its suffering, or are You too soft to slay what was once a pet spirit?" She turned towards Geldauran. "Shall we find Cole next?” She asked Her companion.

“Not Cole!” Rowan's mind cried out inside her head. She knew that together she and Solas could easily counter this demon, and that she probably could do so on her own as well if she must, but she had stood in fear as it advanced towards her still. But hearing Cole's name broke her fear. She could not allow them to do the same thing to Cole. She refused. Though she knew there must be a way to reverse the corruption of Love, the fear that Cole would be next infuriated her and broke her out of her trance.

“I'm sorry, Love,” she whispered under her breath. She breathed in deeply to steady herself then, making a pushing motion with her hands, she knocked the demon back into the air and across the grove as it landed on the ground a good distance away from her. She had bought herself some time in which to plan her next attack and decided to allow her mind to take over and run on instinct alone. It had landed with a thud on its side and grabbed one of its arms as it bellowed out in pain. Then it pulled itself back up into a standing position before lunging in her direction at full force from across the grove. The Others merely watched on. Geldauran held Solas back restrained by his arms preventing him from helping. Morrigan watched on just as helplessly from the trees. Andruil and Geldauran were curious as to just how much power this little fledgling held in her possession. She would have no choice but to slay the spirit turned demon now all on her own.

As it drew nearer she took in another deep breath but this time blew cold, icy air towards it causing its legs to freeze in place. It pulled at its icy constraints trying to free itself. It twisted this way and that but not wanting to give Love, no correction, _Hate_ a chance to come at her again Rowan reached out a hand and with a mock squeeze of her fist she twisted her hand to the side sharply in the air as the crackling of bone could be heard as the the demons neck snapped like a twig. It fell to its knees and she took the opportunity to allow the Magic to flow through her and out of her now, pulling at the raw substance of the Fade without thought, then directing the Magic towards the demon and willed it into shape like one giant invisible hand as the unmistakable sound of the crushing of its skull could be heard as she squeezed at the air with her other fist. The demon fell to the ground dead, its skull caved in.

The Others had released Solas at this display of raw power from Rowan and he watched on as he saw the sorrow in her eyes become blanketed by something completely foreign to him. He had witnessed how she had taken the demon down effortlessly. As if a curtain was drawn, Rowan's mind went blank as the rage filled every fiber of her being. She was slowly but steadily advancing across the grass now heading towards Andruil and Geldauran. She focused her attention on the pair. Andruil released Solas as the air kicked up into a mighty wind and Rowan's white hair billowed in the breeze behind her. Her eyes glittered like black diamonds with fire behind them. Solas had never seen her filled with such deadliness until now and took a few steps back towards the wagon. Even Andruil and Geldauran began to look a little concerned. Fire filled the palms or her hands with the flick of her wrists as she stepped over the corpse of the demon that was once her friend, her rage an all consuming entity now.

“You... will... not... harm... COLE!” she growled. Even her voice sounded like fire as she continued to advance on the two. Andruil and Geldauran didn't even have a moment to consider to retaliate, this was a display of raw power Neither had ever seen before. They could feel it in the air around Them, surrounding Them. They attempted to back up away from Rowan as she drew nearer. They should fight, defend Themselves, but somehow They were held in check as if Rowan was now drawing on Their powers to feed her own. Something in her gaze was deadly, dangerous, not anything akin to the seemingly meek and harmless Elf They saw in her when They first arrived. She stopped several feet away and turned her gaze onto Geldauran. _He_ was the one who had summoned and bound Love, _He_ was the one responsible for her friend. And now They wished to do the same to Cole. What They did to the spirit, _her_ spirit, was cause enough for anger but the threat of doing the same to Cole was more than her motherly instincts could take.

“You will never touch Cole and you will NEVER harm one of mine ever again!” Her voice was a deep growl as if she herself had turned into a demon of hate. She burrowed into Geldauran, locking eyes with Him. Geldauran the Mighty who was noticeably shaken now as the threat of this would-be Goddess was made manifest. “ _You_ twisted and corrupted my friend, _You_   forced me to kill it, and now _You_ will pay for your transgressions.” Andruil slowly backed away so as not to be caught in the crossfire. The only other person She had known to come close to this kind of rage and display of raw power was Fen'Harel. All too late the couple realized Their mistake.

Geldauran felt his body begin to shake and tremble as if by an inner vibration. A terrible, searing, heat began to fill him from the inside flowing outwards. He felt his skin char and smelled burnt flesh. He held out His hands to inspect Them as They felt like hot, burning coals. His skin was turning a charred black and the tips of His fingers were like so much ash as they began to scatter in the wild wind that now kicked up around the grove everywhere. He watched on in terror as the blackness crawled up his arms, bits of Himself began floating away like fine dust in the gust of air. He looked towards Andruil then He was no more than a blackened statue of His former self that was blowing away like volcanic ash in the air.

The fire kicked up in Rowan's eyes as she turned her attention to Andruil. Sheer horror filled Her eyes and before Rowan had a chance to do the same to Her She fled to the clouds as swiftly as She had arrived. She was no match for the Bride of Fen'Harel and did not wish to suffer the same fate that had befallen Geldauran.

Now that Andruil was gone there was only Solas within her range of view. Darkness filled her mind as Rowan turned towards Solas, her anger was like a blindfold as all she could see around her were enemies. Solas could not see Rowan in those dark, black eyes, just the fire of hate. Rowan was merely a passenger to her emotions, unaware of herself or her surroundings. She was uncontrolled. This was raw and untamed rage and nothing and no one was exempt from it as the world was but a blur to her.

Solas saw it for what it was but stayed his ground. He would not flee and it might cost him his life, but he had to attempt to do something and quickly. He placed his hand on his amulet and pushed out all the love he felt for her that he could hoping it would work. It was the only idea he had. He could not leave her this way. He had to override his fear first so he closed his eyes and calmed his mind. He pushed the present away and took himself back to when they were in the Garden and he had asked her to marry him and felt the joy and overwhelming love he felt for her when she said yes; he pushed these images through. He followed this with the memory of their binding union, pushing that one through next. He took himself even further back to their first kiss in the Fade, then on to the first time they made love. He revisited every tender moment they had shared, every touch, the sweetness of her lips on his, the love for her and their daughter. All this he poured into his gem that nestled in the wolf jawbone amulet he always wore. The gem that bound them together along with their Union. He pushed all of it through the gem, his mind, and most importantly, his heart. Then he merely focused on his feelings for her. The simplest one. Love. Pure love.

 _I love you, vhenan..._  
_I love you..._  
_I love you..._

These feelings slowly began to pour into her amulet and Rowan stopped moving. She felt the onrush of love pouring through the recesses of her mind coming from somewhere. _Love, love, love, I love you_... She knew not who or where it came from and it gave her room to pause. It began to sooth her rage as she focused on this love she was feeling, something familiar about it. Her fury abated a little bit at a time, but Rowan was still nowhere to be found. She was trapped in the dark recesses of her own self, wandering through a labyrinth of her own mind in search of this thing called "love" that beckoned her. As the feelings continued pushing into her over and over again the passion of her rage began to melt away and turned into a sudden sadness. A glimmer of Rowan began to push forth through to the front as she fought her way forward forcing the veil from her mind. She came to confused as she saw a worried Solas clenching his amulet with his eyes shut tight. "Solas?" was all she could muster as her mind finally gave way to black. Her legs gave out on her as her entire body went limp. Hearing her voice he opened his eyes and saw the light go out in Rowan as she began to fall to the ground. He rushed to her as she began to slump to the ground catching her in his arms just in time.

Morrigan watched on as Solas had clutched his necklace confused and curious as to what he was doing. She had witnessed everything; the way she destroyed the demon with but a gesture, the destruction of Geldauran who was now scattered to the wind, Geldauran had been a most powerful entity, then the way that Andruil fled for her own life. She had not dared to venture forth when Rowan was in her previous state. She was not ashamed to admit even to herself that she had feared Rowan then. Yet Solas merely stood there with his eyes closed as Rowan made her way towards him. Then out of nowhere Rowan appeared to have come to her senses calling out to Solas before she collapsed. Solas had caught her and Morrigan rushed to his side.

“How is she, Solas?” Morrigan was almost afraid to ask, but whatever wrath she might have to endure from him she would. Her only mistake was in not reaching them soon enough. Sooner or later They would have discovered the reality of the baby, yet neither Solas nor Morrigan thought that she would develop and begin to show so rapidly.

“I... don't know,” Solas admitted. He knelt down in the grass and caressed her face tenderly as he cradled her in his arms. There was the slightest hint of tears in his eyes. Morrigan had never seen him so emotionally vulnerable until now.“I've never seen her like that before. I don't know who or what she will be when she awakens. There is simply no way to tell.” He didn't like feeling so helpless. He had no answers for Morrigan, right now he just wanted to tend to Rowan.

“Take me with you, Solas,” Morrigan all but pleaded. “Allow me to help you with her. You need me now.”

“Do we?” He was in no mood to put up with her trite games. “Now she is not only your ticket to what you seek, one that you have all but lost, but a weapon against Those that will surely hunt you now that you've been discovered helping the 'enemy'. It is not us that needs you, it is _you_ that needs _us_.”

“To say that I don't would be a lie,” she admitted. She had nowhere to go, nowhere safe in which to hide. They would not come after the couple for a long time and she admitted to preferring the safety of the couple than venturing on her own. Their wrath against her after what happened to Geldauran would know no boundaries. They will hunt her to the corners of the world.

“It's best that you leave now, witch,” Solas retorted. “I appreciate the warning but you are not welcome with us. Not now, not ever.”

“If I may be so bold,” Morrigan began, “What exactly do you propose you will do when the time comes for your child to arrive?” He stood up holding a still unconscious Rowan in his arms and faced Morrigan. He waited to hear her out, then he could be on his way. “Go on...”

“You forget that _I_ was a mother once. I have experience in such matters. Or do you plan to birth the child alone without proper care and knowledge?” So there it was, her final playing card, he thought. To come along and play nursemaid to Rowan. He still would not have her in their company, not now, not yet. Yet she did have a point. He had planned to bring in an Elven woman to assist with the birthing, but it was obvious now that this would be no ordinary delivery.

“Very well,” he said to her. “Go to the Sanctuary, it is yours now. Do with it as you please as you have already despoiled it. You will be safe enough there. When it is time for the baby to come I will call upon you. Come no sooner or you contend with me. That is all the thanks I have to offer you.” The Sanctuary would offer Morrigan some semblance of safety from The Others until the time came to call upon her and Solas knew she already was aware of its location. He was certain the gluttonous witch had kept that knowledge to herself. Morrigan nodded and took off on feathered wings while she still had time to escape.

After taking his time arranging the wagon for her comfort and breaking down the tent, Solas picked Rowan up and gently laid her inside of it. He ensured that everything was readied for their journey then climbed inside taking up the reigns of the Elk and headed off. He needed to get her to Skyhold. It was the only place he could think of, and it was where Mythal had told Flemeth she needed to be. The old Magic that had seeped into its stones long ago would afford them the protection they needed. He would be able to fill it with Elves he trusted with Rowan's care to bring in food and clothing. It would bustle with life once again. But first it needed to be just the two of them. He briefly worried about her memories now. When she learned the full truth of what he had done how would she react? He couldn't think on it just yet. He would tackle that problem if or when it arose.

Yes, Skyhold. That's where she needed to be.

 


	4. The Downfall of Pride

To say that Solas was concerned about Rowan was an understatement. She had overexerted herself; she had been overcome with too much emotion, too much untamed power, and her mind buckled beneath the weight of it all. She had slain Geldauran with but a thought and a gesture and had done so in such a fashion that it drove Andruil to flee. Yet Ever since Rowan collapsed she refused to respond to anything. Neither calling her name nor gently shaking her seemed to help. It was as if she was neither asleep or awake, but in a somewhere in between state of existence that refused to allow her to respond to his pleas for her to awaken.

Then there was the matter of Cole. Cole was no longer safe, he knew. It would be a long time before They would approach using him as a means to incite Rowan for awhile, but their desperation would surely demand that they attempt that tactic again eventually. He would have to find another Amulet for Cole to adequately protect him as he and Rowan had done once before. Even he could never forgive himself where something to happen to one of his dearest spirit friends. But yes, one day They would come for her again once Their feared waned and They had formulated a plan. As for himself, he didn't know what to fear the most, Them or her now. For in her blinding rage she had turned towards him as her next target. Had he not felt the tug of power from within him being pulled outward as if she was draining him of his very essence? Undoing him as he stood desperately attempting to reach her through her heart since there was no reasoning with her mind? She had become a whirlwind of chaos and destruction in that moment. She must learn to gain control over this and quickly. The question still remained as to how? How to tap into that energy and still have her maintain control over herself? For now, however, his single most important concern was her state of mind. She remained unresponsive. He knew not what to do. What worried him most was his binding gem. He could not feel her in it, the connection seemingly severed or dormant. He could not feel what she felt, knew not what she was undergoing as his amulet lay silent against his chest.

They would be reaching Skyhold tomorrow unless she refused to rouse. And if Mythal and Flemeth were correct then all her memories of her past would be laid bare for her to know once again. Which meant judgment against him for what he had done to the world, for though she would have no recollection of that as she slumbered, she would know the truth of his failure and the destruction he had caused. He feared how she would respond upon remembering everything as well as the knowledge that he had proceeded with his plan, successfully at that. He had to brace himself for the worst possible scenario so all he could do was steal away moments of happiness their time spent together brought him. If she turned him away he would at least have these little jewels of happier times to keep locked away in his heart.

Solas had long stopped the wagon when it had become apparent that Rowan was not waking on her own. It was not the most ideal of spots, the darkness creeping in sooner than usual due to the mountain range blocking out the setting sun on top of the bitter bite of the mountain air. The plush greens had given away to snow capped mountains, barren trees, and the path was as good as any of a place to camp. No one would be wandering up this far. He setup both tents this time; one to hold all their supplies that they might need such as food and such, the other for just the two of them. He placed her upon the pelts and covered her with blankets then set about making a fire outside for additional warmth. He held her hand in his and called out her name again yet still gained no response. He was at a loss and did the only thing he could think of; he called out for Cole. Perhaps the spirit could help him gain some understanding of her situation or insight as to how or what he could do to help her? He stepped out of the tent even though his protective nature pulled at him to remain at her side. But he needed to talk to Cole, and to calm his mind if possible.

"Come to me Cole," he whispered into the the night air. "I need your help."

Cole arrived in his usual way, the familiar sound announcing his arrival, or desire to be seen. He may have been there all along and Solas would not have been paying enough attention to anything save Rowan to notice. Cole stood holding his hands together and looking down at the ground. He looked saddened. Then he, too, knew of her mental state. "She saved me." Cole's voice carried both a twinge of sadness as well as gratitude all in the same tone. "They were going to hurt me, make me into a monster, and she saved me. I could feel them pushing, pulling, calling to me to make me into something I am not and she stopped it from happening. _You will not harm Cole_." Cole looked up into Solas' face as if even the spirit was searching for answers.

"And now she needs our help. Can you tell me what is happening? Tell me what you can." Solas inquired. If anyone could shed some light on her current state of being it would be Cole.

"I have been there and I tried to help but I don't like it there." So he was correct, Cole had attempted it. Whatever was going on with Rowan's mind obviously had made the spirit uncomfortable. "Pain and confusion, not nightmare or bad dreams of yesterday long gone. It is not a happy place and she is lost. Lost within herself and I cannot help."

"Can you... try again? For her?" he pleaded with him.

"Walls crashing down around me blocking my view, preventing me from moving, trapped as she is trapped, but trapped so that I cannot help." Cole muttered then looked at Solas apologetically. "No, I cannot. For fear of trapping, taunting, teasing. It is too bright in there, and she is frightened as well. Not a dream yet still dreaming somehow. Lost and wandering in a foreign land, a construct of herself. _The shapes around me are formless, frightening and they have her, my child. Fog all around blocking what I see, which way to go, no way to know._ I don't like it, Solas, it frightens me. Don't make me go back."

"Do you have any suggestions?" Solas asked. "Is there something I can do?"

"Yes, Skyhold. A kiss stolen in a dream of Haven, reminding her of what once was precious and the beginning of it all, you and her, there. Then remembered, not forgotten, on the balcony, the kiss of love." He was talking about the time he kissed her in the Fade dream of Haven and then once again on her balcony when he had confessed his love for her. Cole looked up at him. "It is you that her mind needs to do the mending, only you will she listen to now. Not me. Not anyone. Just you. Maybe. You have to fight her to save her."

"You want me to enter her mind as before?" Of course, Cole was right. He could use the Fade to find her and press against her mind's barrier and enter it as it had once been done so long ago.

"Yes," Cole stated as if he had read what Solas had been thinking. "The Veil is gone and the Fade is all around now, magic in the air everywhere all because of you. It will be much easier even without the Anchor. Bonded and bound, the link that can never be severed, ties that hold two hearts. You are her heart and only you can do what must be done. Only you can save her."

"Whatever it takes, I'll do it." At this point Solas would rearrange the stars in the sky if it meant helping her. Provided her mind allowed him to gain entry he should easily be able to penetrate the barriers of her psyche with his. Possibly because of the binding union that bound their spirits to one another. That must be the key that Cole spoke of. He would have to dream alongside her again. Even if her mind allowed him passage, judging by Cole's reaction there was no telling what he would find. He had to prepare himself for the worse. Cole left as quickly as he had arrived. Perhaps too frightened of the possible outcome? It was wise for him to leave. Besides, this was something only he could do now, he was the only person that could reach her if Cole was correct.

Solas lay down on the pelts behind her as she lay on her side. He pulled her listless body against his chest and took her into him protectively. He cradled her head with one hand while holding her to him tightly with the other. He hoped his embrace would help, or in the very least when she came out of this she would feel the safety of his arms around her and it would bring her some comfort. He closed his eyes and let his mind push through and into the Fade in search of her. Seeking out her spirit. It shined like a beacon in the night to him, linked as they were. He then firmly pressed his will against her mind to allow him entry. He was met with little resistance as he was pulled into the reality of the world her mind had presented to her. This was no ordinary dream or nightmare, as Cole had stated, this was the fragmented pieces of a shattered mind that he would have to navigate in order to find her and lead her out of the darkness of herself. It was no wonder it had greatly agitated Cole. Solas moved on, he would not allow it to deter him.

*

Rowan wandered aimlessly through the dense fog. She didn't know how she come to be here or where "here" actually was. All she knew was she was standing in an impenetrable fog whose thick tendrils blocked most of the landscape from her. What little she could make out was odd or nonsensical for the most part. A table that hovered in the air that held a quill writing on its own. Occasionally gnarled trees that seemed to have the shape of sorrowed or pained faces etched in their bark looking back at her like beings trapped within. Sometimes it was nothing more than just a formless rocky landscape with a muddy ground. Each time the fog thickened it blinded her then rolled out again to present a new and distorted reality. She wandered uncertain as to where she was or where she was headed. All she knew was she wanted to find a way out. On she went for what seemed an eternity, aimlessly without direction or purpose hoping to understand this new place. There seemed to be no sense of the passage of time for she could not even gauge how long she had been there or how much time had passed as she navigated through the fog. Matter of fact she remembered very little before arriving in this strange world; She recalled becoming overcome by anger as she watched a precious spirit she had bonded with being corrupted and twisted, perverted from its purpose, and she had been forced to fight against it in its demonic state as it had been commanded to kill. She vaguely recalled the threat of doing the same to Cole and the blinding rage had pulled a veil down over her mind as the world went black. What happened next she had no answers to. All she knew was that she was now standing here in this nowhere land without an inkling as to how it had come to pass. She wondered if perhaps she had died. Was she dead, then? If so was this what death was like, a formless void of nothingness and oddities? The real world, the one before this one, began to seem like a distant memory to her. There were only bits of fragments she could hold onto before they slipped away. It was if the life she had been living was becoming a distant dream as this one took shape and became more of a reality.

As she wandered about she became more aware of herself as her mind sharpened a bit. She was dressed in a gown, the gown that Solas had given to her. Gossamer white with its silver etchings. Yes Solas had given this to her, but her mind pressed against that memory and told her otherwise. No, someone else had given her this dress. She just couldn't recall who. She didn't remember changing her clothing but upon further inspection the most important detail about herself she noticed was her belly where there once was the gentle swell of pregnancy. It was gone. It no longer carried the subtle swelling of her child. It was flat and smooth as if she had never been carrying, never been showing, never pregnant. She panicked as she could not recall what happened to her child. How much time had passed? How long had she been in this place? It made her wonder all the more if she was, indeed, now dead.

Up ahead in the fog she could hear voices, faint and distant, but she was able to make out that they were both female. One she recognized from her dreams; the Human warrior woman known to her as Cassandra, the other one she didn't recognize right away. As she drew nearer a name came to her mind associated with the voice; Leliana. Leliana the once spymaster of the Inquisition, the woman who knew everything about everyone. As sweet as sugar but as deadly as the most lethal of poisons.

Tentatively she navigated through the fog in what she thought to be the direction of the voices. Her progress came to a halt as she felt cold iron wrap around her wrists. Looking down she saw that she was now bound, shackled and chained. The chains were attached to a stone floor and a room began to form around her. She was in the stocks, a prisoner, and the chains tightened forcing her to her knees and holding her in place affording her no ability to move. She struggled against her bonds in vain.

The tendrils of the fog lifted enough to show Cassandra and Leliana approaching. Cassandra was in her full armor while Leliana covered her red hair with a cowl. Red hair that came to a blunt cut slightly above the chin with bangs peeking out from the cowl to frame her ice blue eyes. They looked at her with disgust plastered on their faces.

“Look at her Cassandra, she does not deserve a child.” Leliana folded her arms and looked down at Rowan in disdain. “She is a murderer. And a savage Elf at that.”

Rowan was confused, she hadn't murdered anyone, yet the scenery had become all too real and all too familiar. She had been here before, in this very room, chained in this very same manner once long ago. A reviled prisoner. Rowan was now deeply immersed in the scene before her as it enveloped her mind utterly.

“We don't need her, Cassandra. Besides what kind of mother would she be anyhow?” Leliana asked Cassandra rocking a baby in her arms. It was Rowan's baby. She knew this the way any Mother would know.

“You're weak,” Cassandra said while pointing at her face. She was almost snarling at Rowan now, her expression full of disgust. She pushed at Rowan. “You left the Inquisition defenseless, and for what? Your love for a monster that would see us all burn and the world destroyed? And we believed in you, trusted in you, and you left us for him.”

“That no longer matters, Cassandra. We have what we came for." Leliana was rocking her baby with a murderous gleam in her eyes as she looked down at Rowan. "The child is the only thing that matters now. Leave her to rot, Cassandra.” Rowan pulled and yanked at her chains as the two women turned and left. Left with her child. Again she pulled and pulled as the fog swallowed them up. She screamed into the mist for her child, begged them to bring her back to her, but they were simply gone. Gone as if they had never been. Moments later she felt her shackles melt away into the mist that surrounded her. She rubbed her wrists but it was as if they had never been. She dragged herself to her feet and dove into the fog in the direction that they had taken her child. Or at least what she believed to be the correct direction.

She rounded bends of rock, stumbled through ancient ruins that were misshapen and long abandoned once marking some important monument, tower or building. Voices and images of long forgotten battles threatened to overtake her and she fought against them while continuing to press onward. The scenes tempted her to halt her progress and to pull her in to watch, but she resisted. She fought against the clashing of swords, the sounds of both victory and defeat on the battlefields that played out for her. The fog rolled in and out again. Nothing seemed to be capable of holding a shape for too long before being swallowed by the fog.

Rowan navigated blindly in the vast white nothingness. She stumbled without a sense of direction and was wracked with tears. All she knew was she must find her child. It was the only purpose her mind had now and she had to remain focused on it lest she lose herself entirely in this world. In the distance she could still here the sound of a baby crying, her baby. Running this way and that she tried to hone in on its direction before taking off into the thick mist without a care to herself. She questioned nothing at this point as her sole focus became finding her child. On she ran; She ran from her fears, she ran towards the crying of her daughter, she ran hoping to find some semblance of sanity or reality in this world in which she found herself trapped before it drove her mad.

The fog slowly parted once more to show her a towering throne. She felt herself inexplicably pulled towards taking up the throne as if it were a natural thing for her to do. Here she sat countless times before passing judgment on others as the fate of their lives had been placed within her hands. She sat and watched on as the tendrils evaporated once more and found herself looking down at Blackwall, a mighty warrior she had fought side by side with, but his crime of deception had been brought to light. He was not Blackwall, he was Thom Rainier; His life nothing but a carefully cultivated lie. His lie reflected her lie, that she was some Divine Herald that would lead them all to salvation, and she felt nothing but disgust. Disgust at him and disgust with herself. She was no Herald of Andraste and he was no Grey Warden. He had taken another man's name to cover for his crimes. The bearded Human was on his knees in chains, kneeling before her awaiting whatever sentence she decided to pass. He was resigned to accept his fate regardless of what it might be. He had turned himself over in Val Royeaux had he not? She found herself smirking at him, a liar and a traitor to his own and to the Inquisition. He had his men kill others for the sake of petty Human greed; gold. He had been originally sentenced in Val Royeaux, to be hanged for his crimes, and she had spared him that punishment. But for what cause? Was it mercy or the sheer feeling of having the power over another person's fate? She couldn't tell, she was torn in two. Blackwall broke her contemplation when he began to speak.

 

“I accepted my punishment, I was ready for all this to end. Why would you stop it? What becomes of me now?” He was angered at her, angered that he had been spared. That she had used the Inquisition to free him into her custody.

Rowan was struggling. She knew the words she wished to say. That he was free to atone for his sins, that his life would be sparred with a wave of her hand and because he mattered to her as they all did. He was a part of her new family; the Inquisition. Instead she heard words she never thought she would utter come out of her mouth, “Because you will die by my sword, Thom Rainier. To atone for your sins and the deaths of those that came at the call of your own sword you shall die by mine.”

Rowan felt herself splitting in two. She became the object of the scene as well as an onlooker, much like how Cole had helped her do in her dreams. One part of her sat upon the throne grim and wicked, the other was the her she wished to believe was her real self; desperate to stop this execution of her dear friend in any way that she could. She was now both the oppressor as well as the bystander as she was separated from the vision of the her that sat upon the throne.

“No! This is not how it happened!” she screamed at the crowd that had gathered to witness Blackwall's judgment. “Blackwall, you were free to atone for your sins. I gave no such order!” She pleaded but was unable to effect the events unfolding around her as the guards escorted him away. It was if she was not there, her presence completely ignored. The order of execution would be carried out and there was nothing she could do to change it. She was nothing more than a wisp having no real bearing on the events around her.

The Rowan that sat upon the throne turned towards her and laughed, “It matters not what you did, what matters is what you wanted to do. Admit it, you wanted to see him hang. Or were to you too much of a coward, a farce? And so I do what you could not bring yourself to do.”

She felt herself being tugged away into the fog, arms grabbing hers as the scene dissipated into nothingness. She turned to find Solas there of all people. Was this another trick? Another vision?

“Vhenan," he said to her softly, "Do not listen. That was not you up there, not the real you. Not now, not then. You were no coward, no farce, and you passed no such judgment. You were kind and merciful, even to those who deserved no such mercy from you.”

"Solas? What are you doing here? Is it really you? Where are we?" Her eyes were wide with fear and confusion. He held her to him and caressed her hair.

He spoke to her softly not wanting to alarm her anymore than she already was, but he had to try to reach her. "We are inside your own mind" he explained to her. "These are only partial truths, twisted and turned in upon themselves. It is your own doubts and guilt that you carry within you. You must fight this, let go and return with me. Let me help you." She pulled away from him, her face wet with tears.

"But Solas, they took our child," she exclaimed. Yes, _their_ child, not just hers. "Leliana and Cassandra, they took her." Her sobs shook her body at the memory of the two women making off with their daughter. Once again in the distance, somewhere deep in the fog that threatened to swallow them up, came the crying of her child. Without warning Rowan took off into the fog before Solas could react. He plunged into the white blanket of nothingness not too far behind her. It took everything he had to keep up with her in the thickness of the mist. She always one step ahead of him, and the fog pressed in thicker threatening to swallow her up before he could reach her almost as if to prevent him from reaching her.

Rowan came to a halt when she found herself in a grand ballroom. She was wearing formal attire and had been attending a grand event. They had come to save Empress Celene as well as her Empire. Another plot from Corypheus to sow chaos in the world to make his control easier. Yet instead of the Empress standing on the balcony it was the Grand Duchess Florianne overlooking a shocked crowd. The Empress had been slain and the Empire now rested with Florianne. They, the Inquisition, had come to prevent the assassination and had failed. Now she found herself surrounded by Venatori Agents, agents from Tevinter that were loyal and had pledged their lives to Corypheus and his cause; To overthrow the world and become a God. Her mind was met with images of Cassandra and Blackwall falling in battle and their blood was now on her hands as well. The Venatori had been masquerading as Chevalier's as they had infiltrated the Empress's ranks, and now they surrounded her along with her Commander Cullen, Ambassador Josephine, as well her spymaster Leliana, and lastly Solas. It would be no secret to the Duchess that Solas was her lover. Her fate for him would be far worse than whatever lay in store for the rest. At Florianne's command they were seized. They began pulling the trio away from her and restrained her in place. Only Solas still stood at her side as they were both held detained by the clutches of the Venatori.

Florianne addressed the shocked crowd of the Orlesian royalty who attended the ball that evening. She gestured towards Rowan and her entourage. “As my first act as the new Empress of Orlais I hereby sentence you all to death.” Nodding at Rowan she ushered her next command. “Kill her, but keep her hand for Corypheus.” Of course, her hand was the key. The Anchor her hand bore would allow Corypheus to finally enter the Fade in the flesh safely as he absorbed its magic and would begin his assault on the Black City. It mattered not if she was alive or dead. The Anchor itself was all the power He needed. Florianne would want to see the removal of her hand herself to present it to her Master. She had failed them all. Failed to save the Empress, failed to stop Florianne, failed her own people and those that had trusted in her ability to stop the assassination from ever happening.

She heard a mewling sound and looked upwards to see Florianne now cradling a baby in her arms. Her baby. Now Florianne had her child. She had to stop this somehow, save her daughter. She pulled helplessly to free herself but her hands were being bound to prevent her from using any magic and the arms that held in her in place where too strong to free herself from.

“The baby will also make for a fine keepsake. I shall raise her myself,” Florianne announced with a sly grin.

“Release my child at once!” Rowan cried out. She was distraught, torn, broken. To allow her child to be raised by this woman under the new rule of Corypheus? A monster who would be a God? She couldn't allow it. This was far worse than when Cassandra and Leliana first stole her off.

“Admit it, Inquisitor. You failed your mission,” Florianne grinned. “You failed at the Great Game. Accept your defeat with grace and dignity.”

Solas appeared at her side again. He was no longer detained. It was as if those around her did not see him or take notice of him. Somehow their eyes passed through him as if he wasn't really there. “Rowan, listen to me,” Solas pleaded gently. “This never happened. Not like this." He lifted her chin to look up into his eyes. Those soft gray eyes she loved so much. She felt her restraints give way once again, freed as she continued to stare into his eyes. He spoke to her softly, lovingly, reaching out to her if he could with the truth. "You saved the Empress. None of what you see here is real. It's an illusion. Fight it, I know you can. Together we can make it out of here. Have faith in me, in us. We can do this together, you and I.” He leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips, reminding her of something else worth fighting for. She pulled away suddenly. Her mind torn between what he said and what she saw.

"No, that can't be true. She has our child, Solas. Can't you see? I have to save her." Her mind was playing tricks on her. He wasn't really there, it was her mind attempting to distract her with a beautiful illusion from her true purpose, saving her daughter. "You are the lie here," she announced flatly.

Rowan was too far immersed, had been wandering here alone for far too long he realized. Reaching her was not going to be easy. Helping her to understand the truth of this place and the things her mind manifested was going to prove to be a challenge. And if he could not reach her, what then? What would become of her?

Still he pressed on trying to reason with her, trying to reach down to the very core of herself. "That is not our child. That cannot be our child. You must remember, you have yet to give birth, Rowan. Just try to focus on what is real. Believe in not what you see, but in what your heart tells you, vhenan."

"No, let me go," she screamed and once again the scene dissolved and she took off running. Solas took flight after her once again. Her mind tried to blind his vision so as to prevent him from pursuing her but he was relentless. They came upon another scene but she seemed to not notice his presence, she had already been drawn into it. They were back in Haven during Rowan's first confrontation with the blighted Magister known as Corypheus that sought to make himself a living God. He was larger than life, deformed with muscle and bone exposed here and there, his lips twisted into a snarl. He loomed over Rowan who stood unaware of Solas' presence. She was captured and pulled into the scene unfolding once again. Lost to the idea that this was reality. Her psyche had fashioned and catered it so perfectly Solas could see how easy it would be to get lost in it. He wanted to weep for her but held strong. He would keep trying, keep pushing. He would do whatever it took to reach her and bring her back to him and the real world even if it meant following her through every corner of her mind.

Corypheus was looming over Rowan mocking her. “You stand before me and think to strike down a God? And now you fancy yourself as a God of your own making? I will not be denied my victory. You are but a gnat, a lie of everything you thought to stand for, no different than I am is what you are. But I am your better and you will kneel.”

Rowan stood before him defiantly as she had in Haven. This confrontation with Corypheus had allowed them to save the lives of hundreds of people as she kept him distracted long enough for Haven to be evacuated. Besides, he cared not for them. She was his sole focus. Rowan stood before him defiantly. “You'll... you'll get nothing out of me!”

“You say that now, but what would you do in order to save your child?” Corypheus was now holding her baby in his one arm. “Shall I raise her on my own in the Fade? A Goddess at my side and one day make her my Bride just as you have been made the bride of The Dread Wolf?”

“That's a lie, I _chose_ him. I chose to be his Bride, it was not forced upon me. You cannot force yourself upon my daughter! I won't allow it!”

“You chose nothing. Everything that happened to you was his doing. The explosion at the Conclave, the orb I carry that unlocked the power that caused the explosion? It was his. This was all his doing. Yet you call me the monster? That mark you bear? His fault. Who is the monster now? I am merely finishing what he could not. I will bring down the very Heavens and preside over a new world. Your lover is weak and it is all because of you. His love for you has weakened him just as it has weakened you.” His laughter echoed as he wavered in the fog and they melted away into the mist.

Solas tried grabbing her arm and she shrugged him off backing away from him. Corypheus was correct. It had been his Orb and he had given it to Corypheus to open it because he had been too weak from his slumber to do so on his own. Everything that transpired afterwards was all the fault of Solas. And she remembered, the Anchor on her hand, killing her, infecting her, how he removed part of her arm to take the Anchor for himself as well as to save her life but it had been too late, hadn't it? It's foreign magic had tainted her and began slowly killing her even after its removal. She was going to die, he had said to her, and it was all his fault.

"You!" she pushed him away from her in anger. "You started all of this! Everything that happened to me was all your doing. I was dying and you left me behind. You told me you loved me but left me all alone anyhow. You abandoned me."

There was no point in denying the truth of the charges before him. "It's true," his voice filled with defeat. "I was weak, and I left you out of guilt from what I had done to you. But I couldn't stay away. I returned to you time and again and then you found me. And though you were dying I could not allow it. I did what I thought I had to do, to make what I did right, and because I could not bear the thought of a life without you. You survived, you still live."

"You made me into a monster! You and Mythal both!" They had altered her fundamentally and was the cause for all this new pain. They had made her into something she was never meant to be, never wanted to be. The reason why her mind had locked away her memories like little trinkets tucked away safely from her prying mind as if locked in a chest.

"You are more than that... You are no monster. You are pure and compassionate, loving and caring. Yes you are different, but nothing about who you are as a person has changed. You are nothing like Corypheus, and nothing like me for that matter. It is the whole of who you are that made me love you then and love you still despite what you might believe. You make me want to be better than I truly am. And I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you."

She shook her head, tears clouding her vision. No, it was a lie. She was a monster. She was made into something that should never have been. All the Dalish Gods were nothing more than mere lies. Monsters who cared for little else than more power, using Their subjects for Their own personal gain. And she was no better than They now. She had been made in Their fashion but it had been thrust upon her without her knowledge or consent. She was one of Them now. And once again it was all his fault. Something she never wanted and was now unable to control herself or her new abilities. She backed away from him as if to say farewell, choking on her tears as she allowed herself to be enveloped by the fog. His face slowly disappeared for he did not pursue her this time. The look of sorrow and guilt on his face brought her no consolation. Solas watched her disappear into the void. He had touched on a tender spot he hadn't considered before, how she felt about what she had become. Yet he had been weak, too weak to allow her to die. He had needed her, still needed her, and would always need her. Her spirit brought him happiness and solace. Her spirit had sung to his and was the only thing that brought him pure love and filled him with joy. Though he carried the guilt he knew that given a choice he would have done the same all over again. But now she mistrusted him and with cause. His words would fall on deaf ears, her mind would refuse to be convinced of anything he spoke to her now.

His only recourse was to attempt to manipulate what she saw. Remind her of the good she had done, remind her of them. He was uncertain if his plan would work let alone if her mind would allow him the control to execute it, but he had to try. He would attempt to shape what she saw the same way he did when they dreamt of being back in Haven together. He set his mind to shaping that memory, at least the part of it that mattered the most. Them. Their first innocent moment of intimacy they had shared. Their first kiss, stolen in the Fade dream. This was what Cole had been hinting at. Remind her of the parts that were good, that brought them together.

The fog parted and they stood together walking and talking. He was telling her about how he had watched over he while she slept as she lay dying on the cell floor when they had captured her. He was telling her about how she was single most important key member alive to save the world. He told her how she changed everything. Everything. So much was spoken in that solitary word when he said it to her. She had changed everything within him. Everything about what he thought he knew, what he thought he believed, and how easy she had made it to fall for her.

Tentatively Rowan lifted her hand to his chin and kissed him briefly on the lips. Short and sweet but with so much meaning behind it. “Sweet talker” she had called him shortly beforehand. It was a shy kiss but had pulled at him like nothing outside the Fade ever had before. It spoke volumes between the both of them as he had allowed it, the realization hitting him then that he bore deep feelings for this young Elf woman.

She was standing beside him now watching the scene unfold. He turned and held her tight in his arms not wanting to let her go, she allowed it for the moment. On they both watched as they came to the part where she had turned away to leave and how he grabbed her arm, refusing to let her go, pulling her into him and kissing her deeply and with a passion he hadn't felt in what seemed like ages. He knew then that he had never wanted anything as much as he wanted her.

Out of nowhere a semblance of Solas appeared at their side, a look of loathing painted on his face. “You are wrong to think that I could ever love you.” His doppelganger spoke with pure disgust in his voice. “Never would I lower myself to such standards to a mere Elf.”

Rowan pulled herself out of his arms to look at them both, confused as to which Solas was the real Solas. Her face suddenly filled with heartbreak and pain as she listened to his next words. “You were nothing to me. You were a means to an end. My path to regain the power of the Anchor. And in the end I got what I needed from you and you believed that I loved you all that time? You are more of a fool than I thought to believe in such a lie.”

“No, vhenan,” Solas said stepping in between them. He looked deep into her eyes as he spoke, hoping to reconnect with the lost her and pull her back to him. “That is not how it happened. You meant everything to me. You still mean everything to me. Here, allow me to show you.”

Rowan and Solas were now standing on a balcony that overlooked mountains. It was the balcony in her room at Skyhold and on it played out the vision memory of what they shared that day. Solas was speaking to her, it was at that very moment that he had realized that she had touched his heart in a way he never thought possible. How deeply his feelings ran for her. She had not been like the others and the vision version of himself was saying as much to her now.

Solas pulled at her mind to alter the course of events so that he and Rowan were no longer watching but were transported back to that very moment. He was speaking to her, her spirit had touched his. “You show a wisdom I have not seen since... since my deepest journeys into the ancient memories of the Fade. You are not what I expected,” he had admitted.

Rowan found herself responding on cue with the very question she had posed to him when this moment took place. “What have I done that's so surprising?” she had asked him slightly confused.

“You have shown subtlety in your actions, a wisdom that goes against everything that I expected. If the Dalish could raise someone with a spirit like yours have I misjudged them?” he had asked her.

Again, Rowan found herself responding automatically, beyond her control. “I don't hold the Dalish up as perfect but we have something worth honoring, a memory of the ancient ways,” she heard herself say in turn.

Solas nodded as if in agreement, a small smile playing on his lips. “Perhaps that is it,” he continued. “I suppose it must be. Most people act with so little understanding of the world, but not you.”

“So what does this mean, Solas?”

“It means I have not forgotten the kiss.” No, he hadn't. He had found himself fixated on it no matter how hard he fought against it. He was being drawn to her with each conversation they shared, watching and studying her every movement, memorizing every angle of her face. He had wanted to push her aside, knew it would be for the best, but simply could not.

“Good...” Rowan replied. Solas turned to walk away when she grabbed him by the arm. “Don't go.” It was both a statement and a request. He halted. He faltered, crumbled and caved in, he could not resist her any longer.

“It would be kinder in the long run, but losing you would...” He had cut off what he was going to say when he pulled her to him and kissed her deeply. Gently he pulled away looking down at her upturned face. “Ar lath ma, vhenan.” ... _I love you, my heart_... Those were the very words he had spoken to her in the Elvhen tongue. To show her how deeply he meant what he said. Slowly he walked away leaving her standing on the balcony to maul over what he had just said; that he loved her.

"Solas, is this real? Is anything here real?" Her heart was pleading to him now.

"Everything you just saw was very much so real. Our love is real." He caressed her cheek as she began to tremble.

"I need something real to believe in. Give me something to believe in again, please," she begged of him.

"If nothing else believe in this." Solas pulled her into his arms and kissed her with the tenderness of the love he felt for her. He poured all of his love into this kiss. Slowly she began to respond kissing him in return. This was a sweet kiss that he drew out for as long as he could, his lips moving against hers softly. This was not the time for the passionate and rough kissing they normally shared, no this called for the soulful kiss that resonated deep within them both. One that came from the very bottom of his heart. He held her in his arms and kissed her over and over expressing his love for her with his lips and the tender caress on her cheek with the back of his hand. He felt her shaking in his arms, the tears streaming down her face. And then, she was gone. She hadn't ran, she hadn't moved, she simply was no longer there. His arms were empty where mere moments she had just been.

The fog slowly lifted and he found himself standing in a plush, green forest filled with overgrown trees. Up ahead he spied a lone figure sitting in one such tree. The long, white tendrils and deep, black eyes gave credence that the figure in the tree was Rowan. Yet this was a much younger version of Rowan, that of a child. Cautiously he approached her not wanting to alarm her. This is what her mind had reduced her to. She looked frightened and confused as she hugged the trunk of the tree and looked down at him. That's when it came to light. The child she had lost? The child she had been chasing within the constructs of her shattered psyche? It wasn't their child she had been pursuing, it was herself all along. The memories coming to her twisting her mind even further as each one was perverted and far from the truth to reduce her to this state. It was her herself she had been truly chasing, chasing after that which she had long lost, and so her mind had taken her back to a more innocent time of her life; To that of a child. A precious part of herself she had been fighting to hold onto in the aftermath of everything that had transpired.

Killing Geldauran after being forced into slaying the demon that had once been an innocent spirit had proven far too much for her to process. And the immense amount of power she had used against Geldauran was greater than she was accustomed to. It had broken her, and almost for good. She was ill equipped to handle the power she had been granted and it had taken its toll on her when it overwhelmed her, pushing her into the dark recesses of her mind. Now all the monsters were gone, all the visions. He wept for the young Rowan he now saw.

The young Rowan in the tree continued to look down at him, uncertain if she was safe. Her lips were quivering, her body trembling. “Solas, is it safe now?” her little voice asked.

“Yes Rowan, it is safe," he reassured her. "I am here and I won't leave your side. I promise.”

“I'm scared.” Her voice was shaking as she spoke. She looked around as if frightened of something and then looked back down at him from her perch in the tree.

“It's alright to be frightened,” he said softly. “I won't allow anything happen to you.” His guilt wracked him and his heart broke for her. Every horrible moment she had endured as an adult had been from his doing. He loved her, but he was also responsible for all the pain she had been pitted against. He would never be rid of the guilt he now carried. He looked back up at her his heart filled with remorse.

“Can we leave now?” she asked him. “Can we go home?”

“Of course,” he said holding back his own tears. Yet they were caught in his throat, present in his voice in the way he spoke. “Come down and take my hand.” Rowan began climbing down from her spot in the tree and he lifted her by her little waist to help her to the ground. She stood no taller than an inch above his knee. He took her tiny little hand in his and began to walk with her. Where they were walking to he did not know. They were still trapped within in her mind, but whatever happened he would protect her. This young, sweet, vulnerable child that was his Rowan.

Still he couldn't shake the guilt. Had he been more vigilant, more careful, if only he had gotten her to Skyhold sooner he thought. A million reasons as to how he was to blame for everything she'd suffered and how he had failed to protect her surfaced in his mind and he knew them all to be true. And what was to come, her memories, would be no easier on her. Would it break her as this had? And would she forgive him for all that he had done, all that she had lost? She would probably shun him, push him away in her moment of her greatest pain. He realized that now and resigned himself to whatever decision or judgment she would pose upon him. Yet of all the things he came to regret, loving her was not one of them.

They were walking in a meadow now and a lone Rowan tree stood in the distance. He held onto her little hand and guided her to it. As they reached the tree he scooped her up into his arms delicately and held her the way a father would his daughter and then placed her on his lap as he sat with his back to the tree. So reminiscent of a time long ago, a dying woman in his arms, and now the death of innocence in his arms. She gazed up through the leaves as the sun started to brighten the sky and then back at him. He smoothed her hair and wiped the tears from her face with his hand. “I think it's safe for you to wake up.” The scenery split like a broken mirror when he spoke those words and the pieces shattered away into the dark void of her mind when he felt himself being pushed outwards and away from her psyche. Unsure as to whether or not it had worked he didn't resist when her mind pushed him out. Rather he forced himself to wake up. To come back to the tent where he held his beloved in his arms, hoping that she had been freed from the clutches of her mind, and wondering how much of this she would remember. He was still cradling her in his arms, holding her to him tightly afraid of losing her. Always afraid of losing her.

*

When Rowan came to she felt herself wrapped in Solas' arms. She was trying to recall what had happened but nothing came to her. She couldn't remember how she came to be in the tent with Solas but she was. They were laying down on the pelts and he was holding her tightly, protectively. He was laying on his side behind her with her back gathered to his chest. He was awake, she could tell that much, yet he was silent. He spoke not a word. Something had happened, if she could only remember what it was. She didn't know why but she was shaking all over. Then she heard Solas' voice whispering to her softly.

“I've got you, vhenan.” Partial yet horrible memories flooded her mind. How They had taken the gentle spirit of love and twisted it, corrupted it, ordering it to kill against its will. The hideous transformation it had undergone from spirit to demon, mindless and full of hate. Her being forced to fight it off as it came for her, slaying it because she didn't know how to save it and was left with no other choice. Then the threat that was issued, that the same would be done to Cole as well unless she came with Them willingly. The onrush of power and rage that took her over as she made her advance towards Them, her focus turned towards Geldauran. That's where her memories became fuzzy and dark. Geldauran was gone somehow, something she did that she could not recall. Then there was a flash of horror on Andruil's face, the same level of fear that marked even Solas'. That's when all had gone dark and now she had come to in a tent in the protective embrace of Solas. It was as if her amnesia had swallowed a chunk of her living life, reaching for memories that she probably didn't truly wish to recall. She began to weep softly.

“Shhhh... It's ok. We are safe. You are safe, I have you.” He dared not speak of the recent events until he knew how much of what happened she remembered. That could wait. He was happy that he was holding her as he was. He did not want her to see the guilt and sadness on his face. He rested his chin on top of her head allowing the tears to flow in what was now the darkness of the tent. He suffered beneath the weight of the guilt he had been ignoring intentionally for so long; that her suffering was on his hands and his alone. All of it. And there was more to come, wasn't there? But as it stood he would not press her for details of her memories just yet. No, he would save that for later. Wrapped up in each other they each wept silently in the darkness.

“What happened?” she asked tentatively.

“Not now, vhenan. We shall speak of it later. Right now I just need to hold you and think of nothing but you and I.” He needed to allow his heart to break a little for more pain was to come, more guilt. He knew now with certainty that when he took her to Skyhold she would reject him if she remembered everything. Skyhold had once been his home. Then he had gifted it to her and she had made it her own. He had hopes of making it their home in which they would raise their child together, but it seemed as if that might not become a reality. After all, how could he expect her to forgive him when he could not bear to forgive himself? No, she would pass her judgment on him and he would be deserving of whatever punishment she laid out before him. The only thing he could do was accept whatever mercy she would show him when that moment came. If she turned him away he would respect her decision but he would be watching, always watching, even if from afar. For now he not only still had her to protect, but their child as well. And if one day she chose to forgive him he would gladly return to her side.

The crackling of the fire could be heard outside but the night air still bit into them. He pulled a blanket over them for more warmth then gathered her to him once again. For now he just needed to feel her against him, the softness of her hair beneath his chin and against his cheek, feeling her in his embrace as he cradled her finding solace in this one moment. A tender moment to be shared before the coming storm, he thought. Perhaps their last.

He felt her relax further into his arms. Whether she slept or merely laid there he did not know. But sleep would not visit him tonight. Tonight he would be denied that comfort as well and so would take it where he could, in holding her, this most precious gift he did not deserve. One he told himself he never deserved. Yet he would continue to steal away what treasured moments he could until the day of her reckoning came, even if it meant his own undoing. No one wounded his pride more than he himself did. For at the heart of everything that had ever gone wrong was the working hand of his doings that had shaped the course of events that brought the world and its foundations to its very knees not just once, but twice now.

Pride; his greatest downfall. This time it might cost him more than he could bear losing.


	5. A Price Too High

Together they lay still in the darkness as the sun set, neither daring to speak a word. The tears had long stopped for both of them yet neither was willing to move. This was comfort, this was safe, this was the known versus the unknown. For a while this chased away both of their fears. But not for long. For it also brought sadness and guilt and Solas bore his shame in his heart more than anyone.

Solas shifted himself and sat up, silently staring into nothingness. Just thinking, feeling, allowing himself to be swallowed by his own sorrow as his guilt wracked his brain. He knew that Rowan could feel it, neither needed their gems to feel the aching of the other any longer. They were bound; in heart, in mind, and in spirit. Each day that bond had grown stronger. Their amulets now mere physical representations of the union that bound them together for all of time. Still Rowan tentatively sat next to him, not daring to look into his face. Something had happened; something terrible, unexplainable, and she feared what she might see in his expression. She could feel the uncomfortable silence between them and wondered what the cause of it was.

Solas' voice pierced the darkness breaking the silence. “Tell me Rowan, what do you remember, about earlier?” _Approach this with caution_ , he reminded himself. He needed to know everything she could recall to know how to proceed next, however.

“Why? Did I do something wrong?” The worry was evident in her voice.

“No, vhenan,” he whispered softly taking her hand in his. He laced his fingers through hers, needing to feel the closeness of their touch, the intimacy of it, but afraid of taking too much. Again he spoke in the darkness still without facing her. “You did nothing wrong. Yet I still need to know. You are like a young Mage,” he explained, “One that has just come into their Magic. Untrained and uncertain as to what to do and how to control it. As with any new Mage you and your mind cannot withstand the power you now wield. Not yet. If I am to help you it is best that I know what you know. What you remember. What you were thinking, feeling. Everything. Only then may I be able to help you.”

Rowan thought back to earlier that day tracing her steps as she went. She remembered Morrigan being there, a warning, The Others were coming. And love, the gentle spirit of love had been twisted, changed, altered and made into something it should never had to have endured. She pushed at her mind to remember as much of the events that unfolded as possible. Some of it came to her clearly, others were fragments, tiny bits and pieces, some she didn't quite understand. But love, she remembered love quite clearly. She finally found her voice enough to speak of it. “I remember Morrigan. I was in the water and then Morrigan was there, warning me, helping me out of the water. She was trying to warn me that The Others were coming, and you running towards me. Then I remember The Others, They were there. They wanted me and our child. And when I refused they hurt love. Love was... changed. The male, He turned her into a monster.” Rowan began to weep at the memory of the fate of the spirit at her hands. She had been forced into killing love, the once gentle spirit that had greeted her at the lake turned monster. Rowan faced Solas in the dark, her grief greater than herself at the memory. “I remember that I could not save her. I could not stop it, Solas. I could not undo what had been done. And she was coming towards me. I fought her, I didn't want to, but I had no other choice. I killed love.” She wept openly now, not wanting to hold onto this memory, wanting to wash it away with her tears as if it were dirt in the rain. She felt guilty, a murderer. A sob caught in her throat.

Solas squeezed her hand tighter. “You did everything you could,” he assured her. “You would not have had the ability to undo what had been done to the spirit. It was not the spirit of love that you had slain, love died when she was turned into a demon. The command to kill was the undoing of the spirit, not you.” No, it was no longer love then, was it? And he had been detained, unable to undo the binding. Finally he faced her in the dark and met her gaze. He wanted to alleviate as much of the grief she felt as he could. “You merely acted upon instinct.” He hoped his words helped even if just a bit. “The instinct to protect yourself and the child you carry was what drove you. There lays no fault in that. It is only natural for a Mother to want to protect their children. Bear that in mind each time this pain returns.” He wanted nothing more than to take her back into his embrace, she clearly yearned for the comfort, but he remained focused and hardened his heart a little. “What else do you remember?” _Yes_ , he thought,  _I need to know everything_.

Rowan swallowed back her tears to find her voice. “I remember They were going to do the same thing to Cole. Geldauran said he would and I... I became angry. Angrier than I've ever felt before. It was like a heatwave washed over me then. I felt... I felt myself thinking only about how I wanted to see Him burn, to feel the pain He had caused me, I wanted Him to suffer, to die... and I wanted to protect Cole.” Rowan searched Solas' face for an answer. An answer to what she couldn't say, but she knew him well enough to know when something was wrong. Aside from holding her hand everything about how he held himself, how he spoke, was an indicator that something was off.

“And then?” he asked her plainly.

“Everything after that is just a blur. Little pieces here and there. I briefly remember Andruil, but She fled. She was frightened, scared of me. I can't remember what I did to Geldauran, just that I wanted Him to die, and She was frightened.” Through the haziness of her memory that she attempted to stitch together she remembered something else, something crucial. Rowan remembered then how she had turned her attention towards Solas, the hatred and rage still burning like a wildfire within her. Her mind was still fuzzy around the edges, but she clearly saw the fear that was on his face then. He had feared her. “And then I was going to hurt you.” She looked at him in alarm, “I'm sorry,” she whispered. She clamped a hand over her mouth choking back the sobs. “I could not stop myself. I was going to hurt you... I was going to kill you. Oh Solas, I'm so sorry.” Rowan had never felt so unsure of herself, so afraid of herself, until now. She had been on the verge of killing the man she loved but something stopped her though what it was she did not know. After that everything went dark. Blackness blanketed her mind then. Her tears wracked her body as she sobbed in the dark and clenched his hand tightly.

He wanted nothing more than to ease her grief, hold onto her and let her cry against his chest but he kept himself in check. He needed to know more. “Keep going,” he told her. He realized that his standoffish behavior most likely caused her even more grief but he needed to press on. He needed her to tell him what she remembered.

“Then the world went dark. Then I was lost somewhere, I can't remember where I was. I was searching for... something. Something important. I don't remember what happened, just what I felt. Lost and lonely, frightened. And then you were there.” She looked up at him again. Yes, she had been running from something or towards something, lost and confused, and then he was there, saving her somehow. “I heard your voice calling to me, felt you holding me, kissing me, and then I woke up here. With you. In your arms. What happened that I don't know about? What are you not telling me?”

“You killed Geldauran.” It was not an accusation, but the statement carried a burden of weight. He stood up then and crossed to the other side of the tent with his back to her. He remembered how he felt when her gaze turned upon him in that moment, as if he was being unmade from deep within by her mind alone. He did not want her to see the fear in his eyes at the memory of what she had done as well as almost had done, and with such ease, but she had the right to know. “You killed Him with but a thought. You turned Him to ash, burning Him from within,” he told her. He steeled himself so he could face her, grateful for the darkness of the tent. “In all my years I have never seen such a display of raw power. You were no longer in control of yourself. And yes, after Andruil had fled you turned towards me. Rowan, you were no longer there. It was if you were driven by a single emotion that had overtaken you. Were I incapable of reaching out to you with my amulet I may have been next.” He didn't want to hurt her with this knowledge, but he needed her to understand the dangers her Magic unchecked posed. The risks she now faced. The other question was which part had been Rowan and which part was their child? The concept that their daughter's powers had possibly been a driving force behind all that happened didn't occur to him until that very moment. Just how powerful were these two? Individually as well as separately?

Rowan saw the reserved manner in Solas' stance. He seemed more distant to her now. Cautious even. “Are you frightened of me now?”

“More to say frightened for you.” He came towards her slowly then bent down and took her chin into his hand and then caressed the softness of her cheek. He chose his next words carefully, softening his gaze and lowering his voice. “You must learn to control it before it consumes you. I fear that if it were to happen again you will become lost in your own mind unable to resurface on your own.” He didn't want to tell her what came next but knew he had no other choice. “I poured every emotion I had for you into our amulets. All the love for you that I feel. That's when you passed out, went blank. I could not wake you. Your mind fragmented and trapped you and I had to enter your mind and bring you back.” He saw the fear in her eyes and kissed away a tear from her face. “You must become stronger than yourself, vhenan. You must find a way to master yourself so that you are always in the forefront lest your mind lashes out against your will when your powers manifest. You must find a way, for your sake as well as our daughter's. I may not always be there for you.”

Rowan was confused by his last statement. “What do you mean? Are you leaving me?”

Gently he stole a tender kiss from her lips, pressing them ever so softly with his. The thought of not being at her side tore him apart, but he had to brace himself for what may come to pass. So he stole this kiss as if it were his last. He dragged it out as long as he dared before he pulled away slowly, not wanting to break the kiss but afraid of giving in to it too much.

“Solas,” her voice trembled. “You're frightening me.”

He stood back up and turned away from her once again. He couldn't bear to say what came next but he needed her to hear it. His confession, a partial apology that he may not have the chance to say later. “We will be arriving at Skyhold tomorrow. During our time there, if you regain your memories, you may find yourself unable to look at me, to be near me, to... love me.” He glanced over at his shoulder at her as she stood up to approach him. “If you find that is the case I will not hold you to blame for it, for the blame is mine and mine alone. There are things that I have done that will bring you pain, even anger you. Justifiably so. Just know that I tried. And I need you to know that I love you above all else and never meant to hurt you or bring you any pain. And that I am sorry. I may never have the chance to tell you that so I say it now.”

Rowan placed a delicate hand on his shoulder pulling him around gently to face her. “Whatever you did, or whatever you think you did, I know we can work through it,” she assured him. “We'll find a way, we always do.” He was being so fatalistic and it worried her. She could feel him pulling away from her, not just physically, but emotionally. He was hardening himself for what may come to pass. After this moment, things were not going to be the same between them. It was all too painfully clear to her now. He was both holding on to her as well as pushing her away as he struggled with his own inner demons.

He gave her a small smile before it melted away. His eyes softened into sadness, a frown pulling at his lips, his voice dropped to almost a whisper. “I pray that is the case, but I cannot expect you to so easily forgive some of the things that I have done when I cannot begin to forgive myself. I was a fool and made a terrible decision believing that what I was doing was right. And what I have done cannot be undone. It was foolish of me to think that I knew what was best for the world and that I alone could fix it. These are all things you may find you cannot forgive me for, a forgiveness in which I do not deserve. Whether or not you forgive me is beside the point. I will accept your decision come what may. Just know that I will always be there if and when you need me, I will always love you no matter the consequences, and I will always come if you call upon me. And if one day you forgive me I will gladly return to your side.”

“Are you saying that you're leaving me?” No, Rowan could not bear such an existence, a life without him in it. Despite what she might remember she couldn't think of any reason that would make her push him away. She could not conceive of life without him at her side. She loved him, needed him.

The desperation in her voice and her face was enough to make him lose his hardened grip on himself. He pulled her into him and wrapped his arms around her, burying his lips in her hair near her ear. His voice laden with grief as he held her tightly to him. “I will never leave your side unless it is your wish that I do so,” he promised her. “My fate now rests in your hands. But even if I am not there I would not have you alone. Skyhold will be filled with those you can trust to care for you, watch over you, meet whatever needs you may have. No, I will see to it that you are never alone. And I will never be far off so you need not ever worry about The Others.”

Rowan pulled away just enough to look up into his face. His embrace was not enough to alleviate her fears, it only worsened them. “What becomes of us now?” she asked him.

He knew that what came next would be hard for her to understand, but it was the way it had to be, he told himself. “I will stay. I am selfish after all.” He cupped her face in his hands and allowed his eyes to linger over every small detail of her face, he wanted to burn it into his mind so as to never lose sight of her when he closed his eyes. He sighed, lost within her as always. His voice was like soft velvet when he spoke as his eyes soaked in the vision of her. “I wish to cherish each moment that passes that I can steal with you until we reach Skyhold. Yet until then I cannot bring myself to bed you again. Not until you remember everything. It is wrong of me to do so under such circumstances. I need your forgiveness first. I am sorry. And I must see this through. I could hardly abandon you now. After all, what comes next I may deserve and you have every right to have me there to confront.”

Rowan reflected on his words as he pulled away gently. That he had done something so damning that he felt guilty bedding her until she could remember it and forgive it must be grave. She was unsure how to feel now. It wasn't that he was denying her that bothered her, it was that he felt it necessary to do so that had her the most concerned. “I understand,” she said trying to convince herself more than anyone. She looked up at him again her eyes searching his. “And if I don't cast you aside, if I do forgive you, what then?”

He smiled a small smile at her, a bit of hope lighting his face. Hope he desperately desired to cling to. “Then we do whatever your heart desires,” he told her. “Skyhold is a great enough fortress in which to safely raise our child for awhile, and the magic that has seeped into its stones is very strong and very old. Or, if you prefer, we can go somewhere else and forge a life together wherever you wish.” He pulled her to him tightly wanting to just feel the realness of her in his arms once again.

“Just know that even if you do forgive me it will do nothing in the way of forgiving myself,” he whispered in the dark. “It is my burden to carry. Now if you'll forgive me, I need to think, alone.” With that said Solas pulled away and left Rowan alone in the tent. Alone with her own thoughts. Alone with a heart that was breaking even if she didn't understand quite what it was breaking for.

Solas stepped outside so that he could allow the tears to come freely. Damn his pride again for not allowing her to see him this way, but he believed it best that she not. It would only serve to confuse her further. Instead he stood outside alone. He wondered if she would forgive him, and if not would she ever be able to bring herself to? He dared not return to the tent just yet. He had to collect himself. He had to prepare himself. So he simply stood in the night air and began making plans for a future that involved him being the lone wolf once more, for that, he knew, was the most likely outcome.

This time his folly may have cost him too much.


	6. Homecoming

Rowan sat in the tent and gave Solas the room he needed. Tomorrow they would be at Skyhold. Skyhold, once a place of hope for her at regaining her memories of who she was, who she had been, was now a place she dreaded. If what she would possibly remember would be so catastrophic that it would cause her to potentially push her Husband away then she wasn't so certain she wanted those memories back. She wanted to plead with him not to take her there but she knew he would never have it. His mind was set on the need for her to remember and to earn her forgiveness for them to be together. If anything else she had to respect his wishes. She sighed and grabbed her cloak. The night air was growing colder and she wanted to see if she could coax him back into the tent. She hoped he would stay with her for the night, there was no need to make love to feel close to one another, and she knew that right now they both needed the comfort of each other's arms. Not to mention that if she did end up pushing him away she would at least have this last night to remember when she was happy. She would collect these tender moments and hold on tight to them as they approached Skyhold and maybe, just maybe, be able to soften the blow of whatever he had done so she might find it within herself to forgive him.

She wandered out of the tent and walked up to Solas from behind lacing her arms beneath his to wrap them around him and hold onto his chest. She rested her head on his back. “It's getting late, my love. Come to bed with me. Just hold me for tonight.” She pressed her head into him further and sighed.

Solas knew sleep would not come for him, and though it was safest that he had her sleep alone he also knew she needed him, and he would not deny her that. He hung his head slightly shaking the last bit of sorrow from his mind. He clasped her hands to him tightly and felt the warmth of her head on his back. He took in the scent of lilacs that drifted off of her and smiled before facing her. He took her by one hand, kissing it, before walking with her back to the tent. Tomorrow they would reach Skyhold, tomorrow his life might forever be changed. For now he would take the love she offered and hold onto it as if it were a most precious gem.

Together they lay on the pelts beneath the blankets. Solas laid on his back to allow Rowan the ability to rest her head on his chest, his arms around her, the gentle swell of her belly that carried their child pressed against his side. He wondered briefly if he would be allowed to see his daughter born, to grow up? He forced such thoughts to the back of his mind. To think of how things may happen was only torturing himself further. He settled on simply enjoying the feeling of Rowan in his arms. He allowed himself to dream; a dream of forgiveness, of the continuation of their love, of the two of them raising their daughter together. He allowed himself to feel some semblance of hope as he drifted between the waking world and the dreaming world.

The next morning the couple busied themselves with putting everything away. Given her condition Solas set her about the light tasks lest she protest. He knew she didn't enjoy feeling helpless in her condition but there was so much about their child that remained unknown and Solas being as protective as ever didn't want her to overexert herself.

They sat together as Solas took the reigns of the the Elk up. They spent the better half of the morning talking. Solas was going over ways with her in which she could calm her mind as well as the concept of seeing the world both as it is and as it was. A semi-dreaming state. He hoped that these would assist in both her memories as well as to calm the storm that was sure to come. The air became colder as they passed through the mountains. Tall, snow peaked mountains were on either side of them as they made their way towards Skyhold. Neither spoke as the apprehension in the air between them thickened the closer they became. Rowan wanted to flee, every fiber of her being screamed to run away. The closer they came the more heightened the desire was becoming. It was if her amnesia knew what was to come and was fighting against it. Something didn't want her to remember. For Solas it was the heightened dread he felt, but he resigned himself to what he knew was the inevitable and knew now that there was no escaping it.

The wagon came to a stop and Rowan saw it in the distance. A grand fortress nestled on the top of a mountain. She looked at it with two sets of eyes, both dreaming and awake as Solas had instructed her. Her waking self saw a shamble of ruins of what was once a great and mighty stronghold, while the semi-dreaming self witnessed it in all its splendor, repaired and magnificent. Great battlements and grand towers with flags whipping in the wind. It must have been a sturdy fortress as well for though it stood in ruins the bulk of it still remained and appeared to be inhabitable still.

She crawled out of the wagon and walked down to the path that led to the bridge; it pulled at her, welcoming her, beckoning her like a silent song and she followed it. Solas trailed behind her far enough to allow her space, but close enough were anything to happen to her. Though this is where Mythal insisted he take her there was no telling what would happen when the shield that veiled her past was stripped away. Together they crossed the bridge and entered Skyhold's main entrance.

Rowan paused looking around her. To her left she saw with dreaming eyes tents and the injured laying on cots as their wounds were being tended to, her waking eyes saw nothing but grass and mud. She turned to her right and slowly allowed herself to be pulled in that direction. Though reality showed her nothing but more dirt and grass, her mind's eye told a different story. A barn, yes a barn had once stood here. She saw it clearly now. A barn and there was a man inside, chiseling away at what appeared to be a child's wooden horse. She entered the barn and looked at him; a large burly man with a thick beard and long black hair. It was the man from her dreams; Blackwall. A human man. Something she had not seen since waking up, a human.

Rowan's brain began to buzz and she landed on her knees clutching her head as this memory pushed its way to the surface or her mind as he the figure of Blackwall spoke to her, “It's good to be part of something so important, something that could change things.” With that he returned to his chiseling as if she wasn't there. Blackwall, a thousand years... dead. She looked up at Solas with tears in her eyes. “He's gone. Just like that? A thousand years and now he's gone.” Solas leaned down and brushed the tears from her face. “I'm afraid that after a thousand years you will find much of your memories just that now; memories. You have outlived most here.” He stood her up and took her into his arms. This was the first time she cried, but it would not be the last. “Come, you must continue I'm afraid.”

Heading back towards the way they came they headed up the stairs off to the right of what was the infirmary with its tents and wounded soldiers. The steps gave way to another set that went down to the other side of the grounds. She allowed herself to be pulled again, as if her mind knew where to direct her. A tavern stood off to the left but to the right of it is where she walked now. Training dummies were lined up and a woman, the one she knew to be Cassandra, was training with her sword using one of the dummies. As she approached Cassandra turned to her and smiled, “What can I do for you, my friend?” As before she felt the searing pain in her head as the memory broke through to the surface. She looked up at Solas, “Are they all going to be this bad, this pain?”

“I do not know, vhenan.” Solas tried to be as gentle as he could only now just realizing how much pain this was truly going to cost her.

She turned and passed by the tavern. At least the spot where it once stood. Again her eyes saw nothing but grass and mud all around her but that one part of her mind saw something completely different and the pain returned. She bore through it the best she could. There were people bustling all about, the premises were filled with soldiers. She entered the tavern to see Iron Bull sitting in a seat on the other side of a set of stairs. His two large horns on his head a dead give away to the name Iron Bull. A Qunari who broke away from the Qun in order to save his men over that of a ship at her command. And at the cost of an alliance with the Qunari. They had declared him Tal-Vashoth, a deserter of the Qun, yet he remained loyal to the Inquisition. “Hey Boss,” he said waving at her. Iron Bull, mercenary Captain of The Chargers... dead.

She placed a foot on the step but something held her back. Something upstairs she wasn't ready to see. The fact that there were no steps to take had dissipated as memory overlapped reality. Instead she headed out of where the tavern once stood and looked at Solas. There was such pain and confusion in them when she looked at him. “How much longer? How much of this do I have to endure?”

“Much more, I'm afraid. This is only the beginning.” Solas worried about the physical pain this was causing her. He wondered how it also might be affecting the baby. He could only hope that neither of them were in any physical danger. Still, he lingered behind a little allowing Rowan's mind to direct her. Her eyes had a glaze over them as memory superimposed over reality. She became lost in her memories now as she mounted the stairs again and stood on the platform. This is where they had granted her the title Inquisitor. Where she took up the mantle and swore to not only protect the people but to stop Corypheus at all costs. She now led the ranks and the army of the Inquisition. She was now the one everyone looked to for guidance, wisdom, and strength. Where they sought counsel, who they followed, the face to an idea that was shaping the world around it. The weapon against Corypheus that would one day strike down a would-be God.

She stepped into the main halls of Skyhold. There was Varric to her right, sitting at his table playing cards with himself. The dwarf, the ranger, the author. There was a door to his right but her mind instructed her to leave it for now. So she strode up the hall looking at the Lord's and Lady's who visited Skyhold to either see it for themselves or just to say they had been there. Large and ornate tapestries adorned the walls, braziers lit everywhere. Food to be had for all. At the end of the main hall stood a mighty throne, her throne. The one in which she sat passing judgment against those who had been captured working for Corypheus or even those that the Capital entrusted into her hands. Showing mercy when it was called for, casting people into exile for their trespasses, all manner of judgments. To her best recollection only one person had ever been called to be executed. It was an execution that only she could perform since she was the one who ordered it. His blood was on her hands.

She wandered through each of the halls and doorways. There was Vivienne, cool and crisp, a Mage. She entered the War Room; there was Leliana, their Spymaster, the Left Hand of the Divine. Cullen, Commander of the Inquisition's forces. Josephine, Ambassador to the Inquisition securing ties among the nobility, sweet Josephine. All manner of important decisions had been made at this very table. Correction; all of her decisions were made at this table and they each complied with her requests even if they disagreed with them. They had given her their entire trust and loyalty. One she never felt she deserved but she had to appear strong, she allowed her fears to come to light only in the privacy of her chambers where no one bothered her. In front of others she was confident, assured, in her private chambers she was afraid and shaken. So many lives depended on her. Her room had been the only place she could let down her guard and cry.

She turned back down the hall, there was Josephine sitting in her antechamber scribbling some important document or another. She hung a left and passed the throne. To her left was another door. Her door. No one dared to enter without her permission. It was her safe space, the only place she could truly relax and be herself. She took the flight of stairs up to her room. They had adorned it elegantly though her style and needs were more simplistic. She would often stand on the balcony looking out wishing she could sneak out and just climb a tree and sit in it and draw. Yet another part of herself sacrificed in the name of the greater good. She knew it was all because of the Anchor. The mark of magic she bore on her left hand that allowed her and only her to seal the rifts that tore open the Veil between this world and that of the Fade. The only thing that had been needed to close the Breach for good. Other than that there was nothing special about her. She was a simple Elf of Clan Lavellan. Another Dalish Clan like many others.

Solas was standing with her on the balcony talking to her. “What were you like before the Anchor? Has it affected you? Changed you in any way? Your mind, your morals, your... spirit?” Rowan looked down at her hand as it glowed a bright green. That was when he kissed her, told her that he loved her in the Elvhen tongue. Called her “vhenan” for the first time. Vhenan... _my heart_. She watched as he walked away and left her to her own thoughts.

The scene melted away and she came to clutching the side of one temple. She looked around the room for Solas but he wasn't there. At least that is what her mind told her. No, he would be in the rotunda, painting no doubt. She had to see him, it was urgent, though she couldn't recall why. She headed back down the stairs to the main hall. Solas followed shortly behind. He had seen her clutching her head, seen her looking at her hand as if her mind was reenacting a memory, the one of them on the balcony when he told her he loved her he assumed.

The great hall was overcrowded with people now. She was pushing past people as she went almost being swallowed by the crowd. They all wanted her attention. She made her way back to where Varric stood. She grabbed the handle to the door next to Varric. Solas' room, the rotunda. It was where he studied and painted. The handle was hot to the touch and she almost yelped in pain. She tried turning the knob yet it didn't seem to want to give. It was if something did not want her to go inside. But she had to, she told herself. She had to see him, it was important that she see him. She forced the knob to turn and pushed the door open and there he stood with a paintbrush in his hand. He had was working on a mural. Each section of the rotunda he had dedicated to some grand deed she had accomplished. He had just begun another one though she couldn't make out its meaning as it was unfinished. He put the paintbrush down and smiled at her presence. “Vhenan,” he said ever so softly, the look of love gleaming in his eyes.

Now they were standing somewhere else, she and Solas. He was standing in his regal battle armor with the wolf pelt over his right shoulder and stood with his hands held behind his back. They had defeated Corypheus and he had left the Inquisition, left her. Now she stood with him before an Eluvian and was pleading with him. It had been two years since he had left her behind. Two years and he was leaving her again after she had just found him in The Crossroads surrounded by statues of the Qunari fighters that he had turned to stone but with a glint in his eye.

He was standing before her and her presence somehow softened him as well as brought back the sorrow. The Anchor, it was killing her, and he had led her here so that he might safely remove it. He hadn't intended to share his plans with her, he had spoken too much, but seeing her again had not been easy. Two years and now he was leaving yet again.

He did not like admitting to her what he planned to do, but could not bring himself to further the lies. She deserved the truth if anything. “I will save the Elven people, even if it means this world must die.”

She wanted to, needed to, understand why he was setting out to do what he was going to do. Tear down the Veil and let the world burn in the chaos to come as the Fade was restored? Everything would burn in its wake. “Why does this world have to die for the Elves to return?”

“A good question, but not one that I will answer.” The quiver in his voice hinted at the pain that her presence caused him. He loved her, had fallen in love with her, and in doing so it made this all the more difficult of a burden to bear.

“You don't have to destroy this world. I'll prove it to you.” She was almost pleading with him. Give her a chance to prove to him that he was wrong, that the world did not have to die, that it was worthy of saving. He loved the hope she felt in her heart, seeing the good in everything was one of the things about her he loved.

“I will treasure the chance to be wrong again, vhenan.” And he truly would. He hoped she would be able to change his mind, but he could not see the world through her eyes. Before him stood the only living creature that gave him pause to his plans. Yet he had lived long enough to know what the future held, where the world was heading, the events that would unfold. Either way led to chaos and destruction, at least his way would save the Elven people and the world would be restored to its former glory.

Rowan's arm felt like it was on fire, the Anchor was spreading, getting worse, and the pain was unbearable as it brought her to her knees. Solas knelt down taking her arm into his hand. “My love...” he said kissing her as he removed the Anchor from her. “I will never forget you.” He walked away then, leaving her one final time. Her heart breaking again.

Rowan turned to see Solas, the real Solas, standing before her. Her memories still bits and fragments stitching themselves back into place. The shroud that had separated her memories lifting. Grief wracked her entire body and mind and entrapped her heart and soul. A thousand years had passed while she slumbered. All these people, all those she loved... gone. And the Veil separating the world from the Fade? Solas had torn it down just as he had said he would. This world she now lived in was not her own. This was his world. A world of his doing. And the Evanuris? They still lived and were still a threat, a task that he had failed at in the last thousand years. And he had left her again after that last kiss in The Crossroads after removing the Anchor from her. Then again, a year later, he was going to leave her had she not found him on her own, had she not followed him through the misty forest from her little cottage. But by then it was too late, wasn't it? The Anchor had poisoned her body and she was dying a slow death anyhow. There was nothing he could do but watch her die. And die she did, in his arms beneath the tree in the Garden.

She remembered now. She remembered their time in the Garden and then she was dying; the world going black, her mind slipping away to somewhere else. Then trapped. Pulled back within herself. And then there was sleep. A long sleep in which she dreamed. Countless Elves in her dreams all begging her for that one thing they desired above all else; love. They came to her and inside her mind she wept. She prayed in her dreams that these petitions would be answered though she knew not who she prayed to. She questioned why she dreamed such dreams. It was always the same; they wanted love and called to her as if she could provide it for them. As time went on her mind was able to reach out and influence those around her, gently guiding one to another that would be deserving of their love. Flowers for her. Given in thanks for listening to their prayers. She forgot who she was, so much time had passed, she had dreamed for so long. They called her Rowhanna so she became Rowhanna. For that was who she was, was it not? For years beyond counting she dreamed happier dreams of Elves falling in love, weddings blessed in her honor, thanks given to her for answering their prayers. Then there was thunder and lightning. And an intruder in her mind. Someone or something else that had not been there before, forcing its way throughout her entire being, even her body, changing her, pushing her down and away.

Yes, her body as she became more aware of herself. She could feel it now, something hard wrapped all around her preventing her from moving. The light became blinding as she fell to the ground and went to gather herself up. Then the world had gone black. Rowhanna slept as Rowan awoke, but Rowan could not remember anything. But Flemeth had been there helping her inside her little hut in the Garden. She spoke of how her memories were gone and that was when memories mended with reality for Rowan; the past led into the present. She had come full circle now. The old pain from her amnesia was gone forever now as nothing separated her from her past. When she became more aware of herself she found that she was kneeling on the floor and had been clutching her head. Tears streamed down her face and she felt exhausted all over, but the pain had subsided. At least the pain in her head.

They were in the Garden area of Skyhold but she didn't remember how they came to be there. Flowers still grew wild throughout it. She looked up at Solas, Solas who looked bewildered and helpless and filled with sadness. She reached out to him and he took her hand and pulled her up and into his arms. She wept against his chest for what felt like hours. All these memories, it was too much for her. Too much to process, too much to take in all at once.

“Take me to my room please,” she begged him.

Solas lifted her into his arms silently and went down the corridors and up to her room. This room was one of the few rooms he had tended to over the years when he had a chance to slip away and visit. The room held a modest but large bed, there was an armoire for clothing, a desk and chair, and a rug for comfort. He laid her down on the bed.

Rowan curled up in a ball as much as her body would allow her to and continued weeping. She wept for the loss of her friends, she wept at the destruction of the world, for all those that had to die in order for this world to come to pass. And she wept for herself, at what she had become, the parts of her that she had lost. She also wept at the loss of Mythal in order to ensure her own survival. And she wept for Solas for she did not know yet what to think of it all. She felt his guilt, his pain, his sorrow but she had to sift through her own thoughts, her own mind, her own heart. The pain of everything else overshadowed her feelings for him at the moment. And she had been spared. Why? And then he left her like a statue in the Garden like some goddess and that's what the Elves had made her into. A Goddess... their Goddess. She belonged to them now, she knew. As for Solas her mind was split as was her heart. All she knew was she needed to cry more and to be alone to do so freely. Her tears were not for him to see.

“Please, Solas,” she said to him not daring to look at his wounded face, “I need to be alone for a bit.” She knew where she could find him when she was ready. He would be in the rotunda. Surrounded by the very paintings he himself had done a thousand years before. She would call on him when she was ready. For now she needed to be alone.

Solas left without a word giving her the space she needed. When she heard the door close she cried into the pillow. She allowed her heart to break. She allowed herself this for when she was done she would have to make up her mind as to what came next for them. But for now she just needed the tears to flow and mourn the loss of those she had held close to her heart. Dead, all of them.

*

Having shed her tears she stood now on the balcony looking out at the view of the mountain range. Gone was the weak woman who depended on Solas to make all the decisions, gone was the woman who was confused and clinging for some sign of hope or acting out of desperation and confusion. She had been the Inquisitor; strong and willful, strategic and always battle ready. She led her missions from the front lines. So many lives hinged on what she did, on her every decision. Every tie cut or every bond established was her doing. That was the woman who stood on the balcony now. Stoic and reserved. She had questions still, and she aimed at getting answers to those questions, but she would harden her heart against the pain for now. Her mind was calmed as her past years of training with her Keeper as a young Mage returned to her. Her role as Inquisitor lent her a steely resolve; professional and emotionless. He was like a prisoner standing before her at the throne to answer for his crimes. The fact that he knew that was evident in his posture.

She spoke but never once turned to face him. She had questions and feared that looking at him would break her resolve so she remained focused on a mountain in the distance. “Why did you do it? I told you that I would prove to you that the world deserved to survive yet you destroyed it anyhow. Why?”

Solas knew that no answer would be good enough to validate his decision, but he gave it to her anyhow. “Because when I gave the world a chance to prove itself it only bred more death and chaos after you were gone. I had given them many more years than I had planned, all for you. By the end the Qunari had invaded the south. After conquering Tevinter it was an easy task as the south had fallen to chaos. Templars still took the red lyrium, then the Mages began using it as well. There were countless blood sacrifices, Elven slaves were used and when there were no more to be had they were captured and slain in the quest for more power. They resorted to demon summoning, the red lyrium driving them mad and their Magic wildly unstable. I am not proud of what I did, but I did what I had to in order to save the world and our people.”

“Our people... did that include my Clan, my father?” Yes, had he kept them in his thoughts as he gathered his entourage of Elven people he deemed worth saving?

“I protected them as long as I could,” he confessed, “but my help was refused. They were slain eventually by their Human neighbors.” He saw a shadow pass over her face at this. “Without the Inquisition's support they were outnumbered.”

“And the Inquisition? My friends? What became of them?” She asked him pointedly.

“They became divided, rendering their forces all but worthless. Half of the Inquisition spent its time searching for me, doubling their efforts when you went missing though I had word sent that you had passed away. The other half died fighting against the Qunari invasion. Most in battle. Those that did not were sent to the re-educators, their minds broken and memories rewritten, forced to bend to the will of the Qun. Many didn't survive even that.” The invasion had taken the south by storm. Nothing stood in the wake of the Qunari as they swept through the lands conquering everything in their path. He looked up at her, this time with sincere pain in his face. "Then another Blight occurred. Without the backing of an allegiance with a unified military force began dissention in the ranks of the Grey Wardens. Many attempted to escape the order not wanting to fight an all but hopeless cause, they were executed as deserters to the cause. The Darkspawn were able to destroy much of Ferelden and then they made their way to Orlais. That was the final deciding moment for me. It wasn't until then that I pulled down the Veil. I would rather see the world burn in chaos then utterly destroyed by darkness." By then he felt that what he did was a kindness in comparison to what the world was becoming.

She remained unmoved by this telling. She had no doubts he was telling her the truth, but there were other questions that needed answering. “So tell me, did you know what would happen to me as I lay in darkness dreaming for a thousand years? Did you know what would become of me?” Had he given thought to what placing her in the Garden as he did would do to her overall? How it would transform her into the very thing he stood against?

“I had not considered the ramifications, no.” He had to admit his final failure. That by placing her in the Garden as he had the Elves would eventually come to see her as a statue of their Goddess. "I never intended for you to be there that long. I'm sorry, I failed you."

“Mythal, why did She do it?” she asked changing directions. “Why would she sacrifice Herself for me?”

“I once told you She was the best of Her kind. She would not have done what She did if She had not deemed you worthy.” She didn't feel worthy, didn't understand what Mythal had seen in her that she could not see in herself. "No," she replied, "She did it for you. So that you would not lose me. It was all because She cared for you and that's the truth of it." Mythal had owed her nothing, it was done for the sake of Solas alone that Mythal gave Herself up to Rowan.

"Tell me, are you happier now that you've saved the Elves? Does it please you?” Her words stung just as she meant them to. She wanted to know if it had all been worth it in the end? So many other lives that could have been saved yet only the Elves were deemed worth his salvation. “And the Evanuris, after all this time, still pose a threat. You said you had plans for them. What became of your plans?”

“My plan failed, as have many others as you well know now.” Solas didn't dare beg of her for forgiveness, not when there was no room for any to be had.

“There's one other thing I've been wondering. You left me. Once at Skyhold, then after we defeated Corypheus, then yet again at The Crossroads. Two years later you still haunted my dreams and so I left the Inquisition. I lived alone for a year on my own yet you still came to me. You had no intentions of taking me with you so why come to me at all? Why did you haunt me so? Why couldn't you just leave me in peace?”

She turned to face him to see the truth in his eyes as he spoke. Yes, why? If he never intended to be with her why had he haunted her causing her to pine over him endlessly? “Because I could not forget you,” he whispered. “You were to become my greatest secret, my greatest weakness. If the Evanuris had discovered you they would have used you against me and I could not jeopardize you in that way.”

“Yet you did. The Evanuris still live as do I.” He could not read the expression on her face, but she was resigned to press on. “You took me with you to the Garden, made me yours, and I was dying. I had resigned myself to my fate but you stole that from me as well. Why? If I was such a threat then why save me at all? Why not just let me die?”

“Because I knew then that I could not imagine a world where you were not in it. And in my desperation to save you I cast the wrong spell.” He remembered the grief he felt as her spirit was slipping away and in his panic he cast the incorrect spell. “I felt your life-force slipping away and made a grievous error, one in which I cannot take back.” He hung his head in his shame. None of this would have happened if only he could have let her go, but he couldn't could he? No, he could not live on without her. His selfish pride to blame once more.

“What were you hoping would happen?”

“I intended to cast a spell of eternal stasis. You would have been unchanging, unaware of yourself or your surroundings, until I could find a cure for you.” One wrong word and the incorrect spell had been cast. Had Flemeth not arrived would he have noticed before leaving the Garden? Had he been allowed to visit would he have eventually noticed the mistake he had made and corrected it? All questions he had no answers for. And he could not blame Flemeth and Mythal for his mistake.

She looked back out at the mountains just staring into the distance. “As I slept I dreamed for a thousand years. Eventually the Elves came and went. I dreamt of prayers and was useless to them until one day I felt my mind expand beyond my own self and became able to reach out and touch those that petitioned me. I did die. I died as Rowhanna was born. I can still feel Her inside me as She and I slowly become One. What happens to me now, what have I become?”

“I have no answers for you.” He was defeated, his shame evident on his face and in his posture. “All I know is that I love you and will always love you. This world means nothing to me without you in it. My life is hollow in comparison.”

She shook her head, “I can't think of that right now, Solas. I can't think of love, of happiness, of joy. Not when all I feel is loss and pain.” She turned and faced him. If she was going to dismiss him he would see her face. “I want you to go now, Solas. I will not deny you the right to see our child when she is born, but until that time comes I need you to leave.” She stood before him emotionless though inside she was all turmoil and pain. She hid behind a very cultivated mask at her dismissal of him.

“Vhenan...” He went to object but she cut him off lifting a hand in the air to stop whatever it was he had to say in his defense.

“Don't call me that. You have no right to call me that. I don't know if I can ever forgive you, but as it stands I can't have you here. I can't bear to be in your presence.” So there it was, the decision he had been dreading made real. She was sending him away, out of her life. “Send your serving Elves if you must, but do not return to me unless I call upon you.” So that was it, her final decision. That he leave her behind allowed only to send Elves he trusted to her care and to see to the fortifications of Skyhold. That when, and only when, their child was born would he be allowed to step foot back onto its grounds unless she said otherwise. Skyhold may have originally been his, but once again it was hers. She was its Queen. He would honor that.

“Ma nuvenin...” ... _As you say_... He still spoke to her using the old Elvhen tongue to convey his sincerity to her. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was, but he knew it would fall on deaf ears. She would not have it, his apology, she was grieving inside he knew. Grieving for her past, her friends, the world over. No amount of saying he was sorry could ease her heart. Her posture may say one thing, that she was standing tall in the face of everything she had been told, but her eyes told a different story and it was a pain to which he was the root cause of.

Solas resigned himself to leave when he heard her voice speak out again. “One last thing; were I not dying when I came to you in the end would you still have married me? Bound yourself to me, a mortal Elf?”

“Yes,” he said this with as much sincerity as he could muster into that one word. “I had planned to revoke my immortality when the time came to live a mortal man's life with you. To live as Husband and Wife. To... raise a family.”

Her last words stung more than any... “What is the old Dalish curse? May The Dread Wolf take you?" She spoke the lines with sorrow in her voice. She had said it once before to him at The Crossroads, and she repeated those very same words to him now. "And so he did.”

Her silence was an indicator that she wished him to leave. The discussion was over. The finality of it hung in the air. He looked at her one last time not knowing when he would see her again, wanting to take in the memory of her even if it was a bitter memory. He turned and walked down the steps and out into the great hall. He made his way to the wagon and looked back up at the tower that he knew in which Rowan stood, her chambers, and then left. He knew not where he was headed just yet, he would most likely wander as he had done so often in the past, yet he would not wander too far. Were he called upon he wanted to ensure he could arrive in time for whatever the cause was. He hoped upon all hopes that one day she would summon him to take him back into her life, but that was a hope he could not afford to feel at the moment. He would head to his Sanctuary to gather a few things. He knew Morrigan would be there, but she could not stop him if she wanted to. Besides her sole existence was hinged on survival and his Sanctuary was one of the best places for her to hide and she would not jeopardize that.

Rowan remained on the balcony long after Solas left her, the cold air whipping at her gown. She didn't know if she would ever be able to forgive him, yet she knew she would not be able to forget him. Despite it all she still loved him above all others but she couldn't bear to face him just yet. No, she needed time. Time to think, to feel, to heal. She took off her necklace and placed it in a drawer of the desk. She would not wear it unless there was a need to contact him to return. Even that small amount of closeness was just another reminder of him she could not bear to look at or feel against her skin. Hesitantly she went to remove the ring from her finger as well to place it with the necklace but hesitated. Some reminder of happier and simpler times were better than none at all. Even still, she felt numb. The only warmth was that of her unborn child. Serenity would keep Rowan going if nothing else could. She lived solely for her daughter now.

She pulled her cloak around her and sat on the edge of the bed thinking. Her mind raced in a million directions as it pieced together the layers of her past and her present. She felt her daughter kick and she rubbed her belly with one hand humming a tune to soothe her restless child. She longed for the sweet embrace that only Solas could provide for her, but dared not call him back lest she never resolve her feelings. She was disappointed, angry, and in pain, and she was all alone in this fortress. Alone with just her thoughts and her feelings. Skyhold would be filled soon, she knew. She would be surrounded by multitudes of other Elves, her people. Yet among them would not be a single Human, Qunari, or Dwarf. They were all gone. Forever.

Forever was a very long time...


	7. On the Wings of a Dragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was it like to love her? asked Gratitude.  
> It was like being exhumed, I answered.  
> And brought to life in a flash of brilliance.
> 
> What was it like being loved in return? asked Joy.  
> It was like being seen after a perpetual darkness, I replied.  
> To be heard after a lifetime of silence.
> 
> What was it like to lose her? asked Sorrow.  
> There was a long pause before I responded.  
> It was like hearing every goodbye ever told, said all at once.
> 
> ~Three questions (Lang Leav)

Solas trudged on in the snow. He had long abandoned the wagon because it encumbered him. He let loose the holdings and simply road on the back of the Elk. When he yearned for the feeling of walking he had simply let go of the reigns. He knew not whether it would return to the wilderness or make its way back to its little village. It was a free creature now, free to make up its own mind and determine its own fate. As he was now, though he longed for Rowan. He didn't want this freedom, didn't know what to do with it, just as he was certain the Elk didn't know what to do with its own fate.

He fought against the desire to return to Skyhold and beg for forgiveness, but he would not. He would burden her no further than was necessary. Which was when she deemed it necessary. It many ways he was still not free; his life hinged on her beck and call, to stop whatever he was doing to rush to her side whenever she called upon him. For her, and for their daughter. Besides, no matter how many miles were between them or how much time passed they were forever bound to their very cores. No, they would never know freedom. Neither Rowan nor he, even if they cared to.

He roamed aimlessly for awhile lost in his own sorrow before steering his direction to his Sanctuary. At first his mind tugged him towards the Garden of Love. He desired to return there. To the place where it all truly began. He knew better than to sully its magic with his melancholy so decided against it though he knew he would, in the very least, visit it. He knew that he would find himself wandering the Garden always thinking of her and that day that had changed everything. No, it was unwise to return there save once. He came to the conclusion that he would have to enlist Morrigan's assistance. He would have to have an Eluvian placed in Skyhold that he could always access in the advent that his presence was either needed or desired. Rowan may not care for the witch but entrusting Morrigan with the Eluvian was far better a choice than himself.

Finally he grew weary; weary of walking, wearing of thinking, weary of feeling. The sun was setting and he longed for rest. He would sleep beneath the trees. He needed very little for himself. All the comforts that had been had along their journeys had all been for her sake. He made a fire and sat up against a tree trying to let go the bleakness of the day. He longed to sleep and make his way through the Fade to find her in her dreams, press himself within it to be with her if only there, but he knew better. He would not invade even that part of her again. Not without her consent which he did not have. And she would just as readily push him out of her mind as she had her life. Instead he would resign himself to revisit some of their more happier moments that he cherished. It was the only way to see her now, within the recesses of his own mind, his own dream constructs. He knew already that she had removed her necklace, he could not feel anything from it. He should have suspected as much, yet it still pained him that she couldn't bear to bring herself to wear it.

Before allowing his mind to slip away he wondered if all the moments he had stolen with her on their journey had been yet another act of selfishness? Certainly she felt betrayed by this now. He had hoped to bring them both happiness even if it was to be their last moments of it, but who had he really done it for? Her or for himself? And how did she feel about it all now that she had learned the truth of everything? Deceived was the only proper word for what she would be feeling. He had deceived her yet again. She may have known some of the truth about her past, but she had not remembered. Therein lay the difference. Yes, he was certain she felt deceived.

Tomorrow he would press on and make his way to his Sanctuary. For now he merely craved the blissfulness of oblivion that only sleep could bring even though he feared what his dreams might hold for him. He clutched his staff tighter and leaned his head against it staring into the fire as he allowed his mind to let go; let go of the pain of the day, all the sorrows, the light of his betrayals. He allowed himself to dream of a kiss stolen in a dream in the Fade once upon a time, long ago. If he could not have her then he would dream of the memory of her for now. “Ar lath ma, vhenan...” … _I love you, my heart_... He spoke the words into the night air as if she were at his side to hear them. Then he allowed himself to drift away. He conjured up a distant memory and allowed himself to be carried away by it through the night.

The next morning Solas summoned a Griffon. Originally he had decided to make his way to the Sanctuary on foot. It was the place where he had restored the Vir Dirthara and had given the Elves a retreat until they could re-enter the world safely once again. The trek was far too long to take on foot if he wished to enact his plan swiftly. He would have to contend with Morrigan, but he could handle a few quips from the Witch if he must. She would stab him with her words but ensure she didn't wound him too deeply at the cost of losing her only safe haven and key to what she desired above all else. No, he would make it clear to her that he would not tolerate such a blatant disregard to his current state. Besides, as it stood now, they needed each other despite the sour taste it left in his mouth.

He landed the Griffon and noticed several new wards in place where the entrance to the Sanctuary was, which was already masked by strong Magic to keep even the most prying of eyes from noticing its existence that he had constructed. Her added wards were no match for him and he chuckled slightly if she thought they would be strong enough to keep even The Others at bay. Still, he entered the Sanctuary unannounced without giving it a second thought. By all rights it was still his.

Morrigan sat in the center of the library looking over at the title of several tomes piled upon a desk, his desk. Ah, so she was doing her own research as well, he noted. Morrigan looked up from her stack of books a little startled, then perplexed. Quickly she masked these with that smug grin she always wore. She wore an elaborate black gown and rose to her feet and sauntered over to Solas slowly but stopping within a few feet of him keeping her distance.

“Have you not conceived of the notion of announcing your presence before entering a Ladies home?” Morrigan half laughed. When Solas stiffened it gave her room for pause. Something was amiss and she must tread carefully she warned herself.

“It is still my home,” he replied. “And you are anything but a Lady, Morrigan.” Her presence agitated him and he almost hated himself for giving over his home to her.

“And, pray tell, where is your lovely bride?” Ah, so there it was and without missing a beat. Morrigan ran a long fingernail over the desk before shutting the book she had been reading as she asked him that damning question, the one that pierced his heart.

“Skyhold.” He answered her as directly and as plainly as he could not wanting to give in to the witch's little quips. He began looking about. The Eluvians, ah yes, the Eluvians. They were all here as he suspected they would be.

“And you left her there all alone?” Nothing with Morrigan was ever what it seemed and he could not tell if it was genuine concern in her voice or another stab at him. With her it could very well be both.

Solas simply ignored her for a moment and walked over to one Eluvian in particular. He was correct in his assumption that Morrigan would have kept them here for herself. He raised his hands in an upwards motion directing the flow of magical energy within it to lead to his desired destination. An image of Skyhold flashed onto its surface and it glowed a bright blue before returning to what looked like an ordinary mirror. Finally he turned to Morrigan and looked her in the eyes allowing only but the slightest hint of his pain show through his masked exterior.

“She made that decision for herself.” Plain, simple, and to the point. He had no time for her silly little games which were still all too human of a trait, a remnant of a woman from a species that was no more.

“Then she's remembered everything,” Morrigan gasped beneath her breath. “And she's exiled you from her presence. Is it wise to leave her alone like that?” Morrigan seemed genuinely concerned by the notion of Rowan all alone, though why was beyond him. Perhaps there was a bond that only Mothers shared? It was something he had never known. Mythal had been the closest thing to a Mother he had, but he did understand the bond of Fatherhood for the first time in his life. Whatever her reasoning did she not think that he would have a contingency plan to further ensure her safety? That he would leave his Bride behind without any means of obtaining help if she so needed it? That was why he was here, after all.

“What choice did I have?” Solas asked in frustration. He began to pace back and forth while he spoke throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. “Should I disobey her desires? Stay where I am unwelcome, my own home with my own Wife? And to what cause?” He looked at Morrigan who carried a hint of fear in her eyes at his sudden outburst. He sighed and turned his back to her. “She is fully capable of handling herself, lest you have forgotten.”

“No, I have not.” What had happened at the camp was a sight Morrigan would never forget. Geldauran slain as if he never had been. Morrigan peered at Solas with a suspicious gaze. “Why are you here, Solas? What is it that you seek?”

“I need your help.” Solas hated admitting that he needed the witch's help but it was the truth. Morrigan peered at him even more suspicious than before as he continued, “ I need you to take an Eluvian to Skyhold. She will not allow it in her chambers so you must convince her to at least allow it to be in the rotunda, or the garden. Anywhere will do. I need to be able to reach her if anything were to... happen.”

“And what do I get out of this?” Morrigan, always striving for more. Predictable, but predictable was easier to navigate at the moment for him. Predictable he knew how to work with. Sadly for the witch he had nothing more to offer her than he already had. She would have to accept that.

“Have I not given you this place as well as access to all my books and scrolls to do with as you please? Don't ask for more than you already have,” he warned her. He was in no mood to tolerate further negotiations with her when he had already given her more than enough. Now it was time that she earned her place in his home. “I will also need another favor from you. I need you to... check on her. As much as she will allow it. And report back to me if there is anything amiss, anything she may not wish to tell me that might put her in harm's way.” He laid out his expectations from her. If she wished to remain where she was she would comply. That was the only deal he was willing to offer her in exchange for what she already possessed that did not belong in her incapable hands in the first place.

“And why would I do this for you?” Morrigan asked playfully laughing as she sat on the corner of the desk.

“You were once Their agent, were you not?” He glanced at her over his shoulder and glared at her. “Now you will be mine. You have the Sanctuary, my offer of protection, and there is still something that you seek that only she and I can offer you. Choose wisely, witch.”

Morrigan saw the unmasked seriousness in his gaze. He was correct, he had offered her this place and all its wonders to her, she should have known that a price would have to be paid for it eventually. “Very well,” she conceded. “I will perform these favors for you.”

“Good, I will also be giving you a sending crystal.” Solas rummaged around before finding what he was looking for. Two simple crystals that he could empower to be capable of communicating back and forth to each other. He charged the crystals and handed one to Morrigan pocketing the other in a pouch at his hip. “If there is ever anything that needs my immediate attention you are to let me know. Oh and Morrigan, take down those wards. They actually draw more attention to this place than not.” Solas turned to leave but Morrigan's next question stopped him.

“Where will you go now?”

Suddenly the world became infinitely large and entirely too small at the same time. He dared not look back to share his pain with the witch, it was his pain and no one else need witness it. He took a deep breath and exhaled before answering her, his hand paused at the door. “A good question... one I don't have an answer for.”

*

The approaching night brought with it the cold air from the mountains. Rowan clasped her cloak around her tightly leaving the balcony and went about making a fire. So odd how quiet Skyhold was, to be the only soul on its grounds. All her memories were tied to it at the height of the Inquisition's power and the place had always been bustling about with soldiers, adviser's, and visitors alike. Once again she was the ruler of the fortress but this time it would not be a center of power; no army, no soldiers, no missions. She felt the loneliness creep into her very bones and longed for comfort but there was none to be had and no one to seek it from save Solas. Solas, the man she loved but could not bring herself to face. The only person to cause her the most pain as well as the most joy. She longed to feel his arms around her now but her heart was not ready to face him again.

Rowan stood before the fire just staring into it lost in thought. Her thoughts were like a piece of twine unraveling and she merely walked its path wandering to wherever they took her. A great gust of wind and the sound of the flapping of wings from the balcony behind her brought her back to reality. She turned in time to see a giant Dragon coming to a perch on the ledge of the balcony. It's massive wings being tucked under itself, it's talons gripping the banister, it's black scales glistening in the moonlight. Rowan's heart skipped a beat and her hands went to her belly protectively as she took a step back glancing about for her staff.

The Dragon seemed to sense her apprehension and fear and as she watched on it shrunk in size as it moved a claw down onto the balcony as it began to shift its form into that of a male Elf. His hair was long and black hair, straight unlike hers, and hung down his chest. His body was tall and lean, milky white skin, with piercing cold blue eyes. He was magnificent to behold, muscles rippling as he strolled over to one of the pillars then leaning against it bare chested wearing only a pair of black leather pants. He chuckled a little at her then bowed; slowly, gracefully, fluidly.

“Forgive me, I did not mean to frighten you, little Goddess.” His voice dripped like honey as he drew out his words slowly. “I assure you I mean you no harm. Only my thanks is due.” He slowly made his way to peer from behind the curtain that hung separating the balcony from the main of her chambers. His movements were like that of a slow, sensual dance and there was a spark of danger and intrigue in his ice blue eyes as he locked onto hers.

“My thanks? For?” Rowan was still leery of the figure before her. Elf or not it was still a Dragon, despite the form it now took. Yet she felt enraptured as he moved with a grace that went beyond nobility and she found herself transfixed on his every movement. She tore her eyes away from him but she caught the slightest grin come to his lips before her gaze was free of his.

“For freeing me, or well that was your Husband's doing technically,” he said waving a hand in the air. “But it was your song I heard, that of your spirit, that woke me from my deep slumber and I found myself free from the clutches of my Bride-Captor. Oh the years I spent as a prisoner you could not imagine. And then, your song led me here, to you.” He disappeared behind the pillar again only to peek out from behind it from the other side. He was being coy, playing at being bashful, but his smile and the glint in his eyes told a different story. He was toying with her.

“What do you mean by freeing you?” she asked confusedly. Then her mind flashed back to the time in the Deep Roads with Solas, the time he took on a Dragon alone.

“Yessss..." he said drawing out the word at the memory before resuming, "That was my prison. And now I am free to soar the skies once more.” He threw his head back and looked up at the night sky, his hair flowing down his back and then set his gaze upon her again. “Would it be too much to ask that I be allowed entry into your chambers to thank you properly? I promise you, I mean you no harm. My word is my bond.”

Against her better judgment Rowan made a gesture for him to enter. He walked languidly through the pillars and made his way to her, a small sway to his hips that was neither feminine nor masculine, but sensual and captivating. In all her years Rowan had never heard of a Dragon that could shape-shift into another form, there had been wild Dalish tales but she had always thought them just that; tales. She felt a slight twinge of guilt over those she had slain throughout her earlier years with this sudden knowledge.

“Do not concern yourself with them, they were mere mindless beasts. Many generations removed from one such as myself, they did not possess the same level of... intelligence as I do.” He took her hand in his and kissed it.

“How did you know what I was thinking?” Rowan was bewildered by this and against all reasoning the kiss on the back of her hand sent a shiver down her spine. He was close enough to catch his scent now, musky and timeless, like pure sex in motion. She wanted to yank her hand from his but was held captive by his very presence.

“Forgive me, an old habit. One that I shall not perform in your company again without your permission, little Goddess.” He locked eyes with her before slowly standing upright again letting her hand gently slip out of his. His every move, every gesture, bespoke of a raw sensuality she had never witnessed before. Rowan felt spellbound. He moved about her room picking up various objects and inspecting them before speaking again.

“Tell me, why are you all alone, little Goddess. Where is your Husband?” He was looking over the quill on her desk as if with great interest.

“I... I sent him away.” Rowan found herself muttering.

“Ah, I see. Lover's quarrel?” he asked sliding himself onto a corner of her desk in which to sit.

“Something of the sort, yes.” Why she was admitting this to him, a Dragon of all things, she did not know. Wanting to take the attention off of herself she asked him a question of her own, “Do you have a name?”

“Ah names, yes names.” He slid off the desk and made his way over to her slowly locking eyes with hers as he spoke. “Names are what is given to identify something, to make a thing more... tangible, yes?” He lifted her chin and leaned down towards her ear, his voice a low rumble now. “I have lived for ages beyond counting that if I once had a name it has long been forgotten.” He straightened up slowly and took a lock of her hair in his hand, a familiar gesture as if he were her lover. “What is a name, then? Something in which you require to identify me as. Choose one to your liking and I will answer to it.”

Rowan's eyes fluttered and she had to pull herself away from him to clear her mind. “Zatriel,” she muttered. “I wish to call you Zatriel if it's all the same to you.” The more distance she put between them the better she could think. He was like a glass of wine, too many and one's head began to spin.

“Then Zatriel I shall now be known as.” He smiled at the effect he had on her then sauntered back to the balcony. “I have disturbed you enough for one evening, my little Goddess. You need only think of me and I shall come to you, whatever the reason may be. I owe you my freedom, and in return offer my counsel and protection should you ever need it, my little Goddess.”

He smiled, hopped up onto the banister of the balcony landing deftly on his bare feet, spread his arms wide and fell off the edge in a free fall. Rowan ran to the balcony in concern at this gesture when the air around her kicked up again in a gust. Her hair was lifted and her cloak whipped about her. Then there he was in all his magnificence; a large black Dragon soaring on the wind, its great wings carrying it away into the night towards the mountains.

Rowan backed into her room drawing the curtains close. She didn't know what she had been thinking allowing a Dragon into her chambers. Despite that he had chosen the form of an Elven male she must have temporarily lost all reason to even consider the notion. Yet she had and, if he were to be trusted, had just made an ally. Though the greatest confusion was that he said he had followed the song of her spirit. She wondered what Zatriel had meant by that?


	8. A World Gone Mad

Morrigan stood in the Sanctuary long after Solas departed. She stood staring at the Eluvian he had charged which would allow him to enter Skyhold freely. This one would stay here in the Sanctuary. She was to take another to Skyhold itself to complete the connection. A way in, a way out. Skyhold... She hadn't been there since after her departure once Corypheus had been defeated. In the aftermath she had simply vanished, as had Solas. Now here she was after all was said and done and what did she have to show for it? Doing the bidding of Solas. He had always come across as smug, vain, seeing all others as lesser beings. Having lived through the tearing down the Veil and the years that followed she could begin to understand why. Yet he would never see her as an equal nor a peer and he made that fact well known. It appeared that the only soft spot Solas had was Rowan herself. Emotions such as fear, panic, sorrow, and love? She thought him incapable of such things. Only now was she able to glimpse these aspects of his nature she never knew _could_ exist. Rowan had done that, she had pierced his heart somehow.

It still did little in the way that Morrigan hated being told what to do. Although she had been working for The Others now and then until recently it had always been of her own free will. She had operated as a free agent, as she had once explained to Rowan, but now that safety net was long gone. She had to constantly remind herself that she knew the consequences if she helped Solas and Rowan and had been discovered doing so. That part was a result of her own actions. She still wondered why she had done what she did and her only explanation was that Rowan was pregnant. Still, the freedom to say 'yes' or 'no' or to do as she wished had been plucked right out from beneath her. It was beside the point that in her current predicament Solas and Rowan offered the best protection from The Others. Not to mention that Solas was obviously not above reminding her that they and they alone could _possibly_ give her what her heart truly desired; a chance at immortality. Despite it all she still despised that it was being poised over her proverbial head as such. That meant that despite her own wishes and desires she found herself setting about performing this undesired task of taking an Eluvian to Skyhold while also attempting to convince what was certain to be an unwilling Rowan to allow it to remain within her fortress. Rowan had cast Solas out of her life, even if albeit temporarily. What made him think that she, Morrigan, had the ability to talk her into keeping a magical mirror that would allow him to come and go to Skyhold as he pleased?

Yet here she was, obligated to at least attempt to fulfill her 'duty' for him.

She would have no choice but to venture out into public leaving the safety of the Sanctuary behind in order to reach Skyhold with the Eluvian. Though she was mildly concerned about the wrath of The Others for her obvious betrayal, she was certain that Solas would not allow any harm to come to her, wherever he may be. Though he and Morrigan had little love for each other it was a union forged on necessity on both their parts and she was certain he would keep her safe so long as she remained helpful to him. She may despise the situation she found herself in but she was no fool.

The trip itself only took a few days and by then Skyhold was bustling with Elves performing various tasks. As her carriage pulled in through the main gates she could see that fortifications on Skyhold were being made and the grounds being tended to. Two male elves in guard uniforms halted her progress at the gates. Slightly annoyed she brought the carriage to a halt.

“Move along, I have business to attend to.” Morrigan was tired from the trip and was not interested in trivial formalities.

“State your name and your business,” one of the guards demanded from her.

“I am Morrigan and my business is for the Lady of Skyhold and for her alone. Now move along.” She waved them away as if shooing pesky birds off a windowsill.

“Wait here while we send word to Lady Rowan,” the one guard stated. She was slightly amused that Skyhold already had a guard formation settling in, Solas' doing no doubt, but she had grown intolerant of these two already. Morrigan may bend to the will of Solas and Rowan for the time being, but she was not about to allow some little Elven guards stand in her way. She dismounted from her seat from on top of the carriage.

"I am here on behalf of Solas. Perhaps you've heard of him?" she asked mockingly. With a wave of her staff the guards were knocked into the walls of the archway and she pushed her way past them. With as much grace as she could muster from her time spent in Orlais she made her way into Skyhold proper. She headed down the main hall to the door on the far left, Rowan's door. She assumed Rowan would return to her old quarters, and judging by how she was suddenly surrounded by serving girls trying to block her way, she guessed correctly. She wished to respect Rowan's privacy as much as she could so she kindly convinced one of them to go about the business of announcing her presence. The serving girl wrapped on Rowan's door then cautiously entered. Morrigan looked around. She remembered when Skyhold used to be filled to the brim with Advisors, an Army, an Infirmary, Soldiers, oh and the garden she so loved. All manner of people had once flocked here when Rowan was the mighty Inquisitor. Now it was a half empty fortress; its stone walls bare of tapestries, hardly a hint of furniture, and workers making various repairs. She noted that the throne that had once stood at the height of the hall had been removed. Either via the ravages of time or by Rowan herself.

Morrigan tapped her foot anxious to see Rowan and be done with what would prove to be nothing more than an infuriating argument. The Rowan she remembered could be stubborn when she set her mind to a task and something told Morrigan that today would prove no different now that she had retrieved her past memories.

*

Over the course of the last several days Rowan had spent her nights crying herself to sleep, and each morning Zatriel would pay her a visit and cheer her up. In a world gone mad a Dragon had quickly become her closest companion, her only companion as it were. Her pregnancy continued to blossom as well, her belly now protruding past the point of hiding. As Solas had promised he had sent Elves to Skyhold, whether they had been in need of work or were agents of his she could not say. Her guess was a mixture of both. Fine clothing had been made for her to accommodate her ever growing belly, and though her pregnancy was certainly odd to them, no one dared to speak a word about it. They asked her endless questions regarding the design of Skyhold, any special tailoring needs that she might need met, all things she neither cared about nor wished to be involved in. She would usher them all off to leave her in peace. They could decorate Skyhold however they desired. Nothing they could do would change the fact that each room was haunted by the face a long gone friend.

She didn't want to be here, in the place where her memories haunted her the most. Walking the halls and visiting old rooms remembering each name and face that once occupied it brought on only more heartache. The only demands that she made had been that the old tavern and the stables be rebuilt. She may no longer command an Army, but the Elves on the grounds would require a tavern during their down time, and once she gave birth she would certainly want to ride again so they would require a stable. Not to mention that the few guards that had been sent here would need proper mounts. Solas had sent them, of that she was certain. Why he believed Skyhold needed protection was beyond her but she knew better than to send them away. Best to give him some peace of mind she supposed.

She and Zatriel were seated at a small table that she had brought up to her room and were sharing morning tea. Zatriel was careful to not allow the other elves to see his true nature and his timing was always impeccable during the day. Whenever she felt lost or lonely he would arrive. He seemed to know somehow when she most needed his company. She was becoming well aware how charming he could be and he had the most sensual way about him that she just couldn't pin down. He was languid with his movements and seemed to flow through the room rather than walk through it. Not to mention the air around him permeated a slight scent she couldn't place coupled with the slightest tingling of power that accompanied it that seemed to charge the air around him. The closer to him she was the more it made her head swim. Then there were the little gestures of affection, a caress on the cheek or toying with a lock of her hair when he walked past her, yet he never once made any outward moves towards her. A little flirtatious perhaps, but nothing overt. At times she felt that she was a mere curiosity to him, as if he was studying her, but the same could be said of her. Where he went to at night she did not know, nor did she pry, but she suspected he had a lair not too far off.

Presently they were discussing positions in the staff that were opened and how best to field people into these positions. She used to have Josephine, Leliana, and Cullen to lean on for advice, but now it was just her and Zatriel. An Ambassador, a Spymaster, and a Commander. These were things Skyhold would need. She didn't need a large Army like the Inquisition had commanded, but if Solas insisted on sending one then Skyhold would need a Commander. Naturally given his nature Zatriel was in no position to fulfill any of these ranks. Guardian was more like it. She knew that for the time being Zatriel would not allow any harm to come to her.

There was a wrap on her door at the bottom of the steps when one of the serving Elves rushed up the stairs. “My Queen, there is a woman here demanding to see you.” Rowan despised being called that, 'Queen'. The only person who had ever called her that had been Solas, _his_ Queen. A term of endearment she didn't want to hear from anyone's lips. Here at Skyhold she was no Queen of anything. She ruled nothing. Yet the Elves were insistent on calling her that despite her arguments. Apparently whatever Solas commanded of them far outranked her own personal desires in certain matters.

“Did she say her name?” Rowan asked slightly agitated at being interrupted.

“She says that her name is Morrigan. She said it was an urgent matter that she see you herself.” She wondered why of all people would Morrigan be here at Skyhold? She sighed. Of course. Solas. Again. For what it was worth Morrigan had tried to warn her and Solas at the grove so she decided she would grant her an audience for that sake alone. The serving girl looked at Zatriel then back to Rowan. She didn't know what the elves made of him, always lounging about in just a pair of pants, or if they had mentioned his presence to her husband. Now there was Morrigan. She shrugged internally and decided she didn't care what Morrigan made of appearances. Let the witch draw whatever conclusions she chose and report back to Solas what she will. “Shall I let her in?” the serving girl asked Rowan.

Zatriel made a motion to rise from his seat when she placed her hand on top of his to stop to indicate that she wished for him to stay. Whatever Morrigan wanted did not require dismissing Zatriel. “No, remain here with me please. There is no need for you to leave.”

“As you wish, my little Goddess.” Zatriel seemed to enjoy calling her that though it was another title she hated having. 'My little Goddess.' It was a constant reminder that she was no longer her own person now, her true place was at the Garden of Love. A move she planned to make after Serenity was born. Another reason she had no personal investment in the decoration of Skyhold. She had no intentions of it remaining her home. No, afterwards she would leave for the Garden taking Serenity along with her. She would not be voiceless to her followers like the Old Gods had been. She would ask nothing in return from them either. She would be present offering guidance and counsel whenever she could. She would learn how to draw on her powers and help those that petitioned her. She would be there for her people. Rowan brought her mind back to the present.

“Send her in,” Rowan commanded. She would deal with Morrigan now. Best to get it over with and be done with the matter.

The serving girl ran back down the stairs and exited the door. Rowan could hear commotion at the bottom of the stairs that led into her chambers and Morrigan's voice rang out among them. “Move, out of my way!”

The door opened and she could hear Morrigan ascending the steps. Rowan turned back to her tea waiting for her to appear. Morrigan appeared at the top of the stairs wearing a fine, black dress with her hair done up. She carried herself much the way Rowan remembered when they first met at the Winter Palace Ball. With pride and assurance and a certain amount of grace. Yet her amber eyes spoke of hidden dangers if one was not careful.

Morrigan reached the top of the stairs and leaned against a wall with her hip. “Well it's about time. I thought I'd have to fight my way in.” She spied Zatriel sitting next to Rowan at the table. A handsome Elven male with long pitch black straight hair that came down past his shoulders paired with ice blue eyes. He was a striking contrast to Rowan's white hair and black eyes but they both had the same milky white complexion. She also noted the lack of a shirt or shoes as Zatriel sat clad only in black leather pants and a playful smile. Morrigan could only guess as to the reason behind the state of his undress. She smiled at him broadly her eyes roaming over his features. Soft yet commanding, muscular yet lean. A most handsome male if she had ever seen one. She soaked him up from where she stood. “Oh, I wasn't aware you were entertaining a guest. And a handsome one at that.”

“Morrigan this is Zatriel, Zatriel this is Morrigan.” Rowan gestured to Zatriel as if his presence and state of attire was a common affair in any ladies private chambers.

Zatriel stood up and made his way over to Morrigan slowly then took her hand and kissed it yet never took his eyes off of her. “The pleasure is mine, Lady Morrigan.” Rowan knew that look, Zatriel was sizing her up. And Rowan could only guess at the effect his proximity had on the witch. It was intoxicating, akin to having had too many glasses of fine wine.

“And a charmer as well.” Morrigan giggled. “I must say, this is an upgrade Rowan.”

Rowan held back her anger at the comment and stood. “I was told the matter was urgent.” She didn't know why the comment bothered her so much yet it did so she hid it behind an icy gaze.

“Perhaps we should speak... alone?” Morrigan was still staring at Zatriel trying to determine if he was a new lover or even a would be suitor. Either way talking about Solas might be best left between just the two women.

“That won't be necessary. I would prefer that he remains.” Besides Rowan drew strength having him at her side.

“Very well then, have it your way. It's about Solas, your _husband_.” Of course Morrigan would put an emphasis on the word 'husband', anything to get a dig into someone's side.

“What about him?” A small twinge of alarm went off inside Rowan's head but she pushed it aside. Was something wrong? Had something happened? She shook her head internally and dismissed the thoughts, Solas could take care of himself, he would not need her.

“As you may be well aware I have found myself in need of protection from The Others, and your husband has offered me his. In exchange I am to bring an Eluvian here to Skyhold. In the advent that something... unforeseen were to happen and you might need to call upon him.”

“You brought an Eluvian here?” Rowan was beside herself to think that there was an Eluvian someplace in her home that Solas had access to. To come and go as he saw fit? No, she couldn't allow it. She refused. “No,” she stated flatly.

“'Twas not my idea. I am merely the messenger and, well, the deliverer. It'll be placed somewhere inconspicuous, like the rotunda.” Morrigan waved a hand dismissively as if the idea of an Eluvian in Skyhold was of small consequence. A minor detail one could easily just over look. Especially in the rotunda, the very room that Solas once took residence in while here with her.

“No, I will not allow it. Get rid of it.” She wanted nothing of the sort here in her home. And the gall to think that she would go along with such an idea?

“I'm afraid I can't do that. If you want it gone, tell him yourself. I will not be a pawn between this lover's quarrel.”

Zatriel stood and came to Rowan's side placing a protective hand on her shoulder. She could sense that raw power he emanated and that scent that came off of him was stronger now. His voice had a slight growl to it when he addressed Morrigan, “I do believe she gave you her orders and I suggest you follow them.”

“And who are you to be telling me what to do?” Morrigan was taken aback at his tone that carried disgust along with it towards her. Still, she didn't like being told what to do by anyone, least of all a male despite how intimidating Zatriel now appeared.

Zatriel growled deep in his throat and Rowan put a gentle hand on his shoulder in hopes of calming him. “Perhaps you should take your leave, Zatriel. I'll handle this.”

Zatriel looked at Rowan. He understood she was not commanding him nor ordering him but he did not wish to leave her side just yet. And he would not exit by traditional means, he caught the subtly in her words enough to understand that she wished him to show his true nature to this witch, and so he shall. He did not like this witch, did not trust her, and he also understood the impact his exit would have so he was more than happy to play along. If his little Goddess wished for him to leave revealing his natural form then he trusted her judgment and would gladly indulge her.

Zatriel slowly strolled over to the balcony allowing the transformation from his Elven form to his true Dragon form take place. A display that Rowan was certain was meant for Morrigan. Once he reached his full form he was perched on the balcony ledge, spread his wings wide and lifted off causing gusts of air to fill up the entire room. Rowan was still in awe whenever he did this yet this was the first time she had watched him do so as slowly as this. She knew it for what it was and it was exactly what she wanted; a scare tactic aimed at Morrigan. Still, it was a sight to behold as she watched his leathery wings carry him off into the distance. Even as a Dragon he was majestic. A sight to behold as the sun glistened off of his black scales and his tail whipped at the air. Yet every time she witnessed it she was once again reminded that her necklace, which was still safely tucked in the desk drawer, was fashioned from Dragon bone. The first time she had slain one of these majestic creatures. Even though Zatriel constantly reminded her that they were not the same she still felt a twinge of guilt.

She turned back to see a Morrigan standing by the stairs aghast. This was no ordinary Dragon, this was something that Morrigan had never seen in all her years. It was possible it was one of the Old God Dragons that had once been worshiped by a long dead empire; Tevinter. Or perhaps even something never seen before? Something altogether different, more powerful, and much deadlier. The Old Dragon Gods spoke to their worshipers but she had never heard of something akin to this. As to the truth of what he truly was she could not be certain. Either way it was a threat, not some toy pet one could just keep around. Could Rowan not see the danger she was in? The danger it posed to not only her but that of her child?

Rowan felt a small sense of satisfaction at Morrigan's reaction. “As you can see for yourself I am quite protected. I don't need the Eluvian, nor do I need Solas. Now leave me.”

“Rowan, hold please. I do not beg often but I am begging you to allow it to stay. At least to give him some peace of mind. You cannot possibly believe that keeping him at bay throughout the remainder of your pregnancy is fair. Your pregnancy is unique, allow it to remain for that sake alone. Allow Solas to come to Skyhold and be part of this. As the father he deserves that much at least.”

“Morrigan, I said no.” Rowan was trying to stand her ground but she couldn't deny that what Morrigan was saying was piercing through her hardened shell and making its way into her heart.

“And what about when the child comes?” Morrigan asked. “Would you keep him from that as well?”

“Why are you pleading his case, Morrigan? What's in this for you?” Rowan studied Morrigan for an indication of motive but she was met with what appeared, at least for Morrigan, a sincere plea.

“In case you fail to recall I was once a Mother as well. And foolish as I was I chose to raise my son alone. Kieran never had a chance to know his father, or a family. Trust me when I say you do not want that for your child. At least let there be peace between you for the sake of your child if nothing else.”

“I never took you as one to regret any decision you ever made.” Rowan sighed. Morrigan was correct. She wanted Serenity to have the best life possible and if that meant having to allow Solas in Skyhold then so be it.

Rowan looked at Morrigan and steeled herself again. “I'll allow it, under one condition.”

“And that condition is?” Morrigan eyed her suspiciously. She knew Rowan well enough to know when she was in control of a situation and Morrigan was suddenly very leery.

“That you remain as well," Rowan stated pointedly. "As you pointed out my pregnancy is unique and when the time comes I may need you at my side during delivery.” Rowan smiled at Morrigan.

“I am to be your handmaiden, is that what you take me for?” Morrigan was taken aback by such an outlandish thought. And to give up the safety of the Sanctuary? Rowan could not honestly expect her to agree to such terms.

“I take you for a woman who knows when she's been outwitted. You work for me now as well." Rowan turned back to the table, sat down, and resumed drinking her tea. "You may have Vivienne's old quarters and you'll also serve as my Occult Advisor. The Eluvian stays in the rotunda. Ensure that no one is to enter that room under any circumstances.”

“Shall I call you 'My Queen' as well?” Morrigan sneered.

“Do as you please. Herald, Inquisitor, Queen, Goddess... Those titles mean nothing to me now.” Rowan felt the threat of tears behind her eyes and fought them back and merely stared out at the mountains. Once each of those titles had meant something to her, stood for something greater than herself, now she was nothing more than Rowan. Or Rowhanna. At least the term 'Goddess' meant something to her. Something she hoped she would be able to live up to. Or would she falter as The Others had? Solas had believed in her even when she did not believe in herself. He had been her foundation, the person she went to for wisdom and advice, to lean on when she felt that she could fight no longer. Presently she no longer even had that. Save for Zatriel. But this wasn't the Inquisition. This was her new life such as it was.

Morrigan saw the slightest hint of pain cross Rowan's face and her heart softened for her a little. She couldn't imagine what she must be enduring as she was never one for romance and love, but it obviously ran deep between Rowan and Solas. Deeper than any love she had ever witnessed between a man and a woman before. She turned to go down the stairs and hesitated. “And what about the Drag- Zatriel?” she asked Rowan. “Do you even know if you can trust him? What you're dealing with?”

“He stays, and that's final.” Rowan turned her back on Morrigan when she was done speaking, a clear indication that she had nothing further to add to the conversation and would not tolerate any further questions. With that simple gesture Morrigan was dismissed.

*

Morrigan retreated from Rowan's chambers. The present situation was not only precarious but momentous and Solas needed to be informed right away. He would have her hide if she didn't inform him of the Dragon's presence. Did Rowan truly believe that she could handle a being such as that? Rowan had made it evident that it was not up for debate so instead she made her way across the hall and up the stairs to her 'new quarters'. It seemed that either way she was stuck. Between the wrath of Rowan or the wrath of Solas and she was uncertain which was worse. Yet if Rowan refused to allow Solas to be here then it'd best that at least she stayed to keep an ever watchful eye for both Rowan and the baby's sake. She had at least been successful in what she had originally set out to do; convince Rowan to allow the Eluvian to remain. The Dragon was between those two. That was a matter she refused to become involved in.

She eyed the room that had once been occupied by Vivienne. Vivienne had been a Circle Mage, one of those required to live out their lives in a Circle Tower as the common law of The Chantry demanded of all Mages. Where most Mages lived out their lives feeling oppressed Vivienne thrived in the Circle having even once established herself as the Empresses Occult Advisor before joining the Inquisition. She had been reserved and very strict in her beliefs. The irony that she, Morrigan, (an apostate Mage never having belonged to any such institution), now occupied Vivienne's old room was not lost on her. Apostate Mages were hunted and thrown into Circle's against their will and escape was nearly impossible. Morrigan, on the other hand, had grown and lived freely and openly as an Apostate always avoiding suspicion from the Chantry.

After all this time it appeared that this room was to be her Circle Tower in a manner of speaking. This was where her freedom ended, in a balcony styled room that overlooked Skyhold's main hall.

She paced the floors ignoring the bareness of the room. She would contend with that latter. As of now she fretted over having to tell Solas about Zatriel's presence. A being such as Solas would take affront if not told straight away but she still dreaded the task. She placed her sending crystal on a small table and stared at it. She felt like a child passing messages between two non-speaking parents and it did not suit her well at all. Not to mention the chaos that was bound to ensue when Solas arrived and confronted Rowan about her new 'friend'. No, she was certainly not ready for that just yet, and she didn't want to get caught in the cross-hairs when it happened either.

*

Rowan waited for Morrigan to leave her chambers before donning a heavy wrap and headed down the stairs to the main hall. It was still a bit cold in Skyhold even though the braziers were all lit. She made her way to the door that lead into the rotunda. She knew it was already in there. It would have been the first order of business that Morrigan would have seen to, to do her new Master's bidding. A magical barrier had been erected preventing the Elves from entering but she passed through it with ease as she turned the handle and opened the door. All the fresco's Solas had painted eons ago yet remained though they were severely weathered. She hated looking at them. Hated what they represented and wanted them gone. She looked on from one scene to the next, each painting depicting some great feat she and the Inquisition had made. Only one had gone unfinished, the battle against Corypheus. Solas never returned to Skyhold after the battle. That was the first time he had left her behind, standing on the battlefield wondering if she would ever see him again ignoring the celebration party everyone else was attending. She remembered that night clearly as everyone was drinking and laughing while she solemnly made her way to her room. Then standing on the balcony all alone praying that he would make an appearance. Yet he never did.

She looked around the room, all its furnishings long gone, and there it stood. Where once there was a door that led to out to the battlements that ended at her Commander's quarters was now a blank wall. Naturally Morrigan would have magically fashioned the doorway into a wall. And nestled in its nook stood the Eluvian. It emanated a bluish glow as its surface appeared to ripple like a pebble dropped in water. He was but a touch away. All she had to do was place a hand upon its surface and he would appear. Solas. Her husband. The man she loved beyond all words with her entire being, yet she still could not get over her broken heart enough to face him. Not yet.

She wondered if there would ever be a day where forgiveness would replace the pain in her heart? She missed him greatly but knew that until the day came that she forgave him even he himself would not come back into her arms. It made the nights the loneliest ones she ever experienced, lonelier than even the ones she spent in her little cottage. Sure she had Zatriel to keep her company during the day, but he was always careful to leave at nightfall. At best he was a companion, nothing more. Not even the embrace of a lover. Not that she believed she could ever take on a lover. No, it was Solas she craved; his lips upon hers, his arms around her at night. Tentatively she placed out a shaky hand tempted to touch its surface. She was being pulled by the temptation then suddenly withdrew her hand back as if a searing heat had touched her skin.

She was not ready to face him, not yet. Morrigan would certainly tell Solas about Zatriel and she needed to be prepared for that particular encounter. Now was not the time to give in to her weakness. Despite what she wanted she couldn't do it until she knew the truth of everything. She needed to see it for herself, the history that led to that decision. The reasoning behind it, the state of the world, of civilization itself. She knew there was a way that he could share the memories with her and only then could she know if she could truly forgive Solas for what he had done. But her heart was not ready for that. She could forgive what he had done to her, for her, it was an act out of love. But what he had done to the world? She needed to believe he had just cause if they were ever to have a future again. But the pain of just knowing in itself was still too much for her and she needed time to heal from this first as well as from the mourning of those that, to her, she just lost though their actual deaths occurred so long ago. For her it was as if it had been just last week. All of them, gone. Tears welled up in her eyes at the thought of those she had lost and she wiped them away with a sleeve.

She quickly left the rotunda lest her pain was enough to summon him and retreated to her room. Zatriel was awaiting her when she arrived. How he knew when it was safe to make his entrances was beyond her but he always seemed to appear when no one else was around to witness it. So far Morrigan was the only other soul that had seen his true nature save her and that meant Solas would be here soon enough. She cursed herself for her pride internally and looked over at Zatriel. He was leaning against a column, his upper body resting against it, clad in the same black leather pants he was always in. She knew they weren't real pants, it was merely a part of his transformation. Though she would prefer he were fully dressed she made no protest so far. At least he had the decency to fabricate the illusion of pants for decencies sake. Still Rowan reminded herself to have a word with him about his state of dress if he was going to be roaming Skyhold itself. She could only guess as to what Morrigan had made of the scene; Rowan in her bed chambers with a nearly naked man. Perhaps now that Morrigan understood what Zatriel truly was such thoughts would be banished from the witch's mind, but with Morrigan one never knew.

“So you allowed the Human to remain?” he asked casually. She could still hear the low hiss in his voice indicating his displeasure with this new arrangement, but this was her home and she'd rather keep Morrigan where she could watch her than not.

“How did you know she was Human?” Rowan asked. There was nothing to indicate outwardly that Morrigan was anything but an Elven Mage yet Zatriel specifically called her 'Human' with a note of disdain in his voice as if the very word itself was distasteful to utter.

He smiled a knowing smile at her and made his way over to where she stood and ran his knuckles gently across her jawline. Her eyes almost fluttered beneath this simple touch, her body betraying her own will when he touched her so. “Ah, the body and blood may be Elven, but the soul itself is Human.” He lifted her chin so she was left with little choice but to stare into his eyes, eyes that were probably ages beyond counting filled with such wisdom and knowledge. “I can sense such things,” he said whispering in her ear. “A Human soul in a body that does not belong to her. A petty thief.” She felt the crackling of Magic in the air with him so close, the warmth of his breath against her ear.

“That she is.” Rowan willed herself to walk over to the fireplace to rekindle the fire. Anything to place some distance between them.

“And this Eluvian, you allowed it as well?” he asked as he sat on the corner of her desk slightly amused at the reaction he had on her. This little Goddess was a mystery to him. Her very existence and that of her child filled him with unanswered questions, answers that had yet to be unearthed. They were each an enigma to the other. Surprisingly he also enjoyed her company and found himself captivated by her.

“I did, what of it?” She calculated her response to sound as casual as possible while brushing off the last of the effects his close proximity had over her.

“Do you not fear your husband's ire in regards to my presence when he learns of it?” he asked playfully sliding off of the desk and wandering to the balcony.

“Solas has no say in who or what is allowed in my home or my presence. You are welcome in my home.” Solas may have won his way with the Eluvian, and ultimately would win his way to returning and staying in Skyhold, but she would stand firm in her decision when it came to Zatriel unless Zatriel himself gave her reason otherwise. Zatriel was now walking along the edge of the balcony banister balancing himself with perfect ease.

“It shall be as you command, my little Goddess.” Zatriel smiled and mock bowed before taking off again. Rowan sighed, it was good that he had left. She needed to think and couldn't do it with him around. She felt the baby kick and her mind went back to what Morrigan had said earlier. She was correct, it wasn't fair to Solas or Serenity to keep them apart even during her pregnancy. She knew now without a shadow of a doubt that Solas would demand that he took up residence in Skyhold not just because of the baby, but because of Zatriel. There would be a confrontation and she had to steel herself for it for there was no telling when Morrigan would speak to Solas next, when he would appear. It seemed that one way or another, for the sake of the baby, Rowan and Solas might have to learn to, in the very least, tolerate each other's presence until this whole mess between them was worked out.

If it could be.


	9. Of Love and Passion

Solas had made his way to the Garden of Love. He spent countless hours simply wandering the Garden ultimately always finding himself hanging near where the lilacs bloomed the most. He needn't ask himself why he always ended up there, he knew: he missed her. Missed her more than he ever had before. The lilacs made him feel as if she was near. Their scent a constant reminder of her. She always carried a hint of lilacs on her skin, in her hair, and it always befuddled him until now. Lilacs; the floral symbol of love and passion. That is what she had been transformed into; a symbol of love and passion. For the Garden, for those that came to it, and for him as well. Love and passion.

They had fallen in love with each other long ago but it was here that their love had been cemented and finally able to be fully realized, freely given without fear. This was where their love truly began for him. All his secrets had been laid bare to her and she still loved him as fiercely as ever. They had married here, made love for the first time here. He remembered every detail of her that day as he gave in to the memory. The way her white hair had spread across the ground, seeing her bare to him physically for the first time. How she looked as she gazed up at him. A virgin unbeknownst to him, but she had surrendered to him without apprehension. She had trusted him implicitly with not just her heart and body, but with her soul as well.

He fidgeted with his amulet. It had gone mostly quiet a week ago and had remained thus. She was not wearing hers. He could only catch small sensations from it; that she was not in danger and was at least near enough to her necklace for his to catch this was all he knew. Had she gotten rid of it entirely his gem would have gone completely silent. It was a small comfort in the very least, knowing that she kept it near her.

He expected that she would have removed it but it still pained him. But Rowan was the type of woman that would prefer to speak about her feelings on her own terms in her own time. The idea of the binding gem sending her emotions out like a beacon to be received by him was not something Rowan would currently allow. She needed and wanted time and distance and so he obliged her. He knew not what she was thinking or feeling, but he respected and understood why she was not wearing it. In some ways the not knowing made it worse. He knew not if what she had remembered and then learned changed the way she not only viewed him but if it may have changed the way she felt about him as well. And he had bound her to him in a need of never letting her go. Another selfish act on his behalf.

She had been mortal then and dying, here in this very Garden that day. Neither could have foreseen that in her very last moments Solas would have made that desperate act to save her. He needed her and could not let her go. As she laid in his arms taking her last breath he had cast his spell. And now she was immortal and bound to him whether she wished it or not. He hadn't thought beyond his own wants and desires, hadn't thought about the ramifications of when he cast that spell and left her in the Garden of what it would do to her. All he could think about was that he could not lose the one woman he loved above all else. And what if she desired to be free from him at last? He would find a way to undo the binding union between them if that was her wish. He would not deny her that. He would not deny her of anything her heart desired even if he had to carry that pain inside himself for the remainder of his days.

He forced his thoughts to be occupied by something else so he turned his mind towards the Eluvian. He trusted that Morrigan had made her way to Skyhold by now. He would remain here until he heard from Morrigan, however. She would deliver Rowan's verdict on the presence of the Eluvian in Skyhold. In the meantime there was one thing he wanted to do while he spent his time here. The space where Rowan had once slept was empty. When she slumbered he had ensured that she had been encased in alabaster. “A Goddess for the Garden” he recalled as if it were yesterday. He would reconstruct the statue that the Elves had grown accustomed to seeing here. He would recreate a semblance of Rowan slumbering peacefully upon the bench overlooking the pond.

Rowan. Rowhanna. Yet one more thing he was guilty of. Rowan was no longer her own person. It seemed that from the day they first met she was never in a position to be her own person, and the fault always laid with him. She had been forced into each role; The Herald of Andraste, the Inquisitor. Each role placing more demands for her to release parts of herself in exchange for taking on responsibilities that no one person should have had to shoulder alone. Yet she had. And now she was a Goddess. Not just a Goddess, but the Goddess of Love. Another position thrust upon her that had also been done at his hands. She belonged to the people that came here now. And the Rowan he knew would not disregard what he knew she would feel was her responsibility. No, she would eventually return here, of that he was certain. She would look after her people. It seemed, he mused, that Mythal had chosen the perfect vessel for they were alike in that regards. Mythal had been good to her people as well. She watched over them, looked out for them. She had been the best of them. And now she had passed that torch over to Rowan. Perhaps over the years of watching over Rowan Mythal had seen that in her from both when they meet briefly during the Inquisition and from caring for her as Rowan slumbered? He would like to believe that was the case. He knew that Mythal would have not chosen anyone less. Would not have left Flemeth for anyone less. After all, hadn't Mythal also been invoked for love as well?

He wandered in the Garden and watched as the Elves came and went. He waited for the one moment he needed to place a barrier over the Garden so he could work unseen and uninterrupted. The task wouldn't take long. He pulled at the Fade to create the form he needed paying attention to every last detail. The way he had arranged her hair, the folds of fabric of the dress she had been wearing, the hint of a smile on her face as her closed eyes lent the impression she was merely dreaming, even the way her necklace rested upon her chest. Once he was satisfied with the form he had shaped he encased it with alabaster, but instead of just encasing it, he allowed the Fade to slip away and slowly began filling the emptiness within with even more alabaster. A solid statue of 'Rowhanna' now rested on the bench as she had for a thousand years. As much as it pained him to do so he looked it over, inspecting it, ensuring he had gotten even the smallest detail he could conjure correct.

The Garden now had its Goddess back. He planted a small kiss upon its lips, wishing they were hers, and walked away. He began the trek that lead him to where they first met upon her awakening; where she had slain the Shadow Wolves. The den's entrance had still been blocked off by the rubble he had caused on that one day seemingly so long ago. He was able to easily remove the rubble using Magic. He chose to retreat to the den each night while he lingered near the Garden. Even simply being here was painful as it was. Had they not spent their first night reunited here? Though at that time she had no recollection of herself or the life she had once lived, this was the very den they slept in that had began their journey. Comforting her when she cried out in the night from the nightmares that plagued her. Holding her for the first time in a thousand years when she asked if she could sleep next to him for fear of sleeping alone. The kiss he planted upon her head when she slept in his arms. Yet this was where he chose to stay for the time being. He needed to feel that he was close to her, even if it was just a memory.

He pulled out the sending crystal that was connected with Morrigan's. He had yet to hear from her and he dared not use it least she was in the same room with Rowan. He resigned himself to waiting. He sat in the den's entrance and looked out over at the trees. He often imagined Rowan perched on a branch drawing in her book as she used to do. He wondered if she still drew?

*

Rowan was not the only one pacing in Skyhold. She had dismissed Morrigan, and now Zatriel had departed her company as well. What had she been thinking, she asked herself. To allow an Eluvian here and then to top if off allow Morrigan to see Zatriel for what he truly was? She must have lost all control of her senses. Such flagrant displays of pride and the need to prove dominance over another was not in her nature. Her only answer was that her anger got the best of her. She had lashed out in ways that were unlike her.

Then there was the matter of Solas. Any moment or any day he would be here. Would he berate her? Beg and plead? Try to use logic in his argument? Would he show a display of anger? How Solas would react she couldn't guess. Any one of them were possible. The only thing she was certain of was that he would learn of Zatriel from Morrigan and ultimately she would have to face him. Alone.

She stopped pacing the floor in her room and headed down the stairs. She left her room behind, crossed the main hall, and knocked on Morrigan's door. She owed Morrigan an apology in the very least. Her mistreatment of her had been uncalled for. She reminded herself that Morrigan had not chosen to come here, she was ordered to. She was no more happy about this than Rowan herself was. Morrigan was a free spirit and now she was at the beck and call of Solas to do his bidding despite whether or not she wished to. Rowan knew that and felt even worse regarding her treatment of Morrigan. When she was in the Inquisition Rowan and Morrigan had shared a mutual respect for one another. She would treat Morrigan no differently now than she had then.

Rowan could hear shuffling behind the door and then the gentle footsteps of Morrigan descending the stairs. Morrigan opened the door and simply glared at Rowan. Rowan sighed. She deserved no less.

“May I come in, please?” Rowan asked as politely as she could.

“By all means, do as you please. This is your home, after all.” Morrigan curtsied exaggerating each movement, a clear indication of the sour mood she was in. Forced to play the puppet between Rowan and Solas. She moved to the side and with a wave of her arm gestured for Rowan to enter.

Rowan climbed the stairs that led up to the loft that used to belong to Vivienne, the loft that she had assigned to Morrigan. It was bare of furniture save for a table and a chair. The loft presented a grand view of the entirety of Skyhold's main hall yet offered little in the way of privacy. Rowan could only imagine the insult to injury placing Morrigan in Vivienne's old room had caused.

Rowan turned towards Morrigan and looked her in the eyes. “I came here to apologize. I have no excuse for my behavior, and you didn't do anything to deserve my treatment of you.”

“The mighty Queen of Skyhold has come to apologize to the witch?” Morrigan asked in feigned surprise. Her manner was mocking and abrasive, and it was no less than what Rowan deserved. Still, Rowan would prefer to not make an enemy out of Morrigan. They may never be friends, but allies perhaps. Rowan would allow Morrigan to make that decision for herself.

“The way that I treated you was uncalled for and I'm sorry. You may leave if you wish,” Rowan told her. She would not bind her to remaining at Skyhold if she did not choose to of her own volition. “I will not hold you to what I said earlier. You are not mine to command. You are not my slave nor my servant.”

Morrigan hated to admit that she was baffled by the apology. When Rowan came to her quarters this was not what she was expecting to hear. This was the old Rowan she had come to know during the time of the Inquisition. Rowan was more the prisoner here than Morrigan was. Rowan had nowhere else to go, not, at least, until the baby was born. And she was surrounded by strangers in a world she did not know nor understood. Morrigan softened a bit at the apology. She could only imagine what Rowan herself was going through.

Rowan continued, “I understand how frustrating it must be for a woman such as yourself to already be at the behest of another. You are forced to do as Solas pleases with you and I will not add to that if I can help it. You are free to go. I will not hold you prisoner here.”

Morrigan felt for Rowan but there was still the matter of the Dragon. And Solas. Morrigan knew that Solas would be infuriated by its presence, especially that of his wife's, but Morrigan also did not want to think of what would happen if he discovered this news on his own. “You do know that Solas will come, do you not? I have no choice but to tell him no matter how much I would prefer not to.”

Rowan looked up at Morrigan, a look of defeat in her eyes. “I understand. Another reason not to force you to stay. You don't need to be caught up between us like this. It isn't fair to ask you to stay let alone force you to.”

Rowan turned away and began heading back down the stairs when Morrigan called out to her, “Rowan!" Rowan turned slowly and looked up at where Morrigan stood. She couldn't read Morrigan's face but it seemed softer now than before. Morrigan continued speaking, "I cannot in good conscious leave you here in this prison without a soul to turn to. And what you said earlier is correct. When the time comes you may be in need of my assistance during your delivery. I will stay, if you'll have me.” She had always respected her even if she had toyed with her when she had amnesia. If Rowan would allow it, she would stay.

Rowan smiled and nodded at Morrigan as she opened the door to leave. “Then welcome to Skyhold.” She looked around at the bare walls of the place, the shabby furniture then turned back to Morrigan and smiled again. “Oh and feel free to decorate all of Skyhold however you wish. I will inform the servants.”

Morrigan waited some time after Rowan departed her quarters before pulling her sending crystal out. She didn't like this. Solas was bound to come here and there was nothing that she could do for Rowan and both she and Rowan knew it. Morrigan eyed the sending crystal in her hand. No, she thought, she couldn't tell him this kind of information while she was here in Skyhold. He was bound to be furious, he would lash out at her, and the last thing she needed was for Rowan to find out about the crystal. His voice would carry through the halls, she was certain of it. Though Rowan knew Morrigan was going to tell Solas about the Dragon she didn't know about the crystal. She would assume that Morrigan would use the Eluvian. Which was exactly what she intended to do. Rowan didn't know nor asked where it led. That Rowan had allowed it to remain at all would at least bring some small comfort to Solas, but this? No, he would not take the news lightly. She needed to tell him face to face.

Morrigan would use the Eluvian and summon him to the Sanctuary. She steeled herself for what would certainly be an ugly encounter with Solas and headed down the stairs then out to the main hall. The Eluvian rested in the rotunda, which was the last door on the left. Only one door away but she could feel her apprehension growing already. Of course she could have simply used the door that adjoined in her hallway that led to a spiral staircase that lead to the rotunda, but Rowan expected her to use the Eluvian. In the advent that she was watching Morrigan wanted to be seen heading to the rotunda. The very least Morrigan could do was allow Rowan this moment to prepare herself for what was yet to come.

She passed through the Magical barrier opening the door and shut it behind her. She walked over to the Eluvian and activated it. Once it was empowered she stepped through it leaving Skyhold behind while stepping out into the Sanctuary. She turned and deactivated the Eluvian.

She went to the desk and placed the sending crystal onto it. How far away was Solas? She couldn't imagine him being too far off if he wanted to be able to get to Skyhold in the advent that something had arisen. He would need to return to the Sanctuary in order to use the Eluvian that led to Skyhold. Or had he other means of getting here? To that she did not know.

She braced herself internally as she picked up the stone and began speaking into it.

*

Solas was relieved that he was in the den when he heard Morrigan's voice calling out his name. There was no one around to hear it save him. He pulled out his sending crystal. Morrigan sounded agitated, something was amiss.

“What is it Morrigan?” he asked while absentmindedly fidgeting with his amulet. It remained as it had been the past week. Silent. There was no immediate danger yet Morrigan felt the need to summon him. Something had happened or was happening that his binding gem was not picking up.

Yes, agitated and apprehensive. That's how Morrigan sounded. “We need to speak. It's urgent. Come to the Sanctuary,” her voice pleaded via the crystal. Had she been unable to convince Rowan to allow the Eluvian to stay? Or was there something else the witch needed to tell him? No, it wasn't about the Eluvian, of that he was certain. Something else was bothering Morrigan and it was enough for her to call to him from within the confines of the Sanctuary.

“Is Rowan in danger?” he asked tentatively. He hated being away from her. If she was indeed in danger how would she react to him simply appearing in her home acting as if she is incapable of taking care of herself? But if she truly needed him her stubbornness would prevent Rowan from asking him for help, this much he knew.

Morrigan's voice came through the crystal. “She's safe, for now. But we need to speak. Face to face, Solas.” What matter could be so dire that Morrigan felt unsafe telling him anywhere but the Sanctuary?

Solas stood and wasted no time gathering what few things he had brought with him. Something told him he would not be returning here, not for a long while at least. He stepped outside and created a portal from the Fade that would lead to the entrance of the Sanctuary. This was no time to waste on Griffons. Something told him he needed to be there now. He stepped through the portal, closed it, and entered the Sanctuary. Morrigan was pacing the floor, her crystal on the desk. She turned towards him when he entered. The look on her face told him that he was not going to like what she had to say.

“What is it Morrigan? Tell me now.”


	10. Intrigue Begets Intrigue

Zatriel sat in an ornate chair within the confines of his lair. Though the lair opened to a wide mouthed area that was large enough to accommodate his true form he preferred sitting this way when deep in thought sometimes. He had chosen a spot in the mountains that were near enough to Skyhold. He looked over at the table before him. A small crystal sat upon it among all the books and a few trinkets scattered about. Upon his first visit with the Elf Goddess he had left behind a gift of his own, and she had yet to realize it. That first night toying with the items on her desk, while distracted in her own thoughts, he had left a small crystal behind that told him the only things he needed to know; when she desired his company or when it was safe to make an appearance. She had yet to discover the item. Or perhaps she thought it had been there before she had arrived and merely disregarded it? Either way he smiled in the knowledge that he had planted it in her very room and it remained undetected so far.

He allowed his thoughts to turn to her now. This Elven Goddess seemed to have an effect on him he didn't quite understand. He felt inclined to protect her yet he also wanted to claim her. To what end he did not know. He was the last of his kind, that he knew, and it wasn't as if he had never had the body of a lesser being before. Yet they had all been fair maidens easily seduced, mere dalliances. And such encounters never lasted more than once. He took what he wanted from them and left. But there was something about this Elf that was different. It wasn't her Godliness. He had seen Gods and Goddesses alike rise and fall. No, there was something else to her that he couldn't place just yet. It frustrated him, tore at him. He needed to know what it was about her that pulled at him as she did so he could be done with the mystery and move on.

But he wouldn't move on, would he? No he wouldn't, he knew that. There was the matter of the child she carried as well. An impossible thing he had never encountered. He had searched through several tomes and found nothing to explain it. Perhaps that was it, the mystery behind her pregnancy? Was that what drew him inexplicably to her? He shook his head. It was none of these things yet all of these things. Soon it may not matter what he wanted. Her husband was bound to arrive at her fortress in regards to his presence, and how that discussion ended would determine whether or not he would have to abandon this foolishness once and for all. And that was exactly what this was he told himself; foolishness. He who had lived for ages beyond counting, the last of his kind, caught up in an Elven woman with whom he knew little about.

He had to be cautious, he warned himself. There was the matter of that song. That inner song of her spirit that had first awoken him from his deep sleep after her husband had slain his captor. She had been a female Dragon that had lured him with the promise of mating and with but an ancient spell was able to hold him prisoner in a long slumber awakening him only when she was ready to mate again. And the urge to mate was near impossible to resist. Once done with him she would cast him back into his deep slumber. A mistake in which he had suffered for out of sheer lust.

The little Goddess' husband may have been the one to free him, but it was her song he had followed. Her spirit sang akin to how lyrium itself had a song of its own if one could only listen. He had known better than to follow the two outright, but her song was what had driven him initially, hadn't it? He had followed her scent all the way here towards Skyhold. It had been dimmer here, but he could still sense it knowing that once she had spent many years here as her Magic had seeped into its stones layered atop Magic even older and greater than herself. So he had laid in waiting hoping she would return to Skyhold so he could see who embodied this entrancing song for himself, and he was not disappointed. She had returned, indeed. He hadn't known what to expect, but an Elven Goddess was not it. Especially not one so stunning to behold for her kind. Her spirit still sang to him and he heeded its call. No other Immortal or Elf had a spirit that carried a song as alluring as hers. Yes, he must be careful. It wasn't the first time something intriguing had caught his attention that ended up being a folly on his part.

Then there was the matter of the husband himself. He would prove to be a most difficult obstacle if Rowan allowed Zatriel to return to Skyhold. It wasn't the fact that she was married, such things rarely mattered to him as marriage did not exist within his kind. No, it was more about who she was married to. He had heard much about this Solas, what he had done long ago by forming the Veil and once again about how he tore it down causing chaos and destruction throughout all the lands. Upon his awakening he had seen first hand the transformation the world had undergone since last he had been free. He also knew what this husband of hers was capable of, and of what he might say about Zatriel; that he was dangerous, that he could not be trusted, to get rid of him once and for all. Yet he knew this Goddess well enough that she would do what she chose for herself. She was intelligent, willful, commanding, and yet there was a tenderness and frailness to her that he found endearing. She would make up her own mind regarding him, and if she chose to push him away he would honor it as much as he would hate to admit defeat before even reaching his prize.

And what of that? What was this 'prize' he sought from her so desperately? The question remained unanswered. He had yet to discover that himself. Naturally her husband was correct; he was dangerous and could not be trusted. To a degree. He had given this Rowan his word that he would allow nothing and no one to cause her any harm and at least his word was his bond. Oaths were not something he had ever given freely and thus he honored them the best that he could. He would only allow Rowan herself to release him from his oath, though he would be reluctant to do so. Even then he would watch from a distance and would still come to her aid if she needed him. The question was, why? Why had he felt the need to protect her at all, to offer his services to her so readily?

He plucked a necklace up off the table and allowed it to dangle from his fingers. Now that he had been freed from his prison he had been able to return to his old lair and collect what valuables he had wished to keep. This one in particular was a silver necklace with a simple ruby pendant. A gift he had specifically picked out for her. A sentimental gesture yes, but he would allow himself that much at least. Still, this was nothing compared to the other gift he had to offer her, one only she could choose for herself. The binding that connected her and her husband together spiritually? He had stumbled on a tome that spoke of how to undo such Magic. He would never force that upon her. She had chosen to give herself over to her husband and she would have to choose to be released from him. Yet he would tell her of its existence, give it to her personally, allow her to keep it. Perhaps he was being hopeful that she would do such a thing, to release herself from all chains that held her back to be free to be her own person again? Or perhaps it was because he wanted her to go through with it for more selfish reasons? It confounded him.

He clenched the necklace in his fist then released it allowing it to fall back onto the table lest he crush it. Yes, a gift for her. A simple one. Nothing ornate or lavish, that wasn't her style. He had easily read that from her; her actions, the way she dressed, the way she wore her hair. Everything was for function not fashion. She was not one who was easily impressed by lavish gifts. No, this simple pendant would do if she would have it. Yet by comparison the best gift he had to offer her was freedom.

Zatriel set about transcribing the Ancient Elven text to a scroll on how to perform the unbinding ritual for her. He would leave it in her hands. Physically and metaphorically. The ritual was the true gift, not the necklace.

He looked at the crystal on his desk again when he was done. She was in her chambers. Alone. But not for long. Her husband would arrive soon and Zatriel smiled. He wanted to be there when it occurred. He wanted this Solas to see him. He knew this endeavor would only make matters worse for his Rowan, yet he couldn't resist the temptation of giving her these gifts before her husband arrived as well as partially being in his presence when he did so.

He picked up the scroll and the necklace and took off towards Skyhold. He took a certain amount of perverted pleasure at being the center of so much controversy.

*

Solas entered the Sanctuary and half expected to be greeted with a smug Morrigan, but such was not the case. She had been obviously fretting and looked both alarmed and relieved when he entered. This did little in the way of alleviating his growing concerns. If Morrigan had summoned him here something had gone terribly awry. “Is she hurt? Is Rowan alright?” Solas was worried and it showed. He didn't care to hide his worry from the witch, his main concern was that of his wife and child.

“She's fine, relax,” Morrigan said.

“You summoned me here on urgent business regarding my wife and tell me to relax?” He shook his head, “How can you possibly ask that of me?”

“The good news is that Rowan has allowed the Eluvian to stay, ” Morrigan said trying to draw out the conversation as much as she could. “It's in your old rotunda. She's asked that I remain as well, so I've decided that the best place for me to be is at her side.” Morrigan was skirting the issue at hand and began shuffling papers on the desk. There was no good way of telling Solas what he really needed to hear and now that he was at the Sanctuary she found herself stalling.

“And that's why you brought me here? To tell me about the Eluvian?” Solas was in no mood for the witch's games. There was more going on and she was not telling him what he needed to know.

“Well, actually, no. There's been an... _incident_ you might say.” She attempted to sound as casual as she could and diverted her eyes from him. Morrigan was nervous to say the least, so she pretended to busy herself with gathering her things to take back to Skyhold. Books, clothing, scrolls. Anything she could get her hands on at this point really.

“I've no time for games, Morrigan.” He stormed over to where she stood and grabbed her by the arm forcing her to face him. “What is this... _incident_?”

Morrigan pulled her arm from his grasp and took a deep breath. Despite it all she refused to allow him to physically handle her in such a fashion. Though she wished to find the gentlest way of telling him this he was trying her patience. She reminded herself that no matter how angry he became this situation was not her doing. “Fine,” she replied. She would tell him everything she knew and could only hope that he didn't lash out at her for delivering this news. “There's a Dragon at Skyhold... _Per say_.”

Solas cocked his head to the side, befuddled by what exactly the witch meant exactly by it. “Per say?” he repeated her words. He brought a hand up to his brow and shook his head at her. He didn't want word games, or to guess at what the situation entailed, he wanted and needed to know exactly what was going on at Skyhold and Morrigan was withholding that information from him. “Speak plainly, Morrigan.”

Morrigan faced her fears and of Solas head on, “Have it your way. I went to her chambers to talk to her about the Eluvian, just as you instructed me to, and there was a man there with her.”

“A man? I see...” Morrigan's words were like a dagger to his heart. Rowan had the presence of another man in her private chambers, and so soon. It didn't necessarily mean she had a new lover, Rowan would most certainly break things off with him if she desired to be free to be with another, but the thought alone of another man in her private room still left his heart filled with sorrow. Without knowing whether or not she had or would forgive him the very idea of a potential would-be suitor made his heart sink. He broke his gaze from Morrigan and looked at the floor then back to her. He shook his head. Morrigan had said this was about a Dragon not a man. How did one relate to the other? He looked at her, cocked an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side. “I thought this was about a Dragon?” he asked her pointedly. He didn't see the connection, if there was one to be had.

“Solas,” Morrigan said to him softly, the pain evident in him all over, “That's just it. The man _is_ the Dragon.” For the first time Solas looked at Morrigan carefully. There was no deceit in her eyes, but there was concern. He realized that Morrigan feared having to tell him this for he had never been easy on her, and it must have taken great courage for her to do so. She must have feared that Solas would lash out at her over this news, but he would not. He had more compassion than that. After all it was Solas himself that had put Morrigan in this position. Then it came to him. Her words fell into place within his mind. He tried to dismiss it but could not; a man and a Dragon, one and the same? Morrigan had to be mistaken. Such beings had died out long ago. It was not possible!

“You're certain of this?” he asked her with sudden concern. “Was it a trick? An illusion, perhaps?” Again he saw the fear return to her eyes and he raised his hands to indicate that he meant her no harm. “Tell me everything,” he appealed to her as softly as he could even though every alarm in his heart and mind was going off.

She began pacing back and forth as she began talking, “I went into Rowan's room and he, the man, was already there. First he was a man, nothing out of the ordinary. He looked to be an ordinary Elven male. It was when she dismissed him that he turned into a Dragon and flew off.” She looked at Solas with unadulterated fear in her eyes, not of him, but of what she had seen. “Solas, I've never heard of such a thing in my studies anywhere. An Elf who can transform into a Dragon, or a Dragon that can transform into an Elf? I thought only the Evanuris could turn into Dragons? Yet he is no Evanuris. Still he felt... old. Powerful.” Morrigan stopped pacing and looked at him. “I don't know if she's in direct danger but I could not allow his presence to remain a secret from you.”

He clasped his amulet in his one hand out of habit. Rowan was indeed in danger. She did not know what she dealing with, had no way of knowing for herself. How had this being come to be at Skyhold? And why Rowan? This was no ordinary Dragon and he had to get to Rowan and find a way to reach through her anger to her senses. She had to send this being away as quickly as possible. Whether or not she would listen to reason he did not know, but he had to at least try. She could not allow it to remain at Skyhold for any length of time. It would beguile her under the pretenses of protecting her, and with the threat of The Others still looming over her and their child, she would accept it readily. What Rowan did not understand was that this being was far deadlier and dangerous to her than all The Others combined.

He had to get to Skyhold. He had no choice. He had to protect his wife and child at all costs. Solas looked at Morrigan again. He was indebted to her and was grateful that she brought this to his attention when she did. He wished to at least make an attempt to show her that much. “Morrigan?”

“Yes, Solas?” she asked apprehensively.

“Thank you... for telling me.” He nodded to her. Though he was urgent to be on his way, his thanks was meant in earnest. He walked towards the Eluvian and activated it when he heard Morrigan calling to him. He turned and saw the worry in her eyes, an honest emotion from her. No beguiling or games. Honest worry and concern.

“Solas?” she called out then asked, “It's worse than I thought, isn't it? Rowan's in danger, isn't she?”

“That would be putting it mildly, Morrigan,” he said in a tone that hopefully eased Morrigan's fear of him. He looked at the witch one last time, “She's in terrible danger. She knows not what it is she faces.” With that Solas stepped into the Eluvian that led to Skyhold and was gone.

*

Rowan was back in her bed chambers. She spent a lot of time there as repairs to Skyhold were not entirely complete yet. It would take a bit more time still. She ate here, planned here, talked with Zatriel here, and slept here. Most of all she spent her time thinking and crying here when alone, especially during the nighttime. After departing Morrigan's quarters she had given her directives to the serving Elves that Morrigan was to be allowed to design and decorate as she saw fit. She would allow Morrigan the ability to transform Skyhold the way she wished it. Such things meant little to Rowan.

She went to the table that she and Zatriel had shared earlier and began picking up all the papers they had been going over and placed them in a drawer in her desk. She eyed the particular drawer that held her necklace and slowly opened it. A small sob caught in her throat at the sight of it. There it lay, undisturbed as it had from the day she had arrived at Skyhold. She dared not touch it though she felt naked without it still. Morrigan would see to it that Solas learned of Zatriel soon enough. Today, without a doubt. She had received news from one of the other Elves that Morrigan had been seen heading to the rotunda. A display meant for Rowan, she surmised, since there were more subtler ways of reaching it. Morrigan's way of letting Rowan know that she was off to meet with Solas. Undoubtedly she was with him now. Zatriel was well aware of this as well so she was genuinely surprised when gusts of wind whipped up in her room and he landed on her balcony. She quickly closed the drawer that her necklace laid in. Zatriel had chosen a most inopportune moment to make an appearance in her chambers. Solas would be arriving, how soon she did not know, but Zatriel should not be here when that moment arrived. She would have to convince him to leave.

She stood up from her chair and made her way over to him. The first thing she noticed is that he had opted to transform fully clothed for the first time since they met. He was still clad in all black, yet there he was donned in a shirt and shoes instead of just pants. Was he, too, preparing for Solas to arrive and was making an effort on her behalf to appear in a more civilized fashion? She didn't feign to know the inner workings of his mind or motives. So much about him was a mystery and she hadn't known him for very long as it was.

The air was energized by his presence and it grew stronger the closer she drew nearer to him. “Zatriel, you know this is not a good time for you to be here,” she said as she closed the distance between them. She stopped a respectable distance from him yet he stepped in further, wanting to be nearer to her. To hear the song more loudly, to catch her scent, to be within her presence.

“I'm well aware, my little Goddess,” as said as innocently as possible. Yes, he felt it too. The air was charged between them, a combination of his power and hers. “But I couldn't allow you to undergo what you are about to endure without at least a parting a gift or two,” he continued.

“Zatriel, there's no need for gifts.” He had never given her a gift before, why did he deem it necessary to do so now? She was befuddled and his closeness made it even more difficult to think clearly. Sometimes his closeness had very little effect on her, yet there were other times, such as now, where she could not ignore it and push it away. Whenever she had battled with Dragons in her past never did they have this effect on her, yet for some reason he did. He was different from the others, that much he had made known. Older, an ascendant of what he deemed lesser counterparts to what he himself was. And what exactly he was she did not know. He had a sensuality about him that charged the air, and though part of her said this was a dangerous endeavor to entertain him in her life she couldn't bring herself to dismiss him.

He lifted her chin with a single finger forcing her to look into his eyes. His touch was electrifying, her skin tingled where he touched her. It was enough to bring a flush to her cheeks. “Hush little one,” he said gently with a playful smile. “It would be my honor. Besides, today may be the last day I will be allowed to visit you pending on how things transpire. Allow me this one gesture of sentimentality.”

He let go of her chin and took her hand in his. He produced a scroll from a pocket and placed it in her palm, closing her fingers around it before releasing her hand. She was trying not to allow her hand to tremble at his touch, then looked down at the scroll she now held and opened it. She began reading through the text he had transcribed for her. She was more than a little confused. It was a spell, that much she knew, but it was Magic beyond her training and its meaning was lost to her. Such a spell would require immense power to perform.

“What's this?” she asked perplexed, looking up at him.

“It's an unbinding spell. I think you can draw your own conclusions as to what exactly it unbinds.” He gathered a lock of her hair in his hand and just felt it between his fingers. Her long white waves were soft as silk in his hand, the sweet scent of lilacs emanating from her, and the song, it was louder when he was this close to her. He took it all in with a sigh.

“An unbinding spell? You mean-”

“Yes,” he answered the question he didn't permit her to finish. It was better that way. He allowed her hair to slip from his fingers and then ran his knuckles across her jawline. He didn't know why, it was part game and part desire this gesture. He knew she was refraining from closing her eyes beneath his touch and inwardly he smiled. “If ever there comes a time that you wish to be free you now have the means to do so. You will be free to be your own person once again, free to feel and chose on your own.”

Zatriel stood back a bit to gauge her reaction. She looked at him then back at the scroll, the realization of what it meant finally dawning on her. Still, he continued with the speech he had prepared. “That is not to say that I am suggesting it,” he casually leaned against the column that separated her balcony from her bedroom. “Yet when I stumbled upon it in my studies I thought that you deserved to have it if ever that day came.” And there it was, the temptation. The seed he had just planted within her. It would linger there and fester. One day she may even use it.

He peeled himself off of the column and walked behind her continuing on, coming close enough to her to speak softly into her ear, “You are not a spirit that is meant to be bound to another.” His voice was barely a whisper now and she could feel the heat of his breath on her skin. That slight dizzying sensation returned. “Such things are meant for mortals, not beings such as yourself. There is a wildness to you that deserves more than being chained to the soul of another.”

“Zatriel, please I really don't-”

“Hush...” was all he said.

He continued to circle her like she was some form of prey and he was the predator running his fingers through her hair. All planned, all thought out long before he had arrived. He was well aware of the effect he had on her, it became evident with the way she leaned her head into his hand just now. “You don't want it right now. But what about a year from now? Ten? A thousand? What would future you want? Of this you can't be certain.” He finally made his way back to standing in front of her and ran a finger across her lower lip and delighted in how it trembled beneath his touch. He leaned in and whispered his final words, his breath hot against her lips, close enough to kiss, “And I may not be around to give it to you later. So do with it what you wish. Store it away, toss it to the fire. I leave this in your hands because that is where it belongs.”

Rowan looked up at Zatriel and their eyes locked. She didn't know what to make of his lips so close to hers, and the feeling of his breath upon them. She briefly wondered if he intended on kissing her? If so, would she allow it? Would she give in to him? Nothing was certain when he was this close. He slowly stood up straight, enjoying the show, and smiled softly. She was grateful for the space between them now. It afforded her the ability to regain some of her senses. She would have to be more careful when around him, she reminded herself.

“One last gift and then I will depart,” he said smiling brightly. “This one a small token of my affection.” Zatriel produced a simple necklace. A silver chain upon which a tear-drop shaped ruby hung. Nothing extraordinary about it, not even Magical by nature, but it was beautiful in its simplicity.

“Here, allow me.” Before Rowan could protest Zatriel moved behind her and began hanging the necklace over her front. She wondered if allowing him within close proximity to her again and so soon was a wise decision? However she found herself allowing him the courtesy anyhow. He draped the pendant around her neck as she lifted up her hair so he could clasp it in the back. Briefly his fingers brushed up against the back of her neck that sent little shock-waves down her spine.

Zatriel couldn't have timed the moment more perfectly. As he was engaging the clasp to the necklace her door opened up. Footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs to her room. It was her husband. Solas had reached the top of the stairs when he came upon the scene. He stopped in his tracks and felt his heart sink as he took in the scene before him; a strange man was clasping a necklace to his wife's neck, her hair held up by her own hands, both composed as if it were commonplace between them.

Zatriel and Rowan both turned towards Solas simultaneously. Rowan allowed her hair to fall back into place, a ruby pendant resting on her chest. Zatriel simply smiled knowingly then bowed to Rowan. “I think it's time that I take my leave,” he stated. “It is probably best that I leave you two alone.” He couldn't have painted the picture any better than this.


	11. The Burden of Proof

Solas stood on the landing of the stairs as he watched the Dragon take flight. He looked at Rowan standing in the middle of the room wearing a dress that accommodated her growing belly. Her belly had swollen more so over the last week that he had been absent, and she had a certain glow to her that only Mother's seemed to carry. His heart ached for her and it nearly broke him to see her with that creature. Although he missed her terribly, right now his main concern was her safety. He feared for her. He looked down and away lest she see the turmoil on his face. “I apologize, I should not have intruded on you like this,” he said in a hushed tone. He hadn't bothered to knock and be granted permission into her chambers, he had simply barged in. Seeing the two of them seemingly so intimate and comfortable in each other's presence had caused him to stop in his tracks.

Rowan saw the sadness in his eyes before he turned his head away. It pained her to see him like this, but she was determined to stand firm against him if she had to. “You did little harm, Solas,” she said casually.

Surely she knew why he was here and had her responses planned. Her posture was enough to give away that she had already begun to dig in her heels and would refuse to budge, still he had to try. “May I come in?” he asked simply.

“Yes you may,” Rowan replied as she walked out onto the balcony. She turned and looked over at him as he followed suit. He was mindful to keep his distance, giving her space. There was a long stretch of silence as they both just stood on the balcony, neither speaking or wanting to break the silence, each dreading the argument that was about to take place. Finally Rowan broke the silence when she looked out towards the mountains and said quite pointedly, “I know why you've come and my answer is no.”

He looked at her as she continued to stand straight and kept her gaze trained on the mountains in the distance. He could read nothing in her black eyes. This was the Rowan that commanded. This was the Rowan that had, once made her mind up about something, could not be dissuaded. Regardless of what he said from this moment until the end of their discussion nothing would sway her. She was battle ready and had already made up her mind. There was no sense arguing the case, he told himself, yet he persisted. He had to. Despite everything he loved her. “Rowan," he pleaded, "Will you at least hear me out? Just hear what I have to say?”

“You believe I am incapable of handling myself,” Rowan stated flatly and crossed her arms. It wasn't a question but more of a statement.

Solas shook his head, “No, not at all.” If the incident at the grove proved anything it was that Rowan was more than capable of handling herself. Truth be told Solas often wondered is she was perhaps even more powerful than himself? But it didn't make her invincible. She still had the small glimmer of mortality that yet lingered within her. He surmised that once she delivered the baby that last glimmer would be gone if he was correct. This also made her the perfect target for the Dragon though she did not yet understand why.

“Then what is there to discuss?” she asked finally facing him. She attempted to read what he was thinking from his posture, his mannerisms, and his facial expressions. She knew him all too well. She saw a hint of fear coupled with sadness. There had always been the subtle hint of sadness within him, even from the first time they met, but knowing she was now the cause of it made her divert her gaze to the ground. And fear was not something she was accustomed to seeing him express.

“You are free to do with your life what you will,” he dared to take a few steps in her direction, “but this? This is I cannot bear to see you up against. You need to understand what this creature is.”

Rowan laughed a little and looked at him with her head cocked to the side. “I thought you had always admired my curiosity on all things Magical? Isn't that something you once told me that you loved the most about me?” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

“Not when it puts you in direct danger, no.” Solas placed a hand on her shoulder as gently as he could. “You are curious about a dangerous creature of which you know nothing about, how exactly should I respond?”

Rowan peeled his hand off of her shoulder and locked eyes with him. Her eyes were full of fierce determination when she spoke, “I am well aware that Zatriel can be a threat, but if you think you can talk me into sending him away you're wrong.”

Zatriel? So he had allowed her to choose a name for him. Which meant that he had opted not to tell her his true name. It was a clever tactic. He shook his head. The Dragon had already begun to get his clutches into his wife, he saw that now. Normally Rowan would be plying him with endless questions, yet she asked none. He had to persist, to attempt to convince her to abandon this foolishness. For her to send the Dragon away before it was too late.

“Rowan,” he said softly, “I have never taken you for a fool but the threat he poses should not be overlooked. It would be unwise to do so. I'm begging you, send him away. If not for yourself, then for our daughter.” He hoped he could appeal to the Mother in her. Her protective instincts.

“Don't bring her into this.” She was glaring at him now. “Don't use our child as a tool in an argument." She turned away from him once more.

Rowan had never spoken to him with such vitriol in her voice, but he refused to give in. He attempted to appeal to her again, “Please just listen to me. I know what this being is capable of. It will gain your trust, your favor, and ultimately anything else it wishes from you in time. Then, when it is too late, it will use you to its own ends. It will feed on your power to fuel its own ultimately enslaving your essence. Please, I beg of you, send it away immediately.”

“I will not. Zatriel is welcome here in Skyhold until such a time that I wish him to be gone and no sooner.” She turned and looked at Solas once again. “These things you claim he can do," she said with a certain sting in her voice, "I have _your_ word to take on it? Forgive me if I'm not in a trusting mood." She paused taking a deep breath. She was lashing out at him now and breathed deeply to calm herself. If he had proof to back up his claims she wanted to see it. "Give me proof of what you say. I will accept nothing less," she told him.

Solas sighed. There was something he could get for her, it just meant finding it. He didn't know how long it would take for him to locate it either, but it was worth a try. “There is a book,” he told her, “If I get this book for you, will you consider reading it?” He would find this book and let her read it for herself. With any hope that would persuade her to be rid of the Dragon once and for all.

“Bring me the book and I will read it. On that you have my word.”

Her words sounded more like a command than an agreement, but he was happy that she would at least do that much for him. He turned and headed towards the stairs. Stopping just shy of reaching them he looked back at her on the balcony where she had remained. She still stood with her back to him. Solas was hesitant to ask the next question but he felt himself unable to stop himself from doing so. He needed to know. “Are you two... lovers?” he asked dreading her answer.

Rowan turned and looked at him. “No, we are not," she answered firmly. She understood that he was hurting, but to ask her this? What did he take her for? She was completely taken aback by the question. “If you must know, I have none. I am still your wife, for the moment.”

He was relieved to hear that she had not taken him into her bed, but her last words bounced around in his head as he stood at the top of the flight of stairs ... _'for the moment'_ , she had said. He looked down at the steps. It had been a foolish question to ask her, and he deserved the answer he had received. For the moment. The pendulum still swung inside her regarding their relationship.

“Forgive me for asking. I will leave you in peace then.”

Solas began walking down the steps that led to her door. Rowan turned and called out to him, “Solas, wait!” Rowan just stared at him for a moment wanting nothing more than to rush into his arms but refrained. She cleared her throat and continued, “I wish... I wish for you to remain. Here at Skyhold.” Solas stood up straight curious as to why she wished for his presence here? Rowan fidgeted with her fingers and explained, “I find myself in need of a history teacher, and Serenity needs her father. I don't know how much time I have left before Serenity is born and you deserve to be part of this. And I would have you here when that day arrives as well. If you are comfortable remaining you may have the rotunda back. If it isn't imposing, that is?” Rowan looked at him with hope in her eyes. She didn't know why asking this of him caused her heart to flutter, but it did. She feel that her face was flushing as well which caused her to look down at her hands.

Solas allowed a small smile to come to his lips and replied, “I would be happy to stay.”

Rowan went and sat at her table as if they were merely conducting business now. “Then high noon each day we will meet in Skyhold's garden area,” she instructed him. “I will ensure we are not disturbed.”

“Thank you for this,” he said with a grin. Once again before he could retreat down the stairs Rowan interrupted him. She needed to tell him about the unbinding spell. It was only fair that he knew. “Solas, there's one other matter. I have it.” She stood and faced him taking a step closer. He deserved to know this much. “Zatriel," she continued, "he gave it to me shortly before you arrived.”

“Have what?” he asked cautiously.

“The unbinding spell.” He deserved to not only know that it existed, but that she was in possession of it. She knew that the impact this would have on him would only make his wounds even greater, but she would not keep him from this knowledge.

Ah, so there it was; The unbinding spell. The great gift, a treasure for her from Zatriel. She now had a way to be free from him forever if she so chose it. He hung his head and asked in a hushed whisper, “Do you plan to use it?”

“No,” Rowan replied with a start, “I mean, I don't know. It depends.” She began fidgeting with her hands.

“On what?” If she had intentions to use it he at least wanted to know under what circumstances. The thought that she might use it at all crushed his heart.

“On whether or not I can forgive you,” she whispered. Even if she couldn't she wasn't certain she would go through with it. Forgiveness often takes time, she reminded herself. "Even if I can't forgive you, I'm still not certain if I would."

“I see,” was all he managed to say.

“I just felt... I felt that you deserved the right to know that it existed.” The look on his face told her that in his mind her using the spell was just a matter of time.

“The decision is yours to make,” he said, his eyes wet with tears. “And come what may I will respect it.”

Solas descended the stairs and left her room shutting the door behind him. He wiped at the tears in his eyes before they threatened to run down his face. So the creature had given her what he himself never knew existed; Freedom; Freedom to be her own person again. As far as he had known there was no reversing the binding between them, they were forever bound, but such was not the case. If she performed the spell then he had truly lost her. Though Rowan may be rash at times something of this magnitude he knew she would not perform unless she felt she had no other choice but to be free of him forever. And, just as he promised, he would respect her decision. He told himself that now was not the time to dwell on it, only time would tell what she would or would not do. As of now he had other matters to attend to despite how broken he left her room feeling.

He made his way towards the rotunda. He stopped one of the Elves passing by and asked for a small table and chair to be brought to the rotunda as well as a piece of paper and quill. He needed nothing fancy, but he did have a list of things he would need to have acquired for him. Once the room was set up the way he liked he went up the side stairs that wound around the rotunda. The next level had been a library brimming with books of all sorts. Now the shelves were dusty without a single book anywhere to be seen. He recalled how Dorian had practically lived on this floor, always reading in the nook of the wall. He continued on upwards to the level where the spymaster Leliana had once kept her post. The squawking of many ravens had once filled this area. It would make an ideal study, he thought to himself.

He made his way back down to the bottom level and stared at the Eluvian. Once he was done transporting everything from the Sanctuary that he could the Eluvian would have to leave. He couldn't very well leave an open door to Skyhold in the advent that the Sanctuary was compromised. After all, Morrigan had found it and had overcome the wards he had placed for its protection. Evidently he had underestimated the witch.

Solas sat down at his table and began compiling a list of things he would need to acquire as well as a list of things that he would need to have done. The upper two floors needed a good cleaning. Then there was paint; He would need lots of paint, and brushes as well. A desk on the third floor with a chair. In the rotunda itself he would leave just his small table and chair, a bunk, and a couch. He would simply keep the Eluvian deactivated for the time being. It would still be an oddity to the Elves, but he was a Mage and the world had come to trust instead of fear Magic and Magical items in this new age.

Suddenly he remembered Morrigan. He would enlist her aid in moving books from the Sanctuary to Skyhold. It would be a great undertaking. What couldn't fit in the library would have to be stored elsewhere in the fortress.

He opened his door and flagged a passing servant girl. “I have a list of items I require. Can you see that they are tended to?” The serving girl nodded at him taking the list. “Yes, My Lord,” she said and hurried off. So this was to be his new lot in life; taking his station back in the rotunda, becoming a teacher for Rowan, and the “Lord” of Skyhold. He was grateful that Rowan allowed him to remain a part of her pregnancy, yet he knew that being in her presence would grow more painful each time. He would busy himself with painting new frescoes in the rotunda. He no more wanted to be reminded of that time than she did. He would begin anew and he had a budding idea of where to start. He shook his head as he looked around, his mind inadvertently turning back to their discussion. He should have known that his argument against this 'Zatriel' would have fallen on deaf ears. He would have to pour through all of the books he could find in search of what she needed to read for herself; the book detailing this particular Dragon's history, the way they preyed on their victims, their strategies, the danger it posed. She had agreed on that much. What came after that he could not guess. He could only hope that it would prove to be enough to convince her.

He approached the Eluvian then paused before entering it. Something he almost didn't notice came to the forefront of his mind; although she was no longer wearing her necklace she was still wearing her ring. His heart skipped a beat at that small gesture, that she had not removed it from her finger. He didn't want to look at it as a sign of hope but it had been on her finger nonetheless. He smiled a little before stepping through the Eluvian. His heart was warmed by her sentimental gesture regardless of how small it may be. That she still loved him there was no doubt, but he would have to fight to earn that love back.

He would lay down his life if that's what it took.

*

Morrigan was still in the Sanctuary when Solas came through the Eluvian. His face carried a faint smile. Morrigan didn't know what to make of it. Was it too much to hope that he had been able to reason with her? She couldn't tell by looking at him how things had turned out, but she also endeavored not to ask. He would bring it up when he was ready so she remained silent on the side of caution.

“There was no reasoning with her,” he said flatly as he passed her and headed towards one of the bookshelves.

“'Tis as I suspected,” Morrigan said. “Solas, what is he?”

“It is simple," he said plucking books off of the shelves. "He is one of the first of the line of Dragons themselves. I believed his line to be extinct, the whole world had. I see that I was incorrect. All Dragons possess a sense of sentience; they have been known to bond with one another, some have been known to even mate for life, as well they fight when territory does not allow room for more than one. However this particular breed is attracted to and feeds off of power much the way the Evanuris become more powerful off of the beliefs and prayers from their followers.”

“But why Rowan?” Morrigan was more than confused. Morrigan wondered what had made Rowan so important to warrant its attention?

Solas turned towards Morrigan with his arms full of books. “The most likely answer?” he began, “Because she is unique. She carries an old soul within her coupled with her own budding immortality. I suspect that her pregnancy is also a thing of curiosity to the creature. To what end, I do not know.”

“Has she lost all reason?” Morrigan asked in disbelief.

“She is alone and grieving,” Solas stated. “It would be easy to see how she could entertain the company of what she would consider an exotic creature overlooking the potential dangers. This also made it all too easy for this 'Zatriel' to endear himself to her. However there is a book, and if I can find it she can read the truth for herself. She's agreed to as much.” He placed the pile of books onto the desk and turned and looked over at Morrigan with a serious expression on his face. “I free you from any further commitment to me. You're debt to me has been paid, Morrigan. And I will still uphold my end of the bargain if it is at all possible to do so. However, you must agree to learn so as not to make the same mistakes that The Others have made. You understand this new world, you survived it. You will belong to the people and you will promise me that you will not turn away from them when the time comes.”

Morrigan's eyes grew wide. “Does this mean that you're leaving?” she asked him. Her concern was sincere, he didn't truly plan to leave Rowan and Morrigan at Skyhold while Zatriel was still around, did he?

“Ha ha... No,” he chuckled. “Rowan has asked that I stay at Skyhold. I am to be a 'history teacher' for her. I suppose having slept through the last thousand years of it one would need an education. Also she asked me to stay for the baby. You have my thanks for that.” When he smiled at Morrigan it took her by surprise.

She regained her composure quickly and asked while feigning ignorance, “For what? I did nothing.”

“Rowan would no more have allowed me to stay at Skyhold lest someone else intervened and spoke to her on my behalf. I am aware that the idea to allow me to remain came from you, and it appears that she listened.” He nodded at her then turned back towards the bookshelf to gather more books as he continued, “The best we can do for her at this moment is to remain present at Skyhold. We are the only remaining familiar faces she has left, so to speak,” he chuckled once more giving Morrigan a knowing look. Yes, Morrigan had been jumping from body to body over the years as Flemeth once had thus able to avoid death. That was how she had survived over the ages, though she hardly looked like her old self any longer. She had been born human and now took residence in an Elven form. “I suspect," Solas continued, "that she will be more willing to open up to you than to I. She will need you.”

Solas placed a pile of books into Morrigan's arms. She looked at the books then back at him confusingly. “We need to carry as many of these books as we can, as quickly as we can. The magic of this barrier is weakening with time, and without me here to reinforce its Magic eventually it will collapse upon itself. Also you will have full access to anything I bring.”

“What about the Eluvians?” Morrigan asked.

“I've given some thought to that. I have a particular place in mind.” Again Solas grinned at her. She sincerely hoped whatever plan he concocted to deal with the Eluvians did not involve her.

Solas started carrying an armful of books towards the Eluvian, stopped briefly and looked at Morrigan over his shoulder. “Oh and Morrigan, as much as I know you love the garden at Skyhold, high noon is off limits. Rowan has designated that area and time for me to spend with her throughout the remainder of the pregnancy. What comes after, I cannot guess.” With that he stepped through the Eluvian and re-entered Skyhold.

*

As much as Rowan hated to admit it Solas' warnings kept coming back to haunt her. Naturally Solas is more protective than usual towards her, she was his wife and was carrying his child, however Solas is not one who was easily distraught. She thought she had been prepared to see him again, prepared to face him, but she had been wrong. She had shut him down is what she had done. And in order to prove what? Then there was the fact that her heart both soared and broke simultaneously upon seeing him again. Why must she always mask her pain with anger? Shut her ears when her heart said to listen? To trust?

Either way she would have to find a way to be in his presence regularly now. Each day at high noon they would meet in the garden. She didn't know how she would react to daily contact with him. His hands would surely be on her stomach, feeling the baby within her. Would it further harden her heart or would it soften it? She had no answers to that question.

Then there was Zatriel himself. Until she learned more about him she would have to watch herself around him, which was no small task. But regarding her past life, how things came to be now, these were parts of her that needed to remain with her and her alone. Zatriel had yet to pry, but just to be on the safe side she would have to lock those parts of herself away and never speak of them to him. Solas had already planted the seeds of doubt in her mind, she noted. She was sitting on the edge of the bed turning what he had said to her over in her head. She caught herself fidgeting and looked down. She had been twisting the ring that Solas had given her around her finger. She had never taken it off. The necklace, yes, but not the ring. It reminded her of simpler days, happier times, and despite everything she was still his wife until such a time came that she decided otherwise.

She toiled with the anger she felt within regarding Solas' actions against the world yet scolded herself as well. She reminded herself that she had no valid reason to be angry with him. Had she not begged him at The Crossroads to take her with him all those years ago? Had she not agreed to his plan to tear down the Veil and make the world anew for the people if only she could remain at his side? She knew what he had intended and had still loved him enough to stand by him and his decision come what may. So why was she so hurt and angry by it now? Her only answer was that she had not lived through it, she had not watched the world destroy itself before her as he had causing him to push his hand. She didn't have the years to put it all behind her and heal as he had. To her their time in the Garden was just last week. And she had been dying. Yes, in his arms beneath the Rowan tree she had been dying. She recalled the tears on his face, the sound of a sob, then silence and darkness. Yet there still lay a thousand years of listening, dreaming. To the Elves in her dreams. At least she had once believed they had been mere dreams. The calls to her still pushed and pulled at her in her sleep even now. Elves calling out to Rowhanna, to her. She could still hear them while awake, but was able to push them away to a mere whisper in the back of her mind. Rowan and Rowhanna had finally become One.

Then there was Skyhold itself. Of all places to settle somehow she found herself back at Skyhold. Sometimes she thought she caught a glimpse of a familiar face; Josephine, for example, sitting at her desk in the antechamber. Then the image would fade bringing the sharp pain back to the surface. She supposed it was the loss of those she had grown to call family here at Skyhold that she wept for the most? As with any death it requires time in which to heal. She let the tears flow freely down her face now. For all those she had loved while here. The only way she would ever be able to truly heal was to see it for herself. To see the memory of a world bent on self-destruction, the darkspawn invasion, the helplessness that would have forced his hand in the matter. Then, the Veil. She needed to see the chaos and destruction tearing it down had caused. She needed to be able to weigh his actions based on necessity. Only then could she decide where she stood.

As always when she didn't have answers she shifted her focus. If she were to function in this new world she would need to learn its history, the differing cultures, how the economy worked, its politics, everything. Morrigan possessed such knowledge having lived it but would not have the patience needed to teach her, Zatriel had been slumbering every bit as much as she had, which had left Solas. She had tasked him with that. Solas was, by far, the best option all around. He was more than knowledgeable in these areas. He was and had always been a great teacher and never tired of her endless questions. In the very least it would fill in any awkward silences between them when in the garden. Then there was the matter of Magic itself. How to tap into these new powers she had and how to shut up the voices that constantly filled her head from prayers and petitions. He would have to train her how to command these new abilities. How to interact with the way that Magic worked in this new world.

Then there was the “song” that Zatriel said he had heard in the Deep Roads. The song of her spirit that he had heard and followed which had led him to her very doorstep. She would have to remember to ask Solas what Zatriel had meant by this. What exactly was this “song” he had spoken of and what did it mean?


	12. A Blue Rose

Over the course of the next several days Solas and Morrigan transported all the books they could from the Sanctuary to Skyhold. It had been a huge undertaking and many empty rooms had been filled to the brim with what could not fit in the library. An extension to Skyhold was underway to compensate under Solas' supervision to accommodate them, and Morrigan now spent her spare time seeing to the décor of Skyhold itself. Within the garden area a bench with soft cushions had been placed in the newly created gazebo where the old one once stood. Each day at high noon, as promised, Rowan would meet Solas in the garden and together they would sit on the bench.

Their time was split between allowing Solas the opportunity to touch Rowan's belly as she updated him regarding her pregnancy as well as discussions of various topics she had questions about. Sometimes they would sit beneath a tree together and it was these moments he cherished the most. After assisting Rowan to the ground he would lean against the tree and then she would sit between his legs with her back pressed against his chest so he could explore her belly. Often she would rest her head on his shoulder when they sat this way and he was able to enjoy the feel of her as well as take in her scent for however brief or long of a time she allowed it. He treasured these moments because he would pretend to himself that everything was right with the world again and his arms were wrapped around his wife while he explored her ever growing belly. Other times she would sit on the bench and he would kneel down and place his ear to her stomach just listening and smiling. He marveled with each kick and movement the baby made, with each heartbeat he heard. The way he beamed made Rowan smile inwardly to herself. She had never seen him so thrilled over something that wasn't related to spirits or the Fade before as he was with this. As the days passed their time together became less awkward and had moved to light conversation. Helping Rowan with her studies made things easier on them both. Sometimes he was happy to just allow Rowan to wander about the garden and he would just sit there and watch her.

Solas took these opportunities to pull out his sketchbook and drew various sketches of Rowan. He had many such pages, basic images that he wanted to incorporate into a fresco in the rotunda for one such panel but had yet to settle on any one image. He had perfected every last detail of her face; her almond shaped eyes, the way the tip of her nose turned upwards a bit, the fullness of her lips, even the slightest folds in her dresses. She had continued to wear her hair down, her white waves flowed freely down her back and she always walked with both hands on her belly as if holding their baby already. The pride of being a Mother made her glow. He continued to marvel at her beauty within and without. He even adored the simple way that she seemed to float about the garden. Come what may he considered himself blessed to have her in his life, even if the nature of their relationship would change in time. She had loved him fiercely and he would remain eternally grateful for the love she had shared with him.

Where once he had painted the rotunda with frescoes of each major marker of her time spent in the Inquisition he wanted to start anew. It was time for new beginnings, a new chapter in an new era. He decided he would paint each fresco based on development markers of Serenity beginning with one of Rowan as she was now; radiant, full of life, and her belly swollen with the child she carried. Their child. He paused at the thought. Rowan had made so many things possible for him that he had never dared to dream of having; the love of another and a family. It delighted him beyond all imaginings that he was going to be a father even if the cause of her pregnancy remained a mystery to them both. Yet there she was, carrying his child. He couldn't help but smile, his eyes bright and full of love and hope for the future.

He looked over at her again, she was smelling a flower. It was the little things in life she cherished and he loved her all the more for it. He was overfilled with love at the radiant look on her face, especially when she wasn't aware that he was watching. She seemed lost in her own thoughts just enjoying the day as his eyes followed her. As each day passed she smiled at him more and more, her stubbornness beginning to wear off. Whereas just a few days beforehand she rejected his offers to help her stand, she had softened a bit more in accepting his hand to assist her. She seemed less put off by his touch as well. She no longer stiffened at his touch whenever he placed his hands on her belly. Sometimes if the baby was moving she would grab his hand and place it over top of where Serenity was so he could feel it. The smallest things never ceased to amaze him. Sometimes she would even laugh at something he said.

Rowan was also proving to be an adept student. The old, curious Rowan he had first met had resurfaced. They went over many topics such as the history of the last thousand years, the developments that had taken place in the more settled regions. She plagued him with questions about everything she could imagine and he realized he would have to begin a detailed curriculum for her if she kept on this way. He didn't mind. Her curious nature was, as she had noted in their argument, one of the things about her personality he adored the most. He treasured the chance to teach her whatever she wished to know. Currently they had been discussing the new laws of the Fade and how it affected the world and the Elves themselves. How it had fundamentally altered Magic as well. He told her how those who were born with the gift of high Magic well enough to be considered a Mage were sent to an institution of learning. They were taught the fundamentals, the theory of Magic, how to master their abilities. Once a Mage was considered done with their studies they were free to re-enter the world and go where they pleased, or stay and become a teacher themselves. Long gone were the days where Mages were locked away in dismal towers doomed to spend their entire lives within it. Now Mages were free; free to learn, free to rejoin the world, free to have families of their own.

He had taken the time while he and the Elves were in the Sanctuary waiting to rejoin the world to re-formulate the Rite of Tranquility. In the world she had lived in it had been used as a punishment for those that abused their abilities or were too weak to control them. It was also used on Mages caught using Blood Magic or summoning demons. It had been Magical castration. The Rite of Tranquility when used would also strip the Mage in question of not just their Magic, but their tie to the Fade; they lost their ability to dream and were rendered emotionless. Such was no longer the case. In today's world it was now a way for a Mage to relinquish their personal Magic if they so chose to. He had worked out the formula that would allow a Mage to undergo the Rite while still holding onto their ability to dream and feel. And it was never forced upon a Mage unless the Magic posed a danger to the Mage in question. In today's world it was a personal decision they were allowed to choose for themselves.

Which brought his mind back to Rowan. Soon they would need to direct their attention to training Rowan how to control her new abilities, for this was not something any institution could teach her. The only person capable of even understanding what she was going through was himself. She would need to learn how to expand her consciousness and reach out to the voices in her head and how to silence them when she needed. It would be no small undertaking and eventually she would return to the Garden of Love permanently. She had told him as much in one of their conversations. She wanted to be so much more than The Others had been, but she needn't live at The Garden of Love in order to perform her duties to the people. He didn't want to see her tie herself down as a living Goddess when there were other ways of reaching out to the Elves. He hoped that once her training was complete she would see this. Rowan was a dedicated woman, but she also had a wildness to her that craved adventure. Tying herself to any one location out of duty would not suit her well.

A small frown crossed his face. Once he had hoped that together they would forge a life here. Raise a family here, together. He hadn't considered the impact being back in Skyhold would have on her once she regained her memories, but it was painfully obvious to him that being here caused her more grief than was necessary. Then there was Serenity to consider. They still didn't know what their daughter was capable of doing and it was for the best that she not be at the Garden when her abilities manifested. Not to mention he wanted their daughter to have a normal life, as normal as one she could have in the very least. He hoped that in time Rowan would want this as much as he did. He often wondered if perhaps leaving Skyhold behind permanently would be best for her? As of yet she stood firm that she would make no decisions until after the baby was born.

He looked back up at Rowan who was presently gently touching the petals of a rose as if to feel its softness. He closed his sketchbook and placed it in his pack. He had been waiting for such a day when the sun was high in the sky and the chill in the mountain air had receded. The weather today was perfect for what he had in mind. It was sunny and warm as spring approached. He had stumbled upon something during one of his various walks and wanted to share it with her, provided she would agree to accompany him.

Solas stood from the bench and walked over to her. “They are beautiful, are they not?” he asked as he stood beside her. She looked up and smiled at him all aglow.

“Yes, they are. These are my favorite, even the wild ones.” She smiled at him once again. “It's nice to see them in bloom, and to see so many flowers here. I remember when this was an herb garden for the infirmary. I prefer it this way.” Yes, she preferred life away from battle and seeing wounded soldiers pouring into Skyhold. Even if she did occasionally long for adventure she had never known Skyhold to be so peaceful. Now, between Solas and Morrigan, it would become a center of trade. She had been more than happy to turn those matters over to the two of them for she they knew this world in which she now existed far better than she.

“Come,” he said to her cocking his head to the side ever so slightly. “Walk with me. There is something I wish to show you.”

“What's this about?” She peered at him curiously.

“It's a surprise. A short walk just outside of Skyhold.”

“Alright then, lead the way.” Smiling wide he held out his hand for her to take as he helped her up the steps and into the main hall. Together they made their way out of the front gate of Skyhold in silence. Solas gave her no hints or clues as to where they were headed or why, he simply walked on and occasionally looked over and smiled at her.

“Where are we going?” she asked. They had been walking some distance and Solas had yet to say a word the entire time. He had simply been walking at a leisurely pace beside her with his hands behind his back.

“There is a path up ahead,” he explained. He stopped and pointed down a bit directing her attention to a small path that she otherwise would have overlooked. “See it just over there?” he asked her. It was overgrown with time but there was indeed a path. Had he not pointed it out she would have walked right past it. “That is our destination.” He had a knowing grin on his face which only served to make her all the more curious.

They continued down towards the path and it only took a moment to reach it. It was overgrown but somewhat manageable. He offered her his hand to help her navigate over various fallen limbs that blocked off parts of the path and she accepted it without hesitation. He had meant to have the path cleared for them but today had seemed the perfect day for this and he did not wish to waste any time. She held onto his hand as they made their way to a clearing.

“I know this spot,” she said looking around. “Cassandra used to come here to read all the time.” There was a bit of sadness in her eyes when she spoke. He hadn't considered as much when he had come here on his own.

“My apologies. It was not my intention to bring up such a painful memory,” he admitted as she slipped her hand out of his. “I did not mean to cause you any pain." He walked a bit towards some brush by the trees edge then waved her over to where he stood. “Come, this way. There is something here I wish to show you,” he beckoned to her with his free hand.

Rowan made her way over to where Solas was standing. He was gently holding back some brush. She peered into the clearing he had made and spotted them; Blue roses. She couldn't recall ever having seem such roses before. Her eyes grew wide with wonder as she stared at them.

“Blue roses...” she whispered. “They're beautiful! Solas, how did you find these?” she asked looking at him. Her face lit up with excitement at this discovery he had shared with her.

“Quite simply,” he answered. “I was wandering about and I spied them. I remembered your favorite color is blue and how much you love roses. I thought you might like them.” The wonderment in her eyes made him heart soar. He had hoped she would like them, and when he first stumbled upon them he knew he had to share them with her. He intended to not only clear the path but also to clear away the brush that hid the roses so they may have better access to the sun's warmth.

Rowan tore her gaze away from the roses then looked back at Solas, eyes still wide with wonder. “You remembered that? After all these years?” she asked incredulously.

“I have forgotten very little when it comes to you,” he chuckled lightly. He saw Rowan blush and look down at the grass.

“Would you like one?” he asked her. Her black eyes were sparkling with delight. It was a look he hadn't seen in quite some time. He was more than pleased that he could bring her this little bit of happiness even now.

“Yes... I mean no!” she gasped. “I wouldn't want you to pluck one. It wouldn't be right.”

“Here, let me take a look,” Solas took a few steps closer to the cluster of blooms and inspected the roses. “If one knows how to look you can easily take one without causing any harm to the rest. Here, see these small buds?” He pointed at a few small buds that were springing up beneath the larger blooms. “The bush needs energy in order for them to blossom. If you know what you're doing you will know exactly which blossoms are ready to be removed so that the bush can redirect its energies to the buds. For example this one here,” he cupped a large blossom in his hand, “Soon enough it will begin to lose its petals and then die off so that the buds can bloom. If you know where and how to cut the stem like so,” he demonstrated with a small knife he removed from his pack cutting the stem at its base, “then no harm is caused to the bush.”

Solas came out from the brush and presented her the rose. “A gift for you. Please, take it.”

Rowan reached out and gingerly went to take the rose from his hand. Her fingertips briefly brushed against his own and there was a small pause before she gently took the rose from his hand. She brought it to her nose and inhaled its scent deeply. Its petals were as soft as velvet and it was the color of the sea. She looked at Solas smiling, “I don't know what to say. Thank you.” She ran a finger lightly on one of its petals feeling its softness beneath her touch. She looked back up at him.

He peered down at her, smiling in return. Her smile was contagious to him and he could still feel the brush of her fingertips against his. He cleared his throat before speaking. “Come, we should return to Skyhold,” he managed to say.

Once again he held her hand to help her navigate back through the path. They made their way to the stone path that led to Skyhold with their fingers gently intertwined with one another. Solas was keenly aware of her fingers wrapped up in his as they walked and was surprised that she kept hers curled lightly around his. They walked back towards Skyhold taking their time, hand in hand. For this one moment it felt as if all their troubles had melted away and everything was right in the world. Solas escorted her to her door. Rowan was suddenly aware that they had been holding hands the entire walk back and with a blush untangled her fingers from his. She clutched the rose in both hands and looked up at him shyly. “So, tomorrow then?”

“Of course, tomorrow.” He nodded and went to retreat to the rotunda. Rowan called out his name before he was able to walk away. “Solas?” He turned and she looked up into his eyes briefly before casting her gaze to the ground. Her fingers were still warm from his touch and it made her heart skip a beat. Finally she managed to find her voice, “Thank you for the rose.”

“I, well... You're welcome.” He was still looking down at her face though she no longer met his gaze. He saw the slightest flush in her cheeks and he was overwhelmed with the desire to simply kiss her gently on the lips. If he but had the courage to do so he could easily lean down and capture her lips with his. Solas watched as she fumbled for the doorknob and then quickly disappeared into her room. She looked back at him once before shutting the door. He knew full well she was fighting her own battles at the moment. Kissing her now would only further complicate matters despite how much he wanted to. Instead he turned and made his way to the rotunda.

*

Zatriel was lounging in a chair enjoying a glass of wine waiting for Rowan's presence when she finally appeared. She was later than normal to their somewhat regular meetings. As she crested the top of the stairs he noticed she was carrying a solitary blue rose in her hand and a hint of a smile on her face. He had been waiting for quite some time. Though he knew she had not been in her room when he arrived he had come to her quarters at the usual time anyhow. He had a platter of cheese and berries brought up to the table as well as a bottle of wine and a pitcher of water.

“Hello Zatriel,” she said as she entered the room. She seemed to float about the room and was more cheerful today than usual.

“You are later than usual, my lovely Goddess,” he teased.

“I apologize. I was out for a walk and lost track of time.” Rowan spied an empty vase on top of her dresser that had not been there before. Solas must have planned this and had it placed in her room when she was out. She crossed the room to the vase and placed the rose within it. Zatriel watched all of this with curious fascination. Such joy over such a simple thing.

“Ah, I see that it is flowers not jewels that pleases my little Goddess,” he said sipping his wine. He placed his goblet onto the table and walked over to her slowly. He ran his finger over top of the ruby pendant he had given her then curled his fingers beneath it, grazing her flesh as he plucked it up and into the palm of his hand. He glanced at it then over at the rose she had brought with her. “I should have chosen blue it seems,” he said as he gently placed the pendant back onto her chest. A slight frown pulled at his face. “I shall have to choose more wisely next time.”

“No, I love it,” she replied putting a hand over the pendant smiling at him. She could still feel the goosebumps on her flesh from where his fingers had been. It never ceased to amaze her the reaction her body felt in response to his touch. It caused her flesh to tingle all over as usual, but no matter how often it happened she was never fully prepared for it. “Besides,” she continued, “You don't have to give me gifts.”

“But it brings me great joy to do so,” he said as he ran a finger along her jawline. Once again she could feel the crackling of Magic in the air that seemed to permeate from him. He planted a small kiss on her forehead before resuming, it left her skin tingling and feeling charged with energy. “Anything that will make you smile or bring you happiness is yours if you but name it. Whatever you desire I will retrieve it for you,” he all but whispered to her.

He slipped a long lock of her hair into his hand as he had become fond of doing. He loved the feel of her hair between his fingers, it was so soft and white like snow. It contrasted beautifully with her large, black eyes. He brought the lock of hair to his face and took in its scent. Lilacs. Always lilacs. Upon first meeting he assumed she wore some form of perfume that gave off the scent, but now he knew it was actually a part of her. There seemed to be two layers to her scent; the lilacs and Rowhanna herself. He could catch her skin's true scent whenever his nose was close to her skin and it was intoxicating to him. He also enjoyed the way she fumbled for words whenever he was this close to her. The reaction delighted him so he went out of his way to be near her whenever he could manage it. He longed to kiss this little Goddess of his, his Rowhanna, but those were advances he would not make. Never without her permission; something he knew he did not yet have. He had to admit that it confounded him that he felt compelled to want to seduce her and how effectively she resisted him. He could see and sense her desire to give in, yet she had yet to do so.

Rowan managed to look up into his ice blue eyes saying, “Often it is the little things in life that bring me the greatest joy.”

Zatriel placed her hair back over her shoulder and sauntered over to the chair he previously occupied. She was grateful that Zatriel had opted to continue to appear fully clothed instead of walking about her room in but pants and nothing else. Still, she remembered how his muscles would ripple when he moved. She shook her head at the thought of it as he sank back into his chair and resumed drinking the wine in his goblet. “I take it all is well with your Husband?” he asked offhandedly. Ah yes, the Husband, he thought to himself. The sole reason he had yet to push his advances further. Despite what he was he was not without honor. He often wondered, however, that if this little Goddess of his turned her Husband away would she seek refuge within his arms? Would he then be able to claim her and make her his? He also often wondered why he desired her so? The more he learned about her the more of a mystery she became to him.

“As well as it can be for the moment,” Rowan answered as she sat in the chair across from him. “He is none too pleased regarding your presence here, however.” Rowan had always been as upfront with Zatriel as she could be within reason. She may choose to omit certain details, things that may be best left unsaid until she knew whether or not she could fully trust this creature before her, but it was for the best she reminded herself. She better understood now the nature of Solas upon first meeting each other, these little omissions of hers. The fear of revealing too much, of letting someone in too far. Yes, she understood now more than ever.

Zatriel stood up and walked over to pour her a glass of water hovering over her somewhat. “Have you decided whether or not you will forgive him?” he asked while filling her glass. By now he knew her preferences in food and beverage. She only drank water or juice, sometimes milk, but never wine. Not while she was still with child, she had informed him.

She took a sip of the water then sighed. “I'm not certain of that myself,” she admitted. “It's not so easy as one might think. There are... details I need first. Things I need to know. It will have to wait until the baby is born, I'm afraid. I don't want to take any chances of causing her any harm.” That much was true. Neither she nor Solas knew whether or not Serenity would retain any memories due to the peculiarity of her pregnancy itself. Already while in the womb Serenity had used of her powers, whether by instinct or by design was still unknown. Rowan refuse to risk causing any undue influence over the baby when it came to her own father. She would not have what might possibly be revealed and how it might affect them as a couple to hold any sway over their child.

“Why does your Husband despise my presence so?” he asked her as he slid back into his seat. “I have pledged myself to protect you, does this not please him?”

His question took her by surprise so she chose her next words carefully but honestly. She placed her glass down before addressing the question. “Quite simply he doesn't trust you because of what you are. He sees you as a potential threat.”

Zatriel lifted an eyebrow at her answer. There was much about how people worked he still to this day simply did not understand. It all seemed such a complicated affair for his taste. For his kind life was simple; you hunted when you were hungry, you fought for territory, you mated when a female was ready. The intricacies of society had always been just beyond his understanding, most especially when it came to emotions. He was a lustful creature by nature, but many emotions were beyond his understanding. Their conversations usually tended to end up becoming lessons for him to attempt to better understand not only this creature before him, but the world in which she lived. He wanted to learn about these emotions that embodied people and how they worked. Some he grasped easily. Sorrow was one, anger certainly, disappointment he was quite familiar with. Even joy he understood. But this love thing? This he did not understand at all.

“Does he believe me to be a threat to you and he, or your life?” Zatriel seemed more quizzical today than usual Rowan noticed. His demeanor was less playful, more serious.

Rowan stood up and went and sat on the edge of her bed. A footrest had been added to her room so she could maneuver putting on and taking off her shoes. In the mornings if she had troubles she could always call upon on of the serving Elves to assist her. Soon enough it would be time to opt for slippers now that the weather was warmer so she didn't have to fuss with buckles or laces. Zatriel came over and knelt down resting her foot on his bended knee and began working on the laces of her shoe for her. She considered protesting but her feet ached and she longed to be out of her shoes so she afforded him this much.

“You have not answered my question, Rowhanna” he said as gently placed her foot on the floor and began working on her other shoe. Rowhanna. He never called her Rowan, it was always either 'My little Goddess' or 'Rowhanna'.

“Both,” she stated plainly.

“Ah, but you see I am more honorable than to stand between two people,” he claimed as he began massaging her foot. She didn't realize exactly how much her feet ached until he began kneading them one after the other. This was the most physical contact they had ever shared and she briefly considered refusing him but it felt so wonderful to have her feet massaged in his hands. He stopped and held one foot in his hand and looked up at her. “As much as I desire you I would want you to be a free woman were I to bed you. I would never impose myself upon you though I am well aware of the affect I have on you. Yet you still resist my charms. That makes you remarkable to me.” His voice was low and husky as he began to rub his thumb over the top of her foot gently.

Rowan looked down at this beautiful man that was tending to her. Her foot rested in the palm of his hand now as he gazed up at her and slowly began to slide his hand up to her ankle. A wicked smile pulled at his lips. “Though I could make it more difficult if I so chose to.” He planted a small kiss on the top of her foot.

“Please Zatriel... don't,” she begged under her breath. There it was again, that touch. That electrifying sensation that went up her leg as his hand encircled her ankle and began caressing it. She reminded herself that not only was she married but that this was no man kneeling before her.

Zatriel sighed, gently placed her foot on the carpet, and slowly stood up. He helped her stand back up and then strolled back to his chair resting one leg over the arm of it as he sat. “What is it about me that is cause for so much concern?” he asked offhandedly. There was something she was not telling him, he could see it in her eyes. She was more closed off today than usual. He would dig a little further in hopes for the answer but he knew best not to push her too far.

“He doesn't understand why you have sought me out in particular. Neither do I to be honest.”

He leaned over and plucked a grape from the tray of food and popped it into his mouth. “I've told you,” he said candidly, “It's the song that your spirit sings. I heard it when I awoke from my slumber and followed it. Can you not hear it?”

“No, I cannot.” He looked at her curiously now. He could hear the song of hers even when he was far off in his lair. It was always in his head now. It lulled him to sleep at night and called to him in the day. It had been so long that he had heard such a song that he no longer knew what it meant anymore than she did. It was like an enchantment he was forced to obey. He had hoped she would be able to shed some light on its meaning; why it called to him, why it made him feel the need to protect her at all costs, and what made her different from the rest? It seems he was no closer to the answer if she herself could not hear it.

“Yet it is there, beckoning for me to be at your side.” He let out a long sigh. “I had hoped that when we met you would know the answer to this riddle.”

Zatriel stood and walked over to where she sat beckoning her to stand. He brushed her hair away from her face and cupped her cheek in the palm of his hand and looked down at her. “So do you plan to send me away?” he asked feeling the softness of her skin. She couldn't help but press her cheek into his hand, the sensation was addictive. He whispered softly against her lips and they quivered beneath his breath, “If that is your wish then I will do so.” He hovered his lips near hers, close enough to kiss if he had a mind to.

Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment before she was able to pull away from his touch, her heart pounding in her chest. Perhaps it was best to send him away for her own sake? This effect he had on her, she didn't know how long she could keep resisting it. How long before she gave in to temptation? It wasn't love, that much she knew, but she couldn't deny how her body responded to his touch, his scent, the feeling of his breath on her skin. She also couldn't deny that she found him attractive. She knew that when he spoke his words upon her lips that he was waiting to see if she would kiss him. He wanted it to come from her, she understood that now. How close had she come in past? How much longer before she caved?

“Is that your wish? That I leave?” he asked again. Rowan took a moment to gather herself before she could find her voice. She looked over at him, standing where she had left him, smiling a knowing smile to himself. “No,” she finally answered. “Not yet at least. Solas said there is much about... your particular line of species that I need to know. There is a book. I've agreed to read this book and only then I will make up my mind about what to do.”

“Your Husband simply fears that which is more powerful than himself,” he sneered. He grabbed his cup and finished his wine then slowly made his way onto the balcony. This was a side of him she had never seen before. Was it jealousy or just a common dislike for each other between those two? “I know of this book,” he said casting her a look. “Though I wish to remain in your company, when you read this book if you decide it best that I leave then I will do as you command.” He looked away and resumed speaking, “The night draws close, I should take my leave soon.”

“Zatriel, I'm sorry. The least you deserved was the truth.” Rowan had never seen him so distraught before, insulted even. She walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Without looking at her he put his hand on top of hers and squeezed it gently. There was a sense of sorrow in him now she had never seen either. He merely stared out over the horizon as the sun began to set.

He let go of her hand and turned towards her, a serious expression on his face. “May I ask you something else before I go?”

“Of course,” she responded.

“Do you love him? This Solas of yours?” He looked down into her black eyes searching for an answer to what he did not know.

“Yes,” she admitted. She would not lie to him about her feelings for her Husband despite how complicated their marriage currently was. “I have always loved him. Very much so.” She knew that Zatriel was preparing to leave for the evening. He never stayed beyond sunset, though why was a mystery to her. She turned and began to make her way back into the confines of her room. Her back was still turned to him when she heard him ask, “Even if you cannot bring yourself to forgive him? You would still love him?”

She was grateful that she was not facing him as a tear rolled down her face. She stared at the blue rose that sat in the vase across the room. “Yes, even so.” She wiped away the tear from her face with the back of her hand.

“I envy you that,” she heard him say.

“Why?” she asked looking back at him once more. He was sitting on the ledge of the balcony readying himself to take leave. Again there was a solemn look to his face she had never witnessed until today.

“For I have never known love,” he answered softly before departing.


	13. The Labor of Love

When Rowan woke up the next morning she looked over at her dresser at the blue rose sitting in its vase. She smiled as she sat up. Looking at the sun and realized she had slept later than usual today. Her back ached a little and she rubbed at it absentmindedly. Standing up she crossed the room to her dresser and gently took in the scent of the rose that Solas had given her the day before. It would begin to wilt soon but she would keep it nonetheless tucked away somewhere safe, dried out in a box especially made for it. She wanted to hold onto it forever even after it would begin to crumble apart.

The day was warm again so she opted for a simple dress without sleeves. And slippers. No more laces or buckles, she thought to herself. It was easier this way for many reasons; they were easier for her to manage on her own, and after the evening before she didn't want to afford Zatriel any more excuses to touch her more than was necessary. They would need to speak today, her and Zatriel. The baby would be coming soon enough and she would not be available for their daily discussions afterwards. She would also wanted to take a more active role in the goings on of Skyhold itself. She was growing restless not having a sense of purpose, and though being a new Mother would take up most of her time, she wanted to be needed while in Skyhold even if her stay here wound up being short-termed. She began to wonder if perhaps leaving Skyhold with the baby would be fair to Solas? She wanted to return to the Garden of Love, but she she couldn't deny that Serenity deserved her Father and Solas deserved to be a part of her life as well. She was becoming more uncertain with her own plans nowadays. All that mattered was that she would be a Mother soon and would have to do whatever was best for their child, whether it meant staying in Skyhold or leaving it.

Her stomach rumbled with hunger. Morrigan had a bell installed in her room recently where all she needed to do was pull the rope and a bell downstairs would alert whomever was available that she required assistance with something. Rowan tried to protest against its installation but Morrigan argued her case and won; she was in no condition to be going up and down the stairs to her room more than was necessary this far into her pregnancy. Reluctantly she pulled the rope indicating that she was awake and, thus, ready to eat. She missed the old days where she could sneak downstairs into the kitchen and eat with the kitchen staff. She had enjoyed getting to know every member of the staff that had previously worked for her, and especially had looked forward to the times where she could sneak away from her advisors and just simply be Rowan with the staff. It made her one of them. So far while she had been here she had kept to the confines of her room for the most part with the exception of meeting Solas in the garden each day. She knew not a single name of anyone who worked at Skyhold presently and she felt shame in that. After the baby was born she told herself that she would remedy that.

A young Elven serving girl came up the stairs, curtsied, and awaited Rowan's request. She resented being treated like some form of nobility, as if she were any better than the young girl standing before her, but while she remained here this was to be her life. “Just eggs today, please,” Rowan requested. “Oh and milk to go along with it.” The serving girl curtsied once more and went to exit down the stairs when Rowan interrupted her, "Is there any way possible that I can obtain a box, the size of a rose? I would like that as well, if you please." The serving girl curtsied once again only to return later with the food she had requested and a lovely wooden box long enough in which to hold a rose. She scurried off before Rowan could even thank her or ask her name. Rowan took the box and carried it over to her dresser and sat it beside the vase. She would place the rose within the box when the time came.

Rowan returned to her table and picked at her food. Even though she was famished her body couldn't seem to handle any more than a few bites. She stared at her plate at the pile of eggs left untouched. Again her lower back began to ache and she rubbed at it the best she could. She pushed her chair away and simply left the room. It was well past noon and she had kept Solas waiting for her in the garden. She made her way down the hall noticing the little changes that Morrigan had begun around Skyhold. A fine rug of royal blue with silver edging had been laid out on the main floor. A tapestry depicting a story she was unfamiliar with hung on one of the walls. A long table that appeared to be meant for dining sat to the right of the hall with finely carved chairs. The stained glass windows had been replaced with all the colors in the rainbow. She shrugged internally, she had given Morrigan free run of the place after all. Not that she could complain about the choices either. If anything Morrigan had a fine eye for detail and taste.

Rowan made her way to the door that opened up to the garden. Solas was not sitting on the bench as usual. She looked around and spied him sitting beneath a tree. He had a book in his lap while holding a piece of graphite in one hand. Whatever he was doing he appeared to be caught up in it not even looking up as she entered the garden. She walked over to him and looked down curiously. His hand was moving over the paper before him feverishly.

“What are you doing?” she asked him.

He looked up at her and smiled. “Waiting on you, of course,” was his simple response. He didn't appear at all startled by her sudden appearance. He knew she would come, even if a little late. Being pregnant he wouldn't begrudge her that. Besides, he was still holding on to yesterday and how he had delighted her with a simple rose.

“No,” she said gesturing to the book in his lap, “I mean, what are you doing?”

“Oh this? Drawing,” he beamed.

“May I see?” she asked with curious fascination.

“Oh, well... yes, of course.” He had been drawing out concept ideas for the rotunda. He felt a bit foolish at the idea of showing her. He hadn't considered it when he began as he waited on her this afternoon. He had never shared his unfinished work with anyone before, including her. Still, he sat his sketchbook and utensils to the side and stood up from his place beneath the tree. “Here allow me to help you sit first.”

He wrapped one arm around her and took her hand in his free one and helped her to a seated position beneath the tree. She leaned against the tree and groaned a little. This might be the last time she could sit on the ground this way, but even the bench was becoming too uncomfortable though it had a cushioned seat.

“Is everything alright?” he asked as he took a seat beside her. He looked concerned when he saw the discomfort on her face.

“It's nothing,” she replied. “My back aches a little today. I must have slept wrong is all.” Hopefully that would be enough to waylay any concerns he had.

Solas picked his book back up and laid it in his lap, his one leg slightly brushed up against hers. “I've been drawing in my spare time,” he explained. “Just some ideas I have for the rotunda.”

“Oh? What will it represent this time?” She was excited to see what he had come up with, she only ever got to see them once they were committed on the walls in fresh paint. Most of them had featured a lot of reds. She was curious what this next project of his would be about.

“Our daughter, naturally,” he smiled.

Rowan giggled a little and rubbed her belly. She had to admit she often wondered what their daughter would look like; the color of her hair, whose eyes would she have, who would she favor in appearance the most or would she be a beautiful blend of the two of them together? A soft smile played on her lips. Obviously he had been wondering the same. “But we don't even know what she looks like yet, Solas.”

“Well... yes, there is that,” he admitted. “Which is why I started with you.” A small flash of a smile lit up his face.

“Me? Why me?” she asked confused. Why would he want to add her to the rotunda if it was meant for Serenity?

“You are the beginning, are you not?” He flashed her a grin still holding the sketchbook closed in his lap.

“Am I going to have to pry that book out of your hands or are you going to show me, Solas?” She joked with him.

“Oh, yes... Right.” He opened the book in his lap and flipped to an empty page. She leaned into his shoulder so she could peer at the pages and he absentmindedly placed his free arm around her so she could rest her weight on him. With his free hand he took up the graphite and began fleshing out an image on the blank page. “At first I was trying to imagine what our daughter would look like,” he explained as he drew a basic outline of a child's face. “I think that she'll have your eyes, big and bright and full of wonder at the world around her." His hand moved over the paper and within seconds he had sketched out a pair of eyes. He continued, "Also a perky little nose and your adorable smile." Again his hand quickly fleshed out the image as he spoke. "I also think she'll have curly hair, naturally." Long locks of curly hair framed the child's face he had created as she watched on. "I pictured in my mind that she would be in a field like so, chasing a butterfly.” His hand moved over the paper quickly as he sketched out a facsimile of their daughter as he imagined her to look. Each stroke of the graphite fleshed out an image of a young toddler chasing a butterfly, his hand deftly capturing the idea as it came to life on the paper in front of her.

“She's beautiful!” she exclaimed with a large smile.

“Why thank you,” he said looking at her briefly then back at the image he had just created. It was how he imagined their daughter's first steps. “I want to capture every precious moment that I can.”

“Planning to paint all of Skyhold are you?” Rowan playfully pushed at his shoulder.

“Every brick possible,” he chuckled in response.

“What are these?” she asked, and before he could stop her she had flipped to earlier pages in the book.

Rowan marveled at what she saw. There were so many sketches of her they were almost beyond counting. There was one of her standing beneath the very tree they were currently sitting under. Some were half finished or only partials of her about the garden doing various little things. So many sketches of her facial expressions, various standing or sitting poses. Some of them were complete, the shading impeccable, and some were mere ideas but still recognizable as her. He must have been doing these all this time and she never once noticed it. There was one of her from yesterday, her belly swollen and large with child, her hand gently placed upon it protectively as she smelled a flower in the garden. He had captured the peacefulness of the moment, her just wandering about without a care in the world simply enjoying the teeming life the garden had to offer and the warmth on her skin.

Solas held the book open to that sketch in particular. “I decided to start with this one,” he stated. “So far it is my favorite.”

“These are remarkable, Solas,” she said as turned each page slowly going through them all. There was even one of her smelling what she assumed was the blue rose, clasped between her two hands, as she stood in the little grove he had shared with her yesterday. She went to turn the page and was briefly presented with what appeared to be a fully completed image. Quickly he placed his hand over the page in an attempt to prevent her from seeing it.

“No, not that one. It's... not ready.” He closed the book before she could see it. She looked up at him and saw that he was blushing a bit.

“You're an excellent liar, Solas,” she said flashing him knowing grin.

Hesitantly he opened the book back up and turned to the page in question. It was a fully completed drawing of the two of them. She recognized the dress she was wearing in it, the image depicted them on the day of their wedding in the Garden of Love. Standing facing each other their hands were interlinked with one another. The Eluvian stood behind them in the backdrop. She traced her fingers over it. It was masterfully done. Every detail had been meticulously brought to life. The shading done with pure precision. The image embodied so much emotion that they had shared that day that it could be felt just by looking at it. He allowed her to flip through all the pages again and again. She had never seen herself drawn before. She never much paid attention to herself in the mirror as it was. As a matter of fact she only used a mirror when doing her hair, yet even then she never paid much attention to her actual face. To see herself so well captured was an amazement to her. She turned back to the one of the two of them together and stared at it transfixed. It was breathtaking and moving.

“Aren't you going to include this one?” she asked under her breath as she traced her fingers over all the little details he had captured onto paper.

“I hadn't considered it, no,” he admitted. He had meant for this one to remain his, never to be seen by anyone; a personal memory he held dear to his heart.

Rowan looked up at him briefly then turned back to the image. “You wanted to start at the beginning, so why leave this one out?”

“You really think I should paint it?” he asked as he watched her staring back at the image. She was still tracing the lines with a finger as if to feel the moment he had captured.

“Of course,” she breathed. “It's beautiful. I love it.”

When she looked up at him he was keenly aware that she was still wrapped up in his arm which had brought her face closer to his own. He had been leaning his head down to look at the images with her so when she finally sat up and he turned to face her, not only was she still cradled in his arm, but her mouth was painfully close to his that they were almost touching. The thought of kissing her became all consuming as he looked down at her. Time seemed to stand still and his world was now centered on the heat of her breath upon his lips. Neither dared to move.

“What colors were you planning to use?” she asked with a dreamy look in her eyes.

“Blue,” he breathed his answer against her lips.

“Blue is my favorite,” she whispered against his.

How long they sat this way he was uncertain, but he forgot all about the drawing and the sketchbook. The fact that their lips were but a hair's breadth away from each other had him enraptured. He closed his eyes and leaned in tenderly brushing her lips with his. He paused just to enjoy the feeling of their lips touching. Hesitantly he waited for her to pull away from the touch of his mouth upon hers but she didn't. Instead he felt hers part slightly beneath his. He captured her lips with his and lingered for a moment afraid to move. She whimpered softly as he moved his lips gently over hers once more. He was taking in the softness of her lips when he felt her return the kiss. He sighed against her mouth when he felt her hand caressing his cheek. He moved a hand to cup the back of her head while taking up a handful of her wavy hair at the same time. She tasted like bliss to his heart and time stood still as they gently kissed beneath the tree. He pulled her in a little closer and continued grazing his lips over hers softly, capturing them between his every now and then, his heart pounding in his chest. It felt like an eternity had passed since last he had felt her mouth upon his.

He released her mouth and pulled away slowly to look deep into her eyes. He didn't know what he was hoping to find, he merely gazed into her obsidian eyes as they glittered back at him. They stared at one another, eyes locked on each others for but a moment while her hand still rested on his cheek. Reluctantly he let her hair slip from his hand as her head turned and dipped down. The hand she had held to his face returned to her lap. The kiss had been brief and the moment had passed as they each looked away from one another. Solas slipped his arm from around her, closed his book, and placed his belongings back into his pack while clearing his throat. Rowan pretended to straighten out her dress, readjusting the folds as it rested against her legs.

“Forgive me. I didn't mean to-” he began to mumble an apology when her own words cut him off.

“I should get back to my room... and rest. My back aches today,” she offered as an excuse. The simplicity of the kiss had left her reeling inside.

“Of course,” he responded standing up. “Allow me to help you up.”

Though she feared the longing for yet another kiss such as that one, there was no denying that she needed his help. As far long as she was now in her pregnancy there was no getting up off the ground on her own. He extended a hand for her to take and she accepted it as her own hand trembled at his touch. He wrapped an arm around her waist to take the burden off of her so she could stand with ease. When she finally came to a standing position they were both painfully aware of how close they now stood to each other; her one hand in his and his other around her waist as if they were about to dance. Just as they had once so long ago at the Winter Palace Ball. They stood in this embrace, each afraid of letting go of this moment. Rowan felt the urge to pull him to her for another kiss. She breathed an inward sigh of relief when Solas reluctantly let go of her and bent down to collect his pack. Rowan turned and began to walk towards the door.

“Rowan?” he called out to her. “May I see you to your door?” His face was flushed and he was looking down at the ground when he asked her.

“I would like that,” she said with a small smile.

In silence they made their way out of the garden and back into the main hall. Solas dared to place a hand on the small of her back as he escorted her back to her room. He was being as gentlemanly as possible but admitted to himself that this act of his hand on her back was just another excuse to be able to touch her in some small way. Just as she had yesterday she quickly retreated within the confines of her room, looking back at him once more with a shy smile before shutting her door. He retreated to the rotunda after she closed her door and found himself in a turmoil of emotions. He shouldn't have kissed her, he reprimanded himself, but he wouldn't have gone back in time and stopped himself if he could. He hadn't realized just how much he missed the simplest of things until now. Now that simple and brief kiss they had just shared was all he could think about. He sank into his chair. He couldn't block it out of his head. The way her lips felt against his, the taste of her in his mouth, the heat of her breath against him. And then that small, simple yet intimate gesture of her hand upon his cheek while his hand was intertwined in her hair. Her hair, he mused, he missed the softness of her hair as well, not to mention those beautiful eyes of hers staring up and into his.

He cleared his table with a sigh and pulled his sketchbook out opening it to the picture that had seemed to spark the kiss. Paint it, she had told him. She loved it, it was her favorite. Those had been her words. He hadn't intended for her to see it, he had drawn it for himself. And he hadn't considered adding himself to the rotunda until now, and only at her insistence. But she was correct, it all truly began in the Garden of Love on that day so long ago.

He looked at a blank area of the rotunda's walls, stood up, and walked over to it running his hand over its surface picking out a place to begin. He would start here, on this particular spot in the rotunda. And it would be the one of them, the first one to paint. Yes, that day in the Garden had been the true beginning of it all. It pleased him tremendously that she liked it. And blues, he had told her. He would use blues because she loved blue. He would begin right away, he told himself. Anything to take his mind off of the kiss they had just shared, even though her scent was still on his flesh and the taste of her still on his lips. Yet he needed to focus on something else lest he went mad with obsession.

*

Rowan climbed the steps to her room carefully, her back was really aching now. She brushed it aside and blamed it on being foolish enough to sit on the ground against the tree. Yet as she walked she couldn't help but place a finger to her lips, mesmerized by the memory of the way his lips had felt against hers. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest. As she came to the landing she saw that Zatriel was already waiting for her. Self-consciously she removed her fingers from her lips and simply smiled.

He crossed the room to her and took up one of her hands, and encircled her waist and turned her about as if they were in a ballroom flashing her a huge smile.

“Zatriel, what's gotten into you?” she laughed as he twirled her about. He stopped and bowed to her then planted a small kiss upon one of her hands.

“I can hear your heart fluttering like a butterfly dancing in a field of flowers. Tell me, what has caused your heart to flutter so?” he asked as he held her at arms length and inspected the girlish smile on her face.

“It was nothing,” she responded bashfully. “Just a kiss.” She knew her face was flushed now, she could feel the heat on her cheeks.

“A kiss? I see,” he replied in amazement. “Is that what it takes to make your heart beat as if it has wings to fly upon?” he asked. “Yet that is not the way your heart beats for me, is it?” He circled her slowly until he was standing behind her. He moved her hair off of one shoulder and leaned in near her now exposed ear. That's when he heard it; the pounding of her heart changed to a mighty rhythm that he knew belonged to him and him alone.

“No,” he whispered in her ear, “This is the way your heart beats for me.” He placed a hand on each of her arms. “It's akin to the sound of mighty war drums in the night as an army goes marching into battle. Fierce and loud,” he whisper to her. That familiar crackling of power charged the air around him and it made her shiver. She wondered if she would ever get used to the effect it had on her? He let go of her and slowly circled back around to face her, lifting her chin with a finger as he looked down into her eyes, searching her face. “Were I to kiss you would your heart beat for me as it was beating before?”

“No,” she said pulling away from him delicately. She needed to put some distance between them to quell the effect he had on her. “It would not be the same, Zatriel,” she laughed softly. He was so brilliant yet so naive when it came to matters of the heart she reminded herself.

“Why not?” he asked. “What is the difference then?” He didn't understand and awaited an answer from her. He watched her as she flowed through the room, one hand on the small of her back rubbing at it lightly. But he wanted to know, why would her heart not soar if he himself kissed her? He knew the kiss itself had come from Solas. No one else would dare to kiss her, not even Zatriel himself no matter how strongly he desired to. Was that the difference then? That the kiss had come from her Husband?

“Because one is love and the other... is something else,” she answered. Her brow creased for a moment as if something was troubling her then she resumed smiling. Her heart had returned to its earlier sound, the fluttering beat he had heard when she had first returned to her quarters.

He slowly wandered over to where she now stood. She was at her dresser, staring at the blue rose in its vase. It was beginning to wilt already. He watched on as she opened the long wooden box from earlier and gently placed the rose within it shutting its lid. “What is this 'something else'?” he asked genuinely curious now as he stood beside her. She felt love for this Husband of hers, but what exactly did she feel for him?

She paused before answering. “Desire. One is emotional and one is physical. Therein lays the difference,” she explained as she faced him.

“Allow me to kiss you once and find out,” he begged of her clasping both of her hands within his. His own heart had never beaten as hers had for anything or anyone. It confounded him. Yes she was always on his mind, but as she had said it was all desire, and the mysterious song of hers that entranced him. Yet he found that he wanted to feel more than just desire, he wanted to feel the same things she felt even if but for a moment.

“I told you,” she said pulling her hands out from his, “it wouldn't be the same.”

“Please,” he looked down at her begging with his eyes. “I yearn to experience a kiss as you have. I want my heart to dance like yours does.”

She shook her head at him. “Me kissing you would not do that, Zatriel,” she tried to explain. “I'm sorry, that just isn't the way love works.” He seemed desperate for this. Consumed by it, suddenly. It was very out of character for Zatriel. She had grown accustomed to his flirtatious nature, his quizzical outlook on the world, but she had never witnessed this type of behavior from him before.

“Rowhanna,” he pleaded with her, “You are the Goddess of Love, surely you can make it happen somehow? Isn't that what you are designed to do? I want to love you, even if but for a moment.”

She frowned a little at his question. Yes, she was now the Goddess of Love. 'Designed to do' were his words. Her new purpose in life. Yet she doubted she could instill an emotion into Zatriel who was not meant to feel such things. Even if she could she refused to do so. “No,” she said firmly. “I cannot make you love me. Even if I could it would be unfair to you.”

“Why? I do not understand.” He appeared honestly confused by her answer.

“Because, I do not love you,” she said to him softly looking up into his eyes. “It would only serve to cause you pain, and I care enough not to want to see you suffer that.”

“But I yearn to understand this thing you call love.” He was still pleading with her, his smile long gone, a frown pulled at his lips. The flirting long gone was now replaced with a request in which she could not, no _would not,_ perform.

She placed a gentle hand on his face and said, “Loving someone who doesn't love you back only brings pain and sorrow. Forcing that upon you would be wrong of me to do.” Her heart broke for him, to never know love, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Besides, she had yet to even test it out as she and Solas had barely touched on the topic. That exercise was meant for after the baby was born, she only understood the fundamentals behind it. And what she had said was the truth; she did not love him, and loving her would only bring him undo heartache were she successful because she could never return his love.

“Please, Rowhanna, try for me?” he implored her. It seemed important to him, though why she did not know.

“Alright,” she said to him, “I will try, just this once.”

She lifted her hands and placed one on each of his temples and closed her eyes. She would have to expand her consciousness and seek him out from the clutter of Elves that were also beseeching her and attempt to perform the impossible; to make a Dragon feel true love. She emptied her mind of all thoughts and found herself standing in a void surrounded by small, bright, white lights that shimmered about her like stars, each calling for Rowhanna. She could hear them all, an ocean of voices hit her mind and she almost became overwhelmed, swallowed up in a sea of prayers. She fought against the cacophony of voices until they became silent. Focusing her mind she sought out Zatriel's essence in the ocean of lights. Just as she was about to give up she spotted him; his being, his inner self. The color of light he gave off was unlike the others, an electric blue, but somewhere in the depths of his essence she found what she was seeking; his desire for love. The desire was there, the ability in his heart was not, yet she persisted. She allowed her own essence to enfold his hoping to answer his plea. Her essence embraced him until she felt something stir within him. She allowed herself to pull back within her own self and pushed the void away from her mind, closing herself off from it. She returned to reality, to the here and now, back to standing in her bedroom with her hands resting lightly upon Zatriel's temples. She knew not how much time had actually passed as she let her hands drop to her sides. She felt exhausted within and without. When she opened her eyes she saw that Zatriel was looking down at her with a perplexed expression upon his face.

“I'm sorry, Zatriel. I tried my best,” she managed to say. She felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her.

“Rowhanna,” his voice had a far away sound to it as he spoke. “I can feel you within me.”

“It's nothing more than my spirit you feel,” she explained to him.

“No, this is something different. I have no words for what this is. Yet I feel you  _here_.” He placed a hand over his heart and spoke as if from within a dream. He looked at her oddly, as if seeing her for the first time but through different eyes.

“It should pass, don't worry,” she tried to assure him. She was certain that whatever he felt would only be temporary, it would fade away in time.

“What if I don't want it to?” He choked on his words as a lone tear slipped down his face. Rowan looked at him in dismay and realized all too late what he was experiencing; real love. At this moment he loved her beyond anything in the whole world. He understood what she meant now about the pain and sorrow love brought. His heart was aching for her yet she loved another and it pierced his heart. Even still, just being in her company made his heart beat fast. That she would share a even a small part of her life with him brought him the greatest joy he had never known. She recognized that look from whenever Solas looked at her; that look that said he would move mountains for her if she only but asked.

What had she done? she asked herself. It had been pure folly to do to him what she had done. In her shame she turned her back and took a few steps away from him. She had never had anyone but Solas express love for her, and her heart had only loved him in all her years of living. This was not fair to Zatriel and she should not have given into his request. “Why would you want to feel love for me knowing that I will never return your feelings?” she asked softly trying not to hurt him anymore than was necessary. She wondered how long this would last? It was not meant to happen this way. It was not meant to happen at all. And now she had brought Zatriel not just love, but all the pain that came with it when it was unrequited. She would take it back in a heartbeat if only he'd allow it. It would be best for everyone involved. Solas will surely reprimand her when he found out, and rightfully so.

He crossed the room and turned her around to face him. In all his years he had never felt something so painfully wonderful. He didn't want her to take this away from him. “Don't you understand?” he asked her, his eyes were wide with fear at the thought of this feeling being snatched away from him. “To have experienced this feeling and then have it torn away from me would be more cruel than had I never felt it at all.”

He bent his head down then looked back up at her. “I understand now the sorrow that comes with knowing that you will never love me in return, but I would not give this up for anything.” He felt ashamed of himself suddenly as he looked into her eyes. He understood now how cruel of a joke it had been playing with her emotions whenever he had teased her mercilessly in the past. He would not do so again he promised himself. He would respect her boundaries at all costs from this moment forward.

Rowan felt tears sliding down her face for him. Her heart wept for him. There was nothing she could do but respect his wishes. If he truly wanted to hold onto this feeling despite the pain, who was she to deny him? “Only if you are truly certain,” she said looking up at him. "If ever you change your mind I will undo it for you." All she could hope for at this point was that it would pass with time, and quickly. Since he was not designed to know true love she hoped there was a chance that it would wane and eventually slip away. But she would not snatch it from him if he truly wished to hold onto it at this moment. Besides, she was tired from the exertion and didn't want to chance going back into the void to undo what she had done.

Zatriel cupped her face and tilted it upwards brushing away her tears with a hand. “Would you kiss me, just once?” he asked softly. His eyes were begging her for this one last gift. “I long to know what it would be like to feel your lips against mine, even if it's only one time. I would treasure the kiss and keep the memory close to my heart always.” He stifled his powers, pulling them within himself, so as not to influence her into doing something she did not wish to do. If she allowed him to have just but one kiss he wanted it to come from her own choosing, not by any undue influence on his part.

Rowan took his hands in hers and pulled them away from her face gently. This she could not allow, not even one time. “Zatriel,” she began, “I really don't think that's a-” Her words were cut off as she let out a small cry of pain and clutched one of his hands in hers for support. She doubled over slightly and her other hand went to her belly. Her knees felt as if they would give out on her any second. She squeezed his hand tightly as her face contorted in pain. She let out a gasp and looked up at Zatriel, “Help me to my bed, please.” Zatriel was alarmed by her outburst of pain. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her to her bed and gently laid her down onto the mattress. Her breathing had become labored. She looked up at him, her face flushed with equal parts pain and fear. The constant back aches all day today? She now knew what had been the cause of it all.

“Rowhanna, what's wrong? Are you injured?” Zatriel was genuinely concerned for her. He had never seen her in such pain before.

“Go find Solas and Morrigan. And hurry!” she instructed him as she let out a groan of pain. “The baby is coming!”


	14. The Fruits of Labor

Zatriel rushed down the stairs and flung the door open. He looked around confused. There were Elves everywhere, and doors as well. He had never bothered to go anywhere in the fortress with the exception of Rowan's room, it was the only place he could safely come and go without being noticed and unduly frighten the others in Skyhold. Even then he arrived and left via the confines of her balcony. He stood in the midst of the hall uncertain where to go or what to do, but Rowan needed Morrigan and Solas. In his panicked state he stood in the middle of the hall and bellowed out their names. It never occurred to him to ask any of the various Elves in the hall for assistance, and given the pain Rowan was in he didn't have time to waste. Now all the Elves had stopped their various tasks and were all staring at him.

Just as he was about to grab one of the serving Elves he noticed Morrigan looking down over a banister directly above him. He was about to speak when he heard a door behind him open up startling him. Solas was standing in the doorway with his sleeves rolled up with blue smears all over his hands and exposed arms while holding a paintbrush in one hand. Zatriel stopped and looked between both Morrigan and Solas then back again. His mind had gone blank suddenly. He merely stood there with his mouth agape, eyes wide.

“Zatriel, would you mind explaining what is going on?” Morrigan asked in an agitated tone.

He looked over at Solas, he was Rowhanna's husband after all, so Zatriel addressed him first.

“It's Rowhanna,” he said out of breath then looked back up at Morrigan. “She said that she needed you, the both of you.” Solas looked towards Morrigan and she shrugged back at him. She was as equally confused and Zatriel was making no sense at all.

Solas came out of the rotunda and approached Zatriel, fire in his eyes. “Is she alright?" Solas demanded. "What's happened to her?” If any harm had come to his wife because of this creature he would fight it to the death right where he stood.

Zatriel ignored the danger present in Solas' eyes and rushed up to him. “Solas, she's in terrible pain.” He looked up at Morrigan still peering down from her banister, “She said the baby is coming.”

Morrigan's eyes grew wide at his words then she disappeared in a puff of smoke from her balcony turning into a crow in mid flight only to reappear in front of Zatriel in her normal form. She turned to one of the Elves that had stopped in the midst of the commotion. “The birthing bed, we need it now.” She looked over at Zatriel, “Go with her and see to bringing the bed upstairs to Rowan's room.” Zatriel was bewildered and couldn't bring himself to move from where he stood. “Go!” Morrigan barked at him. “We need that bed!” Morrigan then turned towards Solas, “And you, get cleaned up and meet me upstairs. Everyone, NOW!”

Solas looked down at his hands, the smears of blue paint all over them, feeling perplexed. He had begun painting in the rotunda when all this began. He stood frozen in the hallway staring at the blue paint smudges all over his hands and arms.

 _Birthing bed..._  
_Get cleaned up..._  
_Meet upstairs..._

The paintbrush he was holding dropped to the floor as Zatriel and Morrigan's words started forming a semblance of meaning. _The baby is coming_ , the Dragon had said. The meaning of those words hit him like a wall shaking him out of his stupor. Rowan was in labor. Solas was not about to waste any time returning to the rotunda to clean up and change into fresh clothing. Instead he used a simple spell to be rid of the paint and went rushing up to Rowan's room while Morrigan continued to issue orders to the servants calling for fresh sheets, towels, and buckets of water.

Solas let the door slam behind him as he dashed up the stairs to Rowan. She was laying in her bed and beads of sweat had formed on her brow from the pain she was in. She looked over at him and gave him a small smile before she was wracked by yet another contraction. She let out a cry as her face contorted in pain. He knelt on the ground beside her bed in a rush and took her hand as she reached for him. She squeezed it tightly as she rode out the pain then relaxed her grip once it subsided but still held onto his hand.

“Are you alright, vhenan?” he asked her with a concerned look. Not even the Anchor had caused her this much pain towards the end.

“I'm fine, Solas,” she assured him with a small smile. “It hurts, but I've endured worse. I think,” she said with a faint laugh.

The room became a cacophony of commotion as Morrigan rushed into the room followed by several servants carrying various items she had requested. There were buckets of fresh water, several folded and clean sheets, many pillows, and towels. She pointed out where in the room to place the items and shooed them off. Soon afterwards Zatriel arrived carrying a smaller bed Morrigan had called “The Birthing Bed” over his shoulder. He was entirely uncertain what its function served but he had brought it anyhow.

“Good," Morrigan said as Zatriel arrived with the bed. "Place that over there if you would,” she instructed pointing to a spot on the floor. It was a much smaller bed than Rowan's own, but it had been constructed so that the upper half was elevated and there was no footboard to be in Morrigan's way. Zatriel placed the bed down about a foot away from Rowan's normal bed to where Morrigan had pointed to. Morrigan busied herself with grabbing the footstool and placed it at the foot end of the bed. “Zatriel, bring the table closer, if you please. And the bucket as well.” Once Morrigan had everything in place so she could easily access them she rolled up her sleeves.

“We need to get her onto this bed now. Gently, if you please,” Morrigan advised. Zatriel went to reach down and pick Rowan up when Solas glared at him. “No,” he said to Zatriel, “She's my wife, I'll carry her.” Zatriel conceded to Solas as he was correct. She was his wife after all. He merely stood in place confused as to his role in all of this.

Solas scooped Rowan up and she placed an arm around his neck as he carried her over to the other bed. He laid her down onto the birthing bed gently. Rowan cried out in pain again as another contraction hit her and Zatriel rushed over to the other side of her bed, away from where Solas was, and knelt down. “Rowhanna, are you going to be alright? You're in pain. I can make it go away if you wish?” He wanted to help her in any way that he could. She needn't suffer this pain. He could easily take it away with a simple spell if she but wanted him to.

“No, Zatriel. I'll be fine,” Rowan managed to say after the pain passed yet again.

“The pain is natural for a woman when she gives birth,” Morrigan explained to him. She was busy soaping up her hands and arms at the foot of the bed and rinsing them off. “Be a dear and hand me a towel, Zatriel.” Zatriel was lost in all the commotion and absentmindedly handed Morrigan the towel she requested. She dried off her hands and arms and deposited the towel onto the floor.

He looked over at Rowhanna. His little Goddess was in pain and there was nothing he could do. For reasons unknown to him she wanted this pain. Morrigan had said it was natural, but not necessary. He looked at her again. She was holding onto her husband's hand tightly as he sat at her side. He felt out of place, he didn't belong here. This was a family affair. He had no right nor business being here. It was a family that did not include him no matter how desperately he wished to stay and help. He began walking off towards the balcony. “I should go now,” he murmured as he was walking away.

“Yes, you should,” Solas replied all but sneering at him. For once Zatriel did not allow the disdain Solas held for him to affect him. He was correct, he should leave them to this.

“Solas, no,” Morrigan hissed. She looked over at Zatriel. “Come, I need you here with me. Grab a chair and sit over there.” She pointed to a spot next to Rowhanna directly across from Solas. Solas shot Morrigan a look. “And you, I need you to focus on Rowan. She's your wife and this is your child, but understand that we may also may need Zatriel if something goes wrong.”

“Have you lost your wits, Morrigan?” he argued in response.

Morrigan sighed and with an exasperated look on her face addressed his question. “Solas,” she began, “As you may have already gathered this is no ordinary pregnancy. We don't know what to expect. If something were to happen we may need him. Now get yourself a chair and keep holding your wife's hand. I can't have you kneeling on the floor the entire time.” Solas relented to Morrigan's reasoning. Now was no time for bickering and arguments he told himself. Instead he stood up, crossed the room, and grabbed a chair in which he could sit. He resumed his position next to Rowan and took her hand in his again.

Morrigan draped a sheet over Rowan's belly and pulled it down over her legs. “Rowan dear, I need you to bend your knees like so,” she said as she helped Rowan bend her knees into the correct position. “Good,” she said in a soothing voice. “Now place your feet here, and here. Don't worry, only I can see you from here.” Morrigan slightly draped the sheet over Rowan's knees so she could lift the hem of her dress up and over her hips and slightly above her belly. “Very good, Rowan,” she said her voice taking on a more relaxed and assuring tone.

Morrigan handed a small, dry cloth to Solas. He took it and looked at her questioningly. He didn't know what he was supposed to do with it. “So you can wipe off her face,” Morrigan answered the question in his eyes. “Now Zatriel lift her head so Solas can move her hair up and away from her neck.” Zatriel looked at Solas as if awaiting his permission to touch his wife despite the fact that Morrigan had ordered him to do so. Morrigan let out an exasperated sigh. “The two of you, listen up. I need you to work together on this. Get over your differences just this once. Solas when he lifts her head you move Rowan's hair out of the way. Does everyone understand me? You each have a job to do and I am not birthing this baby alone.” Morrigan glowered at the two of them until they complied. Zatriel gently lifted Rowan's head and Solas gathered her long hair and pulled it up from beneath her and draped it over the pillows. “Now that wasn't so hard, was it?” She quipped at the two of them when another contraction hit Rowan. She squeezed Solas' hand with all her might. The contractions were coming harder and faster now. Solas dabbed the sweat from her brow with the towel in his hand.

Solas looked worried. He had never witnessed childbirth before, he didn't know if this was to be expected or not. Yet Morrigan seemed nonplussed at Rowan's pain. “In all your years, Lady Morrigan, have you ever done this before?” he asked looking over at her. She looked up from beneath the sheet and cast him a look of disgust at the very question.

“Lest you've forgotten, I gave birth to my own son... alone,” she said with a sense of smug satisfaction. She had done something the mighty Elvhen God never had. “I have done this for countless other women before as well.” She returned her attention back to Rowan beneath the sheet and continued, “But in all fairness no one has ever done anything quite like this before. Now, everyone has a job to fill here so shut up, cast your negative attitudes to the side for the moment, and do as I say.”

Six hours passed as Rowan's contractions increased in intensity as well as in frequency. Solas continued to wipe away the sweat from her brow and beneath her neck while Zatriel helped her drink water every now and then when Morrigan allowed it. The sun was beginning to set when Rowan's body demanded that she bare down. Morrigan noticed the change right away. “Alright Rowan, I need you to listen to your body,” Rowan was looking at her and nodded. “It's time to start pushing. The baby is almost here,” she explained to Rowan gently. Morrigan turned to Solas, “Solas, you need to help her lean forward each time she needs to push, and Rowan don't forget to breathe. We're almost there.”

Every time her stomach contracted Rowan would lean forward and push as hard as she could squeezing Solas' hand with all her might, his other hand supporting her back.

“That's it, Rowan. You're doing great,” Morrigan encouraged her. “I can see the head now,” she announced. “A few more pushes and it'll all be over.” Rowan pushed several more times and Morrigan gently cradled the baby's head. With a few last pushes the baby came out all the way with Morrigan's help. “Very good Rowan,” she said with a smile as she gently held the baby in her arms. Rowan let out a sigh of relief and laid back. “It isn't quite over yet, Rowan,” Morrigan told her. “You still have the placenta to pass. This part shouldn't hurt much but I'll need you to push a few more times." Rowan did as she was told until she felt something slide out of her.

Morrigan pulled the sheet down to cover up Rowan and allowed her to relax her legs finally. Rowan let out a sigh of relief still clutching Solas' hand in hers. Morrigan looked over at Zatriel.

“Zatriel,” Morrigan called out his name. He snapped his head up and looked over in her direction. For six hours he had watched the woman he now loved go through excruciating pain, and despite the many times he had offered to alleviate it she had refused with a smile each time. She was truly stronger in character than he had ever given her credit for he now realized. He was staring at Morrigan wondering if he had done something wrong? The baby was born, perhaps she would tell him it was time for him to leave? Instead he saw she was waving him over to the foot of the bed where she still sat. “I need your assistance over here with me, now,” she told him. He couldn't imagine what for, but he rose from his seat and came to her side anyhow. After all, Morrigan still controlled the stage. When he reached her he looked down at the tiniest Elf he had ever seen cradled in Morrigan's arms. “I need you to grab me a fresh cloth, soak it in water, then wring it out. I need to clean her off,” she explained. He set about his task then watched in fascination as Morrigan cleaned the baby down. “Now, grab me that little blanket over there,” she pointed to the blanket in question. He fetched it for her as asked and Morrigan swaddled the baby in the blanket then stood and walked over to Solas and Rowan with Serenity cradled in her arms. She handed the baby over to Solas. He stood up nervously to take her into his arms. He looked at Morrigan obviously confused as to how about to proceed. He found himself at a loss. What if he dropped her? “Here,” Morrigan said softly and began moving his arms into the proper position. “Hold her like so.”

Rowan laid back with a sigh and looked over at Solas who sat down with Serenity in his arms. He looked on in amazement back and forth between Rowan and their daughter who was now nestled in the crook of his arms.

Without warning a bright light illuminated Rowan that lit up the entire room. It was almost blinding and a sensation akin to thunder shook the entire room. All eyes were on Rowan as she bolted upright with a gasp then fell back onto the pillows in exhaustion, her eyes closed. The illumination was pulling itself back within Rowan's body. Just as abruptly as it had begun it was over and the room settled as the shaking stopped. Zatriel simply stared at her in awe then looked over at Solas.

“It's done,” Zatriel muttered under his breath. “Did you see it?” he directed his question at Solas. Surely he had seen it. They all had, he was certain of it.

“What just happened?” Solas looked at Rowan then over towards Morrigan who was just as awestruck and dumbfounded as he was. Neither had ever seen anything of its like before.

“The last of her mortality,” Zatriel replied softly. “It's gone forever. She is fully immortal now.” He looked at Solas with a dawning realization, “It was her pregnancy this whole time that was holding onto that last bit of mortality, and now its just... gone.” Solas looked down at Serenity in his arms. Of course, it all made sense now. Without it Serenity would never have been able to develop, to grow, to be born. It had been a necessary part of her pregnancy, and now that it was over it had slipped away from her. It was no longer needed nor welcomed within Rowan and the immortal part of her soul had slammed the door shut tight in a manner of speaking.

“What's going on?” Rowan asked in a stupor as she came to. “Is the baby alright?” She looked over at Solas with a worried expression. If she had any recollection of what just happened to her she made gave no indication of it. Solas' guess was that she had been completely unaware of what her body and spirit just did.

“Yes, vhenan, she's absolutely perfect,” Solas said with a huge smile. He kissed the top of her forehead tenderly. “You did great, my love.”

“Alright,” Morrigan said, “The two of you; out, out, out.” Solas and Zatriel looked at Morrigan each as confused as the other. She sighed. “I need to clean Rowan down and help her change into something fresh. A little privacy would be greatly appreciated, gentlemen.” Morrigan started ushering Solas and Zatriel down the stairs and out of the room.

*

Solas and Zatriel stood outside of Rowan's door. Solas was staring down at the little bundle in his arms. Big, bright blue eyes stared back up at him. She had small tufts of light, red curls on top of her head. Loving Rowan he never dreamed it was possible to feel any happier than she had made him feel, but this? This was a different kind of happiness. This was his child, his daughter. No, he corrected himself, this was _their_ daughter that he presently cradled in his arms. He couldn't help but beam down at the tiny beauty that was looking up at him.

Zatriel was standing next to him peering down at this small Elven baby that Solas held. An immortal baby at that. “She's beautiful, Solas. I've never seen anything so little before.”

“Of course you haven't based on what your kind do to their young if given the chance.” Solas moved so that he held Serenity away from Zatriel. He didn't want the creature anywhere near his daughter. "What you do is the entire reason the females of your kind drive the males off after mating. You would eat your own young otherwise."

“And you mistrust me solely based on what I am?” Zatriel fired back at him.

“What do you think, _Dragon_?” Solas all but spat his words at him. “You are a danger as well as a threat to everything I love.”

Zatriel looked at Solas with sincerity in his eyes and spoke with a softened voice. He was both insulted and humbled simultaneously. “I would never bring harm to either of them. I've vowed as much.” What he said was true, he would never willingly or knowingly do anything to bring either Rowhanna or Serenity any form of harm if he could help it. He would do whatever was necessary to protect them both.

“And you expect me to what?” Solas demanded from him, “to just to take you at your word?”

Solas stung him with his words which only served to anger him. He had made the vow before ever knowing what it felt like to love, before she had taught him how to feel love. Now that he knew what love felt like he would never dare dream of bringing harm to either of them. He would protect them at the cost of himself, even if it meant _from_ himself. The sting of Solas' words turned to a seething anger.

“I know what you think of me. Yet you and I are not much different than each other, are we _Fen'Harel_?” he shot back. Yes, he knew that this 'Solas' was the Trickster God known as Fen'Harel. He had known this of him long before arriving at Skyhold. He even knew of what he had done to the world not once, but twice now. He had no fear of this so-called God. He was also aware through various conversations with Rowhanna herself that therein lay the very thing that had caused the rift between them. Her need to forgive her husband an unforgivable act he had carried out upon the world or to turn away from him forever if she couldn't.

Serenity began crying and Solas rocked her in his arms to soothe her. He would deal with the Dragon at another date. Now was not the time. He refused to allow his presence to interfere with this moment any longer. He stroked her cheek with the back of a finger and she calmed at his touch.

Zatriel hadn't noticed it until now, but no sooner had the baby began crying he could hear it resonating from her. How had he overlooked it all this time? He originally thought it had come from Rowhanna alone, but no. It resonated from both the Mother and the Daughter. It was the song, but hers was a different melody altogether. His eyes widened and he whispered under his breath as if enchanted by it, “She has it as well, Solas. Can you hear it?” It was pulling at him. He drew nearer to Solas and Serenity without realizing he was even doing so.

“Hear what?” Solas asked peering at Zatriel suspiciously as the Dragon drew nearer to him.

“It's the song. Listen carefully. Surely you can hear it?” He could even hear Rowhanna's from down here. Fainter since he was not in the room with her, but they both possessed it. Each a melody that was unique to themselves. His memory tried to reach for the answer to it's meaning, something that he once knew but had long forgotten. He couldn't recall how many thousands of years it had been since last he had heard such songs.

Solas stood still and looked down at Serenity. He listened carefully and sure enough he heard it, faintly, but the Dragon was right. It was there. A song of unknown origins emanated from his daughter that drifted off of her like a wave. He looked down in marvel at the child in his arms. It was subtle, but there nonetheless.

Solas momentarily forgot all about his disdain for Zatriel as he looked over at him. “I hear it, but what is it?” he asked the Dragon.

Zatriel shook his head, “I do not know, but Rowhanna has it as well. I can still hear hers even now.”

'Rowhanna'... Solas noticed that he always called his wife 'Rowhanna' and not 'Rowan'. He made a mental not to inquire about that later, but now was not the time he told himself. He remained focused on what Zatriel had been saying to him. That even Rowan herself had the song, that he could hear it from where they stood. Though Rowan had mentioned this song to him before he never once gave it much thought. He believed it mere fanciful flattery, a gilded lie the Dragon had told her and dismissed it as such. Yet when he cocked his head and listened closely he finally heard it; Rowan's song. Whereas Serenity's was akin to the lullaby that Rowan used to hum, Rowan's was more of a soulful tune that pulled at the heart like the spell of two lovers kissing beneath the moonlight.

“What does it mean, Solas?” Zatriel hoped that he would have an answer to this riddle for him. No matter what book he read that was in his possession he had been unable to find a reference to it anywhere.

“I do not know,” Solas admitted quietly. “I have never heard of such a thing before.”

“I have, once, long ago. Yet it has been so long that I have since forgotten its meaning,” Zatriel told him. Both Solas and Zatriel merely stared at each other equally confounded. Whatever this song was had to be of some importance or it would not exist at all, and Solas needed to know what it all meant, what it entailed. He needed to know if this was something that could put them in harm's way. Surely if the two of them could hear it, then so could The Others given enough time.

Just then the door opened up and Morrigan stepped out into the hall. Morrigan stopped and looked between the two of them suspiciously. “Something going on you care to share?” she asked them both. Solas looked at Zatriel then back at Morrigan.

“We were just... talking,” Solas offered up as an excuse. Morrigan lifted an eyebrow. “Well,” she said clasping her hands together, “Since that's the case Solas, you and the baby go upstairs to Rowan. Zatriel, you follow me.” With that she crossed the hallway as Solas and Serenity disappeared into Rowan's room. Zatriel didn't know what Morrigan could possibly need him for now but followed nonetheless. She walked across the hall to her door with her head held high in the air as if she hadn't just spent the last six hours playing midwife.

*

Solas climbed the stairs slowly so as not to jostled the baby about and saw that Morrigan had helped Rowan into a fresh nightdress and into her own bed. The room was immaculate. Everything that had been there for the birthing was gone, including the bed, and all the furnishings put back in order. How Morrigan had managed that he didn't know. By means of Magic so as not to have serving Elves disturb Rowan was his guess. He looked over at his beloved laying in the bed propped up on layers of pillows. She looked absolutely radiant and more beautiful than ever to him. His heart swelled at the sight of her as she smiled at his approach.

He sat on the edge of the bed and handed Serenity over to Rowan's waiting arms. Serenity began crying softly and Rowan deftly unbuttoned the top of her nightdress exposing one of her breasts and brought the baby to her nipple. Serenity took it in her mouth and began suckling at it hungrily. He just sat there and watched on in amazement. She had carried this beautiful creature within her all this time, her body sustaining it, and now once again her body was providing what was needed; Mother's milk... subsistence.

“Isn't she beautiful, Solas?” Rowan gushed over Serenity as she looked down at their daughter at her breast.

“Every bit as her Mother,” he said with his heart in his throat.

“Just look at her,” Rowan said in awe as she looked over at him from where he sat. “Look at what we created, Solas.” She was running a hand over her small head and through her light, red curls. The same shade of red his hair had been in his youth. He hoped it pleased Rowan.

“You did all the hard work, I believe the credit is yours.” It was the truth, he told himself. She had carried her within her own body all this time. It had been Rowan that had endured hours upon hours of pain bringing her into the world, and now she was the one capable of feeding their child with her own body.

“No,” Rowan argued with a playful smile, “ _We_ did this together.” Her smile was infectious and he found himself unable to resist smiling back at her, his love for her shining in his eyes. She reached a hand out for him to take. “Come, sit in the bed next to me,” she urged him.

Solas slid into the bed next to Rowan. For this moment he would put aside everything as he wrapped an arm around her and stared down at the little beauty that was still suckling at her Mother's breast. Rowan leaned against him bringing them both closer together. Today they were a family, complete and whole. He reached down and once again rubbed the back of a finger delicately against his daughter's cheek. Her skin was soft like peaches. Her tiny, little hand reached up and clasped hold of his finger. He looked at Rowan then back at the baby when she did this. This tiny little hand wrapped around his finger delighted him. He just stared on.

“I think she knows who her Daddy is,” Rowan let out a small laugh looking up at him.

“How could she?” he asked incredulously. He looked down into Rowan's eyes, they were sparkling. Motherhood suited her very well.

“Babies just have a way of knowing these things, Solas,” she explained to him. Sometimes she forgot that he was more than the Elven apostate she had originally fallen in love with back in Haven, that he was one of the Ancient Elvhen looked upon by others as a God. There was much about the world for all his knowledge he had yet to understand or experience. Through her he experienced life in different ways and different things he had never bothered with before. She would never truly understand just how much she had changed his life forever.

The word 'Daddy' bounced around in his heart and soul. He felt as if his heart could expand across the entire universe right now. No amount of time could ever have prepared him for what he was feeling at this very moment. Together they had created life, true life, the way mortals did. It wasn't supposed to be possible yet there she was before him still clinging to his finger.

“She has little red curls,” Rowan pointed out. “I take it she gets her hair color from you?” Rowan asked playfully. He flushed and nodded. “Why," he asked suddenly, "Is something wrong with it?” Rowan looked down and ran her fingers through their daughters hair softly. “Not at all,” she cooed. “She's perfect just the way she is.”

“Who do you think she'll favor?” he wondered out loud.

“It's too soon to say,” Rowan said pulling her from her breast now that she was done feeding. Solas went to look to away to afford her some privacy but before he could Rowan began placing the baby back in his arms. “Maybe she'll look the way she does in your drawing,” she said wistfully as she buttoned her nightdress back up.

Solas looked down at this little bundle that was back in his arms. “I could never have drawn something this beautiful in all my years,” he said just staring down at her. Her little blue almond shaped eyes opened up and looked up at him. Out of nowhere a wide grin spread across her face and he felt tears of joy spring to his eyes. “She's smiling at you,” Rowan said grinning. “She is. And it's one of the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen,” he whispered in awe. He heard Rowan let out a giggle beside him as she leaned her head against his chest and looked down. “That's because she has your smile,” she said to him. "And she has your almond shaped eyes, Rowan," he pointed out in return.

“How fast do you think she'll grow?” Rowan asked him out of curiosity.

“I'm uncertain,” he admitted. He hadn't given it much thought until just now. He looked down at her beautiful face that was resting against him then looked back at Serenity. “Your pregnancy wasn't very long, it would be a lie to say that I knew.”

“Well I hope she doesn't grow up too fast. I want to cherish every precious moment with our daughter that we can,” Rowan admitted with a slight hint of dismay in her voice.

“Our daughter,” he whispered as he looked down into her blue eyes. Once again her little hand grasped at one of his fingers and brought it to her mouth. He smiled as he felt her suckling at the tip of his finger. “Our daughter,” he said again as if he needed to reaffirm to himself that this was not a dream or a trick of the Fade.

“Yes,” Rowan said dreamily. “Our daughter.”


	15. A Delicate Dream

Zatriel followed Morrigan through the door that led to her room. He continued following her up the stairs that opened up to her balcony view of Skyhold. These were her private quarters, though not so very private without the confines of walls, he noted. He suspected she had her means when she desired privacy, she was resourceful when she needed to be after all. Why she had requested his presence he was uncertain of and leery as to why. Rowan seemed to trust her well enough to be in Skyhold, but that didn't mean he had to. He knew what she was and exactly how she sustained her years over the passage of time. She was a thief. She stole the bodies of unwitting women when her last vessel began to wither with age using very powerful and old magic. He had heard of such magic before, but he despised the very thought of it even though many things he had done in the past were no less questionable or equally tasteless. Still, it was a Human soul that resided within the body she possessed, which was another cause for the disdain her felt for her. Humans had been brutish and power hungry among other things, and some of those Human traits even after all these long years had not lessened within this body-thief.

She walked over to a tub that sat off to the side and began filling it with hot water. “Give a woman a hand?” she asked as she presented her back to him. Her dress was laced up from behind, certainly she could have had any one of the Elves that roamed the fortress to do this for her. She did not need him for this. Yet reluctantly he began undoing the laces of the top of her dress and she slipped out of it letting it crumple to the floor in a pile. She stepped into the tub of hot water and sighed. A glimmer of magic permeated the opened area of her balcony, just as he suspected she had cast a barrier veil affording herself, and him, some privacy. “Have a seat,” she said waving a hand about absentmindedly as she leaned back into the steaming water closing her eyes, “There is wine on the table if you wish.” She let out a sigh of relief.

Zatriel chose to lean against the wall in spite of her invitation displaying his reluctance to be within her presence. The matter was very simple, he didn't trust her. She peered at him then shrugged. “Have it your way,” was all she said as she began washing away the grime and sweat from her skin from the past six hours. She ached and the water felt good on her muscles.

“So tell me, what is your fascination with our beloved Rowan?” she asked as she leaned back and stretched out her legs. Her feet were resting on the foot of the tub, one crossed over the other, while she lounged in the heat of the water.

“That is none of your concern, _thief_ ,” he emphasized the word 'thief' the best he could.

“Thief?” She scoffed. “I merely do what I must in order to survive. Don't tell me you are so innocent yourself. How many trinkets lay about in your lair, I wonder?”

“I do not steal the bodies of others as you have done countless times. Hence, you are a thief of the worst kind. Trinkets are mere items, not living beings.”

“The bodies I take were being wasted by those that were born to them. Besides, as my mother Flemeth was oh so often fond of saying, 'A soul is not forced upon the unwilling',” she said in a mocking tone. “It took me many years to see the truth of what she meant, so now I do what I must.”

“Flemeth was your mother? _The_ Flemeth?” His mind become more alert to what Morrigan was saying after hearing that confession. He wondered what else she knew from her years spent with Flemeth and Mythal?

“Yes, _the_ Flemeth,” she said with a exasperated sigh. “You see, I was to be her next host. But I discovered her plans for me and escaped before she could carry them out. Through obtaining her Grimoire I learned the secret to her effective immortality.” He wondered why he had failed to see the connection until now. It had been through the entity he had known as Mythal/Flemeth that he had first seen the likes of what Morrigan performed. Then again, he had been spending all of his time with Rowhanna, not worrying about Morrigan. “So, where were we? Ah yes. You and Rowan,” she smiled eyeing him from the tub across the room.

“My relationship with Rowhanna is between her and I alone,” he responded through his teeth with a slight hiss. He did not like this Morrigan prying into his private affairs even if there was nothing to reveal.

Morrigan's eyes grew wider and her smile pulled at her lips playfully. “Ooh, relationship? Do tell!” she said exclaimed scented oil into her bathwater. “And would you mind pouring me a glass of wine while you're at it?”

He crossed the room and poured her wine into an ornate goblet that sat upon her table. Absentmindedly he brought it over and handed it to her. He didn't want to discuss Rowhanna with this Morrigan woman, but he suspected that wasn't the main reason she had him follow her to her quarters so he would endure her barrage of questions as long as he could stand them. “It isn't what you think,” he stated flatly.

“Isn't it?” she asked as she took the goblet from him. She took a long sip of the wine peering at him through half shut eyes still smiling as he resumed leaning against his spot on the far wall near the door.

“No, it is not,” he answered her begrudgingly. He was growing weary of her questions regarding he and Rowhanna. He did not wish to discuss her with anyone. He wondered why it was such a point of interest to this body thief? Perhaps Rowhanna's husband had set this whole affair up? That he would tell something to this woman that he would refuse to admit to the husband himself?

“So nothing came about between the two of you, ever?” she continued questioning him. “Not even once,” he replied. It was an honest answer too. “I find that hard to believe,” she said flatly as she rose from the water. Morrigan stood in the center of the tub dripping wet and completely nude without a hint of shame, her one hand resting on her hip. “Would you be so kind as to hand me that towel?” she asked with mocked innocence. She was intentionally making a spectacle of herself before him. What was she hoping to gain from him? Certainly not sex, for though she had chosen a remarkable specimen as her current host, it was not her he desired. His heart now belonged to Rowhanna.

Zatriel crossed the room and handed a towel to her. He was unsure why he even bothered doing as she asked? He was no serving man, and certainly not to her. Night had long fallen and he would need to leave Skyhold as soon as he was able. His insatiable lust was almost more than he could bear at night and he did not wish to be in this woman's company if tempting him into her bed were her plans.

“You have my thanks,” she responded with a nod as she took the towel. Morrigan began drying off as she stepped out of the tub and walked over to an armoire. She pulled a light green dress out from within the confines of it. She stepped into the dress pulling it up sliding her arms into its sleeves. She looked over her shoulder at Zatriel. “A helping hand? One last time?” She flashed him a grin.

Zatriel let out an audible sigh of disgust and crossed over to where she stood. He began working with the laces of her dress in the back and she continued the conversation without missing a beat. “So not even a single kiss?” she asked, her voice filled with obvious doubt.

“No, not a one,” he replied as he began tightening the laces of her dress.

“Why ever not?” He tightened the laces of her dress further working his way to the top. “The matter is simple; She would not have me. Her heart belongs to her husband.” His voice was coupled with both the pain of sadness as well as the sting of rejection. “Why do you care so much?” he asked as he finished tightening up the laces of her gown.

She turned and looked up at him with her amber eyes, “Because I would never waste an opportunity such as you,” she breathed huskily as she stepped in closer to him. Despite his disdain for her he felt himself begin to stir. His mind becoming frantic, his judgment a little cloudy. He didn't like this woman, despised her even, but being what he was made it all the more difficult or him to control himself at night. And regardless how he felt about her it would not stop him from bedding her given enough time. That was why he always ensured he had left Rowhanna's presence before nightfall, and he did not want to bed this woman that stood before him despite the beauty of the body she inhabited.

He backed up and felt himself come in contact with the wall as Morrigan advanced slowly, swaying her hips as she approached him. Her voice had dropped to a low and seductive tone. “Such a waste it seems, to have such a magnificent specimen all to oneself and squander it over something like love.”

“And what would you know of love?” he asked as she placed her hands on his chest.

“'Tis a pretty lie wasted on fools,” she whispered up at him. Her pert little mouth was upturned towards his as she stared boldly into his eyes. The glimmer in her eyes told him all he needed to know, she was challenging him.

“Are you insinuating that I am a fool?” he asked glowering down at her.

Morrigan stood back a bit and inspected his face. Love? She almost laughed inside at the very idea. A Dragon in love? The very idea was preposterous to her, even if it was Rowan they were talking about. Perhaps it had been Rowan's abilities as the 'Goddess of Love' that had pierced his heart? Even that seemed an implausible notion to her. “No... Are you telling me that you love her?” she asked incredulously.

“I do, very much,” he admitted, and for the first time Morrigan saw that hint of sorrow in his eyes. “What about you?” he asked her in return, “Have you ever loved anyone or anything other than yourself, Lady Morrigan?”

“But once,” she replied quietly. “My... son. He died long ago. His name was Kieran.” Now it was her turn to for sorrow to come bubbling up from the depths of her soul only to surface her face.

“And did you not love your son's father?” he asked in a matter of fact tone.

The sorrow was immediately erased from her face. “No. Love only serves to cloud one's vision, it's a pretty mask that covers the truth over your eyes,” she said as she pressed herself against him letting her hands caress his chest. “Now lust and passion? That is something I understand quite well,” she breathed lustfully. “I would never throw away the chance to explore an entanglement with a creature such as yourself.”

He grabbed her by one hand, turned her around, and pulled her back into his chest while placing his other hand on her lower abdomen. “Be careful what you wish for, Lady Morrigan,” he whispered in her ear, “Else you may end up with more than you've bargained for.” She could feel his growing arousal pressing against her back and smiled inwardly. So he liked to play rough? She liked rough.

“And what if that _is_ what I wish?” she asked playfully. This was like a game of cat and mouse, though it was becoming unclear exactly who was the cat, and who was the mouse. She was playing with danger, that much she understood, but she liked danger. It excited her.

“You would not like the results,” he ensured her. There was a low growl in his voice akin to the one she heard upon first meeting him. “Trust me,” he continued, “There is nothing gentle about passion and I.” Yes, he needed to leave quickly. He could feel his growing erection pressing against her backside every bit as much as she could.

She pressed her hips into him and leaned her head back on his shoulder, “Try me. You might be surprised.”

The perfumed oils she had placed in her bath wafted up to his nostrils. She smelled of fine wine and jasmine. He could feel the heat of her body even through her velvet dress. He pushed her away from him in disgust. “Is this why you dragged me up here? To attempt to seduce me into your bed?”

She turned around and laughed heartily. “Trust me, were I attempting to seduce you, you would know.” She sat haphazardly on the corner of her desk one leg crossed over the other. “So, to answer your question, no, that is not why I brought you here.” She poured herself another glass of wine and looked at him seriously. “Now that the baby is born we can't have you coming and going from Rowan's room. So I decided to take a look at the layout of the fortress and found a suitable replacement over here, she tapped a fingernail on a particular spot on a map that was laid out on her desk.

Hesitantly he walked over to where she sat. Rolled out on her desk was a map of Skyhold and its foundations. She had her nail pressed at a particular location on the map. “What is this place?” he asked looking up at her. He was unfamiliar with that location in particular.

She placed her glass of wine down and stood up from the desk and made her way to her door. She looked over her shoulder at him, “Follow me and I'll show you.”

He followed her back down the steps and out to the main hall. They walked out of Skyhold proper and down the steps to the courtyard that was off to the right. He noticed that the Elves had almost completed what appeared to be a tavern and he paused as he looked about. He had never been outside to the actual grounds before until now. “Come, come,” Morrigan ushered him to a door that faced directly across from the tavern. Morrigan opened it and stepped in holding the door for him. They were now standing in a dark room that seemed to never have had a floor; just two walkways, one to the left and the other to the right. Alongside these walkways featured several decrepit cells ravaged by time but still recognizable as such. A few still sported doors that had been constructed from metal bars. They were long rusted and many had broken or crumbled away. There was no wall at the far end of the room, it simply opened up to the sky and the mountains. He looked around in disgust. The room was old and in dire need of repairs. The foundation was cracked and crumbling in many areas. With a wave of her hand Morrigan lit the few torches that hung on the walls that she must have recently had added.

He was confused and didn't know what to make of this particular room. “What was this place? A dungeon?” he asked as he continued to look around.

“How astute of you!” she said mockingly as she clasped her hands together. He cast her a look and she sighed, “Yes, it used to serve as a prison. That entrance at the far end is the only other place in Skyhold where you can easily come and go without upsetting the tenants and staff here. I thought that were I to have these old cells hollowed out and a floor installed this place could be yours to do with whatever you please. Temporarily, that is,” she said turning to look at him.

“Temporarily?” That last part caught his attention immediately.

“Welllll,” she dragging out the word, “Until such a time that Solas has you exiled from here forever.” Her words pained him because that reality was entirely possible and he had to come to terms with its potential inevitability. With the baby born Rowan certainly would have less time for him and would be spending more time with her husband. Not to mention it was only a matter of time before things came to a head between the two males that would ultimately end with his banishment.

“It's a crumbling mess, this prison,” he stated flatly ignoring the thorns in her words.

“It is the only other area of Skyhold that is workable. With an easy entrance and exit point I might add.” She saw the look of disgust on his face and folded her arms. “I suppose you have you a better idea?”

No, he didn't have a better idea, he would have to concede with Morrigan's plans. “How quickly can this be arranged?” he asked looking about.

“Well,” she said placing her hands on her hips and looked around the room. “We would have to work around your comings and goings,” she mused out loud. “We can't allow the Elves to see you for what you truly are.”

“Forget it,” he told her. She turned to him and looked at him raising an eyebrow.

“I'll see to the repairs myself,” he explained. “It would be best that way.”

“Yourself?” she all but laughed.

“Yes,” he reaffirmed looking her straight in the eyes. “Myself. Just because I'm a Dragon doesn't mean I am a stranger to Magic. As you are no doubt well aware I know much more than any of your books have ever taught you.” Now it was his turn to have a smug grin on his face. “I have at my disposal more Arcane knowledge that has been long lost to the ages than you could ever dare to dream of getting your hands on.” He saw the spark light up in her eyes at this. “Even far more than what Solas has at his disposal.” He crept towards her slowly, the predator in him peeking out just beneath the surface. “Oh yes, Lady Morrigan, there are many things that I could teach you if I had the mind to,” he whispered to her.

“And exactly what would it take for you to share such knowledge with me?” She smiled up at him unafraid.

He pulled her to him and leaned into her breathing his words against her ear, “Don't get in my way.” He let go of her abruptly and looked back at his surroundings. “You may leave me now. I have work to do,” he said in a dismissive tone.

“Tell me something before I go,” her voice bounced off the walls of the prison. He turned and faced her one last time. She was standing with her hand on the doorknob. “Do you ever wish that you could get away from Skyhold in your natural state with someone? The freedom to be truly yourself and appreciated as such?” He looked at her with a curious expression. He was unsure where she was going with this. She continued, “Does it not bother you to have to always assume the guise of an Elf to be in someone's company?”

“Why are you asking me this?” he inquired. What did she care about his wants and needs? Whether he was in Elf form or his true form? Or which he preferred for that matter?

“I just find it a shame to not be appreciated for what you truly are. To not be allowed to be yourself in someone else's company,” she stated pointedly. She hesitated before opening the door and looked over at him. “If you've ever the notion, you know where to find me.” With that she left him to this shamble of a room closing the door behind her. Her last words ate at him like a thorn in his brain though he didn't understand why.

*

Morrigan knocked on Rowan's door before letting herself in. As she entered the room she smiled over at Rowan and Solas sitting on the bed with their newborn. She remembered holding Kieran at that age, but she had been alone and without his father at her side. The night was getting late and she knew that Rowan required sleep. She would care for the baby this first night to allow the couple to have some rest.

She went to Rowan's side of the bed and peered down at Serenity. The miracle baby. She could see the weariness in Rowan's face. “Has she fed?” Morrigan asked Rowan. “Yes," Rowan smiled. "I think she's done for the night.” Rowan was rocking her gently in her arms.

“Here, hand her to me. I'll take her for the night so you can get some much needed rest.” Morrigan instructed Rowan. Solas took Serenity in his arms and stood up. “You've done more than enough, Morrigan. I will take her to the rotunda with me for the evening.”

“Solas, don't go,” Rowan pleaded with him. “Stay with me, please?” She was weary and still sore from the delivery and she wanted him at her side this evening. Even if it was just this once.

Solas looked between Rowan and Morrigan, he was torn and reluctant to let his child out of his sight so soon, but he also didn't want to leave Rowan behind. She needed him. “Come on,” Morrigan insisted coming over to his side. “Hand the little one over,” she waved her hands with outstretched arms to give her the baby. She gave him a look that said he was being daft. “Listen to me. Your wife needs you tonight, stay with her. I promise your child is in good hands.” Solas reluctantly handed Serenity over to Morrigan. Morrigan walked off carrying Serenity in her arms and waved a hand turning all the lamps off in the room before shutting the door behind her.

Once Morrigan was gone he sat on the edge of the bed and looked over at Rowan. He saw the exhaustion creeping over her. She reached out a hand to him and he took it lovingly into his own. “Stay with me, just for tonight?” she asked him. “Of course, vhenan” he replied softly as he climbed into the bed and slipped beneath the blanket laying next to her. She was still holding his hand when she rolled onto her side and pulled it around her placing his hand over her heart. She sighed wistfully. “Let this be real enough, just for tonight,” she whispered to him into the night. “It already is,” he replied quietly.

He nestled beside her and cradled her body against his, his knees bent and pressed against hers, her head resting on the crook of his other arm. He could feel her breathing becoming slower and her heart beat a gentle rhythm beneath his hand as she relaxed then drifted off. He nuzzled his nose against her neck, his face buried in her soft curls, and drifted off shortly after her.

*

Solas was having the sweetest of dreams. He was laying in a soft bed and Rowan was laying pressed against his body, her back to him. His head was resting on a pile of her soft curls and his nose was pressed against her neck. He could even detect her scent in the dream. His hand was resting on the gentle swell of her breast and in his dream she appeared to be resting by the rise and fall of her chest beneath his hand. He circled her breast with his hand and cupped it softly in his palm. He sighed against her neck. How long had it been since he had held her this way, he wondered? How many times had he dreamed of this very thing? Instead of resisting the dream he allowed himself to fall deeper into it as he slowly roamed about her body moving his hand from her breast down to her stomach. Her flat stomach. Yes, this was most certainly a dream for Rowan was still with child and in this dream her midsection was flat and toned.

In his dream Rowan let out a soft sigh and he swore he felt her breath upon his arm where her head rested. It was just a trick of the dream, he told himself. He nuzzled her neck with his nose brushing away the few locks of hair that prevented him from making contact with her skin. He brushed his lips against her neck as his hand traveled up to the side of her waist. It certainly must be a dream, he told himself, there was no blanket covering them as there had been when they had gone to sleep. He wanted to hold onto this dream as long as he could. He wasn't ready to wake up. Reality meant no Rowan, yet this dream offered her up to him and he wanted to relish in it before his mind demanded that he awaken.

Kissing the side of her neck softly he allowed his hand to roam over her hip and down her leg to her knee. She was wearing something soft, he felt its texture against his palm, and he could also feel the warmth of her skin beneath it. He captured a part of what she was wearing and it moved up her leg a little as he slid his hand back up to her hip. He moved his hand from the side of her hip back down to her lower abdomen and lingered moving his hand in circles across her stomach. He captured her earlobe between his lips gently and he could feel her shift her weight just enough to grant him better access to her neck and ear. He planted soft kisses down her neck as he moved his hand back up to her hip once more to travel down the side of her leg again. He wanted to feel the softness of her skin. He passed the hem of her gown as his hand traveled down to her knee, and as he moved his hand back up her thigh he hooked a thumb beneath the hem of her gown tugging it upwards exposing the skin of her leg and hip to his palm. In his dream he felt his arousal growing, and once he had her gown pulled up and over to her waist he pressed himself against her softly to feel her warmth against his growing erection.

She moved against him when he did this and he slipped his hand beneath the hem of her gown at her waistline to feel her flesh directly against his touch as he made his way from her hip to her stomach. He heard her moan softly as she pressed her backside against his hardness again. It was almost more than he could take and he could only imagine what he must look like outside this dream. He would wake himself up soon enough, he told himself. He wanted to feel the weight of her bare breast in his hand first, even if this was only but a dream. It was a delicious dream, he thought, as he slowly slid his hand up and captured her breast in his hand once more. She arched her upper body slightly, pushing her breast harder into his hand and moaned a little louder this time.

“Mmmm... Good morning to you as well,” he heard Rowan say as he ran his thumb across her nipple. It was hardening beneath his touch as his eyes snapped open. This was no dream, he realized in shock as sunlight poured into the room and hit his eyes. He had been fondling Rowan's body in reality all the while believing he had been sleeping. It wasn't until she had spoken that he discovered that he had not been dreaming at all. This was real, all of it. The weight of her breast still in his hand, his lips still upon her neck. He laid still uncertain of what to do or say. He was frozen in place unable to even bring himself to remove his hand from her breast. Her saw that her nightdress had been hiked up past her hips exposing her entire lower half. How far would he have gone had she not snapped him out of this?

He looked down at her to confirm that this was, indeed, reality. She was looking back with a confused expression on her face. “Is something the matter, Solas?” she asked him.

He bolted out of the bed and she sat up pulling the covers up to cover her exposed body staring at him confused. “I, um... no. It's nothing,” he stammered. “Then come back to bed silly,” she said with a light laugh in her voice. Her smile was bright and tempting, the arousal he caused her evident in her eyes. He looked around the room frantically for an excuse. Anything he could do or say without upsetting her. He spotted the empty vase on her dresser. “Your rose, it's missing,” he muttered nodding at it. Rowan climbed out of the bed and crossed the room and came over to where he was standing. She stood up on her toes and planted a small kiss on his lips. “It isn't missing,” she told him with a smile. “I placed it in a box on the dresser so I could keep it after it had wilted.” Rowan walked over to the dresser and picked up a long, elegant wooden box and opened it. Inside laid the dried out blue rose he had given her. “See? I never wanted to let it go,” she admitted to him with a shy smile.

He placed a hand on the back of his head. “If you'll excuse me, I have... important matters to tend to.” She walked back over to where he was standing and he turned to leave as she approached. She grabbed him by one arm turning him around to face her. He looked down at her and she took his face into both of her hands and pulled him in for a kiss before he could stop her. Her lips roamed over his and eventually he allowed himself to give into the kiss. He leaned into her and parted her lips with his kissing her deeply. Her hands wrapped around his neck pulling him in tighter and he dived into the kiss, bending her backwards slightly, losing himself in the moment. Eventually he pulled back and just stared down at her. He was lost. He wanted to give in, but couldn't. He couldn't allow himself to, not until she forgave him. He needed her forgiveness and so did his heart. She didn't understand how desperately he needed that from her first. As it stood it would be all too easy to just fall back into her arms, he could never deny her for long no matter how much pain he had brought to her life time and again. She was everything he craved, he was weak for her. Yet it wasn't right, it wasn't fair to her. And now was not the time, he reminded himself as he lowered his head in his shame. Gently he grabbed her hands and pulled them off of him. He raised his hands in front of him taking a step back indicating for her to come no closer shaking his head no. She looked even more confused now than before.

“Ir abelas, vhenan,” he apologized to her, his voice quivering with the pain he felt. It mirrored the pain on her face. He continued to back away slowly. Before she could do or say anything else he took to the stairs and quietly left her alone in her room. Left her wondering what she had done wrong as the tears slowly slipped down her face.

“Ir abelas, vhenan,” had been his parting words to her. _"I'm sorry, my heart."_


	16. Nedan Hanal'ghilan

Solas left Rowan's room and made his way down the main hall. He passed the rotunda entirely as he didn't want to return to it yet. He needed to think, and if he went to the rotunda Rowan could easily find him there had she the mind to seek him out. It would not be unlike her to come after him. Instead he passed through the main entrance and went down the left of the landing heading straight towards the main gate. He needed to take a walk, clear his mind a little, anything to get his mind over what just occurred. He felt like a fool, touching her as he had then ultimately rejecting her at the same time. It pained him to have left her in tears, but comforting her would only lead to more temptation. So instead he walked down the cobblestone path that led out of Skyhold central. He knew where he was headed, to the little grove where the blue roses grew. It was the quietest spot near Skyhold where he could go and be left to his own devices. Besides, walking always helped him the most when he needed to think or clear his thoughts.

As he walked he noted that Skyhold was beginning to bustle as caravans came and went on the open road bringing their wares from Arlathan at the behest of Morrigan. He stopped momentarily to watch as a few passed him by, paying no attention to him whatsoever. Solas had ensured that he had made the proper arrangements for Morrigan to be able to barter and trade with the connections he had in Arlathan so she may procure whatever it was she needed to get Skyhold back up and running. It wasn't _the_ Arlathan of legend, the original had been lost to time and chaos. Still, he had helped in its re-creation the best that he was able throughout the years while Rowan had slept in the Garden of Love. He had hopes of taking Rowan and Serenity there one day, but that all depended on her. Everything, all his plans, hinged on her now.

The decision of whether or not she forgave him.

He resumed walking and came to the opening of the path leading to the grove. He began moving debris out of the way as he went, clearing the path the best that he could without causing too much damage to the surrounding fauna. All it took was a little magic and the fallen branches were safely lifted out of the way and off to the side. Once he completed he stepped out and into the grove. Soon enough the path would be easily detectable and he was certain other Elves would find this quiet little spot just as peaceful as he and Rowan had. It would no longer be as quiet and empty as it was now. Others Elves would come, he was certain of it. He stood staring at the bush of blue roses that were slightly hidden behind the brush. They would not thrive much longer this way. He took out his knife and began cutting away at the brush that blocked them from the sunshine. When done he just stood back and stared at them lost in thought.

There was still so much to be done. There were The Others left to contend with. It was only a matter of time that They would launch another attack against them all. He had not made it difficult for them to be found either being stationed at Skyhold as they were presently. Then there was the matter of this “song” that Rowan and his daughter each had. They would hear it, if They hadn't already. It would stand out like a beacon in the darkness. He still also needed to locate the book about the origins of the Dragon called “Zatriel” for Rowan to read, not to mention dealing with Zatriel himself depending on what she decided should be done with him. And what would he, Solas, do if she decided to allow him to remain, he wondered?

His mind turned back to Skyhold itself. There was the matter of establishing Skyhold with a purpose. Were it to thrive it would need to be able to stand on its own feet as an established center for something. He thought about Rowan and Serenity; one, or both, had the ability to heal the earth of the sickness it carried which was still a great threat to the Elves and all other living creatures. Perhaps Skyhold could become a peacekeeping force? There were still demons to clear out and the land to heal. He knew Rowan was craving adventure, or at least would be soon enough. Though she may have started out as a simple Elf living in the forest as a young woman, the Inquisition had stepped into her life and changed everything. She had been the only one capable of healing the sky with the Anchor on her hand back then. She had been unwittingly and unwillingly cast into that role. It had changed her whole life, within and without. She would not remain settled for long after having spent so much of her past in battle. It was what she knew and what she was good at it. He had fought alongside her many times and knew she was more than capable.

He looked at the blue roses wistfully. None of it would matter if Rowan didn't forgive him or if she decided to leave Skyhold for good. Life was suddenly filled with so many uncertainties and it didn't settle well with him. He often asked himself why he hadn't just allowed her to pass away peacefully in his arms a thousand years ago so she would no longer have to suffer because of him and his answer was always the same; he loved her. He had tried to stay away from her before it all began, but from her little cottage in the woods she had followed him and ultimately found him. She had confronted him. Shamed him. And he told her the truth, that she was already dying. She had accepted the news with grace and as she laid in his arms beneath the rowan tree taking her last breath was when he resolved that he would do anything to save her no matter what the cost. And this world he had built? It would have meant nothing to him without her in it. Now they had a daughter together. It was more than he deserved. How much pain would he bring to Serenity as well being the monster that he was? What kind of father could he hope to be to her?

He briefly entertained the idea that it would be simpler and kinder to them both if he just walked away right now, but he knew he would not. Her heart still pulled at him. Besides, if he dared leave now she would certainly turn her back on him forever and he would deserve no lesser punishment. While still staring at the rosebush he reached out and snipped off a long stem for her. Until she cast him out they would still need to find a way to be a family for the sake of Serenity. Now that she was born the time for the truth was close at hand and that truth might cost him everything he loved and cherished. It would be best to prepare himself for that possibility internally. She needed to see how the world had fallen into chaos, his desire to help set things right, and ultimately, his decision to tear down the Veil when all hope had been lost at saving the world she once knew. To say he wasn't afraid would be a lie. He was terrified. He knew exactly where he would take her when the time came.

With the blue rose in hand he made his way back towards Skyhold. He made a brief stop in the rotunda to grab an item he had made and been saving for a day such as this one, then headed towards the garden for their daily meeting.

*

No sooner had Solas left her room in came Morrigan with Serenity followed by an entourage of Elves. Rowan barely had time to dry her tears. There was a bustle of activity as a cradle, a baby dresser, and a couch were being dragged into her room. Her old desk was being removed to make room for everything. They were transforming that area of her room for her daughter. At least she was able to remove her possessions from her desk drawers before they ushered it down the stairs. The next thing she knew at least two of the Elves were taking her measurements for new clothing. Morrigan and Rowan had a brief disagreement on the type of clothing she was to wear about Skyhold. Eventually Rowan conceded to allow a few dresses to be designed for her so long as the rest of her clothing was what she preferred; simple tunics, pants, and boots. When she inquired as to whether or not she knew of Zatriel's whereabouts Morrigan explained offhandedly to her that the previous night she had assigned him his own quarters; the old prison. Rowan groaned internally and could only imagine the slight he felt in regards to that, but all in all it made sense location wise.

Rowan looked towards the sky, it wasn't quite noon yet so she had plenty of time to feed Serenity and change into a fresh nightdress. Morrigan insisted that she remain in bed for the rest of today since she just gave birth the night before. She admitted to being a little sore, but really didn't think that staying in bed was all that necessary. Still, she would heed Morrigan's advice. She sat down and ate her breakfast then picked Serenity up out from within her cradle. She climbed back into bed with her so she could feed her. Her breasts were swollen with milk and felt a little tender so she was thankful that Serenity was hungry enough to feed from both bringing Rowan some relief. She saw that Morrigan had Serenity dressed in an adorable gown and she smiled down at the little red-headed beauty she cradled against her body. Once Serenity had her fill she laid her down in her cradle once more. She would have to have it moved closer to her bed.

She had plenty of time before noon arrived so she went to her dresser where she had laid out what little possessions she had that she had taken out of her desk. She arranged her amulet from Solas in front of the vase that once held the blue rose within it, her book she used to draw in she set off to one side alongside the box that held the now dried up blue rose. Off to the other side of the vase she lay Mother's hair comb. Absentmindedly she touched the amulet she once wore without fail with a finger. A part of her longed to put it back on, but she had promised herself that she would not do so until such a time passed that she forgave Solas. She knew that day was fast approaching and she dreaded it. She dreaded the idea that what she might see she could never forgive him for. She dreaded the idea of turning her back on him forever. She prayed that it wouldn't come to that. She grabbed the unbinding spell and tucked it away somewhere safe along with the ruby pendant that Zatriel had given her. She was still a married woman and had no business wearing it, she reminded herself. There was still one last item, a green gem that sat upon a delicately gilded stand. She assumed that Solas had placed it there before he had brought her here so she set that off to the side on the top of the dresser as well.

She gently picked Serenity back up trying hard not to disturb her, cradling her in her arms, then climbed back into bed. She placed one of the pillows on her lap and laid Serenity on it so she could sit comfortably and just stared down in amazement at this little creature that had captured her heart long before ever laying eyes on her. Due to Morrigan's insistence on her staying in bed for at least today she would have Solas intercepted in the garden and redirected to her room.

She wondered how Solas would react to being in her room again so soon after this morning? He had offered no explanation for his sudden change of mind. Just an apology before leaving her behind in her room. She was still confused as to what happened but decided that it was best not to press him for an explanation. For the sake of Serenity she hoped that whatever had happened they could quickly put behind them both. If not for each other, then at least for their daughter's sake. She sat on the bed and waited for his arrival. She wondered if he would come at all?

As if the very idea of him summoned his presence there was a light knock on her door. She could tell from the sound that it was Solas. So he had come after all. She rang the bell to indicate that he was allowed to enter. Yelling down the stairs would serve only to awaken Serenity. She heard the door open and could hear his footsteps as he emerged up the stairs and then finally stood on the landing just looking at her. She was in the bed with Serenity laying on a pillow on top of her lap. He turned his attention to the room and took in the new transformations to accommodate the baby's presence. Even a couch now sat before the fireplace. Morrigan had apparently thought this through, he mused.

“I trust you are feeling well?” he asked turning his attention back towards Rowan and Serenity. They were both in the bed, he noted again. The very bed that just this morning he had caressed her body lovingly in what he had initially believed to be a dream.

“A little on the sore side, but I've felt worse,” she offered with a faint smile. “So where did you run off to this morning?” She recalled him muttering something to her in his rush to leave her room that he had something important to take care. She wondered if it had been a lie or had there actually been something he had needed to tend to?

“I went to the grove and cleared out the path as promised,” he offered up as his explanation. “Also, I brought this back for you.” He pulled the blue rose out from behind his back and presented it to her. “This one should last you a little longer. I placed a minor spell on it.” He had remembered how quickly the last one had wilted on her, the one that now rested within the wooden box she had procured for its safekeeping. He would bring her a fresh rose every day if he had to, but he still had cast the spell on it. He wanted her to have one she could enjoy a little longer than a few days. He wondered if she would rest this one within the box as well when its time came?

Her face lit up when she saw it, and at his thoughtfulness to help it thrive a little longer so she may enjoy it. She looked down at Serenity in her lap and back over to him. “I'm afraid my hands are full right now. Well my lap actually,” she laughed. “Would you place it in the vase for me? There should be fresh water on the table as well.”

“Certainly,” he nodded. He went to the table and picked up the pitcher of water and crossed over to her dresser. He filled the glass vase with some water and gently placed the rose within it. He noticed she had pulled out her possessions and laid them about the surface of the dresser in a deliberate and delicate manner. There was her art book he had gotten for her when they were in the Deep Roads and Flemeth's dragon hair-comb she had bestowed to Rowan. He briefly wondered how Morrigan would react upon seeing it? There was a green gem that sat upon a silver stand near it as well. He didn't know where she might have gotten that, perhaps that had been a gift from Morrigan? What had caught his interest the most was that meticulously laid out before the vase was her amulet he had fashioned for her. He ran a finger across the gem briefly before turning back to face her again.

“I see you have all your personal affects laid out,” he remarked. What he didn't see on her being, nor on the dresser, was the ruby pendant that Zatriel had given her. She had taken it off, and instead of laying it out for display alongside everything else, had stowed it away somewhere out of sight.

“After Morrigan had my desk taken away I had to place them somewhere. Besides I rather enjoy being able to see them instead of having them stuffed in a desk drawer. I prize everything placed on it.” She noticed he was still holding one hand behind his back. There was something else he had. What it was she couldn't begin to guess.

“I brought something else with me today.” He looked at the couch then back at her. “Would you care to sit on the couch? It would be much easier that way.” Yes it would be easier, he thought. On him at least. He wanted to avoid any temptation considering that the feeling of her beneath his hand from earlier was something he still hadn't been able to shake from his mind.

She had to admit that she was curious as to what this surprise was, and why the couch when there was plenty of room for them both on the bed? Then it dawned on her; he was concerned about being in the bed with her again. He was worried about being in an intimate setting with her despite the fact that there was a baby present. “What is it?” she finally asked.

“If I tell you then it wouldn't be much of a surprise.” He smiled at her with a nod keeping both hands behind his back now.

Her curiosity got the better of her and she smiled in return. “I think we can manage that. Just don't tell Morrigan,” she said with a laugh. “Come, take her for a moment so I can get up.”

Solas wandered over to the table and sat the mysterious item down before crossing the room to Rowan's bed. He bent down and scooped Serenity into his arms so that Rowan could crawl out of bed. She was dressed in a fresh nightgown, the ones that Morrigan had acquired for her to make feeding Serenity easier. He remembered seeing how easy it was for the top buttons to become unfastened last night when she had fed Serenity for the very first time. He wondered how easily they would unfasten beneath his fingers? The very thought made him blush. He turned and headed towards the couch lest she see the sudden blush in his cheeks and waited for her to join him. Once Rowan was settled in he handed Serenity over to her so he could retrieve the footstool for her in which to rest her feet and a blanket for her lap. He plucked the item he had laid down up off of the table and sat next to her on the couch. The scent of lilacs hit him as he sat close to her. To his surprise she laid the blanket out across both of their laps and placed Serenity in his lap instead of her own. He looked over at Rowan who merely smiled then looked down at Serenity. This was his beautiful, little daughter. His tiny princess. Presently she was trying to shove her fist into her mouth and he watched on in wonderment as her little feet kicked this way and that. Her eyes seemed to be trained on him as she smiled with fist in mouth.

“What do you have there?” Rowan asked pointing to the book.

“A book,” Solas replied with a sappy grin plastered all over his face.

“She's a little young to be learning the fundamentals of Magic, don't you think Solas?” Rowan joked with him.

“Its a baby book to be precise,” he explained to her. Her giggle was infectious and he chuckled in return.

“Where did you come across a baby book?” She was honestly astonished that Solas had gone out of his way to acquire a baby book. That must have Morrigan's doing, she assumed.

“I made it,” he admitted with a sense of pride.

Rowan looked up at him stunned. “Well, aren't you just full of surprises?” Just when she thought she had him all figured out he did something she never would have imagined.

“It's called ' _Nedan Hanal'ghilan_ ,'” he told her while showing her the cover. She recognized his art style immediately. On it featured a Golden Halla and it stood with beauty and grace. The Golden Halla was known as “Hanal'ghilan” in Dalish, the language of her people. He had specifically written it in the language she grew up knowing instead of Ancient Elvhen as he would typically have done with anything else. How long had he been working on this, she wondered. She looked up at him and smiled warmly. He had been preparing for Fatherhood for quite some time and she never even noticed.

“The Lost Golden Halla?” she asked him incredulously as she ran her fingers over the cover.

“Ha, ha, yes,” he chuckled. “I think you'll like it. At least that is my hope.”

Rowan handed the book back to him and he opened it to the first page and began reading out loud. Rowan rested her head on his shoulder out of habit so she could see the artwork that he had painted as each page turned. She listened intently at his smooth voice as he read to her and Serenity. The book told a tale of a brave hero that went on a mission to find and retrieve a lost Golden Halla for a Dalish encampment that was in need of assistance. Among supplies and repairs one of the things they had hoped to retrieve was the lost Golden Halla, otherwise known as “The Pathfinder.” They feared that if left behind she would be hunted for her pelt to sell on the market. Once the hero of the story located it she herded the Golden Halla back to the Dalish encampment so that, once again, it was safe from hunters. She had been so enraptured by the images he had painstakingly painted that it took awhile for the story itself to sink in. This was no story, this was a retelling of events that had actually occurred. This was something they had done together!

“Wait,” she said lifting her head looking up at his face. “That was us. In the Exalted Plains. With Cassandra and Blackwall as well.”

“You are correct,” he smiled back down at her.

“But you left out everyone else, including yourself.” She looked at him with a puzzled expression. “Why?”

“Those parts were not important,” he said as she merely continued to look up at him befuddled.

“But I didn't do all of that on my own, Solas.” It made no sense to her as to why he left himself and the others out. They had been just important to the mission as she had been.

“It was _you_ that made the decision that we stay until we helped the Dalish encampment with their repairs and supplies. It was by _your_ doing that we banished the demons that haunted their sacred burial grounds. And it was _you_ alone that herded the Halla back to camp for safety. We were mere bystanders,” he concluded.

“Bystanders?” she asked incredulously. “I couldn't have done it without the help of you and the others.”

“Perhaps, perhaps not. Yet no one else save you would have bothered to stay and help them.” Her people had always been important to her, he recalled. Their mistreatment at the hands of Humans had made her even more steadfast in protecting them from not only the Humans, but to ensure that her place in the Inquisition had the least amount of negative impact on their lives. She also had made great pains in the end to improve the standing of her people within society.

“Not even you would have helped them?” she asked in sincerity.

“No, not even I,” he closed the book and looked down at Serenity lying fast asleep in his lap. “They weren't real to me then. They were not my people, they were _yours_ ,” he admitted with shame in his confession. “And I had my own agenda at the time, if you recall. I would not have given them a second thought.”

“Then why did you save them at all when you tore down the Veil?” she asked turning to face him.

“Because _you_ made them real, just as you make everything real.” His pain desired the kiss that could wash him clean of the guilt he now felt. He whispered to her as he began leaning towards her lips, “You are _real_ to me. As I told you once before, you change _everything_.”

Rowan tilted her face up to meet his lips pulling him towards her. At the last second he dipped his head down, unable to face her, unable to kiss her. He couldn't, not again. “No,” he said, the pain caught in his throat. “We mustn't. It isn't right.”

Rowan lifted his chin forcing him to face her. She looked at the pain in his eyes daring him to meet her gaze. “For once this isn't about what _you_ need, Solas. This is about what _I_ need.” Her eyes were glittering in the sunlight with desperate longing in their depths. He leaned in and kissed her deeply but slowly, allowing himself this one sweet moment of recklessness. Her kiss was as sweet on his tongue as ever. All too quickly it came to an end. He rested his forehead upon hers gently and let out a sigh of longing. They merely stared at one another, heads touching, their eyes speaking volumes from within the depths of both of their hearts.

“Now finish the story...” she whispered. She leaned her head against his chest taking in the earthy scent of him. He placed his arm around her and reopened the book to where he had left off and resumed the tale.

*

Zatriel sat at his desk in his lair. He would contend with the repairs of his new station at Skyhold another day. He had more important things to do first. Before him lay two books; one was a gift for Rowhanna, the other was his private journal. These new emotions he was feeling for Rowhanna? He wanted to capture them all down lest it faded away. He found he was not very good at describing this feeling of love. There were very little words in his own tongue to capture the full scope of them so it was riddled with words from various other languages in his attempt to describe this feeling his heart now held for her. Even still it proved to be no easy task. He had no talent for poetry or matters of the heart. Occasionally he would stand only to pace back and forth wracking his brain for a particular word sitting back down only to scribble it in the passage when he stumbled on it.

How was it that he could not perform what, in his mind, should be a simple undertaking when poets from lesser beings than himself across the ages had been more than capable of it? He could admire poetry, but he lacked the skill for it. He brooded over the concept that it most likely had a lot to do with the fact that he, his kind, were never meant to feel the way he felt now. He felt as if his heart would swell to a breaking point whenever he thought about her. The idea that something would befall her brought tears to his eyes. Whenever he thought about her he felt a warmth spread across his chest area and his stomach had a fluttery feel to it. He was consumed with capturing every last detail about her that he loved, cherished, adored. He even described the way she looked to him now to the best of his ability, for he saw her through new eyes. He feared that the Magic she had performed on him would eventually fade away and wondered if the words he had managed to jot down would mean anything to him if indeed it did pass? Would he still be able to understand this feeling even without it, or would it be forever lost to him? After all, she had told him that this was only temporary, that it would lessen with time. Yet he found himself wistfully hoping that it did not. He did not want to ever let go of this feeling for her despite the fact that she neither loved nor desired him.

Frustrated he turned his attention back to the other book on his desk. He had poured through every book he had the last few days looking for a clue to this mysterious song that both Rowhanna and her baby had and found no mention of it anywhere. This last book, the one intended for her, was the one he had yet to look through. Not to mention that he wanted to make some alterations to the book before handing it over to her care.

He opened its cover and scanned through its ancient pages. They were in pristine condition due to the spell he had cast on it upon when he obtained it long ago. It was the book that her husband so desired for her to have and read. It was the book about him and his kind. The contents of its pages, what she would discover for herself, could very well be his downfall in regards to her. Yet if he wanted to prove himself worthy of being in her good graces and trustworthy then she must have it so all his secrets were laid bare before her. He would give her this book himself, but first he wanted to see if he could find any indication as to what this song meant and whether or not this book held the secret to it. It was the last place to look.

Over and over he went through it and came up empty handed. He went through it one last time when he stumbled upon it. How he had overlooked it before was beyond him, but there it was. The answer to the riddle of these songs. Females from other races that were compatible for successful mating with those of his kind carried this song within them. Mating with such a female would breed a true Dragon offspring such as himself. The likelihood of it was very rare, and was intended to ensure a way to preserve his race if ever there came a time such as now where no other females of his kind were available to mate with. Still, such mating was not just dangerous, it was deadly; ultimately the female in question died giving birth. He shook his head. No, he did not want that for either of them. Her husband Solas was correct, he was indeed a threat to them. Had he the mind to he could easily just pluck the immortal coil from within them rendering them all but mortal, or he could easily feed on their power slowly thus weakening them making himself stronger using their power to lengthen his own lifespan, but this? This even he had forgotten himself and they had the right to know about it. He would not hide this information from them. If he wanted to prove himself worthy of their trust, especially hers, then he needed to be as forthright as possible with her.

He sat back in his chair and wanted to weep if such a thing were possible. They both carried this song; mother and child alike. Almost akin to a rune imprint upon their souls that sang out to him. Both Rowhanna and Serenity each could provide offspring for him if he but bedded them so much as once. He was certain that with this knowledge he would finally be forbidden to come anywhere near Rowhanna or her daughter. As it stood now, with the emotions his heart carried, he finally understood this danger he posed to the two of them. And had he not vowed to keep them safe even if it meant from himself?

Now he understood the irresistible pull he had initially felt towards Rowhanna; she carried within her the ability to successfully mate with him and his body had been responding to it. Not that she was without beauty, nor without wit and charm and a brilliant mind to go along with it; still it been this all along. He had made his way to Skyhold long before she had reached it, long before he had ever laid eyes on her, only because he had heard the song her spirit carried when he found himself freed in the Deep Roads. Everything else about her had merely served to make the temptation much more difficult to resist. Especially considering what she represented; Love incarnate. He made an oath to himself that he would never touch either of them in this fashion. Even if she denied her husband and cast him aside in the end he would still hold true to it the best he could. He was the last of his kind, and though they were a means to change that, he felt it best that his line died out with him. It was as it should be, and it was what was best for this new world in his eyes. Yet even still he would die to protect her as well as her daughter.

What he needed now was a powerful spell, one he could give to Solas. Though he cared very little for him, he trusted him and only him to perform the spell. He needed to be prevented from ever attempting to mate with either of the two. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that Solas would be all too happy to perform such a spell on him. He would need no convincing whatsoever. Forcing him to leave Skyhold simply was not enough, he had to ensure that he would never be tempted to lay with either of them regardless of what he wanted.

Zatriel stood up from his desk and plucked a book off a shelf. It had just what he was looking for within its pages. He returned to his desk and set about transcribing the spell onto a piece of parchment to give to Solas. He would not return to Skyhold for a few more days, but when he did he wanted to have everything in place. He looked out across the mountain ranges and thought about Rowhanna. What had once started out as a game to him had now ensnared his heart and he sat in his lair pining for her.

Finally, for the first time ever, he wept. He caught a tear with his thumb and brought it to his mouth. It tasted of bittersweet sorrow.


	17. At What Cost?

Solas and Rowan were out in the garden with Serenity during one of their usual mid-day visits. Whenever weather permitted they always opted to be out in the garden. A few times they took Serenity to the grove for a picnic, but today they stayed within the confines of Skyhold's ground. It was a beautiful day, and as usual, Solas had brought a blue rose for Rowan before meeting her there. It become somewhat of a ritual for him, one that always made her smile. A blanket had been laid out on the grass in the garden and currently Serenity was sitting on it as the couple had taken to preferring to sit beneath the tree whenever possible. Serenity had grown so much already that she was now capable of sitting upright on her own. It was only a matter of time before she would be crawling. Often they would spend their evenings in Rowan's room as Solas read Serenity yet another children's book he had personally written and illustrated for her before tucking her into bed. Rowan couldn't help but crack a smile at these stories, she knew all the tales; they were of her adventuring days but the “hero” was never named and always on her own. He took great joy in being a father and was very attentive to her. The first time that Serenity uttered the words “Da da” had made Solas' heart soar with pride with a wide grin plastered all over his face. He would hold her on his lap as she pulled on his ears, touched his bald head, or even pulled at his lips and giggle as if inspecting him. She had Rowan's giggle, he remarked to himself. Her light, ginger locks had grown down to her neck and she was a perfect blend between the two of them.

Rowan and Solas had also become more relaxed around each other as each day passed, yet the fact that the day for the truth to be shown to her was ever present in the back of both their heads. They avoided the topic as much as possible hoping to push it further and further away, but she needed to see it for herself. What would come afterwards neither could guess. It was the single dark clouded that loomed over both their lives. It would have to be soon. It was becoming all too difficult to restrain himself from kissing her goodnight, their close proximity often leading to lingering stares at one another. He was all too aware of her whenever she rested her head on his shoulder or would lean her leg against his. They had even taken up sharing meals together so that Serenity would have a sense of a familial setting, for the time being at least.

Almost a week had gone by and no one had seen nor heard from Zatriel. He hadn't even begun working on his appointed quarters Rowan had noticed when she went looking for him once. It still looked as it had when she and Solas first arrived. Serenity had been keeping Rowan so busy, refusing Morrigan's pleas to hire a nanny, that she rarely gave it any thought after that. Even Morrigan had not seen nor heard from him when inquired. So when the door to the garden opened up and Zatriel appeared both Rowan and Solas merely looked at each other in surprise. He had never come to the garden during their time together, yet there he stood. He had a slightly worried expression on his face as he slowly approached with caution. He was carrying what appeared to be a book of some sort in his hands. He looked as if he felt out of his element.

“Forgive me,” he said. “I didn't mean to intrude upon your family time, but I brought a gift. For the both of you.” He handed the book over to Solas who stood to take it from him. Zatriel looked down at Rowan then over to Serenity. He was not accustomed to seeing Rowan slim and without carrying a child within her, and Serenity seemed to have grown overnight. He straightened his stance and turned his attention back to Solas who was facing him. Though he wished to look at Serenity more closely, this miracle baby of theirs, he was here on important matters and it would have to wait. If he was given the chance, that is.

“What's this?” Rowan asked curiously as she stood from her place beneath the tree holding Serenity on her hip.

“It's the book Master Solas wished for you to have,” he explained. Their daughter had, indeed, grown since born and Rowan had traded her dresses for regular clothing. Turning his attention back to Solas he addressed him directly, “You may look the book over if you wish before allowing her to read it. However," he interjected, "you may want to read the passage I've bookmarked with a ribbon first. In fact I would highly suggest it.”

Solas looked at the book. It was, indeed, the very book regarding Dragons he had Rowan promise she would read. The one he could not locate among his own books. He cracked it open and turned the pages to the section where the Dragon had placed a solitary ribbon. He read the passage carefully, then he read it once more to be certain he fully understood the ramifications of what he'd just read. His face went pale; the information that was presented in this particular section of the book filled him with dread. He looked over at his wife and child then back at Zatriel. He scanned through the rest of the book but what _he_  had been hoping for was missing; it had been removed. He wished to speak to this “Zatriel” in private.

“A word,” Solas said to Zatriel as he walked off heading into Skyhold leaving Rowan and Serenity in the garden. Rowan knew that look, that tone in his voice. Something was amiss.

Zatriel followed shortly behind Solas as they crossed the main hall and they entered the rotunda, Solas leading the way. He had never been in this room before, this was Solas' private chambers, but he entered behind him hesitantly anyhow. He saw a mural in various shades of blue featuring the couple painstakingly painted on one section of the round room. Other than buckets of paint and various sized brushed the room was sparse in the way of furniture. The most prominent piece of furniture being a table and chair in the center of the round room. Solas placed the book on top of his table, the meaning of what he had read still tumbling in his brain. The passage explained this mysterious song that both his wife and daughter carried within them; their ability to procreate with this Dragon. Without hesitation Solas faced him and asked, “And they both have this ability, that's what this 'song' means? You're certain of it?”

“Yes,” Zatriel said confirming the information within the book. “I had forgotten about it as it had been so long since last I heard it, but I remember it now. And I've seen it first hand in the past and it always results in death with our kind. Yours and mine were never meant to mix species by any conventional methods. I suspect that is also why you and Rowhanna were able to have a child of your own,” he stated. “This is more dangerous than I anticipated, Solas,” he concluded.

“You present this book in the form of a gift, yet you removed one of the most important parts of it.” Solas merely glowered at him.

Zatriel leaned against the wall crossing his arms with a smile. “Ah yes, the list of our true names and the spell on how to destroy me. _That_ is what is missing. What _you_ wanted for yourself.” Zatriel had taken precautions to have that particular part removed before bringing the book to them. What Solas had sought from the book was no longer there, and Zatriel knew by the look on his face that he had made a wise decision on his own behalf in removing it. He had not wanted the book just to frighten Rowhanna away from him, but also so that he would have the means of destroying him. Zatriel had suspected as much and now his suspicions were confirmed.

“It would be the simpler solution to this problem, would it not?” Solas asked him raising an eyebrow. Yes, that chapter that should have been at the end was gone. Missing entirely. Without knowing the true name of this Dragon and the spell this book had once contained there was no way of destroying this creature if the need ever arose.

“If I had a mind to die, which I do not. Even then you would have to guess as to which name on the list belongs to me for I have long forgotten it,” Zatriel said with a knowing smile. “I will hand over those chapters when I am assured that it will not be used against me. For now there is the rest that she may read regarding all the aspects of my existence in relation to the danger I pose to her. Well, to each of you truth be told.”

“What you mean to say is that you don't trust me with that information,” Solas said cutting him a look. Naturally he wanted that passage in particular in the advent that he had to defend them against this Dragon. As it stood now he posed an even a greater threat to them and he was helpless to have the means in which to save them from this so-called “Zatriel.” Without that chapter they were defenseless against him. He was one of the original Great Dragons, long gone with the exception of him. And now he had the means in which to procreate with them due to this song, even if it ultimately meant their deaths. Only one female Dragon needed to be born and it would be enough for them to repopulate the world with his kind.

Zatriel laughed at Solas. “Of course I don't trust you, I know of you and the things you've done. Considering that you are most focused on that particular chapter it seems my lack of trust in you was not misplaced,” Zatriel said all the while looking Solas straight in the eyes. “However,” he resumed speaking while pulling a scroll from out of his shirt, “In exchange I give you this; a peace offering of sorts, for their safety from the song.” He handed it to Solas.

Solas took the scroll and opened and began reading its contents. It was a spell, a powerful one as well. Very well written with an artistry for Magic not easily found these days. It even surpassed anything he himself had ever written. He was both impressed yet abhorred. It was a spell that would render the Dragon infertile in the form of an Amulet on a chain that he would wear around his neck that the Dragon would neither be able to remove nor break. It was nearly fail-proof. Its could even adapt to the changing of his size from one form to another. Still, it was Blood Magic, and Blood Magic was something he was firmly against and always had been. This flew in the face of everything he stood for and fought against. He handed the scroll back to the Dragon.

“No,” Solas stated firmly. He shook his head, “I do not practice Blood Magic.”

Zatriel stood still, arms crossed, but with a look of fury in his eyes. He made no effort to take the scroll back. He did not wish to be a threat to Rowhanna, nor her daughter. He still loved this little Goddess, and her husband was being unreasonably stubborn. “Not even if it means protecting your own wife and daughter?” he hissed at Solas. “You, the one who brought chaos and death upon the world, will not swallow your pride enough in order to keep them safe from harm? From certain death even?” He flung the insult in his face as his anger grew.

“Not even then.” Solas stood firm in his decision on the matter. He outright refused to even entertain the idea. His eyes gleamed in anger as he addressed Zatriel, “The simpler solution would be for you to leave and never return. I will find another way.”

"It's _my_ blood you'll be using, lest you've forgotten," Zatriel pointed out.

"That does not change the fact that it is still Blood Magic," Solas countered. "I'll find a way to remove the song from them. There must be a way."

"You do that, and they die," Zatriel informed him flatly. "It is an integral part of their very spirit. You cannot just remove a part of their souls and expect them to survive. Trust me, I thought it over myself." He looked at Solas. He couldn't understand what was so difficult about this decision? "Perform the spell," his words sounding more akin to an order now than a request.

"No," he responded. Solas still refused to take part in any form of Blood Magic no matter the reason. There had to be something else he could do, he would find a way. He attempted to hand the scroll to the Dragon once again, and once again Zatriel remained defiant in his refusal to take it. Were this his family he would not hesitate to perform this spell, personal preferences be damned. Finally he snatched the scroll out of Solas' hand then crossed the room and placed the scroll on the table. He turned and looked over at Solas. “Your family is in far greater danger than I pose, and you know it. These Others are still out there. I will not leave Skyhold until They have been dealt with. Until then, perform the spell. Protect them.” His words carried a hint of finality to them. It was no longer a request, it was a demand.

“Ask Morrigan,” Solas retaliated in disgust. “This is something she would do, not I.”

“I may not trust or like you specifically, but you are the only one I trust with this. You would never risk undoing the spell once it has been cast,” he explained his reasoning, “I refuse to leave this in someone else's incapable hands.” Besides, the very thought of having Morrigan performing this spell left a bad taste in his mouth to begin with. He still did not trust the body thief. He would not entrust this to anyone but Solas because he would never undo the spell and Zatriel knew that. That was why it _had_ to be Solas.

“Tell me something," Solas asked casting the Dragon a look, "Why are you so obsessed with my wife and her safety?”

Solas flung the question at Zatriel and it hit him where it hurt the most; his heart. He had not expected this; this hurt, this pain. It felt like someone had stabbed him in the chest. His little Goddess was correct; with love came pain and sorrow. His shoulders slumped and his eyes softened before answering. He didn't want to admit this to her husband, but he had the right to know this as well. “Because I love her,” he said softly. He offered Solas the truth, it was the simplest and most honest answer he had. The one thing that was real to him at this moment in his life. He loved her, this Rowhanna, and he wanted her to be safe from him.

“This is not a game, Dragon. Do you take me for a fool?” Solas scorned the Dragon. It was an affront to his intelligence, this charade, that he loved her. This tactic may have worked on Rowan, but it would not work on him. He put a hand to his forehead before turning back to Zatriel. “You cannot love. It's not possible,” he countered the Dragon with what he knew to be a fact.

“That is where you are wrong; because I can and I do,” he muttered. “Rowhanna saw to that,” the Dragon added looking back up at Solas.

Solas stopped in his tracks and looked at the Dragon. Something in the way he spoke when he mentioned her name struck a chord inside him. It felt... familiar. It was the way he often spoke of her himself. He almost ignored the last part when the Dragon's words came back full circle in his mind. “What did you say?” he asked in trepidation, though he feared he already knew the answer.

Zatriel looked down at the floor then back up at Solas meeting his gaze. His eyes were wet with tears. “She used her powers on me,” he confessed to him. “She freed my heart and gave me the ability to love. That is why I am begging you to _please_ consider performing the spell. Protect her from me. Protect them both.” The Dragon was pleading with him now in obvious distress. He cared not for the feelings the Dragon felt, he needed to have a word with Rowan in private.

“You and I will discuss this at a later date,” Solas told him as snatched the book up off his table he made his way to the rotunda's door. “If you'll excuse me I need to have a word with my wife.” With that Solas left the rotunda fuming and headed down the hall, his anger rising and his blood boiling. If the Dragon did indeed feel love for Rowan then the situation was more dire than he originally believed. He now understood the Dragon's urgency for him to cast this spell on him. If he loved her, he might do anything to bed her if given the chance. Or his daughter when she came of age.

What had she done? Solas asked himself. More importantly, why?

*

Solas was pacing back and forth in Rowan's room, one hand to his forehead. He had brought the book with him and placed it on her table. He had met her here to confront her about Zatriel's claims. Why had she even entertained such an idea? Finally he stopped pacing and looked at her. She had only seen him this angry once before after they had returned from the Temple of Mythal. She had done something he had explicitly told her not to do but went ahead and did anyhow. She knew what was to come next, the condescending tone to expect. “What were you thinking, Rowan?” he finally asked clearly agitated.

“I _wasn't_ thinking and I saw no harm in it,” she admitted. “He seemed desperate to know and wouldn't let the matter rest so I went along with it,” the truth was her only defense. “I never intended for it to be _me_ that he fell in love with, just to grant him the ability to feel love in general.”

“Did you not consider that since he's been so focused on _you_ that you would have been the target of such an emotion?” What she had done was not only rash but reckless. Performing such a task on her own and without guidance? Such abandonment of all reasoning was unlike her.

“No, I hadn't considered that possibility,” she admitted while looking down at her hands as she fidgeted with them. She was being berated like a child and was beginning to feel like one. He was correct, she hadn't thought it through, but she never once imagined that his newfound ability to love would be for her. It wasn't until after it was done and over with that she had realized the full scope of the mistake she had made.

“We've discussed this. You are not ready for such Magic. We have only just begun your studies,” he stopped pacing and looked at her. “You cannot rush head first into things you do not understand or cannot yet control.” He shook his head in frustration. This was not the Inquisition, this was not the Breach or a mere demon to strike down. This was not even an Abyssal High Dragon that she was accustomed to battling; this creature was beyond her scope of understanding even still. “Why didn't you come to me first?” he inquired.

“Because I didn't intend to go through with it,” she said defensively. She took a deep breath to calm herself, she was beginning to raise her voice. She was tired of being scolded. She let out a deep sigh. “It all happened so quickly,” she confessed attempting to remain calm.

“Did you not think it wise to tell me afterwards?” he asked cocking his head to the side. At this rate Rowan was certain that all of Skyhold could hear them arguing. She was grateful that Morrigan had agreed to watch over Serenity so that she was not subjected to hearing them fight.

“Why, Rowan? Why did you not tell me?” He demanded an explanation from her. He was standing with his hands on his hips now, his face scowled in frustration. His disappointment in her showed.

“Because Serenity was coming,” she stated in a matter of fact tone. “Shortly afterwards I went into labor and it has not crossed my mind since.” She sat down on the couch crossing her arms over her chest fuming.

Solas thought back to that day and shook his head. Of course, the evidence had been there that evening; The way he had acted at her bedside, the concern for her on his face, his pleas to alleviate her pain, even how frantic he had been acting in the hallway when he called out for Morrigan and Solas. The truth had been staring him right in the face but he had been too engrossed as Rowan gave birth to recognize it for what it truly was. And the fact that she had done this that very same day is what probably induced her labor. Solas groaned and shook his head.

Rowan began speaking again as she rose from the couch and came to his side. “Solas,” she placed a hand on his shoulder so he would look at her, “I know now that what I did was foolish. I realize I should have come to you first, but what is the harm in it? It will pass, I made no permanent changes.” She was attempting to reassure him that in time everything would be as it was before. Zatriel would soon enough forever be lost to that emotion, she was certain of it.

“You do not know this. You are the embodiment of Love now,” he choked on the words. When he looked at her his face was filled with sorrow and concern, his anger melting away. “You have put yourself into harm's way more-so than you realize. Including Serenity's,” he informed her quietly.

She cocked her head to the side. “How so?” She was truly puzzled now.

Solas went over to the table and picked the book up opening it to the section that was still marked with the ribbon. He handed the book over to her and she took it with a confused look on her face. “This passage here,” he told her, “You must read it for yourself. Then, perhaps, you'll understand my concern.”

Rowan sat back down on the couch with the book in her hands and began reading. She couldn't believe the words on the pages before her. She read it several times over, the full scale of the impact hitting her in the gut. She looked up at Solas and asked, “You mean I can make more... like him? All because of this song we have?” Her eyes grew wide with terror.

“You _and_ Serenity,” he said with a nod. He came over to where she was sitting. She merely stared out into nothingness. She was stunned, frightened. Not for herself, but for her child. “Now do you understand my concern?” he asked as he knelt down before her and took her hand into his, the worried expression still imprinted upon his face.

“Then I'll undo it,” she resolved while closing the book.

“Rowan, love is not something you can just turn on and off...” He looked down letting her hand slowly slip from his. “Trust me,” he admitted with remorse, "I've tried.”

"Isn't there another way?" she asked. She knew how he felt about Blood Magic, perhaps he could find a different spell?

"None that I know of yet, and I fear I may never find one to adequately protect the both of you," Solas said shaking his head. "And we may not have the time."

She put both her hands on the side of his face and lifted it forcing him to look up at her. There were tears in his eyes but he still would not meet her gaze. Confessing that he had attempted to stop loving her hurt him more than anything. He had never wanted to utter that truth to her. And now he was helpless to save them both. “Solas,” she attempted to console him, “I would never, _could_ never, be with him.” She forced him to look into her eyes and spoke softly to him, “Come what may there is only room in my heart for one man and that man is _you_. Even if...” She could not bring herself to complete her last sentence. Even if she could not forgive him is what she meant to say, still it was true. Even then she could never love another. She wouldn't want to, either.

His voice quivered as he choked on his next words, “And what of Serenity? What about when _she_ grows older and just so happens to take a fancy to him? What do you propose we do then?”

“Then do the spell, Solas,” she pleaded with him. “If not for me then for Serenity's sake.”

He pulled her hands from his face and stood with his head hung in sorrow. He began making his way to the landing at the stairs. He paused once and looked back at Rowan still sitting on the couch who now had tears of her own in her eyes. He couldn't believe he was going to agree to this, but he could not deny her argument. If that's what it took to keep them both safe then there was no argument to be had. Besides, Zatriel had been correct; in the grand scope of all the atrocities he had committed over the span of his life time, what was the cost of one Blood Ritual if it meant protecting those he loved beyond all comparison?

Just before departing her room he looked back at her one last time. “You leave me no choice, Rowan.” With that said he left.

 


	18. Of Love, Forgiveness, and Forever

Night had fallen and Rowan still hadn't seen nor heard from either Solas or Zatriel. Serenity had long been fast asleep for the night and was tucked into her cradle. She looked down at her daughter sleeping peacefully. She didn't know when she would see Solas again and wondered if he would avoid her for a few days for pushing his hand in the decision to perform the ritual for Zatriel so she gave up waiting and readied herself for bed. She had just put on her nightdress and finished brushing out her hair when she heard her door open at the bottom of the stairs. It was Solas. She walked over to greet him when he simply passed her by and stood looking down into the cradle at Serenity. He didn't want to wake her but still brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. Rowan merely remained where she stood. He would face her when he was ready.

His shoulders were hunched and his head hung down when he turned to face Rowan. His face overcast with sorrow. “It is done,” he simply muttered. “You and Serenity should be adequately protected now.” His voice was listless. Rowan came over to him placing a hand on his shoulder. She wanted to comfort him in this, be there for him, if only he would let her in. After all, what she had done had played a large roll in his decision and she knew it.

“Solas, I'm sorry for my part in this.”

“Speak no more of it, vhenan.” He merely looked at her. He dreaded what would come next but it must be done. He placed his arms around her waist and looked her in the eyes. “It is time. ... _Sleep_...” Her eyes slowly closed and her body went limp as he cast his spell on her. She fell against his arms and he scooped her up and carried her to the bed laying her down onto it gently. Climbing into bed next to her he reached over and linked his fingers with hers holding onto her hand tightly. He would make the connection in their dreams.

 _Yes_ , he thought as he drifted off, _it was time_.

*

When Rowan came to she and Solas were walking hand in hand inside of a cave. A slight mist covered the ground and the grass grew tall and wild as they approached the mouth of the cavern. A small pool of water had formed from the trickles of water that fell from small fissures in the walls. Two tall Halla statues stood at the top facing each other. She knew this place recognizing it immediately. Even the scenario was the same; it was the cave in Crestwood that he had taken her to and removed her vallaslin; what her people believed to be proud facial tattoos dedicated to members of their pantheon but were actually remnants of a time when they were no more than cruel slave markings. He had offered to use a spell to remove hers and she had agreed. It was also here that he decided to break off their romance. She remembered the old pain well, and here they were, once again, walking hand in hand heading for the grassy knoll as they had long ago.

“I know this place.” She stopped and looked around at their surroundings. “We're in Crestwood. This is the cave where you removed my vallaslin.” She looked at him confused. “Are we in a dream?”

“Yes and no,” he answered. “We are in a dream construct. Our minds are linked as a result of the binding spell. Which means that what you will see will come directly from my own memories, my own mind. There will be no secrets that I can hide from you. So I chose this particular spot to recreate my them.”

“But why here?” Something about his choice in location felt off, something was amiss.

He faced her yet still held fast to her hand. “I caused you great sorrow when last I brought you here. I thought it only fitting that if I am to cause you more sorrow, that it be here once again,” he explained. “I had not mean to hurt you the first time we came here. I intended to tell you the truth about myself, about who I really was.” He resumed walking and she followed along beside him as they approached the tall grassy area.

“What stopped you?”

“I didn't think it possible that you could still love me if you found out who I really was, what I really am.” He spoke plainly to her, not withholding anything now, it was far too late for that. “I became frightened. Frightened that you would reject me, so instead I broke your heart although that was not my intention. Sit with me,” he gestured to the grass, the very same way he had that fateful day of her first heartbreak.

She knelt in the grass, her heart filling with dread. Something wasn't right. Something about his mannerisms were off. He knelt in the grass facing her and looked deep into her eyes and placed his a hand to each of her temples lightly.

“You need to see... _everything_.” Her eyes fluttered closed and the visions enveloped her mind.

Old memories flooded her mind all at once. The death of Mythal at the hands of the Evanuris, how he enslaved them as punishment for their crime. The creation of the Veil to keep them locked away, unable to reach out and influence the Elves. The result of Magic being cut off from the world, the crippling effect it had on the Elves; shorter life spans, the loss of all Magic save for a few born gifted with it. She saw how in time it would result in the absolute extinction of the Elves themselves.

A new world emerged as the Humans and Qunari arrived. She witnessed the conflict and oppression of the Elves at the hands of the Humans, many sacrificed in blood rituals by Human Mages. A replay of the events when Corypheus unlocked Solas' orb causing the Breach, and ultimately the Anchor on her hand that could close it. After she was gone tucked away in her Garden she watched as Solas tried to save the Elves across the lands offering them refuge as war erupted all across Thedas. Mages had begun using red lyrium hoping for the same power leverage that it had granted the Templars. She saw how the slave traders hunted the Elves with more fervor who were used in blood sacrifices from power thirsty Mages. The Magic was wild, unpredictable, and abominations ruled over the lands. Spirits were summoned and perverted from their purpose twisting them into demons and used to gain leverage in the war to follow. Renewed efforts to recreate the Breach in the sky to reach the Fade were renewed by such Mages. The Qunari spread across the lands in a mass invasion slaughtering those who resisted, cutting out the tongues of Mages, occupying every land they encountered.

Solas had created his Sanctuary that would shield the Elves when the time came to tear down the Veil, yet he still resisted and waited; he was holding onto the hope she had instilled in him that the world could be saved. Yet war began to erupt all across the lands. The Inquisition was too weak in numbers to be of any help and even Ferelden and Orlais turned on them in the oncoming battles striking them down first even though the Inquisition had once saved them from Corypheus and the Breach itself. Blame was placed upon the Inquisition so every known agent of the Inquisition was hunted and slain if captured. They were outnumbered and overrun and she watched on as her friends were cut down in the ensuing chaos. Cassandra, Cullen, Blackwall, and Iron Bull cut down in battle; Josephine, Leliana, and Sera assassinated. Everyone in Skyhold destroyed. Dead.

Then came a darkspawn invasion the likes that she had never seen nor heard of. Hordes of darkspawn poured forth from the Deep Roads in waves like an ocean on a shoreline. Archdemon's took to the skies and together they mindlessly slaughtered everything in their path. It was as if the land had cracked opened and they poured out of its mouth in droves. Grey Wardens who were trained and meant to fight off the darkspawn began abandoning their posts when their efforts proved to be all but futile. They were hunted by their brethren and executed for treason. The tides could not be turned despite Solas' best efforts to help. He had even attempted to convince her Clan to come with him to save themselves and in their pride they turned him away placing the blame for her supposed death on his shoulders.

It was at this point Solas had finally made the decision to tear down the Veil when the world was all but swallowed in death and destruction. Inadvertently he had created this world as a direct result of forming the Veil, and now he would unmake it for it was all but lost. She saw the resulting chaos that burned everything in its wake, including the land, and how it had caused the red lyrium to rise to the surface of the soil rendering it uninhabitable; it was like poisonous lava spreading everywhere. Everything and everyone left outside the sanctuary perished.

It was done. The Veil was torn down. The world torn asunder.

It would be many years before the Elves could leave the Sanctuary and begin to live off the land again. He counseled them as they waited in the Sanctuary, helped them find new ways to live amongst each other and taught them the truth of the old ways as well. Hundreds of years passed before the land was deemed safe to return to. Generations of Elves had come and gone. Yet outside the Evanuris remained as they had been unleashed in the wake of the removal of the Veil. The Sanctuary and her little Garden of Love were protected not just from the chaos and destruction, but from the prying eyes of the Evanuris due to powerful Magic on Solas' part. Over the years Solas spent his time hunting the Evanuris and The Forgotten Ones one by one taking them down when he could to protect the Elves and their new world from them.

He also spent his time feverishly scouring for a way to cure her before he could free her from the Garden. He had no way of knowing that he had cast the incorrect spell, for Flemeth had forbidden him from visiting to keep her safe. She then saw her own beginning as the spell began to wear off and the wisp of Mythal that resided within Flemeth left her and surrendered Her immortal coil to Rowan. Because Solas loved her She had sacrificed what little was left of Herself to empower Rowan for his sake.

As the visions faded from her mind Rowan was still kneeling on the ground. Her eyes were glazed over and she was frantically looking about. Tears were streaming down her face as she looked up at Solas who was standing before her. He took one look at her tears then looked away from her in his shame. He seemed to be looking into the darkness of the tunnel that led back out of the cave, the route they took entering it. Rowan simply knelt in the grass looking up at him unable to find her voice.

The silence between them seemed to last an eternity before he finally spoke, “Perform the unbinding spell, Rowan.” He hung his head in defeat. “Free yourself from me, for I will only bring you more sorrow. Find someone who will love you without causing you the pain that I have. Take comfort in the arms of another.”

He turned away once more lest he give in. He began walking away from her, leaving her in the cave just as before. It took her awhile for his words to sink in. She struggled to find her footing but her legs failed her. “Solas,” she cried out to him, “Where are you going?”

He paused briefly looking back at her. He wanted to see her one last time before he left. Even in her sorrow she was beautiful, pure, and soft. Even after all she had seen she yet called out to him. He steeled his heart before turning away again. “I cannot remain. Ir abelas, ma vhenan.” ... _I am sorry, my heart_... Those were his last words to her as he resumed walking away into the inky blackness of the edges of the dream.

“Solas, don't leave me,” she pleaded with him. She reached out a trembling hand towards him, still on her knees, as he disappeared into nothingness. Whether he had heard her or not she did not know. Finally she was able to stand and went into the inky blackness that had swallowed him up but found herself once again at the cave. Hours seemed to pass as the concept of time within a dream was intangible, and over and again she tried to go after him just to find herself circling back to where she had begun. She dropped to her knees in the grass and pounded the ground with both her fists then simply buried her face in her hands and wailed. There was no way out. He had left her, here of all places, and she could not escape this dream no matter how many times she tried. She always found herself back to where she started.

She didn't know how much time had passed before she was without tears. She merely knelt looking into the darkness and hoping against all hope that he would come back for her though her heart told her he would not. She hung her head when she heard the familiar sound the air made whenever Cole came or went. She opened her eyes slowly and looked up. Cole was standing in front of her with an outstretched arm. She took his hand and he helped her to her feet.

“Cole...” She stared at him with a blank expression on her face.

He looked at her, obviously distressed over her pain. “Rowan, you must go to him. Find him before its too late,” he was saying to her and it came to her like a whisper, far away in the distance. She had to force herself to listen in order to hear him. “He hurts from old pains, and those he believes he's caused you. Pains he believes he cannot heal or cannot be healed. He doesn't know.” Cole looked at her as if to make her understand. “He doesn't know and he'll never know unless you tell him.”

“I don't know how,” she said as her heart was crushed all over again. “I can't get out of here. Help me, Cole.” Her face was contorted in heartache. That he would abandon her here, of all places, unable to leave.

“I can't help you, but there are others that are trying. You're under a spell.”

“Why, Cole? Why would he do this?”

“He didn't want you to follow. He wanted to leave so you couldn't stop him. He didn't want to see the hurt in your eyes again. You must fight it. You must...”

*

“... _WAKE UP!_ ” Rowan bolted upright in her bed when she heard Morrigan's voice calling out to her. Zatriel was kneeling at her bedside alongside Morrigan. She looked between the two of them frantically.

“Where's Solas?” There was a sense of urgency in her voice as she looked at the pair.

Morrigan merely shrugged. Zatriel and Morrigan both looked greatly concerned for her. They both had heard her crying in her sleep and had come rushing to her side. She had been thrashing about in her bed when Morrigan realized she was stuck in a spell and together they worked to counter it. Solas had not made it easy for them to do.

Rowan jumped out of bed and dashed over to her dresser rummaging through drawers and grabbing her necklace. “I have to find Solas!” was all she said as she ran down the flight of stairs. Morrigan and Zatriel just stared at each other as she ran off still in her nightdress.

She ran down the main hall and burst open the door to the rotunda. He was not there. On the table she spied something and went over to inspect its contents. A blue rose lay on its center. Beside it was his amulet with a note in his handwriting that simply read, “For Serenity.” He had left it behind so she could not use hers to locate him. She grabbed his amulet and raced out of Skyhold. It was raining heavily. She took a moment to put on both of their amulets as she stared at the long road leading out, her hair and nightdress becoming drenched in the rain. She had no indication as to how much of a head start he had against her, but at this rate he could be anywhere. A flash of the blue rose laying on his table came back to the forefront of her mind. She began running down the road and headed for the path that led to the grove. She didn't know if he would be there or not, but at some point he had been, and it had to have been somewhat recently to have left the rose behind.

She made it to the path and pushed past the foliage and entered the outcropping. He was standing in the rain, his back to her, hands clasped behind his back. He had heard her approach and his posture straightened and he lifted his head but remained turned away from her.

“You should not have come after me.” His voice was emotionless, flat.

“You can't just walk away from me. Not again,” she retorted defiantly.

“It is better this way.” Though he stood proudly there was suffering in his voice. The heavy rain did little in the way of drowning it out. “I will only serve to bring you more pain. I have failed you. I failed the world and my people as well. The fault is mine.”

“You don't get to make that decision for me, Solas.”

“Tell me, what kind of pain will I cause you as a husband, or Serenity as a father, being the monster that I am?" He looked off into the night sky. "Besides, The Others are still out there and it is still my duty to protect you both from Them." He paused briefly before continuing, "Use the unbinding spell and free yourself from me. You deserve better than I have to offer.”

“You want the unbinding spell to be used? Then here, come take it and use it yourself,” She shot her words at him like an arrow in the night through gritted teeth.

Solas remained where he stood. He made no attempt to leave, but he also made no attempt to face her. He couldn't. Not now. Not after everything.

“Face me, Solas,” she demanded from him. “Face me!” she yelled in equal parts agony and anger. She would force him to look at her one way or another.

Slowly he turned around and faced her. He saw the pain and rage on her face, the rain mingling with the tears that streamed from her eyes. Her white hair was plastered to her head, her nightdress drenched by the stormy night, and he could hear her sobs that caught in her voice as she confronted him. He noticed she was wearing both of their amulets around her neck and held the unbinding spell in one hand. She held it out before her.

“I'll show you what I think of this unbinding spell.” She crumpled the spell into a ball within her fist, and though it was raining profusely, no doubt having drenched the parchment, she used a spell to ignite it into flames and held onto it until there was nothing left. She opened her hand and allowed the rain to wash away the ashy remnants from her palm. She took a step closer towards him boldly, challenging him to turn away from her now.

“You should not have burned the spell.” His voice wavered in the night. He looked at her now empty hand and then back at her face. “It would have been kinder if you had used it. Then you would be free from me. Free to move on. To heal and find love again.”

“I've already found love. I love _you_.”

“I'm afraid that is not enough,” he said bowing his head. No, it wasn't was it? Though he loved her beyond all comparison it was simply not enough. Not any longer.

“So you would leave without giving me a chance?” she asked him. All the pain left her voice when she addressed him next. “I understand why you did the things that you did.” With each sentence she dared to take one step closer to him. “You did what you thought you needed to do to protect the elves from the Evanuris. You had no idea what creating the Veil would do to the elves or the world.” She tentatively took yet another step closer. “You made a mistake not understanding the consequences, but you did it in order to save your people. You could not have foreseen how creating the Veil would affect the Elves or the world for that matter.” She took yet another step standing but a foot away from him now.

Solas looked up and peered at her curiously. He could tell that she was still shedding tears, but these were not tears for herself, they were for him. She was not crying because of him, but for him. It confounded him.

She continued not giving him a moment to think, to act, to leave. “And when that new world finally became too hostile for everyone and everything you did far better than I would have. The Inquisition may have saved the world from the Breach and Corypheus, but it could not save the world from itself. Too many pieces were already laid out on the board that I could not see up close. I would not have waited as long as you did before tearing the Veil down. You showed greater patience than you had even promised. I would have begged you to do it sooner had I been at your side. Yet you fought to save it, you gathered the elves together that would follow and gave them a chance at a new life in a new world. A new world that you created. One where we are now free from oppression, from slavery, from torture. And you gave me a second chance at life and a beautiful daughter. You gave me a family.”

Her words were little comfort to him. He lowered his head and turned away in the darkness and began walking off. He had to leave now, he told himself. He did not wish to pain her any further, but the longer he stayed the harder his leaving would become. If he did not leave now, he may never have the courage to do so in the future. She would weaken his resolve.

“You promised me, Lithranil!” she cried out in the rain in desperation.

Solas paused and looked sideways at her as the meaning of what she said hit him. She had dropped to her knees in the rain in despair, the pain on her face unbearable to witness. She looked crushed. It broke his heart to see her so. She had resumed crying and didn't seem to care that her nightdress was getting muddied as she knelt in the grove.

“You promised me, Lithranil,” she said in a low voice looking over at him. “That we would go back and have a real wedding.”

He turned away from her once more. The desire to rush to her side and comfort her was almost more than he could bear. He only had one reply in which to offer her.

“That was only if-” Rowan cut him off before he could finish.

“Only if I forgave you,” she said finished the sentence faintly.

Solas' stopped at her words and he turned around to face her fully. He was certain he misheard her. He had promised that they would return to Lithranil if she forgave him. He must be mistaken by what she meant. “I need to hear you say it, vhenan.”

She looked up and over at him. “I forgive you, Solas.”

He crossed to the center of the grove where she was and knelt before her. Her head was hung down. He lifted her face with a hand, wiping her rain soaked hair away from her face. “Let me hear it once again, please.” He looked at her, searching her face and eyes for the truth of her words as she laid her heart bare before him.

Slowly she removed his amulet from around her neck and placed it over his. She put one hand over top of it as it nestled against his heart. “I forgive you, but isn't just about me,” she told him looking deep in his eyes, “You also need to learn to forgive yourself.”

During all this time he didn't think it would be possible for her to ever forgive him yet here she was declaring that she did. He swallowed hard before speaking, choking on his own words, “I don't know if that's possible. I don't know if I can.”

“It is and you will,” she said rubbing her hand across his cheek.

He looked at her feeling lost. “I... don't know how.”

“It will take time, but we do it together,” she said confidently.

“Together?”

“Yes, together... always.”

His soul and heart came undone at her words. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply bending her back like a blade of grass in the wind pressing her body firmly against his. He kissed the hollow of her neck before returning to her mouth. Neither cared for more words, they spoke now with their bodies; of love, of forgiveness, of forever. She met his mouth with equal amounts of desperation and desire. She began pulling at his tunic and unlacing his pants as he lifted up her soaked nightdress and wrestled her body free from it. Their discarded clothing lay in the rain all but forgotten on the ground. She laid down in the wet grass pulling him down with her as she went and he followed her lead eagerly. He laced his fingers with hers planting them on the ground and kissed down her neck before returning to her mouth. He moved between her legs and she parted them to make room for him. She cried out in passion into the night as he entered her and her hips lifted up to meet him. She wrapped one leg around his waist and draped the other over his upper thigh pulling him in deeper within her. He captured one of her breasts in his mouth causing her to gasp while clenching onto her other hand tightly and she tasted the rain on her tongue. His mouth on her nipple was warmth in stark contrast to the cold rain that only served to heighten the pleasure she felt. She wrapped her arms around his neck and slid one hand to the back of his head pulling him in closer as she arched her back pushing her breast against his mouth harder. He moved within her slowly as she writhed beneath his body and they moved in unison in the night.

She flipped him onto his back the rain dripping off of her head and onto his face. “Mi'nas'sal'in...” she said looking down at him as she placed her hands on his chest.

“I miss you too, vhenan,” he moaned in return as she lowered herself onto him. His hands went to her hips and once again they made love in the center of the grove in the midst of the night. Once they finished the rain abated and she snuggled up against him while draping a leg over him and resting her head on his chest. She slid one hand around his neck and burrowed deep into his arms. Solas lay there holding onto her never feeling more loved than he did in that moment. He could feel the purity and strength of her love for him pouring over and through him from her amulet to his. Her love for him was unconditional and unparalleled, all inclusive. He held her tightly and silently promised himself that he would never let her go again. That he would allow himself to be loved without guilt in his heart. She had made that possible for him. She made everything real.

For the first time in his life he felt he could finally put his past to rest.


End file.
